# Movie love most like real love? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 20, 2009, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-love-most-like-real-love/521908 "2009-12-20T01:08:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-love-most-like-real-love/521908/21 "2009-12-21T19:31:40Z")
_Calendar Girls_ An upper-class British man and woman are both in their 60’s. They’ve got separate lives, and they focus more on their kids than they do each other. But even though there’s not much open affection, it’s obviously that they love each other intensely. There’s a rather touching scene where the husband, a gardener and wildflower enthusiast, reads from a poem. I’m paraphrasing here, but he says something like “The flowers of Yorkshire, just like the women of Yorkshire, bloom most beautifully later in life.” Their love for each other becomes especially apparent after the husband dies. ---
**Author:** ![Disheavel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@Disheavel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Disheavel)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-love-most-like-real-love/521908/22 "2009-12-21T19:55:59Z")
Once [Once (2007) - IMDb](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0907657/) It just does the awkwardness and other factors involved in a true relationship and yet has the characters all cheesy and romantic hoping as well. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-love-most-like-real-love/521908/23 "2009-12-21T20:02:24Z")
> [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](#): > > Although I don’t have an answer, I’d like to compliment you on a most intriguing question! > > One problem with coming up with good examples might be that “real love” would not be particularly interesting in a movie. Real people, really in love, and staying happy until death do them part… well, it might be excruciatingly boring to all outside observers!..TRM Yes, it’s surprising that there aren’t any movies about people who stay together, since that’s by far the most common situation in life. It must be all the liberals running Hollywood. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-love-most-like-real-love/521908/24 "2009-12-21T20:09:58Z")
> [@ianzin](#): > > The well-known Richard Curtis movie [Love Actually](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0314331/) weaves together seven or eight different story lines. Okay, it’s a comedy, and some of the stories are fairly predictable movie fare. But I think some of the stories offer a realistic portrayal of what love means to real people in real situations, particularly Mark’s story and Sam’s story. Nine stories, actually. Both Mark’s and Sam’s stories are almost more about unhealthy obsession than love. Think about it – Mark is basically a stalker. But between the excellent acting and the brilliant score, those stories really make you feel the sweet anguish of unrequited love. Jamie and Aurelia’s story hits a little closer to home for me. He says “It’s the best part of my day, driving you home.” And she says “It’s the worst part of my day, leaving you.” That says so much. And then when he takes Portuguese lessons, then leaves his family on Christmas Eve so he can fly to Portugal to propose to her. Shakespeare in Love also really captures it for me. There’s a scene of about 7 minutes in which you can feel down in your soul that these two people see nothing in the world but each other. It’s one of my favorite scenes in all of cinema. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-love-most-like-real-love/521908/25 "2009-12-21T20:16:12Z")
> [@Cosmic Relief](#): > > Yes, it’s surprising that there aren’t any movies about people who stay together, since that’s by far the most common situation in life. It must be all the liberals running Hollywood. I think that that’s missing the point. From an outside perspective, relationships are really pretty boring. It’s two people spending time together. Who wants to watch a movie about two people sitting on a couch, holding hands, and watching a movie together? That’s boring. The bigger challenge of a love story is to make the viewers feel what the characters are feeling. The actions are boring. The feelings are anything but. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-love-most-like-real-love/521908/26 "2009-12-21T20:44:27Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I think that that’s missing the point. > > From an outside perspective, relationships are really pretty boring. It’s two people spending time together. Who wants to watch a movie about two people sitting on a couch, holding hands, and watching a movie together? That’s boring. Okay, let me spell out the subtext of my comment since apparently your irony receptors are momentarily on the blink. Yes, stable, healthy, and ‘challenge-free’ relationships are boring, I agree. I disagree with the characterization that these are the somehow the most “real” or “normal” relationships out there. In fact most relationships in my observation are in some transitional or stressed state… beginning, ending, waxing, waning, changing, growing, deteriorating. The stories about people staying together their entire lives are in fact unusual and interesting because of their rarity and for having survived these challenges (but of course, they are also “real”). ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-love-most-like-real-love/521908/27 "2009-12-21T20:58:01Z")
Ah, gotcha. And yes, the transitional moments make the best movie fodder. ---
**Author:** ![Elysium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3be4f8/32.png) [@Elysium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elysium)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-love-most-like-real-love/521908/28 "2009-12-21T21:13:15Z")
> [@MostlyClueless](#): > > I’m going by what I felt at the time, but I thought that the romance in ‘The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’ was quite credible. Mostly because it failed in the end, though. This is definitely my choice. It just felt really really authentic. They fought, they said horrible things to each other, but they also absolutely loved each other and that’s why it was so frustrating to them. The idea that they are continually drawn together even if they can’t really remember what happened before, and more that they’re willing to give it another shot knowing it might blow up all over again, that’s what love feels like for me. It just really captured that feeling of loving someone so much that they drive you insane sometimes, but you don’t feel complete without them. And the scenes in Jim Carrey’s memories were so well done. ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-love-most-like-real-love/521908/29 "2009-12-21T21:37:19Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > …the sweet anguish of unrequited love… For the sweet anguish of unrequited school-age crushes, I’d say [The Year My Voice Broke](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094347/) really nails it. ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-love-most-like-real-love/521908/30 "2009-12-21T21:43:19Z")
princess bride. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-love-most-like-real-love/521908/31 "2009-12-21T22:18:02Z")
Well, obviously, there are all different types of love, and different phases. “About Schmidt” was very real in the way it portrayed an older man’s feelings toward a wife he’s been with seemingly forever. At the start of the movie, Schmidt (Jack Nicholson) is bored and annoyed by his wife… but after her death, he’s utterly lost without her. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-love-most-like-real-love/521908/32 "2009-12-21T22:20:10Z")
> [@spoke-](#): > > No movie captures falling in love as well as [Before Sunrise](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0112471/). Pitch perfect. > > No movie captures the wistfulness of lost love like [Before Sunset](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0381681/). I came in to post these, but agree with High Fidelity and When Harry Met Sally, too. All of these movies involve the intricacy of communication while trying to figure out love - they have a geekiness element that rings true… ---
**Author:** ![carlotta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@carlotta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carlotta)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-love-most-like-real-love/521908/33 "2009-12-21T22:38:21Z")
> [@pancakes3](#): > > princess bride. You’re kidding right? Love this movie, LOVE IT, but it’s kind of the epitome of fantasy, love-conquers-all movie love, doncha think? Or were you talking about Max and Valerie? ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-love-most-like-real-love/521908/34 "2009-12-21T22:41:56Z")
_Harold and Maude_. What? ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2009, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-love-most-like-real-love/521908/35 "2009-12-21T23:51:29Z")
> [@Headrush042](#): > > Just popped in to nominate _Lost in Translation_. I was going to suggest the same thing. That sort of “what on earth has happened in my head/world this strange week” effect. Probably unpopular opinions about already-formed love: The Peter O’Toole character in Creator, and the relationship in The Fountain, and the end of American Beauty-- the desperate grieving insanity when it falls out of your hands. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2009, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-love-most-like-real-love/521908/36 "2009-12-22T12:39:25Z")
This is no reflection on my own experience (or maybe it is because I’m stable and happy) but you can’t beat a bit of doomed or unrequited love. e.g. Lone Star, Misissippi Burning, Pleasantville, or the UK series of “The Office” That’s real life for you, It’s going to be messy, complicated or not happen at all! ---
**Author:** ![Apollyon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apollyon/32/4238_2.png) [@Apollyon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apollyon)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2009, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-love-most-like-real-love/521908/37 "2009-12-22T12:39:37Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Both Mark’s and Sam’s stories are almost more about unhealthy obsession than love. I think that’s a little unfair to Sam; his story is about first love. Call it “puppy love” or a crush if you will, but I cannot see how it is an unhealthy obsession. (Also worth noting a fine performance by Liam Neeson as Daniel, Sam step-father, and now a solo-dad). > [@](#): > > Think about it – Mark is basically a stalker. But between the excellent acting and the brilliant score, those stories really make you feel the sweet anguish of unrequited love. That, and that Mark finally realized that he had an unhealthy obsession, and quit it. > [@](#): > > Jamie and Aurelia’s story… leaves his family on Christmas Eve so he can fly to Portugal to propose to her. I really like that story. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2009, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-love-most-like-real-love/521908/38 "2009-12-22T13:44:01Z")
> [@Apollyon](#): > > I think that’s a little unfair to Sam; his story is about first love. Call it “puppy love” or a crush if you will, but I cannot see how it is an unhealthy obsession. (Also worth noting a fine performance by Liam Neeson as Daniel, Sam step-father, and now a solo-dad). And a nice part of the story was the growth in the relationship between Daniel and Sam. I liked it at the end, when Sam jumped in Daniel’s arms. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2009, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-love-most-like-real-love/521908/39 "2009-12-22T14:22:58Z")
> [@Apollyon](#): > > I think that’s a little unfair to Sam; his story is about first love. Call it “puppy love” or a crush if you will, but I cannot see how it is an unhealthy obsession. (Also worth noting a fine performance by Liam Neeson as Daniel, Sam step-father, and now a solo-dad). Yes, true. > [@](#): > > That, and that Mark finally realized that he had an unhealthy obsession, and quit it. Yes, in the end he did. But he had a lot of Teh Crazee before that. I wonder if this had played out IRL if Juliet would have just gotten a restraining order. But still, it was a great story for conveying an emotion. I can’t watch that story without feeling something. OK, maybe I just have a thing for Keira Knightly. ---
**Author:** ![Eleanor\_of\_Aquitaine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Eleanor\_of\_Aquitaine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eleanor_of_Aquitaine)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2009, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-love-most-like-real-love/521908/40 "2009-12-22T14:52:33Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > And a nice part of the story was the growth in the relationship between Daniel and Sam. I liked it at the end, when Sam jumped in Daniel’s arms. Sam calls him Dad towards the end, too, instead of Daniel. Sarah and Karl’s story makes me angry -they give up too easily. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-love-most-like-real-love/521908.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-love-most-like-real-love/521908.md?page=3)