# Movie Plots that Need to Be Retired **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 9, 2004, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-plots-that-need-to-be-retired/223723 "2004-01-09T21:45:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![YellowTail](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/b5ac83/32.png) [@YellowTail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YellowTail)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-plots-that-need-to-be-retired/223723/21 "2004-01-10T01:02:14Z")
1. “He’s gonna shake up the system!” Usually followed by James Brown’s “I Feel Good” in the previews. Young, trendy, unemployable type teaches stuffy upper crust how to par-tay. Please. 2. Any movie where the “military-industrial complex” is responsible for keeping some bad situation going because it is profitable. 3. Reporter as hero, championing the oppressed blah blah blah. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-plots-that-need-to-be-retired/223723/22 "2004-01-10T01:06:02Z")
The Studly Jock of high school is duped into dating the school Weirdo Nerd (e.g. Hot Babe Wearing Glasses And Professing To Enjoy Reading). At Studly Jock’s urging, the Weirdo Nerd removes glasses to reveal that she’s really a Hot Babe after all. A Hunky Computer Genius (who happens to have movie star good looks) is recruited by an Evil Mastermind leader of a Big Faceless Corporation and/or Secretive Millitary Thinktank to work on a Top Secret Project. The Top Secret Project turns out to be a device to invade privacy/ control the minds of the general public/ give the Corporation or Thinktank utter control over the American People (as if big corporations & the military didn’t already control the country.) Hunky Computer Genius teams up with a Smartmouthed Hot Babe. They are pursued by assassin teams. Car chases, explosions, pyrotechnics occur. In the finale, Hunky Computer Genius tricks Evil Mastermind (who is holding the Smartmouthed Hot Babe hostage) into confessing all his evil plans, in detail. Unbeknownst to the Evil Mastermind, the hunky computer genius has patched his laptop into every communications network in the world. Thus, the Evil Mastermind has unwittingly confessed his plans to the whole world - including gawkers in Times Square, who see the Evil Mastermind on the big t.v. screen there. (How the gawkers HEAR him is not explained.) A Serial Killer runs amok in a small town. A group of teenaged Hot Babes and Studly Jock types make snide remarks about how much the recent killing resembles the plot of a generic Serial Killer movie, as they are picked off one by one, until the last Hot Babe left has a showdown with the Serial Killer. In the end, the Hot Babe defeats the Serial Killer. However, there is a lingering clue hinting that the Serial Killer is not dead yet… ---
**Author:** ![YellowTail](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/b5ac83/32.png) [@YellowTail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YellowTail)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-plots-that-need-to-be-retired/223723/23 "2004-01-10T01:09:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Art Vandelay, Architect \* > **… including gawkers in Times Square, who see the Evil Mastermind on the big t.v. screen there. (How the gawkers HEAR him is not explained.)** 😛 😛 😛 Gawd, you’re killing me! ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-plots-that-need-to-be-retired/223723/24 "2004-01-10T01:38:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by 'possum stalker \* > \*\*Movies made out of crappy old TV shows. If nobody wanted to see a “Flintstones” or “Dragnet” movie while the show was on the air, why the hell would anybody want to now? \*\* Well I’m lookiing forward to the _Red Dwarf_ film… ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-plots-that-need-to-be-retired/223723/25 "2004-01-10T01:43:39Z")
Teen angst films. Beyond that, I’m convinced that any other type of story can still have merit, IF (and this is a big, giant, collosal-sized if) it is expressed in a clever and interesting manner. Unfortunately, when a script is put in front of Hollywood brass, “clever” and “interesting” are usually the first things out the window. You can probably find piles of clever and interesting in the street just outside the main boardroom… ---
**Author:** ![TartPops](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c4cdca/32.png) [@TartPops](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TartPops)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-plots-that-need-to-be-retired/223723/26 "2004-01-10T01:50:10Z")
Any Martin Lawrence vehicle. ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-plots-that-need-to-be-retired/223723/27 "2004-01-10T01:55:28Z")
Any movie where the town leaders (eg, mayor, city council, better business bureau) refuse to advise the population of a small town of an impending disaster up to and including an attack by giant mutant shark/snake/crocodile, a volcanic eruption, an earthquake, a meteor strike, an afterlife crossrip/haunting, sunspots, forest fire, bad breath, zombie invasion, incurable plague, or communicable hammertoe, on the grounds that foreknowledge of this disaster might unduly frighten many innocent people who would otherwise attend the upcoming town festival, bazaar, fair, market, celebration, centennial, et cetera. ---
**Author:** ![widdershins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f0a364/32.png) [@widdershins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/widdershins)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-plots-that-need-to-be-retired/223723/28 "2004-01-10T02:01:22Z")
Any brooding and/or philosophical hitman flick. Especially if he’s trying to do one more job: to make a big financial score, to get out of the business, to redeem himself for his past “sins”, to get back at the people who he worked for loyally but who have now turned on him, to get the people who used him as bait for a larger plan he was unaware of. “One more job, big score, or caper” flicks in general. Any remake that is a remake in name only like _The Italian Job_. Any film with a plot about “we’ve got to suddenly find or win a lot of money to”: pay off the mortgage, save the orphanage, out bid the bad guys at the crucial auction, replace the expensive stuff we accidently destroyed, pay off a loan shark who forced us to borrow the money from him, undo the crime we unwittingly took part in, etc. They especially need to retired the “Look the prize money is exactly how much money we need!” part of the story. At least the heroes of _Lock, Stock, And Two Smoking Barrels_ stood to make a huge financial killing beyond the debt they had to pay back. Any flick featuring the retired (and usually bitter) former “best there ever was” who must be brought out of retirement because no one else can do the job. Especially when they feature Sean Connery and the latest in hair replacement technology (like _Entrapment_ or _LXG_). However, I would like to see a film with this set up where the “best there ever was” double crosses the folks who brought him back, not because they turn out to be the real villains, but just because he really IS a bitter SOB and was hoping for the chance to screw over his old bosses. Hell, I’d settle for one where the skills and talents of the “BTEW” really have gone to pot and he fails. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-plots-that-need-to-be-retired/223723/29 "2004-01-10T02:57:23Z")
Someone who knows **The Truth** can’t get anyone to believe him, since everyone either thinks he’s paranoid, or are themselves part of the **Conspiracy**. Divorced couple have to work together when they’re both recruited for a Project. When everything goes to hell and they’re about to die, they realize they really still love each other. Having to care for an infant/ youth teaches an older person what’s really important in life. A hero with an immeasurable pain threshold proves that Heart can overcome any disadvantage of size or numbers. ---
**Author:** ![acrossthesea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/838e76/32.png) [@acrossthesea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/acrossthesea)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-plots-that-need-to-be-retired/223723/30 "2004-01-10T04:33:47Z")
This is not Reality. Reality is just a delisuion. Really, we live in a computer simulation/virtual reality game/are a game character/are dreaming/live in futuristic hell-hole run by machines. How can we face the truth that everything we know is a lie and that Reality is just what you make of it? Attractive young people, possibly stylishly dressed/possibly not, then battle it out with guns or futuristic weapons and lots of cgi overload until the Deep Conclusion. This idea was ok the first time or so. And don’t get me wrong, I like the original Matrix (though this idea hardly originated there), but I’m tired of the sudden mass of warped computer reality movies in the past few years. ---
**Author:** ![acrossthesea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/838e76/32.png) [@acrossthesea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/acrossthesea)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-plots-that-need-to-be-retired/223723/31 "2004-01-10T04:35:21Z")
urrggh! “delisuion” = delusion. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Yumblie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/76d3ee/32.png) [@Yumblie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yumblie)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-plots-that-need-to-be-retired/223723/32 "2004-01-10T04:53:28Z")
I think we need to get rid of the convention where the male lead and female lead _always_ fall in love. Sure, if you just took down a government conspiracy or defeated a giant monster or something with someone, you’d probably develop some special bond with them, but having a romantic relationship with someone should be more than just having shared a horrible yet action-packed experience together. I’d like to see a movie where the male and female just defeated the whatever, and they gaze into each other’s eyes, the music builds, and then just say “Well, bye” and go their separate ways. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-plots-that-need-to-be-retired/223723/33 "2004-01-10T05:08:57Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Yumblie_ > I’d like to see a movie where the male and female just defeated the whatever, and they gaze into each other’s eyes, the music builds, and then just say “Well, bye” and go their separate ways. _Big Trouble in Little China_. ---
**Author:** ![DogsLunch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@DogsLunch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DogsLunch)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-plots-that-need-to-be-retired/223723/34 "2004-01-10T05:35:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Yumblie \* > \*\*I’d like to see a movie where the male and female just defeated the whatever, and they gaze into each other’s eyes, the music builds, and then just say “Well, bye” and go their separate ways. \*\* The Pelican Brief ---
**Author:** ![DogsLunch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@DogsLunch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DogsLunch)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-plots-that-need-to-be-retired/223723/35 "2004-01-10T05:44:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MaxTheVool \* > \*\*A serial killer knows which cop is tracking him and leaves personalized clues for that cop. > > Has anything even _remotely_ resembling that ever happened in real life? \*\* Jack the Ripper, Son of Sam, The Zodiac Killer: they all taunted the police… ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-plots-that-need-to-be-retired/223723/36 "2004-01-10T06:21:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Yumblie \* > \*\*I think we need to get rid of the convention where the male lead and female lead _always_ fall in love. Sure, if you just took down a government conspiracy or defeated a giant monster or something with someone, you’d probably develop some special bond with them, but having a romantic relationship with someone should be more than just having shared a horrible yet action-packed experience together. I’d like to see a movie where the male and female just defeated the whatever, and they gaze into each other’s eyes, the music builds, and then just say “Well, bye” and go their separate ways. \*\* I know of another one, but it’s still kinda new (not yet out on DVD), so I’ll spoilerize it - Lost in Translation ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-plots-that-need-to-be-retired/223723/37 "2004-01-10T06:50:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andymurph64 \* > \*\*The old “We are treading on knowledge man was not meant to know” thing. \*\* I’d agree, but then I wouldn’t get to see any more new lovecraft movies, so I’m afriad I’ll have to disagree. I want to see “At the Moutains of Madness”, damnit! ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-plots-that-need-to-be-retired/223723/38 "2004-01-10T06:55:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by McJohn \* > \*\*Windwalker, I must confess that I question the feasibility of your challenge. \*\* “I think women and seamen don’t mix.” “Yes, well we know what _you_ think.” Mildly witty, at least. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-plots-that-need-to-be-retired/223723/39 "2004-01-10T07:10:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andymurph64 \* > \*\*The old “We are treading on knowledge man was not meant to know” thing. \*\* Amen to that. I _hate_ movies with that kind of “moral.” It promotes ignorance and Luddism, sez I. [Revenge of Frankenstein](http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Theater/5514/revenge.html) kind of goes against it, at least. ---
**Author:** ![Windwalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/5e9695/32.png) [@Windwalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Windwalker)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 9:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-plots-that-need-to-be-retired/223723/40 "2004-01-10T09:13:28Z")
Any movie which is about a misfit sports team that gets its act together when the captain/coach/bad-player/team-nemesis does something like get into an accident/tells inspiring stories/develops a new philosophy/taunts the team 'til they hit their breaking point. These movies also tend to sport token Asian, token Black Guy, token Indian/Hispanic (usually not both), token Fat Guy, and a love interest for the captain or coach. The arc of the story usually goes something like: team sucks at the beginning, improves until they become really good (with long montages of training/practice set to very inspiring music), then collapse for a while, and finally overcome their ego/team disharmony/grieving/lack of Zen until they take home the championship. Note that one of the token minorities is usually the comic relief guy, who is never as funny as the overall (bad) acting performances in the movie (that’s a rule). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-plots-that-need-to-be-retired/223723.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-plots-that-need-to-be-retired/223723.md?page=3)