# Mother-in-law insists on coming on vacation; am I being unreasonable? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 13, 2014, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-in-law-insists-on-coming-on-vacation-am-i-being-unreasonable/688354 "2014-05-13T15:03:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2014, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-in-law-insists-on-coming-on-vacation-am-i-being-unreasonable/688354/21 "2014-05-13T21:12:19Z")
Another thought, if she does end up going with you: check out renting a small apartment or house on [VRBO.com](http://VRBO.com) or [AirBnB.com](http://AirBnB.com) instead of hotel rooms. I usually go there before hotels, to be honest. It’s WAY nicer to be able to spread out, especially with multiple people, and it’s not particularly pricey, especially if you’re looking at 2 rooms already. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-in-law-insists-on-coming-on-vacation-am-i-being-unreasonable/688354/22 "2014-05-14T01:22:07Z")
> [@Kenm](#): > > Send her, and you stay at home for four days of peace. Funny, that was my first thought too. It’s probably lousy advice, but I bet it would be the last time that the wife failed to stand up to MIL over something like this. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-in-law-insists-on-coming-on-vacation-am-i-being-unreasonable/688354/23 "2014-05-14T01:47:44Z")
It looks like you’ve got it sorted out already, but I too agree that she needs to be in her own room. I also think your wife needs to get her head straight - mothers-in-law don’t normally come on family vacations (that is, mom and dad and kids), and she doesn’t need to feel any guilt about not buying into her mother’s guilt trip. ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-in-law-insists-on-coming-on-vacation-am-i-being-unreasonable/688354/24 "2014-05-14T03:08:34Z")
“I have two words for you MIL: vacation sex. Your daughter and I will be having lots of it. Still want the adjoining bed?” ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-in-law-insists-on-coming-on-vacation-am-i-being-unreasonable/688354/25 "2014-05-14T14:38:26Z")
There is an idea that vacations must have everyone together all the time. Nope. Even with her in a separate room, plan some downtime apart from her as well. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-in-law-insists-on-coming-on-vacation-am-i-being-unreasonable/688354/26 "2014-05-14T16:01:41Z")
So inappropriate! Where’s the boundaries and respect for your family unit? Parents of adult children don’t get to just invite themselves along on vacations. So I’m with the majority: Gramma gets her own room, keeps the kids, is the on-vacay babysitter, and pays her own way. Or else Gramma can just take the kids on a vacation herself and leave you and your wife to have some time alone. It would be a totally different situation if you invited her, but she’s basically just guilting you all into taking her with you so she can glom on to someone else’s vacation… for free? Erm, no. ---
**Author:** ![Claverhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Claverhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claverhouse)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-in-law-insists-on-coming-on-vacation-am-i-being-unreasonable/688354/27 "2014-05-14T17:44:02Z")
Well, I’d prolly rather not; but iron tradition ---- in the shape of 100s of early Victorian ‘humorous’ short stories depicting the patriarchal duty of a harassed little prematurely balding clerk taking his large placid wife ( if small and thin: shy and and retiring ), 8 children, ( Not Forgetting the Baby ! ), a few dodgy uncles, assorted others, 2 dogs and most _ **definitely** _ the fearsome widowed mother-in-law, hereinafter referred to as '_The Old Lady’_, on the Mail Packet if reaching Abroad; generally entitled: \*\* ‘How We All Went to Boulogne, and What Became of It’\*\* — impels me to say you should do it, because it’s funny. Plus it makes the old lady happy. ---
**Author:** ![GusNSpot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gusnspot/32/436_2.png) [@GusNSpot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GusNSpot)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-in-law-insists-on-coming-on-vacation-am-i-being-unreasonable/688354/28 "2014-05-14T18:30:06Z")
Always look at the parents before getting married. Then make your choice & live with it. Toyota. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-in-law-insists-on-coming-on-vacation-am-i-being-unreasonable/688354/29 "2014-05-14T19:51:29Z")
You might be able to get a suite which might feature 2 bedrooms for not much more. ---
**Author:** ![Grestarian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grestarian/32/3227_2.png) [@Grestarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grestarian)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-in-law-insists-on-coming-on-vacation-am-i-being-unreasonable/688354/30 "2014-05-14T20:17:47Z")
> [@Shoeless](#): > > Not only that, but the kids should stay with grandma. That way you and your wife have a room to yourselves. Win-win! I had similar thoughts: Offer to pay for Grandma’s room provided the grandkids sleep in there with her and she’s their official chaperone. One of those evenings, you make a point of taking advantage of the babysitting and enjoy some romantic couple-oriented evening – plus a noisy late-night romp in the hotel room afterward.:eek: I’d bet mother-in-law won’t want to come along and overhear that stuff again after that.😃 –G! ---
**Author:** ![HubZilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ccd318/32.png) [@HubZilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HubZilla)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-in-law-insists-on-coming-on-vacation-am-i-being-unreasonable/688354/31 "2014-05-14T21:16:28Z")
We took a very long road trip (for someone living in Hawaii) from Spokane, Washington to Lincoln, Nebraska. My parents-in-law thought I was crazy for doing this with an 8 and 4 year old. Then we showed them our plans which included Little Bighorn, Mt Rushmore, the Badlands, Devils Tower, culminating in Yellowstone. Plus many points in between from Wall Drug to Chimney Rock to the Cody Rodeo. Their reaction: “We want to come!” We chuckled, but they repeated that they indeed wanted to come! They offered to pay for the rental upgrade to a minivan. They paid for every other gas fill-up. They got a seperate room where practicable, although places like Yellowstone were already too booked up for that. The minivan upgrade was significant, so I didn’t sigh too hard as I put my pillows on the floor 😉 But seriously, for the most part, I did not have to change many of my plans. They followed along where we chose to visit and eat. They took it all in with good spirits, even enjoying cement dinosaur parks, gold panning, and Rocky Mountain oysters. They’ve done tour groups all over the world, but liked me as the tour guide. [Our Trip Album](https://picasaweb.google.com/116780544596426756582) ---
**Author:** ![OleOneEye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f14d63/32.png) [@OleOneEye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OleOneEye)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-in-law-insists-on-coming-on-vacation-am-i-being-unreasonable/688354/32 "2014-05-15T01:13:45Z")
> [@GusNSpot](#): > > Always look at the parents before getting married. Then make your choice & live with it. Toyota. WTF? One of these things is not like the others. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 10:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-in-law-insists-on-coming-on-vacation-am-i-being-unreasonable/688354/33 "2014-05-15T10:13:36Z")
My mother used to complain that my married brother won’t take her on vacations. I’m sure she still complains about it to other people: she stopped whinning to single-bro and me after each of us asked her, separately, how many times had her parents or her MiL come on vacations with us. How many times did your wife’s grandparents go on vacations with your MiL? And if it ever happened, who paid for things? Who took care of the kids? ---
**Author:** ![ZenBeam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3ab097/32.png) [@ZenBeam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZenBeam)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-in-law-insists-on-coming-on-vacation-am-i-being-unreasonable/688354/34 "2014-05-15T11:46:29Z")
> [@OleOneEye](#): > > WTF? One of these things is not like the others. Maybe he meant “- Toy Yoda”. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-in-law-insists-on-coming-on-vacation-am-i-being-unreasonable/688354/35 "2014-05-15T11:50:43Z")
I’ve holidayed with my parents several times, but we always have separate hotel rooms and balance time spent together and time apart. I could see it being a bit different given that your MIL is a widower, so it’s probably not reasonable to expect her to go do stuff on her own. That said, she should absolutely be paying for her own hotel room. So you say 'we’d love to have you join us! Would you like to stay in the same hotel? Our room rate was $xxx but I guess you’d need to phone and check the current prices. The kids will love spending some time with their grandma!" ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-in-law-insists-on-coming-on-vacation-am-i-being-unreasonable/688354/36 "2014-05-15T11:53:58Z")
> [@OleOneEye](#): > > WTF? One of these things is not like the others. Old ad slogan: “You asked for it, you got it, Toyota.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-in-law-insists-on-coming-on-vacation-am-i-being-unreasonable/688354.md?page=1)