# Motherfucking zombies! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 23, 2003, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-zombies/177141 "2003-05-23T23:30:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Dragonstar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e79b87/32.png) [@Dragonstar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragonstar)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-zombies/177141/21 "2003-05-24T01:59:44Z")
If they’re Voodoo zombies, you must find where their ti bon ange is hidden; whoever turned them into a zombie has taken it and put it in a container somewhere. If you find it and let it out, it will restore the zombie to its former state. ---
**Author:** ![SpaceGhostofArrakis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc348/32.png) [@SpaceGhostofArrakis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpaceGhostofArrakis)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-zombies/177141/22 "2003-05-24T02:09:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dragonstar \* > \*\*If they’re Voodoo zombies, you must find where their ti bon ange is hidden; whoever turned them into a zombie has taken it and put it in a container somewhere. If you find it and let it out, it will restore the zombie to its former state. \*\* Didn’t you check the Link? Zombieism is created by a virus. ---
**Author:** ![Greyson3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/258eb7/32.png) [@Greyson3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greyson3)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-zombies/177141/23 "2003-05-24T02:37:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Terrifel \* > \*\*I’m fairly alarmed that the FVZA site doesn’t seem to mention salt at all. I ought to drop this guy a line and find out what the deal is. One would think that the Feds would have the straight dope on salt as a cheap, verstatile and effective zombie anaphylactic. I swear by the stuff myself, and it _does_ work. Put out a line of salt, and zombies won’t cross it. I think it’s their sense of smell that warns them off. Throw salt on a zombie, it usually doesn’t kill them outright, but it does slow them down and they clearly don’t enjoy it either. Plus, their flesh sort of foams up a bit for some reason. Try it yourselves; at the very least, it distracts and discourages them, and could give you a precious few extra seconds if you’re low on ammo. You’ll never catch me without a packet of the stuff on my person. \*\* I know you’re trying to help, man, but fighting ignorance is the job here, and this salt business is useless superstition. I could cut you a break on any other subject, but this is pretty close to my heart as my grandma was killed in a zombie outbreak in 1994. People, it is caused by a virus! It is not voodoo or magic or whatever. We live in an age of reason! We have a vaccine! We know what this is about! We don’t need to play games anymore! The false security that “folk remedies” like salt confer is, in my opinion, responsible for the recent upsurge in zombie attacks in this country. Remember, **science!** ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-zombies/177141/24 "2003-05-24T04:18:22Z")
**Greyson3** : Now, I said nothing at all about magic, or voodoo, or anything of that sort. What I said was that **zombies react badly to salt.** This is simple empirical data, backed by extensive observation. You can kill plants or slugs with salt, and that isn’t magic now is it? Please note that I’m not suggesting that the mechanism is at all the same, but what counts is the results. The fact that salt is cited in folklore doesn’t necessarily make it irrational, any more than traditional remedies like aspirin or digitalis. I don’t doubt for a moment that there’s a perfectly scientific explanation for the ability of salt to disrupt the zombie’s unique biochemistry. However, you make a very good point about creating a sense of false security. It’s a short leap from “Zombies react poorly to salt, and will avoid it when possible,” to “Salt is all the protection I need against zombies.” I freely grant you that salt is not a universal panacea to the zombie problem, as some irresponsible persons might claim. **Salt does not invariably kill zombies** , a point which I tried to make clear in my earlier post, and I’d hate for anyone to come away with the impression that it does. Now that I think about it, perhaps this is the reason why the FVZA avoids mention of salt on their website; otherwise people might rely on salt alone as a defense, and fail to take other precautions. But at the same time, it’s foolish to deride its usefulness altogether. I’m sorry to hear about your grandmother. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-zombies/177141/25 "2003-05-24T04:37:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SpaceGhostofArrakis \* > All is forgiven. Now if only you could turn those skills towards Vampire Huntin’. \*\* Yeah…but vampires are the “cool guys” of the monster world. They hang out late in raves all dressed up in leather and Armani. They get lots of chicks. They’re pretty suave. Not like those dorkus zombies. Terrifel - Zombies also react poorly to fire and a .45 to the head. I recommend the gun rack over the spice rack when it comes to zombies. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-zombies/177141/26 "2003-05-24T04:56:18Z")
After trying electic fences, landmines, and attack dogs, I have finally found a method of home defense that truly repels the undead. Whenever zombies start peeking in my windows, I quickly grab the remote and turn on Fox News. The zombies, believing there are no brains to be had in the house, wander off. ---
**Author:** ![Tommyturtle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@Tommyturtle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tommyturtle)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-zombies/177141/27 "2003-05-24T04:59:38Z")
I take exception to the posts above… If it wasn’t for fucking zombies I wouldn’t get sex at all One thing though…avoid getting head from one…they are a little TOO enthusiastic ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-zombies/177141/28 "2003-05-24T05:37:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by msmith537 \* > \*\*Terrifel - Zombies also react poorly to fire and a .45 to the head. I recommend the gun rack over the spice rack when it comes to zombies. \*\* Sure, fire works fine, unless you’re inside a building or vehicle, or near anything remotely flammable. Also, if a zombie catches fire for whatever reason, bear in mind that they don’t stop moving immediately. You may actually wind up compounding your problem. While I would never argue against the usefulness of firearms, the fact is that zombies are only a serious danger when they are found in large numbers, and then you run into the problem of sufficient ammunition. In this sort of situation, any deterrent is an advantage. Salt is completely harmless to humans, unless you get it in your eyes, so you can use as much of it as you like. You can purchase a bag of rock salt at the hardware store for something like 5 bucks for a 50-pound bag. Even a 6-inch wide line of salt in a zombie’s path will often cause them to stop and strike out in a different direction. Another useful trick is to supersaturate a solution of saltwater and keep it hot. Spraying it on zombies causes the salt crystals to form right on their flesh, which actually seems to do more damage than just flinging the dry powdered stuff at them. Aim for the face if possible. ---
**Author:** ![Francis\_E\_Dec\_Esq](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@Francis\_E\_Dec\_Esq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francis_E_Dec_Esq)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-zombies/177141/29 "2003-05-24T12:59:30Z")
Well, it’s come to light that one of the zombies was [Richard Sanders](http://www.classictvhits.com/shows/wkrp/pics/wkrp18.jpg) of all people, so the media is jumping all over this and this outbreak won’t get swept under the rug. We can all be thankful for that. If those guys at the [Santa Rosa Institute](http://www.srigenetics.com/) had there way, they’d have us all believing there wasn’t such a thing as zombies, that the old time attacks were just an urban legend. Nobody knows what they’re what really up to, but I bet it makes HAARP look like a tea party. ---
**Author:** ![FranticMad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c68b51/32.png) [@FranticMad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FranticMad)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-zombies/177141/30 "2003-05-24T13:53:36Z")
I am shocked and disgusted at the outright anti-Zombie prejudice expressed in this thread. Zombies are creatures, and we are all creatures. The historical systemic discrimination against Zombies, Vampires, Ghouls, etc. is perpetuated by lies told by the media. If you would just look into your heart and come from a really good place in your soul, you will see that Zombies are just like us, only a bit messier. I do fund-raising for a group fighting for social justice for the undead and detestable creatures of the world. If I actually knew any of these creatures, I know that some of my best friends would be Zombies. Shame on you narrow-minded pigs. “Love and forgiveness conquers all” ---
**Author:** ![robertliguori](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/46a35a/32.png) [@robertliguori](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robertliguori)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-zombies/177141/31 "2003-05-24T14:37:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FranticMad \* > \*\*I am shocked and disgusted at the outright anti-Zombie prejudice expressed in this thread. Zombies are creatures, and we are all creatures. The historical systemic discrimination against Zombies, Vampires, Ghouls, etc. is perpetuated by lies told by the media. > > If you would just look into your heart and come from a really good place in your soul, you will see that Zombies are just like us, only a bit messier. > > I do fund-raising for a group fighting for social justice for the undead and detestable creatures of the world. If I actually knew any of these creatures, I know that some of my best friends would be Zombies. > > Shame on you narrow-minded pigs. > “Love and forgiveness conquers all” \*\* _FOOM!!_ _Thud_ In the interest of conserving ammunition, I elected to use only one bullet. Also, what kind of an anti-zombie gun goes ‘pop’, anyway? Great for headshots and I imagine you can carry a lot of ammo for it, but what do you do when you run into a headless zombie and don’t have a S&W 500 handy? ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-zombies/177141/32 "2003-05-24T14:43:54Z")
Took the pink acid, didn’t ya? ---
**Author:** ![Kantalooppi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a5b964/32.png) [@Kantalooppi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kantalooppi)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-zombies/177141/33 "2003-05-24T14:49:46Z")
> [@](#): > > I also hate the People for the Ethical Treatment of Zombies Or as I call them _wink wink_ People Eating Tasty Zombies. _wink wink_ Ahahahaha! My originality kills me, so to speak. ---
**Author:** ![SpaceGhostofArrakis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc348/32.png) [@SpaceGhostofArrakis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpaceGhostofArrakis)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2003, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-zombies/177141/34 "2003-05-25T20:45:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by msmith537 \* > \*\*Yeah…but vampires are the “cool guys” of the monster world. They hang out late in raves all dressed up in leather and Armani. They get lots of chicks. They’re pretty suave. Not like those dorkus zombies. > Terrifel - Zombies also react poorly to fire and a .45 to the head. I recommend the gun rack over the spice rack when it comes to zombies. \*\* Only “Sci-fi” Vampires are cool. But you haven’t had the misfortune to visit Nome, Alaska during the winter months. Vampires are not as cool and suave when they’re constantly attacking you and you have to wait another month for the sun to come up. ---
**Author:** ![Greyson3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/258eb7/32.png) [@Greyson3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greyson3)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2003, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-zombies/177141/35 "2003-05-25T22:10:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FranticMad \* > \*\*I am shocked and disgusted at the outright anti-Zombie prejudice expressed in this thread. Zombies are creatures, and we are all creatures. The historical systemic discrimination against Zombies, Vampires, Ghouls, etc. is perpetuated by lies told by the media. > > \*\* I don’t know where you’ve been, but we tried that route before and all it did was get [nearly fifty people killed.](http://www.fvza.org/steketee.html) Let’s not make the same mistake over and over again. We can learn from history, too! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2003, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-zombies/177141/36 "2003-05-25T22:12:05Z")
Has anyone else tried microwave ovens on zombies? A few weeks ago, there were a few zombies wandering around in my hometown - I think CNN gave us a few minutes of coverage. Anyway, it wasn’t a very big deal - the cops managed to bring down most of the deaders pretty quickly, and no one was hurt. (knock on wood) One of the zombies came near my house, though. I called the police (remember, folks, do NOT try to take down zombies yourself - the police are professionals, you are not), and realized while I was waiting that I had an interesting opportunity to Fight Ignorance. “Zombies,” I reasoned, have no circulatory system, so they can’t dissipate heat very well. That’s why they react so badly to fire. What if they were heated by some other means?" So thinking, I smashed out the door of my microwave (for science, the expense of a new microwave is worth it), plugged it in, turned it on high power, and pointed it at the zombie. The result was pretty entertaining - I think I overheated a pocket of liquified rotten flesh, or something. I saw a HUGE bubble form on the zombie’s back, and then it popped, spraying red and green goop everywhere. The zombie fell down - not dead, though, it kept moving a bit. I kept the microwave aimed at the zombie, but I didn’t notice any more bubbles, and the zombie kept trying to crawl. Eventually, the police arrived and torched the critter. I had to pay a fine for causing zombie waste to be spread all over my lawn, but all in all it was pretty cool. Conclusion: Microwave ovens _can_ be used to disable zombies, but not reliably. Has anyone else had difference experience? Does the microwave model matter? Mine was a GE Spacemaker II. ---
**Author:** ![Greyson3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/258eb7/32.png) [@Greyson3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greyson3)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2003, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-zombies/177141/37 "2003-05-25T22:26:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr. Excellent \* > \*\* > > Conclusion: Microwave ovens _can_ be used to disable zombies, but not reliably. Has anyone else had difference experience? Does the microwave model matter? Mine was a GE Spacemaker II. \*\* This is the kind of thing I like to hear. I believe that in the future microwaves, along with sonic waves and microscapular vibratron effacers, will be used to combat undead plagues whenever they spring up. With some research, they can be refined into very effective and, more importantly, human safe weapons. Unfortunately, the federal government does not see any advantage in investigating these “crackpot theories”. If I didn’t know better, I would say that they really aren’t interested in solving the undead problem at all! With the elimination of the federal monopoly on undead removal, they would have no choice but to reduce taxes… and I think we all know how unlikely that is. Perhaps the government has something in common with vampires after all. The push to privatize the industry is growing in momentum. Contact your local Libertarian party for more details, or write your governor. Politics, as well as science and history, can be our aid in this fight. ---
**Author:** ![Gr8Kat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gr8kat/32/18668_2.png) [@Gr8Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gr8Kat)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2003, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-zombies/177141/38 "2003-05-26T00:15:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Greyson3 \* > **People, it is caused by a virus! It is not voodoo or magic or whatever. We live in an age of reason! We have a vaccine! We know what this is about! We don’t need to play games anymore!** Use caution when cleaning up after your pets, too. Although the virus doesn’t affect dogs and cats, they can be carriers, and the virus can be passed to humans through contact with and accidental ingestion of waste. So wear gloves and a mask when cleaning the litterbox or pooper-scooping the yard, and if your animals go in your garden, wash your vegetables very careful and/or cook them thoroughly before eating. And wash your hands often! ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2003, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-zombies/177141/39 "2003-05-26T01:36:25Z")
Why harm the Zombies? “Time of the Season” is a great song (even if it popularized the term “who’s your daddy?”). ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2003, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-zombies/177141/40 "2003-05-26T02:42:22Z")
One night, many years ago, I looked out of my sixth floor apartment window onto the park below and in the fading light I saw them. Creeping across the summer’s lawn, like a halting fog, came waves of figures. Row after row of creatures. Clumps and clusters of them moved in a jerking, irregular march. Their progress was painfully slow but inevitable. They would not be stopped until they reached their destination… …the apartment complex next door. It seems the free oom-pah band concert had let out, and it was apparently quite popular with the senior citizens in the neighborhood. Scout’s honor - for a second there I wasn’t sure who to call. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-zombies/177141.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/motherfucking-zombies/177141.md?page=3)