# Movie contrivances that annoy. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 3, 2014, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-contrivances-that-annoy/689911 "2014-06-03T12:03:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2014, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-contrivances-that-annoy/689911/161 "2014-07-18T07:26:02Z")
> [@Absinthe\_Anecdote](#): > > …There are far too many romantic male leads who are brooding and aloof outsiders; they tend to seek advice from a confidant who is a homespun character in a cowboy hat that delivers nuggets of wisdom in the form of rustic one-liners. > … Make that hard-drinking (or recovering) male leads who have a string of ex-wives (who still love them)… ---
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2014, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-contrivances-that-annoy/689911/162 "2014-07-18T17:30:04Z")
The dramatic gun cock. Was the Good Guy chasing after the Bad Guy without a round in the chamber, and now that he has them cornered he needs to load it? Is he using a vintage single-action revolver? Is he trying to build up the courage to actually kill the Bad Guy for once??? ---
**Author:** ![Absinthe\_Anecdote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f6c823/32.png) [@Absinthe\_Anecdote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Absinthe_Anecdote)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2014, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-contrivances-that-annoy/689911/163 "2014-07-18T17:50:10Z")
Then there is the super-villain who is bent on world domination, who upon capturing his nemesis refuses to just shoot him, but relies on some Rube Goldberg device to to kill him. ---
**Author:** ![Accidental\_Martyr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ce7236/32.png) [@Accidental\_Martyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Accidental_Martyr)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2014, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-contrivances-that-annoy/689911/164 "2014-07-18T18:11:37Z")
> [@Absinthe\_Anecdote](#): > > Then there is the super-villain who is bent on world domination, who upon capturing his nemesis refuses to just shoot him, but relies on some Rube Goldberg device to to kill him. Relevant _Austin Powers_ clip: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/5xAMYHJYesM/maxresdefault.jpg "Austin Powers: Scott Evil: What? Are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him?") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xAMYHJYesM) ---
**Author:** ![tonyfop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/85f322/32.png) [@tonyfop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tonyfop)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2014, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-contrivances-that-annoy/689911/165 "2014-07-18T18:19:51Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > One more comment about ceiling fire sprinklers (I got this from my Dad 25 years ago, so if it’s wrong, I’m not taking the fall alone): > > He would watch people in movies fumble around for a lighter or a book of matches or what have you, wasting precious seconds, then he would yell, “Take off your shoe and knock off the sprinkler head with the heel.” They still work like that. A few years ago a member of the cleanup crew in the building worked in was tossing a bag of trash to someone else in the hallway. The trash hit the sprinkler head, and that head went off. ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2014, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-contrivances-that-annoy/689911/166 "2014-07-18T19:26:44Z")
I just watched Captain Phillips. After his rescue, the Captain is shown as barely coherent and on the verge of going into shock. It felt disorienting because so seldom shown. Normally we see the protagonist–even when an average-Joe civilian–endure danger, privation, near-decapitation, and a thousand other traumas, and then walk away, spiff up their rumpled clothes, and be good to go for snappy dialog and new adventure. Captain Phillips actually felt wrong, because it violated the contrivance. ---
**Author:** ![Absinthe\_Anecdote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f6c823/32.png) [@Absinthe\_Anecdote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Absinthe_Anecdote)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2014, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-contrivances-that-annoy/689911/167 "2014-07-18T20:05:14Z")
> [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](#): > > I just watched Captain Phillips. After his rescue, the Captain is shown as barely coherent and on the verge of going into shock. > > It felt disorienting because so seldom shown. Normally we see the protagonist–even when an average-Joe civilian–endure danger, privation, near-decapitation, and a thousand other traumas, and then walk away, spiff up their rumpled clothes, and be good to go for snappy dialog and new adventure. > > Captain Phillips actually felt wrong, because it violated the contrivance. Excellent example and commentary. I hope you liked the ending scene, despite the tension and awkwardness of the moment. I thought it was realistic, the medic was being so professional and relying on her training, she probably wanted to comfort him on some level, but behaved almost robot like in some regards. Still, you could see some compassion leaking through, but it was definitely restrained on her part. Captain Phillips just wanted to let loose and cry, and was barely holding it together. It was very realistic. ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2014, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-contrivances-that-annoy/689911/168 "2014-07-18T21:56:19Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > One more comment about ceiling fire sprinklers (I got this from my Dad 25 years ago, so if it’s wrong, I’m not taking the fall alone): > > He would watch people in movies fumble around for a lighter or a book of matches or what have you, wasting precious seconds, then he would yell, “Take off your shoe and knock off the sprinkler head with the heel.” Although of course that’s realistic if the person is not an expert in fire sprinklers… I don’t know if it would occur to me in real life to knock the head off a sprinkler, or how precisely I would go about doing that. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2014, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-contrivances-that-annoy/689911/169 "2014-07-18T23:25:11Z")
The Escape Hatch in the Roof of the Elevator. Never, in years of elevator riding, have I ever seen one of these. But they’re in movies going back to the 40s, if not earlier, as if they’re a standard piece of equipment. The Ventilation Ducts Big Enough to Escape Through. – I don’t see these in real life, either – there’s always a constriction someplace, even in ducts big enough to accept people at some point. And the support network holding them up would collapse if you actually tried to support a person on them. But they’re everywhere, from **Dr. No** (the worst offender, with its heated ducts that have ocean water flowing through them) to **Aliens** (which I otherwise _like_, dammit!) to **Jurassic Park**. Bombs with Digital Counters that Detonate at Zero – want to screw with the Good Guys’ Brains? Have the thing detonate at 60 seconds. And make _all_ the wires red. The Villain that Somehow Knows or Can Predict Your Every Move – come _On_ – no one’s _that_ good. There’s too much uncertainty in the world. and The Indestructible Villain – Just once, I’d like to see the hero cut the head off after he’s “dead” – just to make sure. Cutting off the arms and legs would be a good move, too. At least cut some tendons. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-contrivances-that-annoy/689911/170 "2014-07-19T00:14:36Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > . . . The Ventilation Ducts Big Enough to Escape Through. – I don’t see these in real life, either – there’s always a constriction someplace, even in ducts big enough to accept people at some point. And the support network holding them up would collapse if you actually tried to support a person on them. But they’re everywhere, from **Dr. No** (the worst offender, with its heated ducts that have ocean water flowing through them) to **Aliens** (which I otherwise _like_, dammit!) to **Jurassic Park**. . . . I almost totally agree. With Dr. No, while it isn’t specifically stated, there is room, at least, for the notion that the tunnel system is an elaborate death trap. Bond is intended to go through it, like a rat in a maze. Dr. No wants to learn the limits of his determination and endurance. In the book, there are viewing ports every so often, where No. or his henchmen can observe Bond’s suffering. But, yeah, in real life, air conditioning ducts just will not cut that mustard. The space between the hard ceiling and the suspended tile ceiling could just barely be navigable. My old job was running data cables through those spaces, and it really is like a whole secret world up there. Cramped as hell, but some buildings have support trusses that an active and athletic person could actually support their weight on. Climb up on that, put the acoustic tile back in place, and you could hide from most ordinary baddies, if not the ones with heat-imaging sensors. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-contrivances-that-annoy/689911/171 "2014-07-19T01:54:45Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > If this hasn’t been mentioned already - or even if it has: when one character doesn’t see or hear another character (usually a sneaky villain) because the second character is just out of frame. Hearing and sight don’t work like that! I mean, you can do some great surrealist humor with that kind of thing, but not in a drama! The worst example of that is the closing scene of _Goldeneye_, when Bond and his girlfriend go into a clinch in an apparently deserted field. Then, surprise! A squad of soldiers in ghillie suits emerge cover from the long grass and interrupt the moment: So far, so good. Then, more surprise! A fucking squadron of helicopters descend from the top of the shot and more soldiers rappel down. So the helicopters were, what, hiding silently just out of shot? ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-contrivances-that-annoy/689911/172 "2014-07-19T03:18:38Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > I almost totally agree. > > With Dr. No, while it isn’t specifically stated, there is room, at least, for the notion that the tunnel system is an elaborate death trap. Bond is intended to go through it, like a rat in a maze. Dr. No wants to learn the limits of his determination and endurance. > > In the book, there are viewing ports every so often, where No. or his henchmen can observe Bond’s suffering. > > But, yeah, in real life, air conditioning ducts just will not cut that mustard. > > . I’ve talked about this before many times on this Board – yes, in the book it’s a Death Trap, with henchmen watching Bond’s progress throughout. But in the movie it isn’t. In the movie it doesn’t make one iota of sense. If it’s a Death Trap, howcum he gets out at the end, overpowers a guard, and takes his place, thwarting Dr. No’s plan? The henchmen that were supposed to be watching Bond would’ve had the tarantulas rammed down their throats. But if it’s just a ventilation shaft, then howcum it gets ludicrously hot, and has ocean water periodically shunted through it? You’d think Dr. No would be forcing his HVAC team to eat tarantulas. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-contrivances-that-annoy/689911/173 "2014-07-19T17:31:20Z")
> [@Ranger\_Jeff](#): > > \*\*The running woman breaking a heel. \*\* > Does this need an explanation? If I had to run, and I were in heels, the first thing I’d do is kick them off, and go barefoot. It’s easier to run in bare feet than in heels, even just 1-inch heels. > [@DCnDC](#): > > The opposite of this: failure to call for help or administer first aid to persons with serious, but treatable, injuries, preferring rather to pound the ground yelling “NOOOO!!!” and essentially letting them die. On TV, cops are apparently allowed to pronounce people dead. Someone falls over, maybe shot in the leg, maybe just falls from a height, and a cop feels for a pulse, and says “He’s dead.” No attempt at CPR whatsoever. Cripes. Unless the person is in rigor, showing signs of decay, or was decapitated, the cop should attempt CPR. > [@dracoi](#): > > Whenever someone wants to destroy a computer in a movie, they go after the monitor and the keyboard. That tower thing under the desk? Totally unimportant in Hollywood. I love the ones where a person is racing a clock to get something erased from the hard drive. The cops are coming up the stairs, and the person is frantically typing at the keys, while there are shots of the screen that show “4 files deleted,” or some kind of message computers don’t actually show when deleting files. If it’s that important, open the computer, take out the hard drive, and stick it in the garbage disposal. If there’s not time for that, take a sledge hammer to the case. That’s the only way to make sure the files are not retrievable. I hate TV geniuses who have multiple Ph.Ds before they are 25-- not doctorates, but specifically Ph.Ds, and speak 8 languages, while spouting trivia at all times about mundane things. When it’s played for laughs, it’s not so bad, but when we’re supposed to take it seriously, it’s ridiculous. It takes years to get a Ph.D, because you have to do research, and write a dissertation, which then has to be read and reviewed by a committee. I don’t care how smart you are: the peas don’t grow faster, the rats don’t run the mazes faster, there’s a limit to how fast even a really smart person can type, and the people on your committee can’t read any faster. Also, you have to get a college degree, and do classwork for a Ph.D. I don’t care how smart you are; universities are not interested in Guinness records. They are not going to arrange class schedules so that you can carry 20 hours a semester just because you are capable. And at any rate, you have to sleep some time, no matter how smart you are. Besides, you have to get accepted to a Ph.D program, and your presence in a program means that someone else isn’t there. If you are there just for notches in your belt, while someone who isn’t a genius, but just wants to get one degree, then go do something with it, could be there instead, the school is more likely to accept the person who is going to work in the field. To be fluent in a language, you have to interact with speakers. TV geniuses who have poor social skills, but _speak multiple languages are unrealistic. I might buy that they read_ multiple languages, but not that they speak them. And there’s a physical limit to how fast a person can read that has nothing to do with intelligence or reading comprehension. It has to do with how fast you can move your eyes and focus on a string of words. When the TV genius says he read a 600 page book before breakfast, I call BS. I don’t think it’s physically possible. It has nothing to do with intellect. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-contrivances-that-annoy/689911/174 "2014-07-19T21:25:09Z")
> [@RivkahChaya](#): > > . . . On TV, cops are apparently allowed to pronounce people dead. Someone falls over, maybe shot in the leg, maybe just falls from a height, and a cop feels for a pulse, and says “He’s dead.” No attempt at CPR whatsoever. Cripes. Unless the person is in rigor, showing signs of decay, or was decapitated, the cop should attempt CPR. . . . This happened to me in real life. My roommate was lying in bed, foam on his mouth, eyes open. I called 911. A policeman was the first on the scene. He examined the body, told me, “He’s gone. The body is cold.” He got on his radio and cancelled the medics who were on their way. He waived the coroner and/or medical examiner, too. The body went straight to the mortuary and was never examined by anyone other than that first policeman. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2014, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-contrivances-that-annoy/689911/175 "2014-07-20T07:06:37Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > The worst example of that is the closing scene of _Goldeneye_, when Bond and his girlfriend go into a clinch in an apparently deserted field. Then, surprise! A squad of soldiers in ghillie suits emerge cover from the long grass and interrupt the moment: So far, so good. Then, more surprise! A fucking squadron of helicopters descend from the top of the shot and more soldiers rappel down. So the helicopters were, what, hiding silently just out of shot? I think such scenes are metaphorical, we’re supposed to be jolted out of the intimate focus much like the characters and brought back to reality. ---
**Author:** ![bldysabba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@bldysabba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bldysabba)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2014, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-contrivances-that-annoy/689911/176 "2014-07-20T07:56:41Z")
> [@Absinthe\_Anecdote](#): > > I’m sick of the rich team always being the arrogant, snobby bad guys too. > > For once, can we have the rag tag outfit be the bad guys? You should watch the latest Riddick film. Since its a Riddick movie, everyone is a bad guy, but the rag tag mercs are worse guys than the rich, well equipped mercenaries. ---
**Author:** ![bldysabba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@bldysabba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bldysabba)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2014, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-contrivances-that-annoy/689911/177 "2014-07-20T07:58:47Z")
> [@RivkahChaya](#): > > I love the ones where a person is racing a clock to get something erased from the hard drive. The cops are coming up the stairs, and the person is frantically typing at the keys, while there are shots of the screen that show “4 files deleted,” or some kind of message computers don’t actually show when deleting files. I hate how movie computers never, ever run Microsoft Windows. No, it’s always a custom OS which shows exactly the messages that the movie needs it to show. And often speaks them out loud. ---
**Author:** ![Mince](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecd19e/32.png) [@Mince](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mince)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2014, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-contrivances-that-annoy/689911/178 "2014-07-20T09:04:54Z")
Chuck Norris movies: He breaks into a compound filled with gun-toting thugs and every fight is a fist fight. Every action movie ever made: The hero is tackled and the gun he was holding falls to the floor just out of reach, then the camera focuses on it. Hmmm, I wonder if that’s important. Every action movie ever made (II): The Villain, just before he shoots The Hero, asks, “Do you have any last words before I kill you?” What could he possibly say that you’d want to hear? Just kill him God damnit! Every action movie ever made (III): The Villain, after being captured because he hesitated in killing The Hero, confesses and exposes everything about his plot instead of denying things to the bitter end. _Star Wars_: How did Luke Skywalker know how to fly an X-Wing? Look, I know he flew “stuff” before, but even F-16 pilots can’t fly other _types_ of F-16s without training. Despite how otherwise accurate a military movie may be portrayed (uniforms, weapon platforms, language, etc.), they always say “\*Oh \*six hundred,” not the correct “_Zero_ six hundred.” _Crimson Tide_ is a good example of this. Keys in the driver-side visor. /Cringe. They’re still doing this. Every cancer patient’s cancer is diagnosed exactly 6 months before it will kill them. Movies like _Flash Gordon_: One man can conquer the entire Universe and only one man can save it. > [@PSXer](#): > > not a movie but in Star Trek it always annoys my how everyone instantly responds when you call them on their comm badge. It annoys me that Bones was always on the bridge. Didn’t he have patients to treat, charts to review, meds to renew, CE credits to earn? > [@Mangetout](#): > > **The Gunpoint Standoff** - two (occasionally more) people have each other at gunpoint. Ten second ago, they were trying to kill each other, but now, neither of them will pull the trigger. I guess the idea is that if I shoot you, you’ll shoot me. But, no, the first one to shoot wins. There will be no retaliation. > [@bldysabba](#): > > I hate how movie computers never, ever run Microsoft Windows. Or have a mouse connected. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2014, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-contrivances-that-annoy/689911/179 "2014-07-20T12:24:38Z")
> [@Kaboodle](#): > > I have no formal medical knowledge. I was taught that defibrillators only worked on hearts that were in an abnormal rhythm, in fibrillation, where the muscles weren’t contracting in the proper sequence to pump blood. The shock from the defibrillator actually stops the muscles in the heart to try and ‘reset’ them so when they resume, they are back in the proper rhythm. > > Is that wrong? Nope, you’re right. They stop the heart, and then it starts beating again, just like it does 60 time a minute every other minute of your life. If the heart has already stopped beating and you use a defibrillator, it doesn’t do much. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2014, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-contrivances-that-annoy/689911/180 "2014-07-20T12:43:53Z")
> [@Mince](#): > > Despite how otherwise accurate a military movie may be portrayed (uniforms, weapon platforms, language, etc.), they always say “\*Oh \*six hundred,” not the correct “_Zero_ six hundred.” _Crimson Tide_ is a good example of this. We said _“Oh”_ when I was in the service. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-contrivances-that-annoy/689911.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-contrivances-that-annoy/689911.md?page=10)