# Mother, what have I to do with thee? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 7, 2002, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-what-have-i-to-do-with-thee/141195 "2002-12-07T21:49:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Blalron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@Blalron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blalron)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2002, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-what-have-i-to-do-with-thee/141195/21 "2002-12-08T00:15:50Z")
I must apologize for even starting this thread. My arguments have been somewhat illogical, especially the Big Tobacco thing, I pretty much pulled that one out of my ass. The OP was spurred by recent stresses about what I’m going to do with my life. I know I can’t blame my parents for all my problems, no matter how easy it is to point the finger at them. I’ll go to community college. Then maybe I can transfer to a real University. Things will work themselves out, I guess. They could have been better, but crying over spilt milk is of no use. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2002, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-what-have-i-to-do-with-thee/141195/22 "2002-12-08T00:17:11Z")
I feel for you, I honestly do, but this is one whine I wouldn’t waste good cheese on. Pull up a chair, because I’m going to tell you a story. My Evil Aunt went to college and law school tuition completely paid for out of her father’s pocket. She lived in a huge condo in a great part of Los Angeles, paid for by Daddy. Every nickel in her pocket comes from Mommy (because Daddy died some years ago.) She drove nothing but luxury cars, and lived so high on the hog that when Daddy died she didn’t know how to live on her own. She’s got boxes and boxes of expensive things, but she’s living on the goodness of my mother’s heart. My story is a bit extreme, but the moral of the story is this. Instead of asking for money, try working for it yourself. Take a year off, find a job and save money for college that way. Apply for whatever student aid you can get; most people have to borrow money and they pull through okay. You’ll get the satisfaction of being able to be independent and do things as you want. Community college isn’t that bad. So it’s not good 'ol State U., but a lot of people go to community college and they’re just as smart and as educated as anyone else out there. Basically, son, just suck it up and make the most of it, okay? Robin ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2002, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-what-have-i-to-do-with-thee/141195/23 "2002-12-08T00:23:24Z")
You’re lucky my better half is more patient than I am about this. Read what she said. Live it. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2002, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-what-have-i-to-do-with-thee/141195/24 "2002-12-08T01:23:30Z")
Oh come on, you guys. His mother got a tremendous windfall, and she used it for very short-term things. No, he has no right to tell her what to do. But he **is** right that that money could have been used more gainfully towards a comfortable life. She could have invested it, put it in her RRSP or, yes, paid for her child’s education. And bemoaning lost opportunities **is** valid. ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2002, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-what-have-i-to-do-with-thee/141195/25 "2002-12-08T01:27:09Z")
I agree with **LaurAnge**. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2002, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-what-have-i-to-do-with-thee/141195/26 "2002-12-08T01:46:10Z")
The Koran offers a compromise. This little poem is based on scripture: If of that mortal goods thou art bereft, And of thy slender store, two loaves alone to thee are left, Sell one and with the dole, Buy hyacinths to feed thy soul. ---
**Author:** ![grendel72](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/91b2a8/32.png) [@grendel72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grendel72)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2002, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-what-have-i-to-do-with-thee/141195/27 "2002-12-08T02:00:52Z")
I was raised by a single mother… on a Teacher’s salary. She moved from California to Oklahaoma taking a massive pay cut to be with the man she loved. I had to work for everything I’ve got, and I would never _dream_ of begrudging her her happiness even if it did make my life a little harder. I am still paying on my student loans, and you expect me to feel sympathy for someone so ungrateful they begrudge their parents any life outside of their children? ---
**Author:** ![Blalron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@Blalron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blalron)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2002, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-what-have-i-to-do-with-thee/141195/28 "2002-12-08T02:56:17Z")
I hope my mom doesn’t read this board. 🙂 I’m kind of reminded of that Eminem song: “Im sorry momma… I never meant to hurt youuuuu… I never meant to make you cry…” ---
**Author:** ![Wikkit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c0e974/32.png) [@Wikkit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wikkit)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2002, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-what-have-i-to-do-with-thee/141195/29 "2002-12-08T04:24:41Z")
\ What domain name? \ ---
**Author:** ![Wikkit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c0e974/32.png) [@Wikkit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wikkit)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2002, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-what-have-i-to-do-with-thee/141195/30 "2002-12-08T04:35:38Z")
Except in the Eminem song, his mother was trying to get money out of him… ---
**Author:** ![deborak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc348/32.png) [@deborak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deborak)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2002, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-what-have-i-to-do-with-thee/141195/31 "2002-12-08T05:06:09Z")
I agree with the sentiment, but not the rationale. If my mom got a $35K windfall, I’d want her to invest in a house or something, to give her a little more security (as it is, she rents, and lives month-to-month, with absolutely nothing to fall back on as she approaches retirement). But I’d want that for HER, not so she could support me. Geez. Also, I wonder if she knew she wouldn’t be able to get another job, and had no choice but to live off of that money. (I’ve no idea of your mom’s intent - maybe she thought she’d take a short “vacation” and then couldn’t find a job?) I’ve got a little money saved up that I was hoping would go toward a house of my own one daysoon. But I’m also looking at an almost guaranteed downsizing at my job in the next couple of months, and if I have to use my savings to live off of…well, I guess I will. In other words, you can be upset that a potential opportunity (i.e. a nest egg) was missed, but sometimes the living day-to-day comes first. ---
**Author:** ![Blalron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@Blalron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blalron)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2002, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-what-have-i-to-do-with-thee/141195/32 "2002-12-08T05:14:14Z")
> [@](#): > > What domain name? Oddly enough, under terms of the contract the deal was kept pretty secretive (I’m not sure why). So I’m not under liberty to reveal the domain name or who purchased it. ---
**Author:** ![NicePete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ee7513/32.png) [@NicePete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NicePete)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2002, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-what-have-i-to-do-with-thee/141195/33 "2002-12-08T05:19:09Z")
Mmm, for all you self-reliant/self-righteous folks with your dander up… While the OP’ers Mom may have no legal obligation to educate her child past the age of 18, as a parent, I believe that I have the moral obligation to provide as much education as my children can reasonably make use of. I created my children, I love them and I intend to use my assets to help them as much as I possibly can. That won’t magically change the day they turn 18. That’s the way I was raised – we help each other in our family. If I have the money and my parents needed it, they’d have it without hesitation. Was Blalron’s Mom legally entitled to blow the money on herself. Of course. Was it the right thing to do? Perhaps not. Hmmm, I just got a rather large windfall. Hmmm, I have a child starting college in a few years… As a responsible parent, I think the thing to do is blow the money on lottery tickets and Cheez Whiz. Riiiiight. Flame Blalron all you want for being spoiled, but I don’t find it completely unreasonable for a child to expect some help for college from a financially able parent. I hope none of you has ever whined or complained about anything. ---
**Author:** ![Nightime](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Nightime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightime)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2002, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-what-have-i-to-do-with-thee/141195/34 "2002-12-08T05:27:47Z")
Just do what I’m doing. I’m getting huge loans, and then I’m going to declare bankruptcy after I graduate. That’s a great plan, right? Right!? ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2002, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-what-have-i-to-do-with-thee/141195/35 "2002-12-08T05:36:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Frankd6 \* > \*\*Flame Blalron all you want for being spoiled, but I don’t find it completely unreasonable for a child to expect some help for college from a financially able parent. \*\* My mother’s sole contribution, and I mean SOLE contribution, to my college finances was a case of soda. Between her and my stepfather they got an extension on the house, a pool, and a new car, all in cash. They make beaucoup ducats, which actually hindered me, because colleges assume your parents will help out for calculating financial aid, and their income killed me in that respect. I don’t begrudge them that. They earned the money, and nobody gave them anything, either. They didn’t owe me bupkis. And **Blalron** isn’t entitled to anything, either. It’s COMPLETELY unreasonable to EXPECT help, but if it’s offered, then take it by all means. ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2002, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-what-have-i-to-do-with-thee/141195/36 "2002-12-08T05:41:52Z")
I honestly do not believe that any adult (ie those over eighteen) deserve anything from their parents. It is great that some, as you, Frankd6, choose to believe that it is MORAL for parents to put children through school, but that is not the only way that one can get a college education. I think that the problem that other posters have with BLARON is that he has said that his education is owed to him–as in, he doesn’t want to flip cow parts full time to be educated. Some day BLARON will have to work for his living, and if he wants to do something other than burger flipping he will work for it. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2002, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-what-have-i-to-do-with-thee/141195/37 "2002-12-08T05:46:36Z")
**Airman** , maybe that’s the way it is in your family. My parents feel a lot like **Frankd6**. I do realize, of course, that I am very lucky to be in such a position, but it’s the way **all** of my family (extended and otherwise) looks at supporting children, and so, for me, it sort of **is** expected. ---
**Author:** ![Jurhael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@Jurhael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jurhael)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2002, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-what-have-i-to-do-with-thee/141195/38 "2002-12-08T05:47:31Z")
"Just do what I’m doing. I’m getting huge loans, and then I’m going to declare bankruptcy after I graduate. That’s a great plan, right? Right!?" No. Bankruptcy isn’t as good as it sounds. “They make beaucoup ducats, which actually hindered me, because colleges assume your parents will help out for calculating financial aid, and their income killed me in that respect.” This just proves that assumption is the mother of all fuck ups. I meant the colleges, btw. Because I think it sounds to me like you COULD have qualified for a grant if it weren’t for such an ASSumption. ---
**Author:** ![carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrot)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2002, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-what-have-i-to-do-with-thee/141195/39 "2002-12-08T05:50:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nightime \* > \*\*Just do what I’m doing. I’m getting huge loans, and then I’m going to declare bankruptcy after I graduate. > > That’s a great plan, right? Right!? \*\* Even better: graduate, then go to grad school. (They don’t collect student loans if you’re still a student!) And THEN, after you’ve spent 20 years of your life going to school, realize you have no money and file for bankruptcy. Works every time. ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2002, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-what-have-i-to-do-with-thee/141195/40 "2002-12-08T06:08:56Z")
Nightime– Are you seriously going to school on loans knowing that you will not be able to pay them back and will have to declare bankruptcy? Why, pray tell, would you incur these debts knowing your skills are not marketable? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-what-have-i-to-do-with-thee/141195.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mother-what-have-i-to-do-with-thee/141195.md?page=3)