# Most ridiculous dialog you've heard **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 12, 2015, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-dialog-youve-heard/730860 "2015-09-12T16:28:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/earl_snake-hips_tucker/32/3269_2.png) [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-dialog-youve-heard/730860/81 "2015-09-15T01:33:45Z")
Here’s one that’s a little puzzling from the movie “Porky’s:” [Do you believe this dialog?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=314832) Apparently [it’s in the script.](http://www.script-o-rama.com/movie_scripts/p/porkys-script-transcript.html) ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-dialog-youve-heard/730860/82 "2015-09-15T02:17:06Z")
> [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](#): > > Apparently [it’s in the script.](http://www.script-o-rama.com/movie_scripts/p/porkys-script-transcript.html) No, that’s the _transcript_, made after the fact. I’m surprised that _Superman IV: The Quest for Peace_ has yet to be quoted: [“If you will not tell me, I will hurt people!”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chdVDWYR6Ac) ---
**Author:** ![Maserschmidt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maserschmidt/32/18829_2.png) [@Maserschmidt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maserschmidt)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-dialog-youve-heard/730860/83 "2015-09-15T02:39:54Z")
> [@journeyman\_southpaw](#): > > [“I’ll create a GUI interface using Visual Basic - see if I can track an IP address.”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkDD03yeLnU) WTF. I have to find a way to use this at work. ---
**Author:** ![TCMF-2L](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tcmf-2l/32/16553_2.png) [@TCMF-2L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TCMF-2L)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-dialog-youve-heard/730860/84 "2015-09-15T08:29:26Z")
I watched the _ **Oliver Stone** _ movie _ **Savages** _ (2012) the other night and found it a painful experience. For specifically bad lines of dialogue, the movie begins with a young woman making love to a former soldier and in voice over she intones _ **’I had orgasms, he had wargasms.** _’ Perhaps even more egregious, the same helpless and vulnerable young woman is kidnapped by a terrifying, ultra-violent, murderous drug cartel. Earlier in the film she has specifically watched a video of the cartel dismembering prisoners with a chain saw. She is literally chained up by the ankle, being mistreated… She crawls across the floor to the man guarding her and flatly intones: _ **’My room is dirty and I need a salad.'** _ TCMF-2L ---
**Author:** ![RobDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f07891/32.png) [@RobDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobDog)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-dialog-youve-heard/730860/85 "2015-09-15T08:43:11Z")
> [@journeyman\_southpaw](#): > > [“I’ll create a GUI interface using Visual Basic - see if I can track an IP address.”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkDD03yeLnU) I liked the YouTube comment: “To be fair, she did trace the IP address. It was 127.0.0.1” ---
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-dialog-youve-heard/730860/86 "2015-09-15T13:03:07Z")
> [@RobDog](#): > > I liked the YouTube comment: “To be fair, she did trace the IP address. It was 127.0.0.1” But . . . but . . . That’s what I got when I traced my IP! That’s means the killer was ME!!! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-dialog-youve-heard/730860/87 "2015-09-15T18:21:26Z")
The Matrix: “A Sentinel. It’s a Killing Machine, designed for one thing: Search and Destroy.” ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-dialog-youve-heard/730860/88 "2015-09-15T18:41:26Z")
> [@Morbo](#): > > The Matrix: “A Sentinel. It’s a Killing Machine, designed for one thing: Search and Destroy.” “Two things. Search, destroy. And being a sentinel. OK, 3 things…” ---
**Author:** ![Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blue_blistering_barnacle/32/3386_2.png) [@Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blue_Blistering_Barnacle)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-dialog-youve-heard/730860/89 "2015-09-16T19:33:24Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > How did he know? > > From the movies, the last he saw Obi was when he handed Luke over to him some 17 years earlier. They were a dim crew a long, long time ago. Obi-wan Kenobi drops off your brother’s kid and disappears. Clearly the nearby hermit, Ben Kenobi, who pops up shortly after is not connected. As far as Luke’s placement with Lars, I can only guess Kenobi had read “The Purloined Letter” and figured it would be best to hide him in plain sight. I don’t know what Vader’s excuse for not figuring things out sooner- guess he must be gullible. ---
**Author:** ![Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blue_blistering_barnacle/32/3386_2.png) [@Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blue_Blistering_Barnacle)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-dialog-youve-heard/730860/90 "2015-09-16T19:47:22Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > George Lucas’s dialog is stilted at the best of times (as Harrison Ford once said, “You can type this shit, but you can’t say it!”), but even worse when he tries to write romantic scenes. These lines from Attack of the Clones made my skin crawl: > > “I don’t like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating, and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything’s soft… and smooth…” > > “From the moment I met you, all those years ago, a day hasn’t gone by when I haven’t thought of you. And now that I’m close to you again, I’m in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you makes my stomach turn over - my mouth goes dry. I feel dizzy. I can’t breathe. I’m haunted by the kiss you should never have given me. My heart is beating, hoping that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me. What can I do? I will do anything you ask…” Yeah, he sounded like a creepy teenager, which I guess he was. I expected more from Padme, though. In today’s enlightened galaxy, she’d locked up as a molester. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-dialog-youve-heard/730860/91 "2015-09-16T19:53:39Z")
> [@Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](#): > > They were a dim crew a long, long time ago. > > Obi-wan Kenobi drops off your brother’s kid and disappears. Clearly the nearby hermit, Ben Kenobi, who pops up shortly after is not connected. > > As far as Luke’s placement with Lars, I can only guess Kenobi had read “The Purloined Letter” and figured it would be best to hide him in plain sight. > > I don’t know what Vader’s excuse for not figuring things out sooner- guess he must be gullible. Dunno what that has to do with Uncle Owen’s knowledge about whether or not “Old Ben” is alive or dead, no matter who he is. ---
**Author:** ![brovolone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e4f/32.png) [@brovolone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brovolone)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-dialog-youve-heard/730860/92 "2015-09-16T19:57:49Z")
This: Old Cajun Man: [In a muffled back water accent] Home is where you make it. Joe Dirt: What? Old Cajun Man: Home is where you make it. Joe Dirt: You like to see homos naked? Old Cajun Man: No, no, no. Home. It’s where you make it. Joe Dirt: Yeah, you like to see homos naked. That’s cool. Old Cajun Man: No! Home is where you make it! Joe Dirt: Oh. Old Cajun Man: Everybody knows that. God damn, boy. Old Cajun Man walks away. Joe Dirt: Guy likes to see homos naked, that doesn’t help me. [http://www.moviequotedb.com/movies/joe-dirt/quote\_11881.html](http://www.moviequotedb.com/movies/joe-dirt/quote_11881.html) ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-dialog-youve-heard/730860/93 "2015-09-16T20:38:35Z")
> [@brovolone](#): > > This: > > Old Cajun Man: [In a muffled back water accent] Home is where you make it. > > Joe Dirt: What? > > Old Cajun Man: Home is where you make it. > > Joe Dirt: You like to see homos naked? > > Old Cajun Man: No, no, no. Home. It’s where you make it. > > Joe Dirt: Yeah, you like to see homos naked. That’s cool. > > Old Cajun Man: No! Home is where you make it! > > Joe Dirt: Oh. > > Old Cajun Man: Everybody knows that. God damn, boy. > > Old Cajun Man walks away. > > Joe Dirt: Guy likes to see homos naked, that doesn’t help me. > > [View Quote ... Joe Dirt ... Movie Quotes Database](http://www.moviequotedb.com/movies/joe-dirt/quote_11881.html) That’s supposed to be funny. And it kinda is. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-dialog-youve-heard/730860/94 "2015-09-16T20:38:59Z")
> [@Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](#): > > I expected more from Padme, though. In today’s enlightened galaxy, she’d locked up as a molester. To quote Jedi Master Yankovic: > [@](#): > > Do you see him hitting on the queen > Though he’s just nine and she’s fourteen > Yeah, he’s probably gonna marry her someday ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-dialog-youve-heard/730860/95 "2015-09-17T00:18:41Z")
> [@MrAtoz](#): > > Luke knows of “Ben” Kenobi as a weird old hermit who “lives out beyond the Dune Sea.” I would presume that Owen does too–the implication is that he’s something of a local character. And I would presume Owen knows that “Ben” is really Obi-Wan. It’s not exactly the most baffling of pseudonyms, after all. 🙂 > > . Yeah, but Owen’s saying “I don’t think he exists anymore” (God, it hurts even to _type_ that!) suggests that he hasn’t seen him in a while – probably quite a while. The movie doesn’t tell us how long it’s been since they saw or heard of him, but the dialogue suggests something like years. Luke might only know of him by reputation. I still like the old Fan Theory that “Obi Wan” is like “See Three-pio” or “Artoo Detto”, and is really a "spelling out of “OB1”, which stands for “Old Ben 1”. Because he’s a Clone (from the Clone Wars, about which we knew nothing back then), and “OB1” was the very first clone of Old Ben, not Old Ben himself. It also gives a speck of respectability to the “don’t think he exists” line, since I could understand someone prejudiced against clones talking about them that way. But…it didn’t happen that way, and we’re stuck with Lucas’ stilted dialogue without the rescue line of fanwanking to save us. ---
**Author:** ![MrAtoz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@MrAtoz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrAtoz)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-dialog-youve-heard/730860/96 "2015-09-17T00:48:53Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Yeah, but Owen’s saying “I don’t think he exists anymore” (God, it hurts even to _type_ that!) suggests that he hasn’t seen him in a while – probably quite a while. The movie doesn’t tell us how long it’s been since they saw or heard of him, but the dialogue suggests something like years. Luke might only know of him by reputation. On the other hand, Luke seems to recognize Ben by sight when he sees him, and is not surprised that Ben knows him by name. My read on the scene is that they’ve met at least once before. I think that Uncle Owen is simply lying when he says that Obi-Wan “doesn’t exist.” He’s trying to keep Luke home on the farm, to prevent him from getting involved in all this Jedi stuff, which means keeping him away from Kenobi as much as possible. That’s why he wants to have Artoo’s memory flushed–the droid is bringing up Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Luke’s getting intrigued by it, and we can’t have any of that! I can’t believe that we’re quibbling so much about a line of dialogue that we both agree is incredibly clunky! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-dialog-youve-heard/730860/97 "2015-09-17T02:29:57Z")
Has it been established what Uncle Owen was actually farming? ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-dialog-youve-heard/730860/98 "2015-09-17T02:32:21Z")
"I feel this Tartar woman is for me! My blood says: ‘Take her!’ " John Wayne as Genghis Khan in _The Conqueror_. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-dialog-youve-heard/730860/99 "2015-09-17T03:44:07Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > Has it been established what Uncle Owen was actually farming? Wasn’t it moisture? May your chrysknife chip and shatter ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-dialog-youve-heard/730860/100 "2015-09-17T04:12:23Z")
> [@Sailboat](#): > > “I am from the planet Zeist and I cannot die.” > > She melts into his arms and kisses him. > > SERIOUSLY? That line _always_ works for me. But then, you know, I’m from the planet Zeist, and I cannot die. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-dialog-youve-heard/730860.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-ridiculous-dialog-youve-heard/730860.md?page=6)