# Most hilariously bad song ever? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 18, 2009, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-hilariously-bad-song-ever/481891 "2009-01-18T21:12:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![tumbleddown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@tumbleddown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tumbleddown)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2009, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-hilariously-bad-song-ever/481891/81 "2009-01-20T06:29:21Z")
> [@control-z](#): > > Oh, that reminds me of [Don Johnson - Heartbeat](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULI5kolBpAk). Definitely hilariously bad. Oh come on, it had Paul Shaffer and Dweezil Zappa! And backup singers walking backwards and forwards randomly for no known reason! ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2009, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-hilariously-bad-song-ever/481891/82 "2009-01-20T08:12:49Z")
> [@SSG\_Schwartz](#): > > Ok, Manduck, I see the gloves have been dropped. Allow me to retort, Dick Dale appears on the Lawrence Welk show, [One Toke over the line.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ye3ecDYxOkg) And Lawrence Welk calls it a Spiritual. > > SSG Schwartz Well that was an experience. Before I watched, though, I had a couple of cocktails to brace me up, because I thought it was going to be Dick Dale the surf guitarist. I would probably have needed to check into a mental hospital if it had turned out to be the case, but luckily it was just a standard Lawrence Welk drone. Anyway, it’s a good song, just a bad performance, so 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2009, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-hilariously-bad-song-ever/481891/83 "2009-01-20T08:32:56Z")
> [@Ponch8](#): > > Just a couple hours ago, I heard “You Got What It Takes.” Here’s a sample of the lyrics: > > “Ow! You don’t live in a beautiful place > And you don’t dress in the best of taste > Oh! Nature didn’t give you such a beautiful face > But baby, you got what it takes, Oh! to satisfy > You got what it takes to set my soul on fire” > > Anybody who said that to his girlfriend in real life would get a well-deserved kick in the crotch. And yet, “My Funny Valentine” is one of the greatest songs ever written. Go figure. ---
**Author:** ![Madgolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Madgolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Madgolf)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2009, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-hilariously-bad-song-ever/481891/84 "2009-01-20T08:35:06Z")
I had to keep reading the title of the thread after reading the posts to stay in frame. Anything by Yoko Ono has already been said and rightly so. I humbly submit Yo Little Brother (Only because Wildman Fischer has no Youtube presence) [![]( " - YouTube") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8L0H_w9kBx8) Nolan Thomas is Cartlon Banks…but slightly blacker… ---
**Author:** ![Leah\_M](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/57b2e6/32.png) [@Leah\_M](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leah_M)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2009, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-hilariously-bad-song-ever/481891/85 "2009-01-20T08:53:30Z")
My submission? [Barbie Girl](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barbie_Girl) by Aqua. It’s a wikipedia link, since I’m at work and can’t youtube at the moment. ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2009, 9:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-hilariously-bad-song-ever/481891/86 "2009-01-20T09:21:52Z")
[Umbrella](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T79dkJBCHyM) by Rihanna is just teeth-settingly awful. Also, there are a bunch of songs like “Quintessence” and “Synchronicity” where it sounds like the musician just learned a new big word. ---
**Author:** ![Dosipede](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dosipede](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dosipede)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2009, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-hilariously-bad-song-ever/481891/87 "2009-01-20T09:32:55Z")
I almost forgot [Treat Your Mother Right](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_rBidCkJxo) by Mr. T. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2009, 9:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-hilariously-bad-song-ever/481891/88 "2009-01-20T09:37:34Z")
“Cry Me a River” both for the implied Brittany hate and for the “ga ga ga ga” bits. And whatever that “this shit is bananas” song was, both inherently and for it’s YTMND send up. ---
**Author:** ![Greg\_Charles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Greg\_Charles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greg_Charles)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2009, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-hilariously-bad-song-ever/481891/89 "2009-01-20T10:14:24Z")
> [@SSG\_Schwartz](#): > > I can’t remember if Murray Head’s hit [One night in Bangkok](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgmoEHnUpjk) > is supposed to be funny or not, but it cracks me up every time I see it. > > Best line: > \*One town is very like another when your head’s down over your pieces brother. \* I can’t believe I’m the first one to call this out on the Straight Dope! Did I miss a post somewhere? **One Night in Bangkok** is about coming to Bangkok for a chess tournament. All towns look the same when you’re just looking at a chess board. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2009, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-hilariously-bad-song-ever/481891/90 "2009-01-20T10:23:07Z")
Hence “I get my kicks above the waist.” Not usually heard in Bangkok. I’d just fascinated by how much Murray Head looks like his brother Tony in certain shots. ---
**Author:** ![Tinkertoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f19dbf/32.png) [@Tinkertoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tinkertoy)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2009, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-hilariously-bad-song-ever/481891/91 "2009-01-20T10:42:56Z")
> [@SSG\_Schwartz](#): > > Ok, Manduck, I see the gloves have been dropped. Allow me to retort, Dick Dale appears on the Lawrence Welk show, [One Toke over the line.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ye3ecDYxOkg) And Lawrence Welk calls it a Spiritual. > > SSG Schwartz I’ll see your bet and raise you [Billy don’t be a hero](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0lKmznjgfQ) and [Dead Skunk in the middle of the road](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuY44PHC0wI) ---
**Author:** ![Art\_Rock](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/art_rock/32/525_2.png) [@Art\_Rock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Art_Rock)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2009, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-hilariously-bad-song-ever/481891/92 "2009-01-20T11:54:29Z")
> [@mrpayday](#): > > anything written by Jim Steinman > > [Total Eclipse of the Heart](http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=840B27zYfOk) Dude! That’s a lot of excellent music! ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2009, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-hilariously-bad-song-ever/481891/93 "2009-01-20T12:21:36Z")
Seriously. TEOTH is one of those songs that if comes on the radio, you just have to pump up the volume to max and start singing along. \*Especially \*if at least two people in the car were born before 1980. ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2009, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-hilariously-bad-song-ever/481891/94 "2009-01-20T12:34:39Z")
> [@Pitter\_Patter](#): > > Check out Scott Walker’s “Montague Terrace (in Blue)” on You tube, and get a bucket handy. GOOH!\* That’s one of the finest songs ever. Heathen! \*Get Out Of Here! ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2009, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-hilariously-bad-song-ever/481891/95 "2009-01-20T15:25:22Z")
It is my destiny to mention this in every unintentionally (?) funny song thread: Undercover Angel, by Alan O’Day. It’s about a guy who apparently has a wet dream and then must search ever after for a sex partner who can live up to it. “She said, ‘What?’ I said, ‘Ah-oo-oo-oo-wee’ She said ‘All right!’ I said, ‘Love me, love me, love me!’” :eek: ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2009, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-hilariously-bad-song-ever/481891/96 "2009-01-20T15:55:43Z")
> [@Kolga](#): > > What. In the HELL. Were those?!?! I remember both of those songs, but I have mercifully purged those videos from my brain. Thanks. Luckily I didn’t get MTV until 1988 or so, so I’ve never seen her videos. But she’s got a helluva voice. ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2009, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-hilariously-bad-song-ever/481891/97 "2009-01-20T17:48:02Z")
The flip side to “Run Joey Run” might have been worse. Presenting “The Blind Man In The Bleachers” by David Geddes: [![]( " - YouTube") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88QlpeXEmYA) ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2009, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-hilariously-bad-song-ever/481891/98 "2009-01-20T17:50:49Z")
And, no one has mentioned “Seasons in the Sun” yet, unless I missed it. [![]( " - YouTube") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfm-17pu6SQ) ---
**Author:** ![Saintly\_Loser](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saintly_loser/32/4045_2.png) [@Saintly\_Loser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saintly_Loser)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2009, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-hilariously-bad-song-ever/481891/99 "2009-01-20T17:58:08Z")
No mention of Dan Hill’s 1977 _Sometimes When We Touch_? A sickening blend of hokey melody and been-in-therapy-way-too-long lyrics for which Mr. Hill, having both written and sung the song, has to take complete responsibility. Lyrics here: [http://www.romantic-lyrics.com/ls64.shtml](http://www.romantic-lyrics.com/ls64.shtml) ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2009, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-hilariously-bad-song-ever/481891/100 "2009-01-20T20:43:04Z")
Yoko Ono has been mentioned but I want to nominate one particular song. One of Lennon’s first big post-Beatle hits was Power to the People. I bought it on 45 in the early 70’s. The B side was by Yoko that, IIRC, started with a sound like a cat sharpening its claws on a billiard table and accompanied by Yoko making a noise like a baby alien just after it emerged from someone’ stomach. I think the “song” ended with the sound of a tree falling. I have tried to find the name of the song but apparently the original B-side was banned by Capitol Records, and descriptions of Touch Me which replaced it don’t seem to jive; there were no discernable lyrics to what I heard. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-hilariously-bad-song-ever/481891.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-hilariously-bad-song-ever/481891.md?page=6)