# Movie Merger Madness **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 20, 2004, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030 "2004-07-20T17:51:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/121 "2004-07-22T12:54:40Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > _The Elephant Man Who Wasn’t There_ > > Yul Brynner recovers his throne with the aid of a British governess, dwarves, elves and a wizard only to find that an artificially intelligent life-form has committed a murder. I’ll answer with the longest possible version of the title… **The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King and I, Robot** The daughter of a pirate captain seeks the treasure on her father’s map - a map which leads her to a mysterious island where man and beast are mingled by a sinister scientist… ---
**Author:** ![SilentButDeftly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/0ea827/32.png) [@SilentButDeftly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SilentButDeftly)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/122 "2004-07-22T14:59:24Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > This one’s convoluted: Marlee Matlin plays a refugee-from-a-school-for-the-deaf turned preacher who arrives in Nebraska and convinces the children to form their own mafia family headed by Al Pacino. **Children of a Lesser Godfather** > [@Kilt-wearin' man](#): > > The daughter of a pirate captain seeks the treasure on her father’s map - a map which leads her to a mysterious island where man and beast are mingled by a sinister scientist… **The Cutthroat Island of Dr. Moreau**? How about this: A suburbia dad is pining after his teenage daughter’s friend, all the while locked away in a castle where his daughter is slowly learning to fall in love with a monster. ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/123 "2004-07-22T15:06:19Z")
> [@SilentButDeftly](#): > > **Children of a Lesser Godfather** > > **The Cutthroat Island of Dr. Moreau**? > > How about this: A suburbia dad is pining after his teenage daughter’s friend, all the while locked away in a castle where his daughter is slowly learning to fall in love with a monster. I think \*_Children of a Lesser Godfather_ might actually be **Children of the Corn of a Lesser Godfather Part II** … And you’re right about mine. As for yours… **American Beauty and the Beast** Workers on a railroad in Africa are being mercilessly hunted down and killed by a pair of lions. The new administrator on the railroad project is forced to bring in specialists from America to deal with the problem, and they arrive in the form of Doctors Venkman, Spengler and Stantz… ---
**Author:** ![Terminus\_Est](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terminus_est/32/3087_2.png) [@Terminus\_Est](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terminus_Est)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/124 "2004-07-22T16:03:46Z")
> [@Kilt-wearin' man](#): > > Workers on a railroad in Africa are being mercilessly hunted down and killed by a pair of lions. The new administrator on the railroad project is forced to bring in specialists from America to deal with the problem, and they arrive in the form of Doctors Venkman, Spengler and Stantz… **The Ghostbusters and the Darkness** A man imprisoned in South America gains superpowers after he is bitten by a spider. ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/125 "2004-07-22T17:19:35Z")
> [@Terminus Est](#): > > **The Ghostbusters and the Darkness** > > A man imprisoned in South America gains superpowers after he is bitten by a spider. There aren’t as many folks playing today…pity, this is a brilliant game… **Kiss of the Spider-Man** A civil-rights crusader in the 1960s discovers Islam - and that he has a genetic mutation that grants him superpowers. Soon he joins forces with other mutants who strive to protect a world that hates and fears them. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/126 "2004-07-22T17:42:57Z")
> [@Kilt-wearin' man](#): > > A civil-rights crusader in the 1960s discovers Islam - and that he has a genetic mutation that grants him superpowers. Soon he joins forces with other mutants who strive to protect a world that hates and fears them. **Malcom X Men** _A stuffy New Orleans district attourney loosens up with she takes to the road with a couple of motorcycle-riding hippies._ ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/127 "2004-07-22T17:46:13Z")
> [@Kilt-wearin' man](#): > > A civil-rights crusader in the 1960s discovers Islam - and that he has a genetic mutation that grants him superpowers. Soon he joins forces with other mutants who strive to protect a world that hates and fears them. **Malcolm X-men** A martial arts star fakes his own death to help out the girlfriend of a dead IRA terrorist. He falls in love with her, but she has a secret… ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/128 "2004-07-22T17:48:21Z")
> [@Pochacco](#): > > _A stuffy New Orleans district attourney loosens up with she takes to the road with a couple of motorcycle-riding hippies._ Er, \*\* Big Easy Rider\*\*? ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/129 "2004-07-22T17:53:01Z")
Oh, forgot… The mythical tale of Perseus who, accompanied by his faithful mechanical owl, must rescue his true love from a tyrranical rich kid on a big boat. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/130 "2004-07-22T17:54:18Z")
> [@Pochacco](#): > > **Malcom X Men** > > _A stuffy New Orleans district attourney loosens up with she takes to the road with a couple of motorcycle-riding hippies._ _The Big Easy Rider_ Peter (Clark Gable) and Ellie (Claudette Colbert) embark on a road odyssey that ends on the Titanic where White Star Chairman Bruce Ismay (Frank Lawton) introduces them to their fellow passengers, including an African-American high school football coach (Denzel Washington) and the demi-god Perseus (Harry Hamlin) whose uncle Poseidon releases a Kraken that sinks the ship. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/131 "2004-07-22T17:58:44Z")
> [@Eats\_Crayons](#): > > Oh, forgot… > > The mythical tale of Perseus who, accompanied by his faithful mechanical owl, must rescue his true love from a tyrranical rich kid on a big boat. _Clash of the Titanic_ (I ask you- on what other Message Board do two posters simultaneously make posts about Perseus when the topic isn’t even mythology?) An uptight unmarried yuppie (Diane Keaton) must raise the infant son of Satan as her own after her cousin, the child’s mother, drops him off on the door of her irresponsible actor ex-boyfriend and his two swinging bachelor roommates. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/132 "2004-07-22T18:01:17Z")
**Clash of the Titanic** -and- **It Happened one Night to Remember the Clash of the Titans**? _The American ambassador to Mexico tries to stop a revolution with the help of a tight-lipped gunslinger and two sociopathic children. Starring Marlon Brando, Clint Eastwood, Macaulay Culkin, and Patty McCormack!_ ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/133 "2004-07-22T18:10:18Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > An uptight unmarried yuppie (Diane Keaton) must raise the infant son of Satan as her own after her cousin, the child’s mother, drops him off on the door of her irresponsible actor ex-boyfriend and his two swinging bachelor roommates. **Three Men and Rosemary’s Baby** An astute, well-bred Airedale Terrier grapples with an ethical dilemna upon discovering that the Obedience Competition, in which he is a contestant, has been rigged. (Contributed by Chews\_Pencils). ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/134 "2004-07-22T18:13:00Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > _Clash of the Titanic_ > > (I ask you- on what other Message Board do two posters simultaneously make posts about Perseus when the topic isn’t even mythology?) > > An uptight unmarried yuppie (Diane Keaton) must raise the infant son of Satan as her own after her cousin, the child’s mother, drops him off on the door of her irresponsible actor ex-boyfriend and his two swinging bachelor roommates. **Three Men and Rosemary’s Baby Boom** I’m starting to run dry… Danny Kaye stars in this musical comedy involving the discovery of the nude body of a woman on an Army training range, and the subsequent investigation. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/135 "2004-07-22T18:15:57Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > An uptight unmarried yuppie (Diane Keaton) must raise the infant son of Satan as her own after her cousin, the child’s mother, drops him off on the door of her irresponsible actor ex-boyfriend and his two swinging bachelor roommates. **Three Men and a Baby Boom** Michael Moore directs a scathing expose of the US government’s handling of a over-supply of puppies. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/136 "2004-07-22T18:24:19Z")
> [@Kilt-wearin' man](#): > > **Three Men and Rosemary’s Baby Boom** > > I’m starting to run dry… > > Danny Kaye stars in this musical comedy involving the discovery of the nude body of a woman on an Army training range, and the subsequent investigation. Damn, I missed the “Boom” part! Uh… **The Inspector General’s Daughter**? When people are being attacked by a normally passive, red fruit, Idgie and Ruth are called in to investigate. Still outstanding: A martial arts star fakes his own death to help out the girlfriend of a dead IRA terrorist. He falls in love with her, but she has a secret… ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/137 "2004-07-22T18:24:41Z")
Doh! I forgot Satan. > [@Kilt-wearin' man](#): > > [Danny Kaye stars in this musical comedy involving the discovery of the nude body of a woman on an Army training range, and the subsequent investigation. **The Inspector General’s Daughter** (My internet connection keeps flaking out on me. Unfair!) ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/138 "2004-07-22T18:31:37Z")
> [@Eats\_Crayons](#): > > When people are being attacked by a normally passive, red fruit, Idgie and Ruth are called in to investigate. **Attack of the Killer Fried Green Tomatoes** > [@](#): > > Still outstanding: > > A martial arts star fakes his own death to help out the girlfriend of a dead IRA terrorist. He falls in love with her, but she has a secret… This one is right on the tip of my brain… ---
**Author:** ![Hamish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a5b964/32.png) [@Hamish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamish)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/139 "2004-07-22T18:34:37Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > **Three Men and a Baby Boom** > Michael Moore directs a scathing expose of the US government’s handling of a over-supply of puppies. _Fahrenheit 911 Dalmations_ – or _Fahrenheit 101 Dalmations_ In an ego-piece for the Artist Formerly Known, a young man escapes his abusive spouse Apollonia, struggles against racism, and makes a life for himself in early 1900’s America. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2004, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030/140 "2004-07-22T18:38:58Z")
> [@Pochacco](#): > > _The American ambassador to Mexico tries to stop a revolution with the help of a tight-lipped gunslinger and two sociopathic children. Starring Marlon Brando, Clint Eastwood, Macaulay Culkin, and Patty McCormack!_ Okay, I think I’m missing one… \*\* The Good Son, the Bad, and the Ugly American\*\* What’s missing? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-merger-madness/256030.md?page=8)