# Most satisfying battles on film **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 16, 2003, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-satisfying-battles-on-film/213574 "2003-11-16T19:28:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Sanscour](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f475e1/32.png) [@Sanscour](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sanscour)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-satisfying-battles-on-film/213574/61 "2003-11-20T11:39:52Z")
> [@](#): > > Great. Twenty movies have to go rent now. Thanks a lot, guys. Here’s some more for you then: The thorough ass kicking of the redneck by Vin Diesel in Knockaround Guys. Bruce Willis beating the hell out of the pimp with the telephone in 12 Monkeys The fighting from the Cop Dojo scene all of the way up to fighting the twins in Kiss of the Dragon. The scene in the shop with that big, wheaties eating black dude was pretty good too. Just about any fight scene from Hamburger Hill. And for the chuckles… The underwater bar brawl in Top Secret. I especially enjoy the part where Val Kilmer nipples twists his enemy and lifts him. I know it’s underwater but still, that’s gotta hurt 😃 Sanscour ---
**Author:** ![TPWombat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbce88/32.png) [@TPWombat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TPWombat)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-satisfying-battles-on-film/213574/62 "2003-11-20T13:41:40Z")
Leeloo kung fu-ing the hell out of the mangalores in time to the operatic solo in **The Fifth Element**. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-satisfying-battles-on-film/213574/63 "2003-11-20T14:15:56Z")
A few years ago on WWF (groan, yes I know), when Shane McMahon was the heel owner and had assembled about 10 other heels as his syndicate, and had them all in the ring as he was doing his megalomaniac I-am-God speech…Mick Foley (as Mankind) comes out with Ken Shamrock, Test and Big Show, and they’re all carrying 2x4s and have “I wanna fuck somebody up” expressions on their faces. Foley gets out the mike and talks about how Shane cut his paycheck as well as the other guys behind him. They decided to form a union so that they wouldn’t be subject to unfair wage laws anymore. “We don’t have a fancy name,” continues Foley. “We don’t have any initials that form words like SAG or MADD or anything like that. We’re just a Union of People You Oughtta Respect. Oh wait a second, that does make a word, it stands for UP YOURS!!!” Then they charge the ring with their 2x4s, get into a big brawl, and clear everybody out. It was the funniest thing I ever seen in rasslin’. ---
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-satisfying-battles-on-film/213574/64 "2003-11-20T14:27:13Z")
The opening battle scene of **Gladiator** between the Roman Legions and the Germanic Tribes. Especially gratifying as the depection of the effects of the archery barrages and the catapults. Nasty. Martial Arts wise- the Drucken Master series of movies really had the right balance of action, humor and amazing moves. Also, the Band of Brother’s depiction of the D-Day drops, and attack of the artillery position were very good indeed. ---
**Author:** ![Eliphalet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eliphalet/32/9563_2.png) [@Eliphalet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eliphalet)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-satisfying-battles-on-film/213574/65 "2003-11-20T20:40:01Z")
I have to agree with the opening scenes in Gladiator. One of the best army-sized “medieval” battles I’ve ever seen. The use of all three major elements of an army, tied together seamlessly. I lost my suspension of disbelief in LOTR: Two Towers at the Battle of Helm’s Deep. Rohan, the home of the mounted warrior, and there is no use of cavalry. The orcs are using archers, catapults and ballistae (artillery), but the heroes don’t have many archers until the elves show up. And no ballistae or catapults. Other excellent battle scenes are the 2 sea battles at the beginning of Master and Commander. Skillful seamanship and plain luck of the draw puts the Acheron in the upwind position of the Surprise, giving the first 2 encounters to the French. The deceptions in the final battle leave a bit to be desired, but it’s cool to see the fight. ---
**Author:** ![Crusoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-satisfying-battles-on-film/213574/66 "2003-11-20T20:49:46Z")
The factory fighting in Joseph Vilsmaier’s [Stalingrad](http://uk.imdb.com/title/tt0108211/) (1993) is grim and draining. The skirmish between penal battalion soldiers and Russian tanks on the snow-covered steppes is also pretty realistic. The warehouse motorcycle raid and hospital finale in John Woo’s [Hard Boiled](http://uk.imdb.com/title/tt0104684/) (1992) is more “satisfying” in that it’s a lot more unrealistic, paced for drama and with near-superhuman feats of accuracy by The Good Guys. ---
**Author:** ![av8rmike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/edb3f5/32.png) [@av8rmike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/av8rmike)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-satisfying-battles-on-film/213574/67 "2003-11-20T21:13:13Z")
Not satisfying to _me_, specifically, but to WWII-era Russian audiences: The battle on the ice scene from Sergei Eisenstein’s [Aleksandr Nevsky](http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0029850/) (1938). It’s no _Braveheart_, and by today’s standards it’s almost comical. However, it’s a good example of both 30s-era filmmaking and what a disorganized battle of 13th-century Russian peasants would look like. ---
**Author:** ![vibrotronica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a9a28c/32.png) [@vibrotronica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vibrotronica)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-satisfying-battles-on-film/213574/68 "2003-11-20T22:13:38Z")
The Battle of Hoth sets the desperate tone that makes **The Empire Strikes Back** the best Star Wars movie. “I feel like I could take on the whole Empire by myself.” “The first transport is away!” ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-satisfying-battles-on-film/213574/69 "2003-11-20T22:23:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by shijinn \* > \*\*not most, but also star trek: first contact - for translating what a MOO battle will look like on the big screen. \*\* _MOO_? I have a wierd image of Space Cows with blasters. Grim visaged bulls in a bovine-frenzy dodging beams glittering in the dark by the Tannhauser Gate. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-satisfying-battles-on-film/213574/70 "2003-11-20T22:50:12Z")
MOO = [Master of Orion](http://www.gamespot.com/pc/strategy/masteroforion2baa/index.html), the finest conquer the galaxy game ever made. No cows involved, so far as I know. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Death](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecccb3/32.png) [@Evil\_Death](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Death)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-satisfying-battles-on-film/213574/71 "2003-11-20T22:58:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Miller \* > **Realistic? You’re kidding, right? It’s one of the most gloriously _unrealistic_ fights I’ve ever seen. There are _way_ too many pro-wrestling moves, for one thing, and at one point one of the guys takes, like, seven knees directly to the nuts and _keeps fighting for another seven minutes_. It was great fun, but realistic is the _last_ word I’d use to describe it.** You do realise that other than the head hits, Roddy Piper and Keith David were doing it for real in that scene? Eliphalet: the big bitch about Helm’s Deep isn’t that the Rohirrim don’t use cavary; they’re under siege, at the place where they go when facing an army too big to fight in the traditional manner. No, the _big_ bitch is that not only did Gandalf and Eomer’s force charge down an incredibly steep scree slope - which would have led to a broken leg for every horse - but they did so into the face of levelled pike. Pikes are specifically _designed_ to stop horsemen. I’d also appreciate it if people would stop fucking mentioning Gladiator’s opening battle, which is one of the most unrealistic ever committed to (or on) celluloid. Any Roman commander who led his legion into the forest and had them fight out of formation would have been crucified along the Appian Way as the shit incompetent bastard he was. This goes for Gladiator On A Boat as well - he would have been lynched by his own crew if he tried that shit on. After that little rant, I suppose I should pick a favourite battle of my own. Tough choice, and I reserve the right to remember a different battle later, but the back half of the Crow wiping out Top Dollar’s henchmen is pretty damned good. And the lobby fight in The Matrix, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-satisfying-battles-on-film/213574/72 "2003-11-21T00:02:54Z")
> [@](#): > > the big bitch about Helm’s Deep isn’t that the Rohirrim don’t use cavary; they’re under siege, at the place where they go when facing an army too big to fight in the traditional manner. No, the big bitch is that not only did Gandalf and Eomer’s force charge down an incredibly steep scree slope - which would have led to a broken leg for every horse - but they did so into the face of levelled pike. Pikes are specifically designed to stop horsemen. Watch again. Just before the calvary reaches the line of pikes, Galdalf casts a spell that blinds the orcs. Most of the pikes are dropped or lifted out of position right as the armies meet. At least that’s how I remember it. You’re probably right about the slope, though. ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-satisfying-battles-on-film/213574/73 "2003-11-21T00:48:09Z")
That’s how I remember it, too. But it wasn’t a spell – it was the rising sun. Just good timing on Gandalf’s part. But the slope was too steep. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-satisfying-battles-on-film/213574/74 "2003-11-21T00:54:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sanscour \* > \*\*The underwater bar brawl in Top Secret. I especially enjoy the part where Val Kilmer nipples twists his enemy and lifts him. I know it’s underwater but still, that’s gotta hurt 😃 \*\* Oh, man, that’s a great one! But that whole movie is classic! ---
**Author:** ![DarkPrince](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@DarkPrince](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarkPrince)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-satisfying-battles-on-film/213574/75 "2003-11-21T03:15:11Z")
Gotta say that I’m kinda torn between my favourites. _The Matrix_ and _Equilibrium_ both tie in the One vs. Many category. Both did an excellent job of making the fights seem beautiful and almost like the combatant was dancing. Though _The Matrix_ had good one on one combat, I think _Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon_ and _Equilibrium_ beat it out. CT,HD for the dojo combat scene mentioned above by a few of you. My girlfriend at the time was watching it with me. When Yeoh turned around with that huge, almost unadorned, two-handed sword and stood perfectly still staring at Ziyi we both leaned forward and said, “Yes!” almost in unison. 😃 _Equilibrium_ for near the end where two people fight in hand-to-hand combat trying to center their pistol on the other’s head. Fight probably only lasted a minute or so at most, but it was one of the most badass things I’ve ever seen in a movie. _Saving Private Ryan_ gets points for doing a great job at portraying the battles as so desperate-feeling and absolutely chaotic, and also for making me cringe at the scene where the soldier is slooooooooooowly stabbed to death. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Death](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecccb3/32.png) [@Evil\_Death](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Death)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-satisfying-battles-on-film/213574/76 "2003-11-21T11:16:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kizarvexius \* > \*\*Watch again. \*\* I made that post about ten minutes after watching TTT:XE. It really couldn’t be fresher in my mind - Gandalf charges _through_ the pikes. ---
**Author:** ![Gadfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/aeb1de/32.png) [@Gadfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadfly)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-satisfying-battles-on-film/213574/77 "2003-11-21T12:38:46Z")
All of the ones mentioned get my approval. Especially the Crouching Tiger, hidden dragon “dojo” scene. However, after watching the final bout in Ravenous again, I conclude that nothing comes close to it for pure satisfaction value. ---
**Author:** ![SenorBeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senorbeef/32/2220_2.png) [@SenorBeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SenorBeef)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-satisfying-battles-on-film/213574/78 "2003-11-21T15:30:07Z")
Yeah, I noticed the TTT thing too. Annoying. “Oh, look, cavalry to the rescue. Oh shit - the pikemen are in exactly the right position, right where they want to be, and they’ll slaughter that cavalry. Oh, wait, guess not.” ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-satisfying-battles-on-film/213574/79 "2003-11-21T15:46:59Z")
I will add that the mano-a-mano swordfight between Errol Flynn and Basil Rathbone in 1939’s **The Adventures of Robin Hood** Gets my blood up every time. _Back to battles…_ Since it is appropriate for the season that tis soon upon us, the final “battle” in Laurel and Hardy’s **March of the Wooden Soldiers** is well done. Exciting and funny. And let’s face it, how many Christmas movies can you think of off the top of your head that feature orc-like creatures raiding a town and carrying off the women?😃 ---
**Author:** ![mascaroni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dc4da7/32.png) [@mascaroni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mascaroni)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2003, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-satisfying-battles-on-film/213574/80 "2003-11-21T20:24:50Z")
_The Battle of Britain_ has IMHO the best depiction of aerial battles on film… I’ll go with _Zulu_ for the blood and guts stuff… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-satisfying-battles-on-film/213574.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-satisfying-battles-on-film/213574.md?page=5)