# Most evil thing you could do **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 22, 2002, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-evil-thing-you-could-do/110294 "2002-05-22T13:28:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2002, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-evil-thing-you-could-do/110294/21 "2002-05-23T15:16:38Z")
šŸ˜› ---
**Author:** ![AzRaek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/azraek/32/16739_2.png) [@AzRaek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AzRaek)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2002, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-evil-thing-you-could-do/110294/22 "2002-05-23T15:26:01Z")
Personal Evil: Even though I helped him get an apartment, car repairs, groceries, etc., my ex-boyfriend has spread vile rumors about me among his friends (my ex-friends) and I have received some laughably stupid death threats because of them. He works the graveyard shift at a convenience store. Picture me driving up, buying a Pepsi, and leaving- all with no speaking to him- at the same time every night for a few nights. Then donā€™t come in one night and watch him from across the street as he freaks out, wondering what I will do to him next. That, or have him kidnapped by white slavers. Public Evil: Instead of singing the Star Spangled Banner at the Superbowl, switch the sound system over to some really offensive song. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2002, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-evil-thing-you-could-do/110294/23 "2002-05-23T22:51:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AzRaek \* > \*\*Public Evil: Instead of singing the Star Spangled Banner at the Superbowl, switch the sound system over to some really offensive song. \*\* May I suggest [The Soviet National Anthem](http://www.funet.fi/pub/culture/russian/html_pages/soviet.html), for a conservative area, or [The Horst Wessel Song](http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/mod/horstwessel.html) for a liberal area? \>;) Ranchoth ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2002, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-evil-thing-you-could-do/110294/24 "2002-05-23T23:10:34Z")
Go back in time and donā€™t kill Hitler? ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2002, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-evil-thing-you-could-do/110294/25 "2002-05-23T23:31:01Z")
Get sushi. And not pay. ---
**Author:** ![Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4da419/32.png) [@Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gala_Matrix_Fire)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2002, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-evil-thing-you-could-do/110294/26 "2002-05-24T00:50:26Z")
I could bring an unwanted child into the world and then rear it half-assedly. ---
**Author:** ![Lockz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Lockz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lockz)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2002, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-evil-thing-you-could-do/110294/27 "2002-05-24T01:07:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Shade \* > \*\*Go back in time and donā€™t kill Hitler? \*\* Or, while youā€™re with him, be his military strategist, and tell him whatā€™s smart, and whatā€™s not smart to do. Oh, youā€™d have to go to the future and get some good armour so he doesnā€™t kill you right off for being so pretentious. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2002, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-evil-thing-you-could-do/110294/28 "2002-05-24T01:14:41Z")
I would make everyone watch the love scenes from _Mitchell_. I would make everyone eat spam with extra salt poured on. I would send glurge to every e-mail box. I would spike the water supply with that stuff that turns your pee electric blue. I would make Rush Limbaugh do a lap dance for Trent Lott on national tv wearing only a pair of smiley face boxers. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2002, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-evil-thing-you-could-do/110294/29 "2002-05-24T01:24:49Z")
Go back in time to the Oldavai Gorge in Africa. Then go _ape hunting_. _All_ stories endā€¦ ---
**Author:** ![SpartanDC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b2d939/32.png) [@SpartanDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpartanDC)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2002, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-evil-thing-you-could-do/110294/30 "2002-05-24T01:30:46Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Guinastasia_ > **I would make everyone watch the love scenes from Mitchell.** :eek: Wow. That takes the cake. _By far._ ā€œMy, my, my, my Mitchellā€¦ā€ Oh, the horrorā€¦ > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Guinastasia_ > **I would spike the water supply with that stuff that turns your pee electric blue.** OTOH, I think this is incredibly cool. šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2002, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-evil-thing-you-could-do/110294/31 "2002-05-24T02:36:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\* > I would make Rush Limbaugh do a lap dance for Trent Lott on national tv wearing only a pair of smiley face boxers. \*\* ARRRRRGHHHHH!!! Run for your lives! ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-evil-thing-you-could-do/110294/32 "2002-12-16T17:51:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eutychus \* > \*\*Get sushi. > > And not pay. \*\* We just had a buffet style sushi bar open up $12 for lunch $20 for dinner. Compared to what I spent at my sushi haunt before I might as well not be paying. ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-evil-thing-you-could-do/110294/33 "2002-12-16T18:27:41Z")
fire Cecil, and hire Jack Chick in his place. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-evil-thing-you-could-do/110294/34 "2002-12-16T18:51:11Z")
Iā€™m a sysadminā€¦ What was your username again? (click click) ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-evil-thing-you-could-do/110294/35 "2002-12-16T18:58:32Z")
Obviously, **drachillix** has travelled forward in time to resurrect this dead threadā€¦ Youā€™ve got the time travel down, but you havenā€™t quite got the knack of ā€˜evilā€™ yet. Still, good effort šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-evil-thing-you-could-do/110294/36 "2002-12-16T19:17:10Z")
**Scenario the First** First, Iā€™d go forward in time, and collect armor, superior weapons, healing medicines, etc. Then, Iā€™d go back in time, picking up such figures as Hitler, The Marquis De Sade, **kitarak** , Dick Nixon, Pol Pot, Napoleon, Eric The Red, and a few others (you get the idea), brainwash them, get 'em all on board to my evil plan for world domination. Thenā€¦ Iā€™d exploit the whole space-time-continuum-thing by delivering them nano-seconds apart / simultaneously to all the major cities of the world at 12:00:01 AM (GMT) on January 1, 2000 to wreak havoc and do my bidding. BWA-HA-ha-haaa. **Scenario the Second** Iā€™d go back to the 70ā€™s and make Bill Gates my bitch. **Scenario the Third** Iā€™d meet Moses at the bottom of the Mountain, and secretly replace the Word Of God with the Word of Winstonā€¦ 1. Listen to Winston. He knows what heā€™s talking about 2. Donā€™t make statues of Winston, heā€™s self-conscious. 3. No sass, No backtalk, and Donā€™t quote Winston. He hates that. 4. Remember: Every day is Winstonā€™s day. Bring him a beer and a sandwich. 5. Honor Winston and Winston only. 6. Thou shalt not kill unless Winston tells you to. 7. Winston Shall have many wives. The rest of you shall not commit adultery. I mean it. 8. Everything belongs to Winston. _Everything_. Keep your grubby paws of my stuff. 9. Donā€™t bear false witness against Winston. If this isnā€™t clear, please refer to Commandments #1 & #3. 10. If Winston catches you eyeballinā€™ his stuff, youā€™re in Big Trouble. ---
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-evil-thing-you-could-do/110294/37 "2002-12-16T19:20:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DeadlyAccurate \* > \*\*\*\*He gives you freaking time travel to play with and all you can come up with is this? Bah. \*\* > > _He! He?!_ All right. Iā€™m handing you over to **Manda JO**. Sheā€™s going to go grocery shopping and make you watch while she leaves the cart in the parking lot. \*\* Yeesh-- I was just going back in time with my sports alamanac to place a few bets. And buy a few stocks at the right time. [Homer] We will be rich-- as rich as astronauts! [/Homer]. I guess ripping off Vegas and Wall Street is not too evil, but hey I will be stinking rich, so what the hell do I care what you think of me-- I can have my goons beat you silly. šŸ˜‰ ---
**Author:** ![MSU\_1978](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac8455/32.png) [@MSU\_1978](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MSU_1978)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-evil-thing-you-could-do/110294/38 "2002-12-16T19:22:48Z")
Iā€™d go back to Florida in November 2000 and trick elderly Jewish voters into voting for Pat Buchanan . ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-evil-thing-you-could-do/110294/39 "2002-12-16T20:30:43Z")
I would go back in time to the 1950ā€™s and go to some bigshot investor. Convince him that he is my ancestor, and that in the year 2002 we all drive flying cars and live in domes and eat astronaut food and to please plase PLEASE invest in that so our family will be filthy rich. Then Iā€™ll go back to the present and look up the investor on microfiche NEUROTIC INVESTOR BLOWS DOUGH ON FLYING CAR AND DOME HOUSE ---
**Author:** ![IAM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58956e/32.png) [@IAM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IAM)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2002, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-evil-thing-you-could-do/110294/40 "2002-12-16T21:12:56Z")
okā€¦ the only thing that I can think of right now is thisā€¦ I am not a man hater but usually the only times I want to do something evil is when a guy hurts meā€¦ so here is my evil thoughtā€¦ go to a guys house one night and sleep with him and just as he is about to orgasm punch him in the testicles twiceā€¦ ouch!!!:eek: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-evil-thing-you-could-do/110294.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-evil-thing-you-could-do/110294.md?page=3)