# Most untalented movie directors with lengthy careers **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 30, 2007, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-untalented-movie-directors-with-lengthy-careers/424631 "2007-10-30T21:25:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Malvert\_P.Redd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Malvert\_P.Redd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malvert_P.Redd)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2007, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-untalented-movie-directors-with-lengthy-careers/424631/1 "2007-10-30T21:25:37Z")
As a naive young man, I was of the opinion that no one made worse movies than Jim Wynorski. As I got older, I shifted my opinion so that I was of the opinion that no one made worse movies than Lucio Fulci. Then about two years ago, I started watching stuff by Jess Franco. I thought I would go to my deathbed deep in the confidence that Jess Franco made the worst movies ever made. Guy managed to make female nudity boring, for Christ’s sake. And then I started watching stuff by [Ulli Lommel.](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0518579/) Holy fuckin Christ, he’s even worse than Jess Fuckin Franco. If you don’t know, Ulli was a former protege of Fassbinder, but soon drifted into low-budget serial killer biopics and knock-offs of more famous movies, i.e. _Black Dahlia_ and _Curse of the Zodiac_. His serial killer biopics are in name only and completely change the facts of the cases. They’re positively excruciating. The good news is, unlike the inexplicable cults of Fulci and Franco, Ulli seems to be universally hated. The bad news is, he manages to make two or three shitstained movies every year and fuckin Lions Gates releases every damn one of them. His movies are consistently rated in the 1s on the IMDB. Do you have any idea of how much a movie has to suck in order to get a 1 on the IMDB? I defy you to watch anything this man has made in the last ten years and then tell me there’s someone less talented directing movies out there. _I defy you._ ---
**Author:** ![ArizonaTeach](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/45deac/32.png) [@ArizonaTeach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArizonaTeach)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2007, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-untalented-movie-directors-with-lengthy-careers/424631/2 "2007-10-30T21:29:55Z")
Have you never _heard_ of Uwi Boll? ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2007, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-untalented-movie-directors-with-lengthy-careers/424631/3 "2007-10-30T21:30:20Z")
How about **William “One Shot” Beaudine**? His nickname came from his unwillingness to reshoot ANY scene. And he remade really BAD 1950s science fiction and horror films into EVEN WORSE 1960s films, taking **The She Creature** and turning it into **Creature of Destruction** , or **Invasion of the Saucer Men** and turning it into \*\*Invasion of The The Star Creatures \*\* (sic – which shows how little thought and effort he put into this. See the MST3K vilification of this one) > **[William Beaudine | Director, Second Unit Director or Assistant Director, Writer](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0064415/)** > > Known for: The Ape Man, Duke of the Navy, Follow the Leader ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2007, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-untalented-movie-directors-with-lengthy-careers/424631/4 "2007-10-30T21:31:23Z")
Oh, yeah – the man, nevertheless has a **61 year** career! Top that! ---
**Author:** ![Malvert\_P.Redd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Malvert\_P.Redd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malvert_P.Redd)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2007, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-untalented-movie-directors-with-lengthy-careers/424631/5 "2007-10-30T21:54:50Z")
[QUOTE=ArizonaTeach] Have you never _heard_ of Uwi Boll? [/QUOTE] Don’t bother me with trifles, boy. _Bloodrayne 2_ was actually watchable. [QUOTE=CalMeacham] How about William “One Shot” Beaudine? [/QUOTE] Yeah, but he actually made some GOOD movies. Even my _Illustrated Guide to Film Directors_ gives him some props for his early work. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2007, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-untalented-movie-directors-with-lengthy-careers/424631/6 "2007-10-31T00:21:01Z")
> [@](#): > > Yeah, but he actually made some GOOD movies. Even my Illustrated Guide to Film Directors gives him some props for his early work. Betcha never saw any of them. I think I saw one good one by him ( **Ten Who Dared**. Some people in Utah, though STILL hate this film for what they see as gross distortions of fact. There’s a book against it.) I’ve seen LOTS of his bad ones, though. ---
**Author:** ![Malvert\_P.Redd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Malvert\_P.Redd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malvert_P.Redd)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2007, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-untalented-movie-directors-with-lengthy-careers/424631/7 "2007-10-31T00:31:48Z")
I saw _Desperate Cargo._ Wasn’t a masterpiece, but it was better than anything else the guys I listed made. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2007, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-untalented-movie-directors-with-lengthy-careers/424631/8 "2007-10-31T01:13:02Z")
[Alan Smithee](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alan_Smithee)😃 ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2007, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-untalented-movie-directors-with-lengthy-careers/424631/9 "2007-10-31T02:04:41Z")
I can’t believe I’m the first person to say Chris Columbus. I challenge you to name a more financially successful director with less artistic talent. He’s not so much a director as he is a wedding photographer. ---
**Author:** ![Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sophistry_and_Illusion)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2007, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-untalented-movie-directors-with-lengthy-careers/424631/10 "2007-10-31T02:15:32Z")
[QUOTE=RickJay] I can’t believe I’m the first person to say Chris Columbus. I challenge you to name a more financially successful director with less artistic talent. [/QUOTE] George Lucas? ---
**Author:** ![Malodorous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e47774/32.png) [@Malodorous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malodorous)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2007, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-untalented-movie-directors-with-lengthy-careers/424631/11 "2007-10-31T02:27:44Z")
[QUOTE=RickJay] I can’t believe I’m the first person to say Chris Columbus. I challenge you to name a more financially successful director with less artistic talent. He’s not so much a director as he is a wedding photographer. [/QUOTE] Meh, his kid movies are good for what they are. Home Alone may not be great art, but it was hilarious when I was 10. I don’t really think he’s trying to make great art with his movies, so I’m not sure its meaningful to judge him by that standard. Uwe Boll wins, I don’t think he’s ever made a movie that was successful on any level, financial or critical, and yet he keeps churning them out. Apparently there is some loop-hole in the German taxcode that makes investing in movies a worthwhile investment even if they flop. So he keeps getting funding. ---
**Author:** ![Malvert\_P.Redd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Malvert\_P.Redd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malvert_P.Redd)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2007, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-untalented-movie-directors-with-lengthy-careers/424631/12 "2007-10-31T02:38:25Z")
[QUOTE=RickJay] I can’t believe I’m the first person to say Chris Columbus. [/QUOTE] Yeah, he’s an odd one. Every time he hits it big at the box office, I’m thinking to myself, _Ok dude, now where’s your heartfelt personal project? The studio owes you one._ And it never comes… ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2007, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-untalented-movie-directors-with-lengthy-careers/424631/13 "2007-10-31T02:41:50Z")
[QUOTE=Sophistry and Illusion] George Lucas? [/QUOTE] Ah yes, but how many movies has Lucas directed? In the last 36 years he has directed only six movies- THX 1138, American Graffiti, Star Wars, and the three Star Wars prequels. Prior to THX 1138 it was all student/indie stuff, and to his credit his first three films showed creativity. Columbus has directed twelve Hollywood releases in 20 years, all of which have been by-the-numbers Hollywood staples that could have been made pretty much the same way without the benefit of having a director at all. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2007, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-untalented-movie-directors-with-lengthy-careers/424631/14 "2007-10-31T02:56:26Z")
French/Aussie director Philippe Mora made the mildly interesting \* Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?\* in 1975. Since then he has “entertained” us with this string of masterpieces - \*Mad Dog Morgan \* (1976), \*The Beast Within \* (1982), \*The Return of Captain Invincible \* (1983), \*A Breed Apart \* (1984), \*Howling II: …Your Sister Is a Werewolf \* (1985), _Death of a Soldier_ (1986), \*Howling III \* (1987), _Communion_ (1989), \* Pterodactyl Woman from Beverly Hills \* (1994), _Snide and Prejudice_ (1994), \*Precious Find \* (1996), _Mercenary II: Thick & Thin_ (1997), \*Back in Business \* (1997). \*Joseph’s Gift \* (1998), \*According to Occam’s Razor \* (1999), _Burning Down the House_ (2001) and \* Mothers Little Murderer \* (2004). Most of these gems would rate in the 3s or 4s on IMDB. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2007, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-untalented-movie-directors-with-lengthy-careers/424631/15 "2007-10-31T02:58:44Z")
[QUOTE=RickJay] I can’t believe I’m the first person to say Chris Columbus. I challenge you to name a more financially successful director with less artistic talent. He’s not so much a director as he is a wedding photographer. [/QUOTE] He has some good films to his credit, though – **Adventures in Babysitting** and **Only the Lonely** , and his Harry Potter films were certainly competent (though he has done some real crap in between). ---
**Author:** ![Malvert\_P.Redd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Malvert\_P.Redd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malvert_P.Redd)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2007, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-untalented-movie-directors-with-lengthy-careers/424631/16 "2007-10-31T03:20:59Z")
[QUOTE=don’t ask] French/Aussie director Philippe Mora made the mildly interesting \* Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?\* in 1975. Since then he has “entertained” us with this string of masterpieces - \*Mad Dog Morgan \* (1976), \*The Beast Within \* (1982), \*The Return of Captain Invincible \* (1983), \*A Breed Apart \* (1984), \*Howling II: …Your Sister Is a Werewolf \* (1985), _Death of a Soldier_ (1986), \*Howling III \* (1987), _Communion_ (1989), \* Pterodactyl Woman from Beverly Hills \* (1994), _Snide and Prejudice_ (1994), \*Precious Find \* (1996), _Mercenary II: Thick & Thin_ (1997), \*Back in Business \* (1997). \*Joseph’s Gift \* (1998), \*According to Occam’s Razor \* (1999), _Burning Down the House_ (2001) and \* Mothers Little Murderer \* (2004). [/QUOTE] Whoa, good choice, dude. I had almost forgotten about him. _Howling II_ was pretty much the biggest piece of shit of the 80s. How could he make copious amounts of Sybil Danning nudity that fuckin dull? And then the producers said, "I know, let’s let him helm _Howling III!_ :dubious: Still, I have to give him a pass. He was just too competent. _A Breed Apart, Death of a Soldier_ and _Communion_ I would all give solid 6s. The lifework of the people I mentioned never managed to make it above a 5. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2007, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-untalented-movie-directors-with-lengthy-careers/424631/17 "2007-10-31T05:01:04Z")
[Ed Wood](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000248/) What do I win? ---
**Author:** ![bbs2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e495f1/32.png) [@bbs2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bbs2k)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2007, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-untalented-movie-directors-with-lengthy-careers/424631/18 "2007-10-31T06:40:52Z")
[QUOTE=Rick] [Ed Wood](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000248/) What do I win? [/QUOTE] :: hands \*\*Rick \*\* a cookie :: You beat me to that one! ---
**Author:** ![Walloon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/fbc32d/32.png) [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2007, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-untalented-movie-directors-with-lengthy-careers/424631/19 "2007-10-31T07:27:17Z")
Aw, shoot. William Beaudine has already been mentioned. ---
**Author:** ![flight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbce88/32.png) [@flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flight)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2007, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-untalented-movie-directors-with-lengthy-careers/424631/20 "2007-10-31T12:48:28Z")
[QUOTE=Malodorous] Meh, his kid movies are good for what they are. Home Alone may not be great art, but it was hilarious when I was 10. I don’t really think he’s trying to make great art with his movies, so I’m not sure its meaningful to judge him by that standard. Uwe Boll wins, I don’t think he’s ever made a movie that was successful on any level, financial or critical, and yet he keeps churning them out. Apparently there is some loop-hole in the German taxcode that makes investing in movies a worthwhile investment even if they flop. So he keeps getting funding. [/QUOTE] I have heard tell that the legislation has been/is being passed to plug that loophole. We’ll see how it pans out, but that would be one instance of a government passing a law that really would make people’s lives better. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-untalented-movie-directors-with-lengthy-careers/424631.md?page=2)