# Mother's Day Frustrations **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 10, 2014, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-day-frustrations/688120 "2014-05-10T11:19:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-day-frustrations/688120/1 "2014-05-10T11:19:06Z")
Mother’s Day is supposed to be this day when we honor our mothers for all the great things they have done for us. But, what about those Mother’s who were NOT so wonderful. Do you think people should be required to honor them? I mean its just like Father’s Day but in truth, there are a ton of bad or even missing fathers out there. I mean it can be darn hard to sign a card or do some event when in the back of your mind you grit your teeth about certain issues. What do you all think? ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-day-frustrations/688120/2 "2014-05-10T11:28:09Z")
Required? I’m pretty sure Mother’s Day, like most holidays, is optional. You won’t be arrested for not celebrating them. Though I guess Bill O’Reilly will give you shit if you don’t do Christmas right. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-day-frustrations/688120/3 "2014-05-10T12:03:22Z")
Mother’s Day can be a very ugly thing, just as mothers may be very ugly people. I have a friend whom I’m considering sending a message, “Have an OK Mother’s Day”. ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-day-frustrations/688120/4 "2014-05-10T12:48:26Z")
This was an issue for me while my mother was alive. I would go through whole racks of cards looking for a card I could send without feeling like a big ol’ liar and hypocrite. I would usually find one that made some sort of joke and then just said Happy Mother’s Day. Presents weren’t as fraught with emotion as the card, just giving her something didn’t bother me. I just couldn’t give her a card saying she was the greatest mom in the world. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-day-frustrations/688120/5 "2014-05-10T13:14:32Z")
I have a good mother but I don’t like Mother’s Day (or Father’s Day or any other “Hallmark” day). Ignoring the overt commercial aspect, I’m sure they are well-intentioned. But it seems to me they generate more guilt and anxiety (and disappointment, maybe) than they are worth. ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-day-frustrations/688120/6 "2014-05-10T13:14:42Z")
My mother can be picky and ungracious. I have no idea what to get her this year. Usually I buy her plants for her garden but she isn’t here to help pick them out or tell me where to plant them. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-day-frustrations/688120/7 "2014-05-10T13:29:30Z")
My mother gets a phone call. When I used to live farther away, I’d occasionally send a plant, since she loves her gardens. This year, she’s opening her pool on Mother’s day, and my sibs and their families are going to help, but the evolution that requires the most hands takes about 10 minutes (removing the pool cover) and considering my round-trip drive to see her is over 4 hours, as well as me being stuck with the truck, which gets disgustingly low mileage, I won’t be joining the fun. And she knows that - I was with her last week to help her shop for a new car, and she told me why I hadn’t been invited. No hurt feelings on either side. I expect my daughter will call me tomorrow. I certainly don’t want her to be spending money on me, either, so I don’t expect any gift. Frankly, I’ll be spending most of Mother’s Day cleaning house and getting ready for my FIL’s arrival on Sunday night. Just another day in the life… ---
**Author:** ![turtlescanfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@turtlescanfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/turtlescanfly)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-day-frustrations/688120/8 "2014-05-10T13:39:47Z")
> [@Cub\_Mistress](#): > > This was an issue for me while my mother was alive. I would go through whole racks of cards looking for a card I could send without feeling like a big ol’ liar and hypocrite. I would usually find one that made some sort of joke and then just said Happy Mother’s Day. Presents weren’t as fraught with emotion as the card, just giving her something didn’t bother me. I just couldn’t give her a card saying she was the greatest mom in the world. This. Every card I find has something like “always supportive” (nope), “always a kind word” (nope), “willing to sacrifice” (nope)… I need one that says “Hey, this motherhood thing wasn’t exactly your forte, but I’m sure you did the best you could”. Don’t think that would go over well, though. ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-day-frustrations/688120/9 "2014-05-10T14:27:50Z")
I used to have the same problem with cards. Observance was required but hard to fulfill while she was alive. She’s been dead for over twenty five years now—but still screams at me on a daily basis in my head. My much older brother (I say that because he’s of another generation) has barely spoken to me in the last few years. But yesterday, and overnight, and today, he has posted some “glorious” stuff about our mother on Facebook…and in our shared Groups…on my Timeline…sent me an e-mail… WTH? _His_ mother might have been “amazing” etc. (?) but the one my younger brother and I got was abusive physically, verbally, and emotionally—and he knows it. If I don’t respond in some way it’ll probably become a “thing.” But I feel like I’m being forced to agree with his fantasy. …And in writing this I just realized it’s _his_ concocted memory so maybe that will help me “Like” a couple of them. He even got her date of death wrong but I’m not going to mention it. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-day-frustrations/688120/10 "2014-05-10T14:30:39Z")
> [@Cub\_Mistress](#): > > This was an issue for me while my mother was alive. I would go through whole racks of cards looking for a card I could send without feeling like a big ol’ liar and hypocrite. I would usually find one that made some sort of joke and then just said Happy Mother’s Day. Presents weren’t as fraught with emotion as the card, just giving her something didn’t bother me. I just couldn’t give her a card saying she was the greatest mom in the world. > [@turtlescanfly](#): > > This. Every card I find has something like “always supportive” (nope), “always a kind word” (nope), “willing to sacrifice” (nope)… I need one that says “Hey, this motherhood thing wasn’t exactly your forte, but I’m sure you did the best you could”. Don’t think that would go over well, though. The blank card is our friend, people. Nice picture on the front, no lies on the inside. ---
**Author:** ![NVME702-redux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a183cd/32.png) [@NVME702-redux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NVME702-redux)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-day-frustrations/688120/11 "2014-05-10T15:26:19Z")
Thanks for posting this- Im having this issue myself. What makes it worse is that today (May 10) is Mothers Day in Mexico and I’m wrestling with the decision of being the bigger person and apologizing to my Mother for her irrational childishness…( I politely asked her to be careful what pics she posted on FB because she believes everything on the Internet :smack: and she got very very VERY offended and unfriended me and my niece. I just found out two days ago :() Every post im seeing on social media just turns the knife in deeper. I feel like an ungrateful child for not honoring my Mom whom I do love dearly. Im tense even thinking of calling her, so I did the chicken shit thing and texted her Happy Mothers Day in spanish. But honestly, I dont feel like honoring what has grown from year to year as the worst behavior from an adult, let alone my parent. Im actually scared because it seems shes getting worse and I dont think she will get help. ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-day-frustrations/688120/12 "2014-05-10T17:57:54Z")
> [@lorene](#): > > The blank card is our friend, people. Nice picture on the front, no lies on the inside. To tell you the truth, the blank card can be even more intimidating. My urge would be to send it that way—blank. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-day-frustrations/688120/13 "2014-05-10T17:59:36Z")
> [@Becky2844](#): > > To tell you the truth, the blank card can be even more intimidating. My urge would be to send it that way—blank. :eek: \*It’s Mother’s Day You’re my mother. Have a day. \* ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-day-frustrations/688120/14 "2014-05-10T18:15:00Z")
> [@Becky2844](#): > > To tell you the truth, the blank card can be even more intimidating. My urge would be to send it that way—blank. :eek: The trick is to compose a message that appears innocuous on the surface, or even positive to anyone else who reads it, but includes subtle phrases that only she’ll be able to interpret. (Not that _I_ would ever do such a thing…no way, not me, not ever!) However, it’s always best to “get over” whatever issues you’re having before playing silly games like that. No need to increase your own emotional turmoil. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-day-frustrations/688120/15 "2014-05-10T18:46:38Z")
I fake it. For the times when she’s evil incarnate and it makes up for the others when she manages not to be. Because overall for me, it’s more important that I have the peace of mind from surviving another Mother’s Day intact and happy, then to trudge up painful memories that can’t hurt me (much) any more. It’s a trade off. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-day-frustrations/688120/16 "2014-05-10T18:53:41Z")
Perhaps a poem might suffice? I wrote this one for my mother. M is for the **M** any times you hit me. O is for the **O** ther times you hit me. T is for all the **T** imes you hit me. H is for all the times you **H** it me. E is for **E** very time you hit me. R is for the son you got in **R** eturn. Of course, Mom understood my sense of humor. She suggested I title my autobiography “Evelyn Dearest” after we saw that movie about Joan Crawford on TV. Hey, send your mom a half dozen wire hangers maybe? ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-day-frustrations/688120/17 "2014-05-10T19:10:23Z")
You probably all know someone who is adopted. Take a moment to maybe think of the Mothers who made such a gut wrenching choice. So many suffer silently. ---
**Author:** ![Tethered\_Kite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a5b964/32.png) [@Tethered\_Kite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tethered_Kite)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-day-frustrations/688120/18 "2014-05-10T19:30:29Z")
“To my Mother-in-Law. May you get everything you deserve this Mother’s Day.” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-day-frustrations/688120/19 "2014-05-10T19:40:27Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > You probably all know someone who is adopted. > > Take a moment to maybe think of the Mothers who made such a gut wrenching choice. > So many suffer silently. I’d rather think of those who _should_ have given up their children for adoption, but selfishly chose not to. [And FTR, I get along fine with my own birth-mother, for the most part. It’s “The Pretender” who has issues with my existence.] ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-day-frustrations/688120/20 "2014-05-10T20:24:32Z")
Celebrations like this make me surprised they so many people on the SDMB have either dysfunctional relationships with their moms or just don’t see the point in celebrating. I guess it makes me feel lucky I have a great mom and mother in law. Today for Mexican Mothers Day we are having a BBQ (My mom being an honorary Mexican mom for the occasion 😛 ). Sure we have our moments but overall I’m grateful. It’s unfortunate some families are either so far apart, so antisocial, or so estranged all Mom gets is a phone call ☹ [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-day-frustrations/688120.md?page=2)