# Most Offensive Jokes Ever - TMI **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 13, 2003, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-ever-tmi/213112 "2003-11-13T22:00:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-ever-tmi/213112/1 "2003-11-13T22:00:23Z")
Since [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=223161) thread was closed, I’ve decided to open this thread. If you don’t want to post offensive language, replace slurs with “elephant” and verbs with “Boogle.” Bill Clinton dies and goes to heaven, Pope dies and goes to hell. After the mixup is fixed, they pass each other on the way. Pope says “Finally, I can mee the Virgin Mary.” Clinton says “Uh, about that.” ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-ever-tmi/213112/2 "2003-11-13T22:23:31Z")
The cops show up at Bill’s place. “Bill, you know we’ve been dragging the swamp for your wife and we have some good news and some bad news.” “Go ahead, I’m ready.” “Well, the bad news is we pulled her up with a grappling hook and she was dead and there were crawfish and crabs and other critters hanging off of her.” “Shit, that’s awful. So what’s the _good_ news?” “We’re pulling her back up in about a half hour.” ---
**Author:** ![BIH\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/49beb7/32.png) [@BIH\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BIH_Boy)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-ever-tmi/213112/3 "2003-11-13T22:29:30Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Ilsa\_Lund \* > \*\* > Bill Clinton dies and goes to heaven, Pope dies and goes to hell. After the mixup is fixed_\* The mixup being only Bill was in the wrong place? ---
**Author:** ![Absolute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Absolute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Absolute)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-ever-tmi/213112/4 "2003-11-13T22:29:49Z")
**Chefguy** : I don’t get it. Did they drop her back in by accident or something? ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-ever-tmi/213112/5 "2003-11-13T22:30:06Z")
Bruce is driving across the Sydney Harbour Bridge, and he sees his girlfriend Sheila scaling the suicide fence. He screeches to a halt, and cries, “Sheila! What are you doing?” Sobbing terribly, she says, “Bruce, you’ve gone and made me pregnant!” As he drives away, Bruce calls over his shoulder, “Aaaawwww geeez Sheila, not only are you a great fuck, but you’re a good sport too!” ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-ever-tmi/213112/6 "2003-11-13T22:32:26Z")
**Mr V** , they were goin’ crawfishing. ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-ever-tmi/213112/7 "2003-11-13T22:35:13Z")
> [@](#): > > Three women were in the waiting room of a gynecologist, and each of them was knitting a sweater for their baby-to-be. The first one stopped and took a pill. “What was that?” the others asked her. “Oh, it was Vitamin C - I want my baby to be healthy.” A few minutes later, another woman took a pill. “What was that?” the others asked. “Oh, it was iron - I want my baby to be big and strong.” They continued knitting. Finally the third woman took a pill. “What was that?” the others asked her. “It was thalidomide,” she said, “I just can’t get the arms right on this sweater!” That was from the locked thread. That is one of the funniest jokes I have ever read, courtesy of roadrunner70. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2003, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-ever-tmi/213112/8 "2003-11-13T22:54:11Z")
**Moderator’s Notes:** Great. So now we’re reduced to reposting stuff from locked threads? I think not. Nor do I think there’s really a need for a collection of offensive jokes in this forum.