# Motherfucking minirants **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 14, 2007, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-minirants/422637 "2007-10-14T02:35:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-minirants/422637/101 "2007-10-17T15:51:04Z")
[QUOTE=Mama Tiger] A good FedEx driver is wonderful, isn’t he/she? I had a regular driver in New Orleans who knew I always waived signature, since I’d get several packages a week from my office. Then one day my son’s new computer arrived when nobody was home – and although he left the package near the door (well hidden from sight from the street, fortunately, by some bushes, and he carefully placed the boxes so they wouldn’t be visible), he still came by an hour later, after we were home, to verify that we had indeed gotten it. It’s nice to know some people still care about doing a decent job, even if the bureaucracy they work for makes it difficult for them sometimes. [/QUOTE] I’ve had fewer problems with FedEx than I’ve had with any other shipper. Pretty much all my packages have been delivered on or before the estimated date, they’re all in good condition, and the drivers are nice and professional. Their schedules may be sporadic, but I’ll get my package sometime that day. I’m happy. Robin ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-minirants/422637/102 "2007-10-17T18:05:23Z")
No doubt this has been done in a previous thread, but if you’re going to swear in an E-mail or board message, go ahead and swear. If you write “Sh\*t”, you have just used the word “shit” and if someone’s going to be offended by it they’ll be offended whether or not you changed a letter. So either write the actual word or find another way of expressing yourself, like this: _gives everyone the finger_ ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-minirants/422637/103 "2007-10-17T18:43:26Z")
If your automated voice system is going ask for my customer number then damnit, send it to the person who is dealing with me. There is absolutely NO reason I should have to punch it into the phone and then recite it. ---
**Author:** ![ArrMatey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrmatey/32/3522_2.png) [@ArrMatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArrMatey)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-minirants/422637/104 "2007-10-17T19:46:27Z")
Fuck you VERY much construction monkeys! Okay, I can deal (sorta) with the fact that, on a monthly basis for the past 16 months, you’ve knocked out either our power or our phone for a few hours at a time. I’ve actually gotten used to that. I don’t like when you park in our parking lot, but I know you’ve made a deal with the management. But… 12 months. One year ago this weekend you destroyed our driveway. We were assued that ‘in 4-6 weeks’ there’d be action taken, and we’d have a new one. One year later, I’m still driving my car over a gravel-strewn pile of broken concrete. The place looks like shit, and even the property manager admits it’s impossible to rent to new rentors because of it. We’re told there’s ‘legal litigation’ going on over it, but we are -denied- any knowledge further than that. Fer chrissake, I made a sworn statement to a lawyer over this damn thing. Either fix it, give us a schedule as to when it’s going to be fixed, or LET US KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON! Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-minirants/422637/105 "2007-10-17T20:09:57Z")
Okay, you did the interviews Monday - you need someone to start two weeks ago. Howsabout you call my temp agency and tell them I’ve got the job I want so that I don’t have to go to a job I _don’t_ want tomorrow? Pretty please? With sugar on top? I can still quit the other job if I get the one I want, but it would be a helluva lot tidier to not have started it in the first place. Then there’s the whole thing with temp agencies threatening me with legal procedings if I quit an assignment… :rolleyes: to the tenth power. ---
**Author:** ![fachverwirrt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/94ad74/32.png) [@fachverwirrt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fachverwirrt)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-minirants/422637/106 "2007-10-17T20:22:14Z")
[QUOTE=MsRobyn] I’ve had fewer problems with FedEx than I’ve had with any other shipper. Pretty much all my packages have been delivered on or before the estimated date, they’re all in good condition, and the drivers are nice and professional. Their schedules may be sporadic, but I’ll get my package sometime that day. I’m happy. Robin [/QUOTE] I’ve generally had good luck with shippers, whoever they may be. However, FedEx is the one that screwed up beyond all screw ups: they sent me the wrong package entirely. My sister shipped me my headshots when I was auditioning for grad school. I was in a hotel in Memphis. The package I received was from somebody I had never heard of and was addressed to some woman in Atlanta. They tried to blame it on my sister (“she mailed you the wrong package.” “No, she didn’t. She didn’t mail this one at all.”) Then, once they had figured out that they had switched the addresses, and that my package was still sitting in New Hampshire, and told my sister that they would send it on for free, they proceeded to charge her for Saturday delivery (the package should have been delivered on Thursday). It was a while before I used FedEx again. ---
**Author:** ![NailBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecae2f/32.png) [@NailBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NailBunny)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-minirants/422637/107 "2007-10-17T20:28:00Z")
I got another one. If someone, oh let’s say… **me** , is filling their water bottle in the office sink (which, due to a really slow faucet, involves sort of sitting it up in the drain and walking away for a couple minutes), _don’t pour your coffee/cereal milk/leftover soup/various other nasty-ass liquids down the drain until it’s done_!!! Jesus, how fucking rude is that? Because I _really_ wanted to stop on the way out of the kitchen and sponge said nasty-ass liquids off the bottom of my water bottle, really, I did. Christ, this happens to me like three times a day, and every single time they sort of smile meekly and say “Oops, sorry!” AS THEY’RE FUCKING DOING IT. Just STOP! ---
**Author:** ![ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-minirants/422637/108 "2007-10-17T20:59:16Z")
**STFU!!!** :mad: :smack: :rolleyes: :mad: I’m sorry that you just moved from Illinois to California and you haven’t made friends yet. We could have a reasonably friendly and pleasant cow-orking acquaintance, if you would just stop making me want to STAB YOU IN THE EYE WITH MY SHARPIE!!! You do not need to swivel in your chair and demand eye-contact conversation for EVERY SINGLE FUCKING “INTERESTING” THING YOU FIND ONLINE. We have both worked in the internet industry for over a decade now. Message me the damn link if you really feel compelled to share something. Try and limit your verbal sharing to, let’s say…3 random-and-annoyingly-irrelevant-to-me bits of fluff per day. You are COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS to signals of both the body language and verbal language varieties that indicate when people want you to **STFU!!!** When I RUN OVER YOUR FUCKING TOE with my office chair while trying to type an email, that is a sign that you are violating my personal space as you either stare out the window beside me or read my screen over my shoulder while WE ARE NOT EVEN TALKING TO EACH OTHER. _gripping her sharpie with the white-knuckles of a trapped animal_ ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-minirants/422637/109 "2007-10-17T21:56:32Z")
In spite of their name, to do some real damage, you need a better implement than a Sharpie. That felt tip really isn’t going to do what you need it to do. I’d say ballpoint or nice sharp pencil would both be better options. Maybe a letter opener. (I got the job!!! Yay! Mini-rants really do work! Fingers crossed that I don’t have to come back and rant about threats of legal suits!) ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-minirants/422637/110 "2007-10-17T23:01:13Z")
[QUOTE=ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies] We could have a reasonably friendly and pleasant cow-orking acquaintance, if you would just stop making me want to STAB YOU IN THE EYE WITH MY SHARPIE!!! [/QUOTE] The sharpie won’t do anything. Get a spray bottle full of water and spritz her whenever she disturbs you at work. Yell “Bad! No!” when you do it for extra emphasis. ---
**Author:** ![Swampwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Swampwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swampwolf)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-minirants/422637/111 "2007-10-18T00:07:31Z")
Dear brother: You know I’m getting married Sunday. Mom called you. Dad spoke to you. I’ve emailed you. I’ve put a bulletin on MySpace (and I know you’ve been on and presumably seen it). No, it’s not going to be a Jewish wedding. That’s because she’s not Jewish. And because I’m only Jew-ish. Sorry–well, no I’m not. It’s our wedding, not yours. You already had one, remember? To your wife? The mother of your children? You know–the woman you’re still married to. Yes, that’s the one–the one I’ve considered telling about your online relationships with jailbait girls a good 25 years younger than you. Fuck you for not respecting your wife or your vows. And fuck you again for not even acknowledging my upcoming wedding. No congratulations, no “why aren’t you marrying someone Jewish,” not even a “you’re getting married and I couldn’t give a damn.” And you wonder why I don’t talk to you more. And fuck you a couple dozen more times for your arrogant, manipulative guilt-trip bullshit behavior throughout my life. I’m glad you live on the other side of the planet, you vile fuck ---
**Author:** ![ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-minirants/422637/112 "2007-10-18T00:22:01Z")
[QUOTE=SpazCat] The sharpie won’t do anything. Get a spray bottle full of water and spritz her whenever she disturbs you at work. Yell “Bad! No!” when you do it for extra emphasis. [/QUOTE] He’s a he. How about a squirt bottle full of Tabasco? I could get on board with that… ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-minirants/422637/113 "2007-10-18T01:45:59Z")
I’m not sure what’s more annoying, that Wal-Mart never mans the 20 items or less lane during the times on the sign or the people trying to use the self-checkout and wind up looking at it like it was the monolith and the Wal-Mart is actually a time machine to the Dawn of Man. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-minirants/422637/114 "2007-10-18T01:59:35Z")
Congratulations, **Swampy**! (Or is that mazel-tov?) Best wishes for a beautiful day. Don’t let your brother get you down - it sounds like someone like him not wanting to be part of your life is a compliment. ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-minirants/422637/115 "2007-10-18T11:57:46Z")
[QUOTE=asterion] I’m not sure what’s more annoying, that Wal-Mart never mans the 20 items or less lane during the times on the sign or the people trying to use the self-checkout and wind up looking at it like it was the monolith and the Wal-Mart is actually a time machine to the Dawn of Man. [/QUOTE] What’s more annoying is people who think 20 items or less doesn’t apply to them and use those lanes to check out their full-to-the-brim cartloads of crap. What’s most annoying is that no one says anything to them about it. Dammit, folks, I had SEVEN items and I got stuck behind two people with lots of crap. One of whom decided to buy every obscure fruit and vegetable in the produce section. I felt bad for the poor cashier who had obviously just started working there and had to look up every single one of those eleventy-million items on the produce chart. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-minirants/422637/116 "2007-10-18T12:05:01Z")
[QUOTE=Illuminatiprimus] Fuck you insomnia! I am so fucking pissed off that I am sitting at my desk having only had one - read it ONE - hour of sleep. My day has started with me wanting to strangle the nearest person and it’s only going to go downhill from here. [/QUOTE] Pssssst [Melatonin](http://www.melatonin.com/melatonin-faq-general.php) Non addictive. works like a charm for me. It can produce some interestingly disturbing dreams, but for me, it doesn’t. If you make it to lunch without strangling anyone, you probably will make it the rest of the day. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-minirants/422637/117 "2007-10-18T12:14:26Z")
> [@](#): > > And fuck you a couple dozen more times for your arrogant, manipulative guilt-trip bullshit behavior throughout my life. I’m glad you live on the other side of the planet, you vile fuck Oh, you should so send this too him. Enjoy your day and best wishes! ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-minirants/422637/118 "2007-10-18T12:42:33Z")
[QUOTE=Shirley Ujest] Pssssst [Melatonin](http://www.melatonin.com/melatonin-faq-general.php) Non addictive. works like a charm for me. It can produce some interestingly disturbing dreams, but for me, it doesn’t. If you make it to lunch without strangling anyone, you probably will make it the rest of the day. [/QUOTE] I went home at 10.30 and took the rest of the day off as annual leave. I’ve got 43 days of the stuff so I might as well use some. I would have just called in sick but I had a week off with flu a few weeks back and felt rather lame at the thought of calling in with insomnia. Next time I’ll just stay in bed. ---
**Author:** ![Lionne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Lionne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lionne)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-minirants/422637/119 "2007-10-18T13:18:28Z")
Fuck International Delights for not making the top seal strong enough. Lovely to arrive home only to find the entire bottle of creamer has leaked out onto my passenger floor. That was a blast cleaning up. Nothing like the smell of sour milk to perk me up in the morning! ---
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2007, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-minirants/422637/120 "2007-10-18T13:59:50Z")
What’s with people letting their toddlers run so far ahead, or lag so far behind them? I’ve seen this several times recently. Inside and out, in all sorts of areas. Little kids just round corners on their own, toddling along by themselves, then finally a parent pushing a baby in a stroller will appear. Or the parent will show up first, with the little one slowly walking behind. A couple of weeks ago, I watched a woman plod about ten paces behind her small child as he ran across a street, through a parking lot and up to a store entrance. At no point did she try and catch up, or call him back. Aren’t these people concerned about the kid getting trampled? I’ve never had a toddler, but when I had one with me, I tried to keep him or her at hand holding distance if we were out in public. I don’t want to start yet another parenting rant, but come on, people! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-minirants/422637.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-minirants/422637.md?page=7)