# Movie Merger Madness **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 20, 2004, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030 "2004-07-20T17:51:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/101 "2004-07-21T21:48:19Z")
> [@sciguy](#): > > I don’t care if it’s right or not, but I’m going with… > **Das Booty Call** > > {this may require some title adjustment…} > Vin Diesel is recruited by the government to take over the English throne by claiming a legendary sword. **XXXcalibur** Two upper-crust English gentlemen enter into a bet to determine whether or not one, a linguist, can pass off a freighter pilot as a proper society lady. Then they land on a desolate planet to investigate an ancient derelict spacecraft full of mysterious “eggs”… ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/102 "2004-07-21T22:00:25Z")
> [@Kilt-wearin' man](#): > > Or maybe we’re just all baffled. Baffled indeed. Um, **An American Werewolf in London Story**? (I know there’s some conspiracy in London Story, though I couldn’t tell ya what kind.) ---
**Author:** ![Terminus\_Est](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terminus_est/32/3087_2.png) [@Terminus\_Est](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terminus_Est)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/103 "2004-07-21T22:32:02Z")
> [@Kilt-wearin' man](#): > > Two upper-crust English gentlemen enter into a bet to determine whether or not one, a linguist, can pass off a freighter pilot as a proper society lady. Then they land on a desolate planet to investigate an ancient derelict spacecraft full of mysterious “eggs”… **Pygmalien**! 😃 A man with amnesia discovers he is a professional assassin. His mission: returning a young lioness to the wild. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/104 "2004-07-21T23:04:42Z")
> [@Terminus Est](#): > > A man with amnesia discovers he is a professional assassin. His mission: returning a young lioness to the wild. **Bourne Free Identity**? A woman whose habit it is to love one boxer per season finds herself torn between an angry boxer and his young protege. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/105 "2004-07-21T23:11:35Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Baffled indeed. > > Um, **An American Werewolf in London Story**? > > (I know there’s some conspiracy in London Story, though I couldn’t tell ya what kind.) Close, but no cee-gar. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/106 "2004-07-21T23:55:34Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Close, but no cee-gar. Hmm… **An American Werewolf in London Calling**? (That is a documentary, right?) A womanizing Czech doctor falls in love with a country girl while still involved with his mistress. Soviet tanks arrive in Prague and the doctor takes on a job in an office with very, very, very, very low ceilings that has a mysterious, little, hidden door… ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/107 "2004-07-22T00:20:28Z")
> [@Eats\_Crayons](#): > > A womanizing Czech doctor falls in love with a country girl while still involved with his mistress. Soviet tanks arrive in Prague and the doctor takes on a job in an office with very, very, very, very low ceilings that has a mysterious, little, hidden door… **The Unbearable Lightness of Being John Malkovich** (I notice you didn’t manage to put the latter title first! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/108 "2004-07-22T00:35:46Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > **The Unbearable Lightness of Being John Malkovich** > > (I notice you didn’t manage to put the latter title first! 😃 Okay, fine! An unemployed puppeteer goes through a tiny little hidden door where he takes control of a legal assistant’s body and brings down a California power company for polluting a small town’s water supply. Better? ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/109 "2004-07-22T00:50:08Z")
> [@Eats\_Crayons](#): > > Okay, fine! > > An unemployed puppeteer goes through a tiny little hidden door where he takes control of a legal assistant’s body and brings down a California power company for polluting a small town’s water supply. > > Better? That would be _Being Erin Brokovich_ The Kwizatz Haderach and his buddy Stilgar wake up after a hard night of partying with no memory of the evening’s festivites…or where they parked. Hilarity ensues. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/110 "2004-07-22T01:02:59Z")
Assassin wakes from a coma to discover double-o prefix has been revoked, but sets out to assassinate pair of time travelling teenagers that fed her best friend to the sharks. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/111 "2004-07-22T01:06:02Z")
> [@Kilt-wearin' man](#): > > The Kwizatz Haderach and his buddy Stilgar wake up after a hard night of partying with no memory of the evening’s festivites…or where they parked. Hilarity ensues. …_Dune Where’s My Car?_ ---
**Author:** ![Feit\_C\_Taj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ee59a6/32.png) [@Feit\_C\_Taj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feit_C_Taj)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/112 "2004-07-22T01:23:45Z")
> [@Peter Morris](#): > > Assassin wakes from a coma to discover double-o prefix has been revoked, but sets out to assassinate pair of time travelling teenagers that fed her best friend to the sharks. **License To Kill Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure** Two brothers find a bag of money which leads to an alien plot to reanimate the dead from cheesy flying saucers. ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/113 "2004-07-22T03:03:00Z")
> [@Doktor Fluff](#): > > **License To Kill Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure** > > Two brothers find a bag of money which leads to an alien plot to reanimate the dead from cheesy flying saucers. **A Simple Plan 9 From Outer Space** ‘A woman whose habit it is to love one boxer per season finds herself torn between an angry boxer and his young protege.’ **Raging Bull Durham** A brilliant but mentally ill mathematician tries to convince his son that the Holcoaust is not really happening by acting really goofy. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/114 "2004-07-22T07:13:18Z")
Life Is A Beautiful Mind ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/115 "2004-07-22T07:15:11Z")
> [@Rufus Xavier](#): > > A brilliant but mentally ill mathematician tries to convince his son that the Holcoaust is not really happening by acting really goofy. LIFE IS A BEAUTIFUL MIND ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/116 "2004-07-22T07:21:27Z")
Sandra Bullock comes out of rehab to find civilization destroyed by rabid zombies. Doesn’t even require a title change _L_ ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/117 "2004-07-22T07:25:43Z")
Tom Hanks’s son Colin has to have his slacker brother psychologically reprogrammed to stop sabotaging his attempts to enter college. ---
**Author:** ![snorlax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@snorlax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snorlax)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/118 "2004-07-22T11:57:55Z")
**A Clockwork Orange County** A horribly deformed barber in Victorian England blackmails his wife’s boss to open a dry-cleaning business. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/119 "2004-07-22T12:29:17Z")
> [@](#): > > A horribly deformed barber in Victorian England blackmails his wife’s boss to open a dry-cleaning business. _The Elephant Man Who Wasn’t There_ Yul Brynner recovers his throne with the aid of a British governess, dwarves, elves and a wizard only to find that an artificially intelligent life-form has committed a murder. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/120 "2004-07-22T12:35:37Z")
> [@FriarTed](#): > > Sandra Bullock comes out of rehab to find civilization destroyed by rabid zombies. > Doesn’t even require a title change _L_ _28 Days Later_ (not only doesn’t require a name change, but playing a zombie doesn’t require any additional acting for Sandra) This one’s convoluted: Marlee Matlin plays a refugee-from-a-school-for-the-deaf turned preacher who arrives in Nebraska and convinces the children to form their own mafia family headed by Al Pacino. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030.md?page=7)