# Most Insignificant, Yet Entirely Justified Rant (It's About Butter)
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-insignificant-yet-entirely-justified-rant-its-about-butter/93555
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [November 15, 2001, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-insignificant-yet-entirely-justified-rant-its-about-butter/93555 "2001-11-15T16:43:34Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Tretiak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tretiak)
#### Post date: [November 15, 2001, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-insignificant-yet-entirely-justified-rant-its-about-butter/93555/1 "2001-11-15T16:43:34Z")
I am big fan of restaurants serving bread and butter gratis beofre the meal. But fer crying out loud don’t bring me butter that is hard as a rock fresh out of the refrigerator. Gee willikers what am I supposed to do with that? Roll it around on top of my bread, so that only the gosh-darned scent of the butter manages to stick? Or maybe I am supposed to do the old bread mangle-ation as try to get some sort of hardened butter distribution on the bread that doesn’t result in some islands of massive butterhunks amongst a desert of unbuttered bread? And golly, if sometimes you don’t actually serve the butter in little bowls of ice. That is not helpful. Even if the bread is warm it doesn’t help that much. Although I am definitley not saying you shouldn’t serve the bread warm, because that is yummy. Don’t try and confuse the issues here, this is about butter…hard butter that cannot be spread. Just serve butter that is spreadable to some degree and if possible serve the bread warm and I will be a happy guy and make sure you don’t make my rat puke list.
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### Author:  [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)
#### Post date: [November 15, 2001, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-insignificant-yet-entirely-justified-rant-its-about-butter/93555/2 "2001-11-15T16:52:25Z")
I’m picturing Tretiak going home from the restaurant, walking over to his pet rat’s cage and saying “Cold butter, Sparky. They served cold butter with the bread AGAIN” followed by the rat updating his “puke list”.
Is it just me?
I hate that too- I always just lick the butter, then bite into the bread. Hey, whatever works, you know?
Zette
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### Author:  [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)
#### Post date: [November 15, 2001, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-insignificant-yet-entirely-justified-rant-its-about-butter/93555/3 "2001-11-15T17:05:37Z")
As soon as the bread & butter arrives, take two of those wrapped butter pats and warm them up in your hand.
I wouldn’t recommend this with unwrapped butter. Of course, if you did grab unwrapped butter, you could just wipe your greasy palm with the bread. 😉
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### Author:  [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)
#### Post date: [November 15, 2001, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-insignificant-yet-entirely-justified-rant-its-about-butter/93555/4 "2001-11-15T17:07:31Z")
Mmmmm…Cold butter on warm bread.
I happen to love cold butter. The trick is to use your knife and shave the butter into little flakes that then get distributed around the slice. There’s a certain Zen-like quality to taking a bite and having the cold of the butter contrasting the heat of the bread.
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### Author:  [@Gravity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gravity)
#### Post date: [November 15, 2001, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-insignificant-yet-entirely-justified-rant-its-about-butter/93555/5 "2001-11-15T17:17:29Z")
cold butter is also yummier than warm butter.
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### Author:  [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)
#### Post date: [November 15, 2001, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-insignificant-yet-entirely-justified-rant-its-about-butter/93555/6 "2001-11-15T18:24:08Z")
And how about when you order pancakes and waffles?
[Emily Post]
When serving pancakes or waffles, butter is to be melted and served in a vessel with a pouring spout along with a tiny spoon.
[/Emily Post]
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### Author:  [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)
#### Post date: [November 15, 2001, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-insignificant-yet-entirely-justified-rant-its-about-butter/93555/7 "2001-11-15T19:19:04Z")
Just cut little chunks of the cold butter and balance one chunk on each bite of bread before you take it. It’s nummier that way, anyway.
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### Author:  [@Feynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feynn)
#### Post date: [November 15, 2001, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-insignificant-yet-entirely-justified-rant-its-about-butter/93555/8 "2001-11-15T19:36:32Z")
Tretiak my friend, I am so with you on this.
Frozen butter is the work of Satan… I mean that dark underworld figure and not the hockey player (just so you don’t get confused).
Cold butter is NOT better than warm butter.
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### Author:  [@grayhairedmomma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grayhairedmomma)
#### Post date: [November 15, 2001, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-insignificant-yet-entirely-justified-rant-its-about-butter/93555/9 "2001-11-15T20:48:33Z")
**YES! YES! YES!**
This drives me up the wall! [sub][sup]literally, even! [/sub][/sup]I can’t stand cold butter and what’s even worse is when they give you cold bread along with it. What am I supposed to do with that?
Oh but once, not too long ago; in a place not too far away, I chanced upon a restaurant that served an assortment of delicious, _warm_ breads with a wonderful flavored spread. I don’t remember the flavor of the spread, but I do remember the utter joy experienced by easily smoothing the spread on the bread. O pure heaven!
Sadly, this tale does not have a happy ending. I, so delighted with my “discovery”, return to the restaurant and eagerly request the bread basket and the spread. It arrives. Already smiling in anticipation of the warm treat, I uncover the bread. My mouth waters. I reach into the basket and pull out a…no! How could this be?! The bread is cold! And the spread? It’s, it’s…a cold scoop of butter!!!
Franticly, I motion for the waiter. I anxiously inquire as to whether there is any more of that delicious spread in the kitchen. He does not know of what I speak. I ask if the bread can be warmed. He makes some excuse about the warmer being broken. I ask him about softening the butter. Again he is confused. I give up trying to explain. Despondently, I send him away.
I pick up the knife. I gather my strength and my courage and turn a determined eye to the butter. I will win this battle! Varying the amount of butter, pressure and method of applying the butter to the bread, I try desperately to achieve my goal of having a chunk of bread intact and coated evenly with butter. But it is to no avail. Eventually, I am beaten. The bread is decimated in the battle but it is not the ultimate loser. It is I who is to be eternally mocked by the cold, cold butter. I put down the knife. I surrender.
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### Author:  [@Syzygy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syzygy)
#### Post date: [November 15, 2001, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-insignificant-yet-entirely-justified-rant-its-about-butter/93555/10 "2001-11-15T21:02:59Z")
I love cold butter! All by itself, in stick form. 😉
Seriously, I hate this frozen pat of butter crap. However, if you’re going to serve me the butter that way, don’t warm up the bread! Spreading frozen butter on cold bread is hard enough, but when it’s warm and just out of the oven, it’s downright impossible!
There is one exception: Rolls are excellent when you cut a slit, and shove a frozen pat of butter in there. Then, when you bite into it, you get butter-soaked bread, and perhaps a small gem of cold butter goodness. Yum!
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### Author:  [@Fiddle\_Peghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiddle_Peghead)
#### Post date: [November 15, 2001, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-insignificant-yet-entirely-justified-rant-its-about-butter/93555/11 "2001-11-15T21:48:52Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by AHunter3 \*
> \*\*And how about when you order pancakes and waffles?
>
> [Emily Post]
>
> When serving pancakes or waffles, butter is to be melted and served in a vessel with a pouring spout along with a tiny spoon.
>
> [/Emily Post] \*\*
While I second Tretiak’s opinion of cold butter and bread, I feel I must take exeception tp AHunter3’s suggestion that melted butter is a solution, especially on pancakes. Melted butter quickly becomes lost in the syrup, the beautiful swirls of yellow no longer discernable, the syrup thus mocking the diner in his ceaseless pursuit of the more delectable parts of the pancake. No longer can we leave an especially tasty, butter coated morsel for last.
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### Author:  [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)
#### Post date: [November 16, 2001, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-insignificant-yet-entirely-justified-rant-its-about-butter/93555/12 "2001-11-16T11:19:35Z")
The cleanliness of language in this thread is like as unto a snowball located in the warmer portions of the underworld. I am curious as to how long this will remain so.
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### Author:  [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)
#### Post date: [November 16, 2001, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-insignificant-yet-entirely-justified-rant-its-about-butter/93555/13 "2001-11-16T11:48:19Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Tretiak \*
> \*\* But fer crying out loud don’t bring me butter that is hard as a rock fresh out of the refrigerator. \*\*
I’m with you here. Butter should be at room tempature. My family con’t seem to grasp this simple but essential fact.
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### Author:  [@lenin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lenin)
#### Post date: [November 16, 2001, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-insignificant-yet-entirely-justified-rant-its-about-butter/93555/14 "2001-11-16T11:58:02Z")
“Two days late.”
“I told you butter wouldn’t suit the works.”
“Oh, but it was the **best** butter.”
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### Author:  [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)
#### Post date: [November 16, 2001, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-insignificant-yet-entirely-justified-rant-its-about-butter/93555/15 "2001-11-16T18:46:20Z")
Parkaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
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### Author:  [@jesuslynch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jesuslynch)
#### Post date: [November 16, 2001, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-insignificant-yet-entirely-justified-rant-its-about-butter/93555/16 "2001-11-16T20:15:56Z")
Has anyone priced butter lately? $3.50 a freaking pound. Hell, last year it was somewhere around a buck-fifty.
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### Author:  [@cybersnark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cybersnark)
#### Post date: [November 16, 2001, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-insignificant-yet-entirely-justified-rant-its-about-butter/93555/17 "2001-11-16T20:22:00Z")
Gosh, whenever I encounter cold butter pats in a restaurant, I just scoop a half-dozen of 'em up and slide under my shirt to hold them in my armpit for about 45-seconds, just until I feel my armpit hair starting to get slippery-slimy. Then I know they’re done, and I pull 'em out to hand around to my fellow diners to apply to their dinner rolls or breakfast pancakes or whatever. When I have fellow diners - seems no one wants to eat out with me nowadays - I wonder why?
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### Author:  [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)
#### Post date: [November 17, 2001, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-insignificant-yet-entirely-justified-rant-its-about-butter/93555/18 "2001-11-17T03:08:53Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Tretiak \*
> **…massive butterhunks…**
Band name or porn movie? You make the call.
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### Author:  [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)
#### Post date: [November 17, 2001, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-insignificant-yet-entirely-justified-rant-its-about-butter/93555/19 "2001-11-17T04:55:50Z")
When cold butter arrives with warm bread, put the butter packets under the hot bread and cover the basket with your napkin to keep the heat in.
Or, order a cup of hot water (it’s free) and float your butter packet thing in it.
BUT FOR GOD’S SAKE and THE SAFETY OF ALL HUMANKIND, JUST DON’T SIT THERE AND TAKE SUCH CULINARY ABUSE!
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### Author:  [@JonScribe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JonScribe)
#### Post date: [November 17, 2001, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-insignificant-yet-entirely-justified-rant-its-about-butter/93555/20 "2001-11-17T06:07:22Z")
Or, alternatively, you can place the butter pats under each armpit until sufficiently warmed. However, this works best if the individual butter pats are wrapped in foil.
Now, if you don’t mind a hijack: Why the hell do I have to ask for chopsticks in a Chinese restaurat?
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