Movies far worse than you remember

Cafe Society
21

You are not alone. When our family subscribed to Netflix DVD delivery several years back that was one of the movies I was eager to finally see after reading many positive comments about it. Whoa! I was happy I screened it by myself first, rather than having my wife join me to see this legendary gem.

As for films that I once liked but now don’t… There must be some, but they don’t come to mind. It might be because I didn’t watch many films between ages 8 and 16, which would have been a prime time to get excited about bad stuff.

22

Interestingly, I just showed my kids all 3 of the specialized original Star Wars movies. I watched with them and basically, the first one is the weakest. I didn’t always think so, but it really is. It has some amazing moments, but the quality jump when you watch Empire Strikes Back is tremendous. I could see my kids light up a lot more during Empire.

23

Lucas wrote the screenplay for the first film, and I cringed at some of the lines the very first time I saw it. Harrison Ford famously said “George, you can write this shit, but you can’t say it.”

Empire was originally written by Leigh Brackett, who was not only a noted Hollywood screenwriter (she wrote several John Wayne films, among others), but had been one of the lights of the Golden Age of Science Fiction. Getting her was a Good Move. The script was reworked by veteran screenwriter Lawrence Kasdan. People say that not much of Brackett’s work is there, but I don’t think that’s true – a lot of her concepts and setting are certainly there. I haven’t read the original, so I can’t speak for the dialogue. In any event, two experienced sc reenwriters worked the script, so it’s not surprising that the dialogue is 100% better, or that it flows more evenly.
Kasdan co-wrote the screenplay for The Force Awakens, I observe.

(Brackett, sadly, died before Empire was released.)

24

Excalibur. I remember a bunch of us going to the drive-in to see this when it first came out, and we all thought it was awesome. About 10 years ago a coworker of mine mentioned he had it on DVD and I asked if I could borrow it. Ugh, it just seemed lame and ridiculous on second viewing.

25

East Rider. I saw it when it came out in 1969 and thought it was awesome. I was fifteen at the time. I watched it again when I was in my mid-forties. It somehow morphed into a bad comedy.

26

Almost every movie from the early nineties alt/grunge era - “Reality Bites,” “SFW,” “Singles,” etc. has aged TERRIBLY. The characters that seemed so jaded and world-weary then appear now as the last people on the Titantic, the last generation that actually knew no inconvenience compared to the socioeconomic disaster that followed. They’re rolling their eyes and sighing over having to “settle” for jobs that any Gen-Y’er would kill to have. There’s literally a scene in “Reality Bites” where Winona is upset that she gets her parents’ hand-me-down BMW. Unbelievable.

27

EASY RIDER, damn it! I previewed, I swear!

28

I rewatched the original Star Wars a couple of weeks ago after seeing the new one, and I was surprised at how good it is even though I’ve seen it as recently as 2 - 3 years ago. Empire, on the other hand, I tried to watch before I saw The Force Awakens and it wasn’t bad, exactly, but I had a hard time staying focussed on the movie. It’s basically just three set pieces. Yes, the dialog is better, but the plot doesn’t amount to much.

The original movie, on the other hand, seems to be part of a real universe and has many tense and interesting moments.

29

My friend and I excitedly put in Strange Brew which was a movie we both loved when we were teens but neither of us had seen in probably decades. I couldn’t wait to see it again. Don’t trust your memory; it isn’t funny.

30

I think the original Point Break still is a good movie. But I was like 15 or so when it came out and I thought Johnny Utah and Bodhi were the most serious, earnest, philopsoically sound characters ever, like high Shakespeare.

31

Pretty much every movie from the late 60s and 70s. I can’t get past the bell bottoms, butterfly collars, pornstaches, muttonchops and afros. Then there were the Brat Pack films of the 80s, like St. Elmo’s Fire and The Breakfast Club. Yeesh.

32

Absence of Malice. Before anyone jumps on me I think the performances still hold up. But the score! I feel that way about any movie with an 80s synth score. Just horrible. Takes me right out of the movie. At the time I didn’t even notice it.

33

Stripes was the movie I immediately thought of.

This movie is such a “Look at me, I am Bill Murray and I am FUNNY! Don’t you think I am FUNNY? Look, I am making a face! I am FUNN-EEEEEE!”

And I can’t let Harold Ramis off the hook either. He may have been a great comedy writer/director, but he couldn’t act. He always looked like he was smirking in Stripes.

I can’t even remember the second half, when they go to Italy (I think), because I have only seen that part once. In the theaters when I was a kid. I think that has been permanently deleted from my long-term memory.

34

There is a very high likelihood that you have never heard of "The War Wagon (1967).

The War Wagon (1967) The War Wagon (1967) - IMDb

It wasn’t an especially good movie. But I was very young when I first saw it and I remembered it being a wonderful & exciting film. It starred John Wayne and the plot concerned a stage coach that was “armored” (at least using the technology of the day (in the 1870s)). I remember it being tremendously exciting. But when I saw it again (as an adult), it was a complete piece of shit. A terrible and boring waste of time. The plot was full of holes and a complete waste of time and space.

But, why did I find this film to be so memorable? And why did I find it to be so deeply disappointing? Really & truly, I just don’t know but I’d love to hear your opinions as to why you think it made such a big impact on me.

Well now, it’s 50 years later and I sure do wish I knew just why I am I so bitter about this. I cannot see any clear reason. Maybe it’s because I admired and respected Wayne so much and had such a clear case of “hero-worship”.

Maybe it’s because of the story that Ed Asner told about John Wayne that causes me so much hurt & disappointment. Search the following story for the phrase “New York actor” and you will see what I mean.

The War Wagon (1967) The War Wagon (1967) - IMDb

It wasn’t an especially good movie. But I was very young when I first saw it and I recall it being a wonderful & exciting film. It starred John Wayne and the plot concerned a stage coach that was “armored” (at least using the technology of the day (in the 1870s)). I remember it being tremendously exciting. But when I saw it as an adult, it was a complete piece of crap. A big old steaming, stinking piece of shit. A terrible, terrible movie.

But, why did I find this film to be so memorable? Really and truly, I do not know. I just don’t know and I’d love to hear your opinions as to why you think I might have found it that.

And now, it’s 50 years later and I surely do wish I knew why I am I so bitter about it. Again, I just don’t know. I cannot see any clear reason. Maybe it’s because I admired and respected John Wayne so much and had such a clear case of “hero-worship”.

Maybe it’s because of the story that Ed Asner told about John Wayne that causes me so much disappointment. Search the following story for the phrase “New York actor” and you will see what I mean.

But, what was the real reason? I don’t know.

35

I used to think I loved Excalibur, and watched it repeatedly, anytime I stumbled across it on TV. And although it’s a very stylish-looking film, it really is stupid and full of wooden performances, and wreaks havoc with the Arthurian legend.

But I thought…it’s really just the scene at the end, where Percival returns Excalibur to the Lady of the Lake. I love that scene.

And then I realized that I don’t, really…I just love Wagner’s Siegfried’s Funeral March (the music on the soundtrack at that point). So I got a Wagner album and don’t bother watching the movie anymore.

36

I don’t know why you first loved it and then hated it. I’ve had a hard time finding it. I’ve seen bits and pieces of it, but never the entire thing.

One reason I was looking for it was that Clair Huffaker wrote the screenplay. I knew the name because I’d read Huffaker’s book Nobody Loves a Drunken Indian. Despite the title, Huffaker’s book is one sympathetic to the treatment of the Native Americans. It got turned into the movie Flap, which I’ve never seen. (The War Wagon, by the way, was based on Huffaker’s 1957 book Badman).

37

I enjoyed The Departed when I first saw it, but now it’s practically unwatchable. Every single swirly camera movement is grating. The varying degrees of success at trying Boston accents are soul crushing, especially Jack Nicholson. The plot is absurd - who could the undercover cop be? Maybe the young guy who was in the police briefly, instead of one of the guys that had been in his gang for years? C’mon. The ending is comical - every single character gets shot in the head. And then they actually end the movie by showing an actual rat walking by. Best Picture? You’ve got to be shitting me.

38

“Love Story” - yup, the clunker with Ryan O’Neal and Ali McGraw. I saw it as 13 year old and thought it was the most romantic film ever made. As an adult, I sat aghast, wondering if there was one genuine bit in the entire thing. Oh my lord, what a piece of merde.

39

We marvel at how indiscriminate our younger selves were.

And yet 16-year-olds were allowed to vote on whether Scotland should be independent or not.

40

When I saw the monster worm in the asteroid, my first thought was “Leigh Brackett came up with that.”

At the time I thought the first shot of the Star Destroyer was awesome. The cantina scene was awesome. The Death Star battle (back when Death Stars were original) was awesome. I don’t recall that I or anyone else thought the dialog was awesome or even very good.
And I heard it that the stars threatened to tie Lucas up and read the dialog at him.