# Mothers What Do You Want For Mother's Day? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 30, 2005, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-what-do-you-want-for-mothers-day/301876 "2005-04-30T18:59:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![dhcstar957](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/edb3f5/32.png) [@dhcstar957](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhcstar957)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-what-do-you-want-for-mothers-day/301876/21 "2005-05-01T01:47:56Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > I suppose this is a good place to ask a question I’ve been pondering the past few days. > > Mother’s Day is in May, Father’s Day is in June, and both my mom and my sister’s birthday is in July so the summer months are usually a little expensive for me. This year, instead of buying individual presents for everyone, I was thinking I would just surprise everyone by flying to Tennessee unannounced and spend two weeks with my family after having not seen them since late 2003 and then take them out to dinner a few days before I flew back home to Oregon. > > Would the parents reading this appreciate that more than some piece of jewelry or a video game or something? Or would you prefer to have the present and the visit both? Even if your child lied to you for two months about not being able to afford a present to keep it a surprise? > > My stepdad knows I am going to try to come home but he’s the only one. I really want to surprise them as part of the present. I think this surprise is priceless!!! ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-what-do-you-want-for-mothers-day/301876/22 "2005-05-01T12:23:13Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > Would the parents reading this appreciate that more than some piece of jewelry or a video game or something? Or would you prefer to have the present and the visit both? Even if your child lied to you for two months about not being able to afford a present to keep it a surprise? Most (normal) parents don’t want a gift. We feel funny accepting gifts from our children. _We’re_ the ones supposed to be taking care of _them_, not the other way around. I think this would be lovely. Your mom will be thrilled. All she wants is to know you’re well and happy, and taking her out to dinner during your surprise visit would be more of a precious present than some hunk of jewelry. You are a loving child. Now go give your mama a call. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-what-do-you-want-for-mothers-day/301876/23 "2005-05-01T12:30:03Z")
I usually don’t want anything, and I usually work that day, but this year I actually aked for two things: Season 1 of Gilmore Girls ('cuz it reminds me of my daughter and my relationship) and something in the new Violet scent from Bath and Body because I love wild violets. Both my children are employed this year, so a little recognition would be nice for a change. In my work I deal with a lot of people buying gifts for Mother’s Day, and every year I’m shocked at the demands some mothers make in terms of amount of time to be spent with them, amount of money to be spent on them, dinner, flowers, candy, everybody coming to visit (strike that, worship) them, etc. That wasn’t how I was raised, and I am more touched by the everyday things my kids do for me. But if they can’t do anything this year, fine. Maybe they’ll mow the yard…that would be even cooler! ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-what-do-you-want-for-mothers-day/301876/24 "2005-05-01T12:58:12Z")
Coming home from work and seeing the lawn mowed, the house tidied, and dinner prepared would be heaven on earth. So, apparently, I want a mother for Mother’s Day. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-what-do-you-want-for-mothers-day/301876/25 "2005-05-01T15:01:10Z")
I don’t like Mother’s Day, and always go into a weird mix of feelings about it. DangerDad understands this perfectly and always gets me a nice goodie we can eat together while we snuggle. Otherwise I don’t want anything and would prefer that the whole day disappear. ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-what-do-you-want-for-mothers-day/301876/26 "2005-05-01T15:18:30Z")
> [@dangermom](#): > > I don’t like Mother’s Day, and always go into a weird mix of feelings about it. DangerDad understands this perfectly and always gets me a nice goodie we can eat together while we snuggle. Otherwise I don’t want anything and would prefer that the whole day disappear. Wow, that surprises me. Given all the work that you do for your family, it seems appropriate for them to take a minute to express their appreciation. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-what-do-you-want-for-mothers-day/301876/27 "2005-05-01T15:37:14Z")
I think that’s part of the problem. We’re mothers. This is our job. We don’t need appreciation or a fuss made over us. I feel a little embarrassed about all the fuss too. That said, I have no problem sending my step-mom a nice potted gardenia from ProFlowers. I think she’ll get a huge kick out of it. ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-what-do-you-want-for-mothers-day/301876/28 "2005-05-01T15:49:18Z")
But isn’t it a good idea to teach our kids to express gratitude? And don’t we set a good example by accepting their thanks? OTOH, I could just be jonesing for some donuts. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-what-do-you-want-for-mothers-day/301876/29 "2005-05-01T19:56:22Z")
Oh, I like my family to express appreciation! We both try to remember to express gratitude for each other and train our kids to do the same year-round. It’s just Mother’s Day I don’t like–mostly for rather depressing reasons that don’t suit the tone of the thread. And since we never did much for Mother’s Day when I was growing up (because my mom lost her mother long before she had children, and doesn’t care much for it either), I’ve never had happy associations with the day. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-what-do-you-want-for-mothers-day/301876/30 "2005-05-01T20:28:42Z")
A girlfriend, who will become my wife, and mother to the child(ren) we’ll make. I think the best present I gave to my mom was when I was ten or eleven. Anyway, it’s the only one I can remember her ever mentioning. Obviously, I didn’t have any money. So I cleaned out the fish pond that was rather green. I caught the fish and put them safely into a container, drained the pond, cleaned out the algae to reveal the swimming-pool blue paint, refilled it, dechlorinated it, and put the fish back in. Apparently I was disappointed because I hadn’t finished by the time mom got home from work; but she appreciated it anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Nvme77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Nvme77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nvme77)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-what-do-you-want-for-mothers-day/301876/31 "2005-05-01T21:44:38Z")
a barbeque- its what we do every year at my parents house. swim and eat and eat and eat. with hugs kisses and maybe a single flower. that does it for me. ---
**Author:** ![Long\_Time\_First\_Time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@Long\_Time\_First\_Time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Long_Time_First_Time)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2005, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-what-do-you-want-for-mothers-day/301876/32 "2005-05-01T22:09:43Z")
> [@fessie](#): > > But isn’t it a good idea to teach our kids to express gratitude? And don’t we set a good example by accepting their thanks? I agree - otherwise you come dangerously close to being one of those Jewish mother “It’s OK, I"ll sit in the dark.” doormats. I want my children to respect other people who do things for them and learn how to say thank you. I"m pretty sure my mother expects no less as well. I much prefer services (extra chores, walking the dogs) to goods. This Mother’s Day I told my kids I’d like mulch + the labor of spreading it out. ---
**Author:** ![MannyL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@MannyL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MannyL)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2005, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-what-do-you-want-for-mothers-day/301876/33 "2005-05-02T01:58:35Z")
Not a mother (obviously) but I’m sending my mom [these flowers](http://products.proflowers.com/product/(fz1gqd554ya0s1y4djv1it45)/productdetail.aspx?pID=5566&lng=&CatID=oMDF&REF=HomeNoRefB&validAcc=&selectionTypeID=OMDF) ---
**Author:** ![furthur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecccb3/32.png) [@furthur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furthur)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2005, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-what-do-you-want-for-mothers-day/301876/34 "2005-05-02T05:00:02Z")
> [@Long Time First Time](#): > > I agree - otherwise you come dangerously close to being one of those Jewish mother “It’s OK, I"ll sit in the dark.” doormats. I want my children to respect other people who do things for them and learn how to say thank you. > > I"m pretty sure my mother expects no less as well. > I much prefer services (extra chores, walking the dogs) to goods. This Mother’s Day I told my kids I’d like mulch + the labor of spreading it out. I think so, too. I make sure my kids know that I’m thrilled to be their mom, and that I make sacrifices, give time, etc. because I want to and because they need me to. But frankly, I do expect some appreciation now and then. I don’t think it’s too much to expect of them to acknowledge me and what I do for them in a special, set-apart day. If they would prefer Arbor Day or the second Tuesday in March or something, fine. But dog gone it, I deserve a _day_. AND I should get to wear a tiara if I want. AND not have to clean, cook, or even lift my little pinky if I don’t feel like it. Because on that day, if only just for that day, they should treat me like the Queen I am. 😉 I don’t make a lot of demands of them for Mother’s Day seriously, but I expect to be visibly and seriously loved, if only with kisses, handmade cards, and macaroni art. 😉 Mrs. Furthur ---
**Author:** ![zagloba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/977dab/32.png) [@zagloba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zagloba)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2005, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-what-do-you-want-for-mothers-day/301876/35 "2005-05-02T06:44:46Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > My stepdad knows I am going to try to come home but he’s the only one. I really want to surprise them as part of the present. I think a visit would be the best gift. The surprise would be fun. The only downside would be that your family members wouldn’t be able to plan their activities so that they’d have time to spend with you. Summer can be a busy time with vacations and other activities. If I hadn’t seen a close family member for years and he showed up by surprise when my time was completely committed, I’d be disappointed if not irritated. Of course, your the best judge of your family’s reactions and whether they’ll be around and have free time, etc. This probably doesn’t apply to your mother, since if your stepfather knows the time of your visit in advance, he can see that your mother’s schedule is suitably arranged without her knowing. It would probably be harder to get your other family members to keep the time available without tipping them off. I once made a surprise trip home for Christmas. I couldn’t afford the airfare home and didn’t have time off that year, so I told them I wasn’t coming and didn’t expect to. Then a day or two before Christmas, an airline started running a miniscule fare – if your departing and return flight both departed on Christmas day. I knew my family was all gathering at my brother’s to spend the day, so I caught the redeye and a late evening return. Everyone was thrilled, especially my Mom. This is all based on my experience with my family. YMMV. I hope you go and you and your family have a great time together. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mothers-what-do-you-want-for-mothers-day/301876.md?page=1)