# Most ridiculous Deadliest Warrior result? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 31, 2012, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-deadliest-warrior-result/617421 "2012-03-31T23:20:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mr.Kobayashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4af34b/32.png) [@Mr.Kobayashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Kobayashi)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2012, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-deadliest-warrior-result/617421/1 "2012-03-31T23:20:19Z")
**OPEN SPOILERS** I’ve mentioned the Spike show Deadliest Warrior before, and how ridiculous it is - any show that pits the IRA against the Taliban is clearly batshit bonkers. Having said that, some results are more contentious than others. Whose victory is most absurd? Split the poll into seasons; multiple choice in case two or more are tied in your mind. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-deadliest-warrior-result/617421/2 "2012-04-01T00:00:23Z")
My only comment is when they started comparing teams of modern day special ops, intelligence agencies and terrorist groups, it basically turned into throwing grenades and firing machineguns at pig carcasses. ---
**Author:** ![Prelude\_to\_Fascination](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Prelude\_to\_Fascination](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prelude_to_Fascination)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-deadliest-warrior-result/617421/3 "2012-04-01T00:52:16Z")
I’ll go with Pirate over Knight, because most of the contests seemed more or less even in terms of technology. With Pirate and Knight, you had guns (long distance weapons) vs. the knight’s close-at-hand weapons. Sure, it could be argued the Pirate’s guns weren’t very reliable, but I still think they were more advantageous than the Knight’s. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-deadliest-warrior-result/617421/4 "2012-04-01T00:52:48Z")
I don’t know if you wanted multiple answers or **the most** ridiculous. I have only watched 5 minutes of this show. I agree that they went the right way with some of the more contentious ones, e.g. Spartan vs. Samurai. And I assume that KGB vs. CIA doesn’t include the desk jockeys that fill those ranks. I went for the latter and picked Somali pirate vs. Medellin Cartel. Everything I read about the former suggests that they are mostly untrained teenagers with AK’s that they can’t aim. My second head scratcher is Comanche vs. Mongols, but I guess they’re including firearms with the former. What is _specifically_ weird about IRA vs. Taliban, besides that one is a term for multiple groups (less concerned with direct combat now than earlier), and the other for a governmental/military group that everyone thinks is synonymous with Al-Qaeda. Clearly, the correct answer to all of these is “Theodore Roosevelt kills all of them with his bear cannon.” ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-deadliest-warrior-result/617421/5 "2012-04-01T00:58:23Z")
> [@thelurkinghorror](#): > > Clearly, the correct answer to all of these is “Theodore Roosevelt kills all of them with his bear cannon.” This must be a cannon that uses bears as ammunition, right? ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-deadliest-warrior-result/617421/6 "2012-04-01T00:59:45Z")
Yeah somali pirate was my choice, a somali pirate is just a starving somali. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-deadliest-warrior-result/617421/7 "2012-04-01T01:35:07Z")
> [@Odesio](#): > > This must be a cannon that uses bears as ammunition, right? That was my though, but also the cannon looks like a open-mouthed bear. But I guess it could also be a bear that **is** a cannon. Like bear blasting! The sport you invented because you’re too energetic for regular sports. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-deadliest-warrior-result/617421/8 "2012-04-01T03:34:49Z")
Polar or grizzly? No, wait, what am I saying, it’s obviously double-barreled. What’s he wielding in his other hand? ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-deadliest-warrior-result/617421/9 "2012-04-01T03:45:43Z")
A carrot. But it has +4 damage against ogres. ---
**Author:** ![magnusblitz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@magnusblitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magnusblitz)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-deadliest-warrior-result/617421/10 "2012-04-01T03:57:12Z")
I’d have to rewatch the old season 1 ones. I remember one of the ones out of pirate/knight/samurai/spartan seemed ridiculous… can’t remember which one, so it depends on the weapons they used. I think the Joan of Arc one was pretty bad too, but that was just the way they filmed the end battle (where it starts as a 5v5, but ends up with Joan vs. William alone, yet Joan wins. I think at that point, William’s superior strength, size and sword would win easily. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-deadliest-warrior-result/617421/11 "2012-04-01T07:02:05Z")
But they ran _simulations!_ On _computers!_ ---
**Author:** ![casdave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@casdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/casdave)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-deadliest-warrior-result/617421/12 "2012-04-01T07:50:23Z")
I have not seen any of them, however, since few of them operate on their own, and all of them make use of their environment it is impossible to compare most of them in one on one scenarios.You have to take into account the command and control structures. For example, the Vietcong lost greater numbers as casualties than their enemies, but they were committed and had numbers and time on their side. IRA - the main asset they they had was the ability to hide in a population. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-deadliest-warrior-result/617421/13 "2012-04-01T12:40:59Z")
I’ve only seen a couple, but to me the standout has to be Spartan vs Samurai. And I say this as someone who comes down _heavily_ on the Knight side in Samurai vs Knight. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-deadliest-warrior-result/617421/14 "2012-04-02T14:07:53Z")
I’ve only seen a few of these. Some of them sound pretty unlikely – Comanche over Mongol? Are they talking about one of [these](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boeing-Sikorsky_RAH-66_Comanche)? But in particular, George Washington defeats Napoleon Bonaparte? _Are they serious?_ Washington had many strengths, but tactical brilliance wasn’t among them. Unless they were talking about one of [these](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USS_George_Washington_%28SSBN-598%29). ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-deadliest-warrior-result/617421/15 "2012-04-02T14:29:19Z")
> [@Prelude\_to\_Fascination](#): > > I’ll go with Pirate over Knight, because most of the contests seemed more or less even in terms of technology. With Pirate and Knight, you had guns (long distance weapons) vs. the knight’s close-at-hand weapons. Sure, it could be argued the Pirate’s guns weren’t very reliable, but I still think they were more advantageous than the Knight’s. The Pirate won that contest. Which I actually thought was silly since only one of the pirate’s firearms showed _any_ penetration of the knight’s plate armor and that was only through the metal – they didn’t account for the leather underneath it. Given that the bullet only barely made it through, I think it’s reasonable to guess that the leather could have stopped it at that point. Or at least made a difference in survivability. ---
**Author:** ![phreesh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@phreesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phreesh)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-deadliest-warrior-result/617421/16 "2012-04-02T15:12:16Z")
I have nothing to add except this link: [http://www.movieweb.com/news/deadliest-warrior-movie-coming-from-paramount](http://www.movieweb.com/news/deadliest-warrior-movie-coming-from-paramount) ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-deadliest-warrior-result/617421/17 "2012-04-02T15:15:49Z")
Commanche over Mongol. The Mongol warriors ran roughshod over the largest continent in the world. The Commanches…\*bothered \*ragtag companies of US cavalry for a few years. ETA: On second thought, \*\*DigitalC \*\*is probably right about Somali Pirate over Medellin Cartel. The Somalis only get anything done when they’re fighting against apathetic shipping lines. The Medellins have persisted in spite of large investments in international law enforcement. (Not large enough, mind you, but exponentially more than have been expended against the pirates.) ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-deadliest-warrior-result/617421/18 "2012-04-02T15:18:26Z")
> [@Bryan\_Ekers](#): > > But they ran _simulations!_ On _computers!_ Yes, but computer simulations have also shown that guys with pointy sticks can take out a battleship. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-deadliest-warrior-result/617421/19 "2012-04-02T15:22:44Z")
> [@Sailboat](#): > > I’ve only seen a few of these. Some of them sound pretty unlikely – Comanche over Mongol? Are they talking about one of [these](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boeing-Sikorsky_RAH-66_Comanche)? But in particular, George Washington defeats Napoleon Bonaparte? _Are they serious?_ Washington had many strengths, but tactical brilliance wasn’t among them. Unless they were talking about one of [these](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USS_George_Washington_%28SSBN-598%29). [I think it was this George Washington.](http://www.buzzfeed.com/matthewwilliamson/george-washington-fighting-a-bengal-tiger-on-a-sin-5fl/) Really who gives a shit if it’s “accurate”? I just want to see guys blow up pig carcasses and have a Samauri fight an Apache indian or whatever. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-deadliest-warrior-result/617421/20 "2012-04-02T16:05:21Z")
> [@Jophiel](#): > > The Pirate won that contest. Which I actually thought was silly since only one of the pirate’s firearms showed _any_ penetration of the knight’s plate armor and that was only through the metal – they didn’t account for the leather underneath it. Given that the bullet only barely made it through, I think it’s reasonable to guess that the leather could have stopped it at that point. Or at least made a difference in survivability. Well, they HAD to rig things in favor of the pirate. Once word leaks out that a pirate has gone soft, people begin to disobey you, and then it’s nothing but work, work, work all the time. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-deadliest-warrior-result/617421.md?page=2)