# Movie Merger Madness **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 20, 2004, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030 "2004-07-20T17:51:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/61 "2004-07-21T18:11:37Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > Dang simulposts indeed. 😉 > > **Showgirl, Interrupted.** > > A poor farming village hires seven warrior-musicians to defend them in this post-apocalpytic tale. _The Magnificent Seven Brides for Seven Brothers_? While undergoing severe delirium tremens at his boss’s beachhouse, Ray Milland discovers that the boss is dead and he could be the prime suspect. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/62 "2004-07-21T18:14:36Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > A poor farming village hires seven warrior-musicians to defend them in this post-apocalpytic tale. The Magnificent Seven Monkeys? ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/63 "2004-07-21T18:18:13Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > _The Magnificent Seven Brides for Seven Brothers_? > > While undergoing severe delirium tremens at his boss’s beachhouse, Ray Milland discovers that the boss is dead and he could be the prime suspect. **Lost Weekend at Bernie’s**. And no, you didn’t get mine. While ‘Seven Brides’ was a musical, they weren’t musicians, were they? ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/64 "2004-07-21T18:19:43Z")
> [@gatopescado](#): > > The Magnificent Seven Monkeys? Hee. You focused on the apocalypse, and Sampiro focused on the musicians, but neither of you included both. 😉 Keep guessin’! ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/65 "2004-07-21T18:23:23Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > On the run from Union soldiers who murdered his family, Clint Eastwood hides out in Maine with Bette Davis and Lillian Gish. Missed this one before. **The Outlaw Josey W(h)ales of August.** ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/66 "2004-07-21T18:24:40Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > Dang simulposts indeed. 😉 > > **Showgirl, Interrupted.** > > A poor farming village hires seven warrior-musicians to defend them in this post-apocalpytic tale. I’ll even throw in the Western remake for bonus points… **The Magnificent Seven String Samurai!** With the _Millennium Falcon_’s hyperdrive burned out, Han Solo and Princess Leia must elude the Empire while Luke Skywalker trains to become a Jedi on a faraway planet. Luckily, Han’s old friend Lando Calrissian is nearby and can help replace the hyperdrive, which will enable Han to crash his parents’ high-school dance, thus ensuring their marriage and his own existence… ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/67 "2004-07-21T18:24:55Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > A poor farming village hires seven warrior-musicians to defend them in this post-apocalpytic tale. I’m pretty sure I’m wrong, but **The Magnificent Seven Little Foys.** 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/68 "2004-07-21T18:31:55Z")
> [@Kilt-wearin' man](#): > > I’ll even throw in the Western remake for bonus points… > > **The Magnificent Seven String Samurai!** > > With the _Millennium Falcon_’s hyperdrive burned out, Han Solo and Princess Leia must elude the Empire while Luke Skywalker trains to become a Jedi on a faraway planet. Luckily, Han’s old friend Lando Calrissian is nearby and can help replace the hyperdrive, which will enable Han to crash his parents’ high-school dance, thus ensuring their marriage and his own existence… **The Empire Strikes Back to the Future** A man falls in love with a deaf woman at a school the deadfwhere he teaches speech. They die tragically when the giant green foot of a lizard crushes them all. ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/69 "2004-07-21T18:33:29Z")
> [@Kilt-wearin' man](#): > > I’ll even throw in the Western remake for bonus points… > > **The Magnificent Seven String Samurai!** Pretty much; I was shooting for **‘The Seven Six-String Samurai’**. Nice guess, by the way, jsgoddess. > [@](#): > > A man falls in love with a deaf woman at a school the deadfwhere he teaches speech. They die tragically when the giant green foot of a lizard crushes them all. **Children of a Lesser Godzilla**. A tougher-than-tough Hong Kong Cop goes up against a vicious gang, culminating in a game of cat-and-mouse in the hallways and air duts of a skyscraper. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/70 "2004-07-21T18:43:01Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > Nice guess, by the way, jsgoddess. Dancing kids is pretty much my idea of the apocalypse. 😃 > [@](#): > > A tougher-than-tough Hong Kong Cop goes up against a vicious gang, culminating in a game of cat-and-mouse in the hallways and air duts of a skyscraper. **Romeo Must Die Hard** Two English women vacation in Italy. The younger falls in love while the elder gets involved in plot to corner the world’s microchip market. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/71 "2004-07-21T18:57:08Z")
**A Room with a View to a Kill** , perhaps? Here’s three: \*1. Heartwarming tale of a small-town lawyer defending a transvestite serial killer falsely accused of raping a white woman. 1. Big-city trucker moves to small town and fights for the right to take his pet orangutan to the high school prom. 2. Short-tempered jurors deliberate over the sanity of a man who claims to have travelled backward in time to stop a world-wide plague from destroying humanity.\* ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/72 "2004-07-21T18:58:22Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > **Romeo Must Die Hard** > > Two English women vacation in Italy. The younger falls in love while the elder gets involved in plot to corner the world’s microchip market. **Room With a View to a Kill.** And It’s not \*\*Romeo Must Die \*\* as the other half of mine… I’ve never actually seen that. Hmmm. Maybe I can think of a better clue… ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/73 "2004-07-21T19:07:47Z")
> [@Pochacco](#): > > **A Room with a View to a Kill** , perhaps? > > Here’s three: > > \*1. Heartwarming tale of a small-town lawyer defending a transvestite serial killer falsely accused of raping a white woman. > > 1. Big-city trucker moves to small town and fights for the right to take his pet orangutan to the high school prom. > > 2. Short-tempered jurors deliberate over the sanity of a man who claims to have travelled backward in time to stop a world-wide plague from destroying humanity.\* 1. _To Kill The MockingBirdCage_ 2. _Every Which Way But Footloose_ 3. _12 Angry Monkeys_ Hmmm… D’Artagnan has always dreamed of becoming a Musketeer, but when Aramis, Porthos and Athos allow him to come along on a dangerous rescue mission to Nigeria, he finds that in order to follow his conscience, he must defy orders… ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/74 "2004-07-21T19:19:58Z")
You got 2 and 3, but I had something different in mind for 1. > [@Kilt-wearin' man](#): > > D’Artagnan has always dreamed of becoming a Musketeer, but when Aramis, Porthos and Athos allow him to come along on a dangerous rescue mission to Nigeria, he finds that in order to follow his conscience, he must defy orders… **The Three Musketeers of the Sun** Here’s another one: _Classic documentary about the rise of a fascist candy-factory owner._ ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/75 "2004-07-21T19:21:48Z")
> [@Kilt-wearin' man](#): > > has always dreamed of becoming a Musketeer, but when Aramis, Porthos and Athos allow him to come along on a dangerous rescue mission to Nigeria, he finds that in order to follow his conscience, he must defy orders… **The Three MusketTears of the Sun** Why, if you’re going to play dirty… Keanu Reeves and River Phoenix play street hustlers in this tale of chivalry and swords by Sir Walter Scott. ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/76 "2004-07-21T19:28:28Z")
> [@Eats\_Crayons](#): > > **The Three MusketTears of the Sun** > > Why, if you’re going to play dirty… > > Keanu Reeves and River Phoenix play street hustlers in this tale of chivalry and swords by Sir Walter Scott. _My Own Private Ivanhoe_…it hurts, it really hurts… The inspiring true story of Shirley Muldowney, female professional dragster driver and leader of the Scottish rebellion against the forces of the English King Edward I… ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/77 "2004-07-21T19:29:47Z")
> [@Eats\_Crayons](#): > > **The Three MusketTears of the Sun** > > Why, if you’re going to play dirty… > > Keanu Reeves and River Phoenix play street hustlers in this tale of chivalry and swords by Sir Walter Scott. My own private Ivanhoe. My reply is the one I mentioned before: Movie star dies in a car accident and must navigate his personal demons in a bizarre afterlife. Meanwhile on Earth his fans must solve deep questions about his putative son. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/78 "2004-07-21T19:32:04Z")
> [@Pochacco](#): > > _Classic documentary about the rise of a fascist candy-factory owner._ **Triumph of the Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory** ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/79 "2004-07-21T19:35:00Z")
> [@Pochacco](#): > > You got 2 and 3, but I had something different in mind for 1. > > **The Three Musketeers of the Sun** > > Here’s another one: > > _Classic documentary about the rise of a fascist candy-factory owner._ _Triumph of Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory_ You people are evil. What begins as a diplomatic mission to SouthCentral LA soon has young ObiWan Kenobi and his Jedi Master embroiled in a gang war that threatens the very fabric of the Old Republic… ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/80 "2004-07-21T19:50:03Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > Movie star dies in a car accident and must navigate his personal demons in a bizarre afterlife. Meanwhile on Earth his fans must solve deep questions about his putative son. **Defending your Life of Brian**??? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030.md?page=5)