# Movie you would make/have made. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 3, 2004, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-you-would-make-have-made/253347 "2004-07-03T05:22:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Katisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@Katisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katisha)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2004, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-you-would-make-have-made/253347/41 "2004-07-04T18:39:21Z")
> [@Ranchoth](#): > > •_Coriolanus_. You rock. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2004, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-you-would-make-have-made/253347/42 "2004-07-04T19:07:52Z")
Bram Stoker’s DRACULA with proper respect shown to the characters of Arthur Holmwood, Dr. Jack Seward, Quincey Morris & Renfield and a properly predatory evil villian in Dracula, not some damn tragic lovelorn anti-hero. (Btw, I actually liked the Coppola film _s_, but Stoker’s story it wasn’t.) Ayn Rand’s ATLAS SHRUGGED - someone like John Corbett & Janine Turner as John Galt & Dagny Taggart, John Cusack as Eddie Willers, Alec Baldwin as James Taggart, James Spader as Ragnar Danneksjold, Antonio Banderas as Francisco D’Anconia, and Tom Selleck as Hank Rearden The Gospel According to FriarTed- a highly fictionalized but hopefully Biblically consistent & theologically orthodox drama of Christ ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2004, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-you-would-make-have-made/253347/43 "2004-07-04T19:22:08Z")
I’ve got about a half-dozen scripts of my own that I could make for far less than $100 million. I’d make those first. Then I’d get down to brass tax. First would be adapting Iain M. Banks’ _Consider Phlebas_ for the screen (I know that _The Player of Games_ or _Use of Weapons_ is better, but they wouldn’t be as easy to bring to a film… besides, CP was the first book). I’d probably have money leftover, since I’d be an absolute idiot to recruit any high-priced star power, so then I’d set to work bringing to the screen: _Attack of the Uberpimps: A Dance Extravaganza_ The story follows two heroes, Lucky Hood - a freakishly tall leprechaun from a leprechaun colony in the alps - and Die Uberstud - the Ultimate German Pimp - as they seek to escape from/destroy a clan of Uberpimps that are seeking world domination and to recapture Die Uberstud and force him back into the fold. In their journeys, they meet and are trained by the 1/5’s Jesus, a local sage that gives them the guidance necessary to defeat the Uberpimps. And it’s all told through dance and narration provided by historian Rupert Stuffyname. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2004, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-you-would-make-have-made/253347/44 "2004-07-04T20:04:03Z")
> [@mbh](#): > > Wagner’s _Ring of the Nibelungs_. With properly done CGI, Fafnir and Asgard would be awesome. That was going to be my Suggestion. Damn you **mbh**! Damn you to hell! 😃 Seriously, There’s a really good story in there, even though I’ve only seen The Rhinegold and the Valkiye thus far. Siegfreid I hope to see soon enough, but I’ve heard it’s the closet to tradtional fantasy. It would probably have to be 4 movies, to perhaps two 3 hour movies. I’m not sure if I would retain the opera format. It suits both the epic nature of the story and in turn the mythological component, but at the same time, there are a couple sections that just drag(I almost fell alseep while Sigmund was singing about the Spring, and I LIKED the opera). So they would have to be tightened up, either by eliminating certain non-story bits or speeding up the singing. Perhaps eliminate the singing altogether. That’s the problem. I don’t know the best way of making it a good movie. I’m not sure $100 million would be enough for the entire Ring cycle though. Of course, there’ll be some idiots screaming that it ripped off Lord of the Rings. Barring that, I second Lovecraft’s “At the Mountains of Madness”. I think $100 million would be sufficent. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2004, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-you-would-make-have-made/253347/45 "2004-07-04T20:08:43Z")
> [@Ranchoth](#): > > •A movie about the closing weeks of the second world war…in an alternate 1946-47. Basically a two hour cavalcade of weird unbuilt WWII-tech. With a flurry of nukings at the end. Will it have a bunch of B-36’s? If so, I’m there. ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2004, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-you-would-make-have-made/253347/46 "2004-07-04T21:01:49Z")
$100 million? And assuming I could get the appropiate film rights to the following properties? Even assuming I couldn’t? Mwuh ha hah ha hah! **COMIC BOOK PROJECTS** Using the scan and pan, close-up/zoom picture page animation style of MTV’s The Maxx or prehaps more famililarly, Reading Rainbow, and hiring two-dozen very strong but unknown voice actors, and some talented music aficianados for the musical scores, I’d oversee adaptations of the following. TOP TEN. Superhero series about a city full of superheroes policed by more powerful and talented superheroes. By Moore, Ha and Cannon. An adaption of all 12 issues-- maybe even thrw in the 5-part SMAX follow-up. BATMAN, YEAR ONE. All that gorgeous Mazzuchelli art with Frank Miller’s script. THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS. 'Nuff said. DAREDEVIL, BORN AGAIN. All that gorgeous Mazzuchelli art with Frank Miller’s script. (Badly needs digital recoloring, tho) CALVIN AND HOBBES. The following strips: Every Rosalyn the Babysitter episode. The one where Calvin makes multiple clones of himself. Every dinosaur strip on one CD. The one where Suzie kidnaps Calvin. Every strip that mentions "The Noodle Incident’. All of Calvin’s more lurid fantasies. BONE. Vols. 1 & 2 - Out Of Boneville and The Great Cow Race. I’d stop there because I’d otherwise feel compelled to do the whole durn series. Two Glibert Hernandez projects - HEARTBREAK SOUP, which first follows the story of the denizens of Palomar and the 5-part BEM storyline from the original LOVE AND ROCKETS. All Hispanic voice actors… except I’d have to do Tipin Tipin. If I had the nerve I’d do Beto’s BIRDLAND – but beyond the career repurcussions I’d fear I couldn’t do it justice. It would surprise me greatly if those would cost me more than 50 million to produce, including the voice talent, editing and limited animators. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2004, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-you-would-make-have-made/253347/47 "2004-07-04T21:26:00Z")
> [@HPL](#): > > Will it have a bunch of B-36’s? Hell yeah, you know it. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2004, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-you-would-make-have-made/253347/48 "2004-07-04T22:16:35Z")
An adaptation of the unauthorized L. Ron Hubbard biography, _Bare-Faced Messiah_. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2004, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-you-would-make-have-made/253347/49 "2004-07-04T22:59:19Z")
Dancing Slavegirls of Mars would be my project. It would involve Earth belly dancers transported to Mars to be exotic dancers/sex slaves. I would only use a fraction of the budget provided, but I would make several different versions of the movie to sell to different audiences: I would have the leads played by several different sets of actors. 1. An R-rated advneture flick featuring some belly dancing, some nude dancing, and a far better than average CGI and far better than average sets and acting thanks to all that moolah. I’ll shoot extra footage of clothed but very sexy belly dnacing to make up for the footage lost to the naked dancing when the film goes to TV and to foreign markets that can’t handle nudity. 2. A PG version featuring no naked dancing or sex that will appeal to the women who enjoy belly dancing but don’t really care for female nudity. The plot will have a strong romance element, as it will involve a romance between the captured dancer and one of her captors. 3. A hardcore XXX version of the same movie that would involve just hiring some XXX actors and actresses and have them do their things in the same sets and wearing the same costumes as the principals. Just paste in the hardcore stuff, make some judicious cuts of the clothed dnacing and so forth, and you have a hardcore version. 4. A version featuring hardcore sexual bondage imagery (they’re slavegirls, after all) that will be sold in Japan and Asian markets as a live-action hentai. It’ll only take a few extra scenes tacked on, as well. And some dubbing and subtilting, of course. I have also toyed with the idea of doing a Bollywood version, but the necessity of having lots of Indian language singing and much less sexy costumes and dancing would make it the equivalent of doing a whole new picture. The whole point of my different versions would be to make different versions that appeal to different market niches without spending a great deal of extra time, effort and money. ---
**Author:** ![kitarak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kitarak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kitarak)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2004, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-you-would-make-have-made/253347/50 "2004-07-04T23:13:20Z")
> [@Dr. Rieux](#): > > An adaptation of the unauthorized L. Ron Hubbard biography, _Bare-Faced Messiah_. Ok. So the hundred million will cover the legal fees… where are you going to get the rest of the funding? 🙂 I’d quite like to do an adaptation of Vinge’s “The Peace War”. It’s far from his best book, but I think it would be the one that would translate best onto film (not to mention that others would look at that 100 million dollar budget and laugh). The plot could even be worked in a way that appealed to traditional hollywood audiences without having to screw it up too much. It would be nice to see some decent hard science fiction movies (Peace War sortof counts: Bobbles are magic-tech, but the science is otherwise good), but no other options really come to mind. Possibly Footfall. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2004, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-you-would-make-have-made/253347/51 "2004-07-04T23:46:47Z")
> [@kitarak](#): > > It would be nice to see some decent hard science fiction movies (Peace War sortof counts: Bobbles are magic-tech, but the science is otherwise good), but no other options really come to mind. Possibly Footfall. The problem with hard SF on the big screen seems to be twofold. First, everyone expects a SF film to have LOTS of F/X. So, you have plenty of hard SF that just isn’t marketable as such. Timothy Zahn’s _Return to the Fold_ was originally concieved as a movie script. A great hard SF story, but nothing flashy. Just social science and psychology with a smattering of hazmat added. And it couldn’t sell to Hollywood. Won the Hugo, as a novella, IIRC. 😉 Second, even when Hollywood does get a decent idea that would be hard SF, they screw it up so only a Luddite could think the story the ended up telling was actually following known physical laws. _Armageddon_ or _Day After Tomorrow_ comes to mind. A good hard SF story I’d love to see made into a movie, and likely could be done fairly easily was a fun piece about 10 years old from Aboriginal SF: _The Secret Identidy Diet_. If you know the story you’ll understand how it could be made into a movie fairly easily. If you don’t know the story… hmm… let’s just say it’s kind of fun to see someone pointing out what a healthy fat man can do when he’s pissed. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2004, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-you-would-make-have-made/253347/52 "2004-07-05T00:10:23Z")
8-Bit Theater: The Motion Picture. The Hobbit, done in the same style as Jackson’s LOTR. The Silmarillion (although $100 million probably wouldn’t be enough to not make it an insult to the original story). ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2004, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-you-would-make-have-made/253347/53 "2004-07-05T00:30:58Z")
My first choice would be to make **Geek Love**. It’s a great story and it would be a big challenge to make it visually and emotionally convincing. Not just “Hey, look at the freaks!” I know Tim Burton’s name has been mentioned many times as the guy to pull this one off, but right now I don’t think there are any plans on making it. Also, it’s been a long time since I read them, but I’d love to make a series of movies based on the **Fletch** novels. But without Chevy Chase and staying more faithful to the books than those movies did. ---
**Author:** ![LeeshaJoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@LeeshaJoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LeeshaJoy)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2004, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-you-would-make-have-made/253347/54 "2004-07-05T02:16:12Z")
Three words: _Sandman_ TV series. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2004, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-you-would-make-have-made/253347/55 "2004-07-05T02:39:26Z")
> [@SPOOFE](#): > > I’ve got about a half-dozen scripts of my own that I could make for far less than $100 million. I’d make those first. Like Spoofe, I’d do something original. I think that a fantasy story that I’ve been working on and off (mostly off) would make a good film. Our hapless protagonist, Paris Falls, goes to bed on a perfectly ordinary Christmas Eve, and, upon exiting her bathroom at 2am, notices a very big box in her living room. Inside she finds a man who has no memory and is wearing nothing but a bow. Things get strange from there 😃 Sadly, I’ve given more thought to casting than plot lately…I really ought to get back to this story. I’d cast Sarah Thompson as Paris; Ryan Reynolds as Noel- the guy with no memory; Adrian Grenier as Jesus (our lord and savior) and Gerard Parkes as Santa Claus. ---
**Author:** ![pesch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pesch/32/4925_2.png) [@pesch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pesch)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2004, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-you-would-make-have-made/253347/56 "2004-07-05T03:38:51Z")
Although I’m a writer, I have no intention of writing screenplays, so naturally my imagination threw up an idea I liked enough to outline. “The Boys Are Back In Town” follows the story of a secret agent who’s on the run from his agency after he discovers a plot to deliver a nuclear missile prototype to China. He turns to his friends from college – two couples he pulled elaborate pranks with at MIT-like school who have no idea (at first) what their friend has been up to since graduation. Hilarity, ‘Mission Impossible’-style stunts and gunfire ensues. I see George Clooney as the agent, and for the couples Nicole Kidman and Billy Bob Thorton, and William H. Macy and Cameron Diaz. With Michael Caine as the villain. So it’s either that, or film Pratchett’s Discworld series involving the Night Watch. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2004, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-you-would-make-have-made/253347/57 "2004-07-05T05:30:41Z")
> [@pesch](#): > > So it’s either that, or film Pratchett’s Discworld series involving the Night Watch. Who’d you have play Vimes? I’m thinking Clint Eastwood, with Bob Hoskins’ voice dubbed in. ---
**Author:** ![Cuckoorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cuckoorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cuckoorex)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2004, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-you-would-make-have-made/253347/58 "2004-07-05T05:52:08Z")
I would make a seriously, genuinely scary movie. If it took almost all of the money to get the script and the sets and the camerawork and the sounds and everything right, it would be worth it even if there were little or no real ‘special effects.’ It’s _really_ hard, in my opinion, to make a genuinely scary movie, and that is my ambition. Someday, $100 million or no, I _will_ make that movie. ---
**Author:** ![Atticus\_Finch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ec9cab/32.png) [@Atticus\_Finch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atticus_Finch)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2004, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-you-would-make-have-made/253347/59 "2004-07-05T06:08:01Z")
_Captain Planet_, directed by David Lynch in Bollywood style, starring Marlon Brando. What? It’s my hundred mil! ---
**Author:** ![Soapbox\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Soapbox\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soapbox_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2004, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-you-would-make-have-made/253347/60 "2004-07-05T06:23:48Z")
> [@Loopydude](#): > > I’m not sure if $100 million is enough, but… > > I’d like to do Dune justice. The David Lynch version is an abomination (though, admittedly, a clever abomination)…the SciFi miniseries was simply boring, which I found really kind of sad. I think it’s possible to make Dune both intriguing, engrossing, exciting, and avoid silly hats. But that’s just me. I’d be throwing in my money to help you with this one. I really want to see a good Dune adaptation in my lifetime. It would have to be at least 3 hours in length to be able to get everything in there without making it feel rushed. The Lynch version was so awful. None of the characters looked as I pictured them. I mean, Kyle MacLaughlan looked 30 for God’s sake! Paul Atreides is 15 years old, and god dammit, I’d find a 15 year old to play him! No more of these 20+ actors being cast as high school kids bullshit! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-you-would-make-have-made/253347.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movie-you-would-make-have-made/253347.md?page=4)