# Most offensive jokes you ever heard. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 31, 2000, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-you-ever-heard/47923 "2000-12-31T19:15:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2001, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-you-ever-heard/47923/21 "2001-01-01T01:39:54Z")
A black guy and a Mexican each jump off the top of the Empire State Building at the same time. Who hits the ground first? Who the fuck cares?! 😃 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Ps\_and\_Qs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mr.Ps\_and\_Qs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Ps_and_Qs)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2001, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-you-ever-heard/47923/22 "2001-01-01T02:30:30Z")
I never thought a single Polack joke was funny, and I’m not Polish. ---
**Author:** ![Fletch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/919ad9/32.png) [@Fletch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fletch)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2001, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-you-ever-heard/47923/23 "2001-01-01T02:33:05Z")
How do you get four Dallas Cowboys to sit on one bar stool? Turn it upside down. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2001, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-you-ever-heard/47923/24 "2001-01-01T03:04:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fletch \* > \*\*How do you get four Dallas Cowboys to sit on one bar stool? > > Turn it upside down. > \*\* I don’t get it? ---
**Author:** ![AndYrAStar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8edcca/32.png) [@AndYrAStar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AndYrAStar)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2001, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-you-ever-heard/47923/25 "2001-01-01T03:12:20Z")
> [@](#): > > 2.How is a black man like an apple? They both hang from trees. I dunno, I don’t find any of these offensive. They’re jokes. \ ---
**Author:** ![Deacons\_Trucked](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d78d45/32.png) [@Deacons\_Trucked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deacons_Trucked)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2001, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-you-ever-heard/47923/26 "2001-01-01T03:39:51Z")
ummm…I dont get the elephant/mouse/monkey one…uhhhhh ---
**Author:** ![Ivy\_Kitti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47774/32.png) [@Ivy\_Kitti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ivy_Kitti)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2001, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-you-ever-heard/47923/27 "2001-01-01T03:47:41Z")
There really isn’t anything to get. It’s just funny (among other things) to picture. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Palmyra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/57b2e6/32.png) [@Palmyra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palmyra)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2001, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-you-ever-heard/47923/28 "2001-01-01T04:10:23Z")
…who heard it from his **very Mexican** uncle. An Italian woman, a French woman, and a Mexican woman are sitting around exchanging stories about their husbands and how they never help with any of the household chores. After much discussion, they decide to demand help by not doing the chores anymore. the next week: The Italian woman says, “I went home and told my husband what I wanted, and I haven’t done a single chore since then. The first few days, I didn’t see anything. By the third day, he started doing all the chores and I’m soooo happy.” The French woman says, “I went home and told my husband that he had to do the chores from now on because I wasn’t going to anymore. I didn’t see anything for the first couple of days; but on the third day, he started doing all the chores and making the most wonderful dinners.” The Mexican woman says, “I went home and told my husband that I wasn’t going to do any of the chores anymore. I didn’t see anything for the first couple of days; but on the third day I could see a little out of my left eye.” ---
**Author:** ![Wozzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a6a055/32.png) [@Wozzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wozzo)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2001, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-you-ever-heard/47923/29 "2001-01-01T04:35:06Z")
What do you do with an elephant with three balls? Walk him and pitch to the rhino. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2001, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-you-ever-heard/47923/30 "2001-01-01T04:38:14Z")
What do you call a redneck with two sheep? a pimp. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2001, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-you-ever-heard/47923/31 "2001-01-01T07:25:31Z")
> [@](#): > > Q: What do you get when you stab a baby with a knife? > A: An erection. I heard this one as: Q: What do you get when you toss a baby in a blender? A: An erection. ---
**Author:** ![KJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b2d939/32.png) [@KJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KJ)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2001, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-you-ever-heard/47923/32 "2001-01-01T08:23:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kaz \* > \*\* > How do you get a baby to stop crying? > > Throw an axe at it’s head. > \*\* LMAO! That’s my favorite so far. It’s just barely non-offensive (IMHO) but the image is hilarious, in a sick sort of way. ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2001, 9:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-you-ever-heard/47923/33 "2001-01-01T09:03:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > \*\*How many militant feminists does it take to change a light bulb? > Two - one to change the bulb and the other to SUCK MY DICK. > \*\* I’ve always told this as: How many militant feminists does it take to change a light bulb? THAT’S NOT FUNNY! ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2001, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-you-ever-heard/47923/34 "2001-01-01T11:05:56Z")
Q: What’s worse than ten dead babies in a trashcan? A: One live baby in ten trashcans. ---
**Author:** ![Osip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4491bb/32.png) [@Osip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osip)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2001, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-you-ever-heard/47923/35 "2001-01-01T11:12:24Z")
ok ok here is a sick one. What is the best thing about having sex with an 8 year old? It makes your dick look REALLY big! ---
**Author:** ![CnoteChris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/278dde/32.png) [@CnoteChris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CnoteChris)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2001, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-you-ever-heard/47923/36 "2001-01-01T12:42:05Z")
You might want to check out [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=35698) thread if you like sick and offensive. ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2001, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-you-ever-heard/47923/37 "2001-01-01T19:29:00Z")
The first two are a series, and the last two are just a bunch of stereotypes strung together, which makes it (And I hate myself for saying this) really funny. What’s Better Than Sex With A Six Year Old Boy? NOTHING! What’s Good About Sex With A Six Year Old Girl? If You Flip Her Over, She Looks Just Like A Six Year Old Boy. Why Do Mexican Wear Such Big Sombreros? To Hold Their Tacos While They’re Stealing Hubcaps. What’s A Mexican Drive-By? “Get Closer To The Curb So I Can Cut Him!” ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2001, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-you-ever-heard/47923/38 "2001-01-01T20:58:51Z")
God decided he needed a vacation. One of his aides suggested Venus. “Forget it,” God said. "I went there 10,000 years ago and got sunburned. Another aide suggested Jupiter. “No way,” God replied. “I went there 5,000 years ago and froze my arse off”. A third adviser suggested Earth. “That’s the worst,” God answered angrily. “I was there 2,000 years ago and they’re still accusing me of knocking up some stupid Jewish bitch!” ---
**Author:** ![Fatwater\_Fewl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/4491bb/32.png) [@Fatwater\_Fewl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fatwater_Fewl)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2001, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-you-ever-heard/47923/39 "2001-01-01T21:40:47Z")
What do you do when you see your wife stumbling around the backyard? Shoot her again. If a man is standing in the middle of a forest with no women around for miles is everything he says still wrong? ---
**Author:** ![bare](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bare/32/471_2.png) [@bare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bare)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2001, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-you-ever-heard/47923/40 "2001-01-01T21:59:32Z")
A pathetic leper walks into a bar and sits down. He explained to the bartender his plight and begged to stay for only one beer. Magnanimously, the bartender set him up with a beer and explained that the fellow was welcome to stay for as many beers as he liked, there was no discrimination in this bar. When the bartender brought the man his next beer, he promptly turned green and headed for the can to say hello to ralph. The exact same thing happened again when he delivered the next beer. The leper, mortified by this time at the bartenders reaction, apologized and again offered to leave. The bartender said, “no my friend, you are not the problem. It’s that fellow next to you who keeps using your arm for chip dip.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-you-ever-heard/47923.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-offensive-jokes-you-ever-heard/47923.md?page=3)