# Mother Goosed

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-goosed/312280>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [July 13, 2005, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-goosed/312280 "2005-07-13T02:28:09Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 5\
**Page:** 1

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**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\
**Post date:** [July 13, 2005, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-goosed/312280/1 "2005-07-13T02:28:09Z")

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It’s time to update some of those nursery rhymes we grew up with, doncha think?

I’ll go first:

Mary had a little lamb  
Its fleece was black as coal  
It fed on Brussels sprouts and ham  
And robbed, but never stole.

The neighbors used to laugh and point  
To see a lamb eat ham  
Till Mary puffed another joint  
And told them all to scram.

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**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\
**Post date:** [July 13, 2005, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-goosed/312280/2 "2005-07-13T04:02:23Z")

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You know that [_The Inner City Mother Goose_](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0689806779/ref=pd_sxp_f/102-6097879-3023311?v=glance&s=books) got there first, right?

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**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\
**Post date:** [July 13, 2005, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-goosed/312280/3 "2005-07-13T04:35:52Z")

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Nope, I didn’t. Looks like a fun read, though.

Can you top what they did?

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**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\
**Post date:** [July 13, 2005, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-goosed/312280/4 "2005-07-13T15:40:46Z")

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Mary had a little lamb.  
Its fleece was white as snow.  
And everywhere that Mary went,  
She stepped in lamb shit.

The wolf pounced on Little Red Riding Hood and said, “Little girl, I’m going to eat you.” And Red replied, “Eat, eat, eat. Doesn’t anybody just screw any more?”  
Hickory, dickory, dock.  
Three mice ran up the clock.  
The clock struck one.  
The others escaped with cuts and bruises.  
And back to Mary. This one is off-color, so if you are easily offended, exit the SDMB immediately 😃  
Mary had a little lamb.  
Its fleece was white as snow.  
And everywhere that Mary went,  
The lamb was sure to go.

It followed her to the woods one day.  
For eggs, she was to hunt.  
It stuck its nose beneath her clothes  
To get a whiff of cunt.

Now Mary was a naughty girl  
And didn’t give a damn.  
She gave the beast a second sniff  
And killed the little lamb.  
Hey, I didn’t make it up! Isn’t it wonderful, the things that stick in our minds from our 5th grade days?

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**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\
**Post date:** [July 13, 2005, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-goosed/312280/5 "2005-07-13T16:17:57Z")

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_From a 1908 song—_

Mary had a little lamb,  
She took it on the ‘el.’  
And when they got up to the Bronx,  
That lamb was black as —

_And from a 1920s song—_

Mary had a little lamb,  
The butcher killed it dead.  
She takes the lamb to school with her  
Between two hunks of bread.