# Most well-known sex joke? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 14, 2007, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-well-known-sex-joke/422719 "2007-10-14T21:42:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Duke\_of\_Rat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Duke\_of\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke_of_Rat)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-well-known-sex-joke/422719/61 "2007-10-15T20:27:53Z")
“Knock Knock” “Fuck You” ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-well-known-sex-joke/422719/62 "2007-10-15T20:39:15Z")
Forget your keys, help me find my car and I’ll drive us both out! Man: I’d like a little pussy Prostitute: Me too, mines as big as a hat! ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2007, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-well-known-sex-joke/422719/63 "2007-10-16T00:36:28Z")
Midget walks up to a prostitute and says, “What would you say to a little fuck?” The prostitute replies, “How ya doin’, you little fuck?” ---
**Author:** ![Tool\_of\_the\_Conspiracy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tool\_of\_the\_Conspiracy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tool_of_the_Conspiracy)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2007, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-well-known-sex-joke/422719/64 "2007-10-16T01:15:00Z")
[QUOTE=Indistinguishable] “Because Thursday’s your turn in the barrel.” [/QUOTE] I used to work with a conservative older woman who used the expression “your turn in the barrel”, and I always wondered whether she knew where it came from. [QUOTE=Indistinguishable] “_That_’s how you wave a towel!” [/QUOTE] I hadn’t heard this one. I found the joke with Google, but don’t understand the premise–how is waving a towel supposed to help? ---
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2007, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-well-known-sex-joke/422719/65 "2007-10-16T02:26:33Z")
[QUOTE=Tool of the Conspiracy] \ I hadn’t heard this one. I found the joke with Google, but don’t understand the premise–how is waving a towel supposed to help? [/QUOTE] Are you going for a woosh here? Just in case you’re not, the point is that the man was bad at pleasing his wife, so when the young stud waved the towel while the mad made love to her, the results were the same as usual. When the young stud made love to her, she reached orgasm, and the man said it was because he was such a good towel waver, even though that had nothing to do with it. ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2007, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-well-known-sex-joke/422719/66 "2007-10-16T02:44:07Z")
Wrecked him (rectum)? Damn near killed him! That line I have heard before, but don’t remember the setup. All of these are oldies, but goodies. ---
**Author:** ![notthatagain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@notthatagain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notthatagain)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2007, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-well-known-sex-joke/422719/67 "2007-10-16T03:02:59Z")
You think you’re tired? I lost the hot dog after the second bar! ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2007, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-well-known-sex-joke/422719/68 "2007-10-16T04:13:58Z")
… as the bishop said to the actress. ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2007, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-well-known-sex-joke/422719/69 "2007-10-16T07:44:54Z")
“No, but the guy before you sure was!” ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2007, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-well-known-sex-joke/422719/70 "2007-10-16T08:21:30Z")
[QUOTE=jtgain] Wrecked him (rectum)? Damn near killed him! That line I have heard before, but don’t remember the setup. All of these are oldies, but goodies. [/QUOTE] Some variant of this: Little Johnny’s class are talking about what they did on the Fourth of July. When it’s LJ’s turn he tells about how he got hold of this toad and stuck a firecracker up its ass. And the shock teacher corrects him by saying “Rectum!”. Etc. ---
**Author:** ![maggenpye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@maggenpye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maggenpye)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2007, 9:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-well-known-sex-joke/422719/71 "2007-10-16T09:37:20Z")
Boss takes his secretary on a business trip. There’s a mistake at the hotel and they have to share a room. During the night the secretary says “Ooh, Mr Boss, I am so cold, could you please close that window?” Boss replies, “How would you like to pretend you’re Mrs Boss instead?” “Oh, yes please Mr Boss!” “Good, close the window yourself!” ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2007, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-well-known-sex-joke/422719/72 "2007-10-16T12:16:58Z")
[QUOTE=SiXSwordS] Forget your keys, help me find my car and I’ll drive us both out! Man: I’d like a little pussy Prostitute: Me too, mines as big as a hat! [/QUOTE] I heard “big as a cat” which makes more sense. ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2007, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-well-known-sex-joke/422719/73 "2007-10-16T14:51:31Z")
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas] I heard “big as a cat” which makes more sense. [/QUOTE] For a fella with two heads, it makes more sense to me the other way, but you’re right, My pussy is as big as a cat does make logical sense. ---
**Author:** ![Wallenstein](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5a626/32.png) [@Wallenstein](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallenstein)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2007, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-well-known-sex-joke/422719/74 "2007-10-16T14:58:10Z")
[QUOTE=Askance] … as the bishop said to the actress. [/QUOTE] That’s the one I use, although I say “… as the actress said to the bishop”. Or the Monty Python “nudge nudge, wink wink” stuff, “he said knowingly”. ---
**Author:** ![MrFloppy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/43a26b/32.png) [@MrFloppy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrFloppy)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2007, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-well-known-sex-joke/422719/75 "2007-10-16T19:24:40Z")
That’s not a ring. That’s my wristwatch. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2007, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-well-known-sex-joke/422719/76 "2007-10-16T21:13:00Z")
“That’s okay, I’m not really a nun. I’m on my way to a costume party at a gay bar.” “But, Grandpa! You already paid me for showing you how to put a worm back in its hole.” “I know, Nigel, but this $5 is from your Grandma.” “Rubber balls and liquor.” (a young boy’s joke) “That’s what makes him so mean!” ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2007, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-well-known-sex-joke/422719/77 "2007-10-16T21:44:00Z")
A young rube goes to a whore house for his first lay. The madame asks him if he knows how to use a condom. He says he doesn’t, so she demonstrates on his thumb how he’s to roll it on. He goes up and bones the young lady. Afterward, she says “I feel pretty wet inside, did the condom break?” The boy holds up his thumb and pipes “Nope, good as new!” ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-well-known-sex-joke/422719/78 "2007-10-17T00:19:49Z")
“Hey, lady! Your sign fell down!” **Danceswithcats** , I remember that punchline (the ending of which I learned as "and a twenty dollar bill for a fucked-up duck) but I can’t remember the joke! Help! Another plea for help for the set-up for a joke with multiple punchlines, the final one being, “No deer. Run too fast, jump too high.” ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-well-known-sex-joke/422719/79 "2007-10-17T00:45:09Z")
[QUOTE=freckafree] Another plea for help for the set-up for a joke with multiple punchlines, the final one being, “No deer. Run too fast, jump too high.” [/QUOTE] Here’s one version. I have heard variations. Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of the American Indians. After a tour of the reservation they lived on, she asked why there was a difference in the number of feathers found in the headdresses of the various Indians. She asked a brave who only had one feather in his headdress what this meant. His reply was “Me have only one squaw, me have only one feather.” She asked another brave, feeling the first fellow was only joking, this brave had four feathers in his headdress.. He replied, “Ugh, me have four feathers because me sleep with four squaws” Still not convinced the number of feathers indicated the number of squaws involved, she decided to interview the chief. Now the cheif had a headdress full of feathers which, needless to say, amused Ms. Walters. She asked the chief, “Why do you have so many feathers in your headdress?” The Chief proudly beat his chest and said, “Me chief, me fuck-em all; big, small, fat, tall, me fuck-em all.” Horrified, Ms. Walters stated, " You should be hung." The chief replied, “You damned right me hung–me hung like buffalo.” Ms. Walters cried, “You don’t have to be so goddamn hostile.” The chief replied, “Hoss style, dog-style, any style, me fuck-em all.” Tears in her eyes, Ms. Walters cried, “Oh dear.” The chief replied, “No deer,----me fuck no deer. Run too fast, assholes too high. No fuck deer.” ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-well-known-sex-joke/422719/80 "2007-10-17T01:08:44Z")
That’s it, **Lurkmeister**! (Well, I didn’t hear it with Barbara Walters…) Thanks! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-well-known-sex-joke/422719.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-well-known-sex-joke/422719.md?page=5)