# Mouse balls? What will they think of next? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 20, 2000, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mouse-balls-what-will-they-think-of-next/33839 "2000-09-20T08:22:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SSgtBaloo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@SSgtBaloo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSgtBaloo)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2000, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mouse-balls-what-will-they-think-of-next/33839/1 "2000-09-20T08:22:17Z")
My nephew sent me this. I believe it speaks for itself: > [@](#): > > [ul]_This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite serious. The engineers rolled on the floor._[/ul] > > "Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit). Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. > > Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. > > Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. > > It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items." ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2000, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mouse-balls-what-will-they-think-of-next/33839/2 "2000-09-20T08:23:51Z")
But how do they get their legs apart??? ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2000, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mouse-balls-what-will-they-think-of-next/33839/3 "2000-09-20T08:38:32Z")
:eek: That’s all well and good when you’re in work and have trained experts at your side within sec.'s **but** I use a laptop with a rollerball at home. I’m not trained and now worried about the damage I may cause to my ball. ---
**Author:** ![tatertot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c37758/32.png) [@tatertot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tatertot)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2000, 8:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mouse-balls-what-will-they-think-of-next/33839/4 "2000-09-20T08:44:01Z")
I’ve got a girl mouse, no balls. I like it much better than the boy mouse I used to have…man I used to hate cleaning it’s balls. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2000, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mouse-balls-what-will-they-think-of-next/33839/5 "2000-09-20T08:46:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Baloo \* > \*\*\ Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. \ \*\* [/QUOTE] Isn’t this what we American men have always been famous for? Which brings us to the eternal question: Q: Why do mice have such small balls? A: Lousy dancers, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2000, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mouse-balls-what-will-they-think-of-next/33839/6 "2000-09-20T08:48:14Z")
Must not say it, must not say it. Temptation growing. Must fight it. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2000, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mouse-balls-what-will-they-think-of-next/33839/7 "2000-09-20T08:56:55Z")
In a not entirely unrelated way, I always refer to these laptop-mid-keyboard-mousepointer-move-thingies as the “clitorus”. Yeah, I know. I’m a hoot alright. ---
**Author:** ![Tabithina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f04885/32.png) [@Tabithina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabithina)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2000, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mouse-balls-what-will-they-think-of-next/33839/8 "2000-09-20T14:04:18Z")
I just picked up my mouse and lifted its tail. It’s a girl (I think)! LMAO… ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2000, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mouse-balls-what-will-they-think-of-next/33839/9 "2000-09-20T14:08:15Z")
From personal experience, I have found that my mouse does not ever need new balls, I just need to get in there and clean off the crud around that area so his ball can roll around freely 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sea\_Sloth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Sea\_Sloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sea_Sloth)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2000, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mouse-balls-what-will-they-think-of-next/33839/10 "2000-09-20T14:09:54Z")
My mouse is definitely a girl. Her nether’s are even lit up! (I swear, that optical thingy sort of looks like a vagina!) ---
**Author:** ![Kiki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kiki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiki)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2000, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mouse-balls-what-will-they-think-of-next/33839/11 "2000-09-20T14:16:51Z")
I just looked at my mouse… I really need to clean his ball. It’s kind of sticky looking. I guess it’s true then… excessive handling may result in sudden discharge. ---
**Author:** ![Narile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@Narile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Narile)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2000, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mouse-balls-what-will-they-think-of-next/33839/12 "2000-09-20T15:54:55Z")
Ahhh yes, the old Mouse Balls memo. I know it well, it has a bit of an amusing history. The unnamed company is IBM. The original version of the joke, was styled _exactly_ like IBM’s internal memos of the 1980’s. Also, the memos debut was on IBM’s internal email system/newgroups in their joke forum, and was traded around IBM so much, that they actually created a rule that it was specifically not allowed to be posted anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Danalan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/76d3ee/32.png) [@Danalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danalan)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2000, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mouse-balls-what-will-they-think-of-next/33839/13 "2000-09-20T16:21:32Z")
Is everything from the 80’s doomed to be passed around again? Can we skip disco and herpes this time, please? ---
**Author:** ![Phobos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Phobos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phobos)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2000, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mouse-balls-what-will-they-think-of-next/33839/14 "2000-09-20T16:27:26Z")
my mouse has a brass one 🙂 fwiw, I doubt the author was serious about that memo…just another email chain letter ---
**Author:** ![micilin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8c91f0/32.png) [@micilin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/micilin)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2000, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mouse-balls-what-will-they-think-of-next/33839/15 "2000-09-20T17:18:28Z")
Why would you replace a mouse ball anyway? A good scrubbing in ordinary washing up liquid is all mine have ever needed, they come up like new. (I’ve two by the way. Mice that is.) ---
**Author:** ![SSgtBaloo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@SSgtBaloo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSgtBaloo)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2000, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mouse-balls-what-will-they-think-of-next/33839/16 "2000-09-20T17:31:32Z")
We used to have some civilian contractors in our shop when I was at Cannon AFB. Their computer had a huge trackball. It was just the perfect size. Sometimes, when no-one was looking, someone would hide their regular trackball and replace it with the 8-ball fron the pool table in the break area. It worked just fine. ~~Baloo ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2000, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mouse-balls-what-will-they-think-of-next/33839/17 "2000-09-20T17:39:11Z")
Ah, mine must be a bionic mouse, or perhaps it’s Borg? maybe it’s just plain optical. But it aint female, and it aint got balls. And be wary of turning it upside down, it’ll shoot your eye out with it’s laser! :o ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2000, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mouse-balls-what-will-they-think-of-next/33839/18 "2000-09-20T17:39:21Z")
I had a thread a few months ago about playing with mouse balls. It didn’t get this many responses though.