# Movies only a Moron Would want to See **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 8, 1999, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-only-a-moron-would-want-to-see/1224 "1999-05-08T13:24:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 1999, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-only-a-moron-would-want-to-see/1224/21 "1999-05-12T16:39:00Z")
> [@](#): > > When the Mummy took the eyeballs of the nearsighted American, why didn’t the Mummy need glasses? He did need them! Why else would he approach everyone menacingly instead of attacking, if it weren’t because he couldn’t see a damn thing? 🙂 Also, he mixed up the Egyptian queen and the clumsy Egyptologist. That guy needed glasses badly! ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 1999, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-only-a-moron-would-want-to-see/1224/22 "1999-05-13T07:47:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Jason Alexander as Boris In my opinion, Jason Alexander should steer clear of animation. Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame was actually a pretty good movie of you fast forward through every scene with talking gargoyles. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 1999, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-only-a-moron-would-want-to-see/1224/23 "1999-05-13T15:05:00Z")
I think Danny De Vito and Angelica Huston would be the obvious choices for Boris and Natasha. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 1999, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-only-a-moron-would-want-to-see/1224/24 "1999-05-13T15:49:00Z")
i liked this movie. one word. cockroaches. unless you wanted to destroy the planet, destroy the best chance of learning how to defeat the bugs (by destroying the brain bug) and possibly irradate much of that system, i don’t think brute force would win. tho’ you do have to wonder why they seemingly used regular bullets, and not special ones that would rip up exoskeleton and what not. or bullets laden with borax… Another troubling issue from “Starship Troopers:” The Troopers obviously come from a technologically advanced society. blah blah blah. I think a few hundred well designed thermonuclear devices would have brought a prompt end to the war, the movie, and the audience’s suffering. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 1999, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-only-a-moron-would-want-to-see/1224/25 "1999-05-13T16:07:00Z")
> [@](#): > > I think Danny De Vito and Angelica Huston would be the obvious choices for Boris and Natasha. Does Hollywood not remember that they already tried a live action movie based on these characters?? Does Hollywood not remember it’s crushing failure?? It couldn’t have been long ago because _I_ remember the scathing review in Entertainment Weekly. Called “Boris and Natasha,” it starred Dave Thomas (not the Wendy’s guy) and Sally Kellerman in the title roles. I would have thought Hollywood would have learned by now but, silly me, Hollywood never learns. * * * “I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it,” Jack Handy ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 1999, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-only-a-moron-would-want-to-see/1224/26 "1999-05-13T18:37:00Z")
Ah yes, Sally Kellerman who peaked as Hot Lips Hoolihan in the “Mash” movie, and Dave Thomas, the SCTV veteran who peaked as one of the McKenzie brothers in “Great White North.” Take off, eh? * * * If there’s a bustle in your hedgerow, don’t be alarmed now… - L. Zepplin ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 1999, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-only-a-moron-would-want-to-see/1224/27 "1999-05-13T20:43:00Z")
As a rule of thumb (but not Siskel’s) I avoid movies that have critics mentioning the special effects. “Must See Special Effects” I take as a code for “There’s no story.” Yes, I don’t go out much. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 1999, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-only-a-moron-would-want-to-see/1224/28 "1999-05-13T21:52:00Z")
Did anyone else actually read the Heinlein beek “Starship Troopers”? I have to admit that I did not see the movie, but from what I saw and heard of it, the resemblance to the book is superficial at best. The book was actually a decent story and a relatively good satire. I, for one, am a particular fan of really crappy movies that know how crappy they are and make fun of it. The Evil Dead series (culminating in Army of Darkness), is perhaps the best and most hysterical example of this. TheDude ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 1999, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-only-a-moron-would-want-to-see/1224/29 "1999-05-13T23:48:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Sally Kellerman who peaked as Hot Lips Hoolihan in the “Mash” movie, and Dave Thomas, the SCTV veteran who peaked as one of the McKenzie brothers in “Great White North.” That’s something else that puzzles me. A handful of years ago, this was the best they could do. Now the current project has got not only Jason Alexander and Rene Russo, maybe not exactly “A-list” actors themselves, but DeNiro?? What the–?! Why?? From what I understand, the Thomas/Kellerman movie didn’t actually feature Rocky and Bullwinkle, so maybe they think this movie will be different? I don’t know. I get the feeling that the people that make movies don’t go to the movies. They go to premiers to schmooze and party, but they don’t just go to a movie to be entertained. That’s how clueless the Hollywood types seem, anyway. * * * “I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it,” Jack Handy ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 1999, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-only-a-moron-would-want-to-see/1224/30 "1999-05-14T00:37:00Z")
[yoda] “Plot? Ha! Characterization? Ha! A Jedi needs not these things…” [/yoda] ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 1999, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-only-a-moron-would-want-to-see/1224/31 "1999-05-14T13:17:00Z")
> [@](#): > > As a rule of thumb (but not Siskel’s) I avoid movies that have critics mentioning the special effects. “Must See Special Effects” I take as a code for “There’s no story.” You know, they said that about: Star Wars episodes 1, 4-6 Bram Stoker’s Dracula The Matrix They also said that about The Mummy, but it was more like, ‘On the positive side, this movie has, er… Must-see special effects!’ ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 1999, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-only-a-moron-would-want-to-see/1224/32 "1999-05-15T05:12:00Z")
I don’t think there really are “must-see special effects” any more. The technology is such that any scene or event that a human can imagine can be realistically portrayed on a movie screen. Technologically, there’s not much room to grow. With the quality maxed out, about all they can do is increase the quantity of special effects, or perhaps revive “smell-o-vision” or “rumble-vision.” ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 1999, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-only-a-moron-would-want-to-see/1224/33 "1999-05-14T18:31:00Z")
> [@](#): > > In my opinion, Jason Alexander should steer clear of animation. GASP!!! What about Duckman??? ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 1999, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-only-a-moron-would-want-to-see/1224/34 "1999-05-14T18:34:00Z")
About Starship Troopers: Yeah, I read the book AND saw the movie. I could not believe that the movie didn’t have the powered armor that was in the book. I mean, come on, this was a major part of the book, and it would have made perfect product tie-ins. I’m generally disappointed by “science fiction” movies anyway, since they seem to rely on special effects rather than plots. ## Excuse me while I check the subscription expiration date on my “Analog”. Lynn the Packrat ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 1999, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-only-a-moron-would-want-to-see/1224/35 "1999-05-14T19:11:00Z")
And what about “Dune?” The movie was hard to follow even if you had read the book. Without reading the book you wouldn’t have a clue at to what was going on. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 1999, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-only-a-moron-would-want-to-see/1224/36 "1999-05-14T19:36:00Z")
> [@](#): > > And what about “Dune?” The movie was hard to follow even if you had read the book. Without reading the book you wouldn’t have a clue at to what was going on. Boy that sucked. David Lynch, if you can’t stick to a book’s plot, then _don’t do adaptations!_ Paul Atreides was supposed to be 14 year-old, and Atreides matured more slowly. So we’re a far stretch from Agent Cooper. And let’s not even talk about the miraculous rain scene at the end that made no sense at all. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 1999, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-only-a-moron-would-want-to-see/1224/37 "1999-05-14T19:45:00Z")
> [@](#): > > I don’t think there really are “must-see special effects” any more. The technology is such that any scene or event that a human can imagine can be realistically portrayed on a movie screen. Technologically, there’s not much room to grow. With the quality maxed out, about all they can do is increase the quantity of special effects, or perhaps revive “smell-o-vision” or “rumble-vision.” You know, they said the same thing when _King Kong_ first came out. It appeared to everyone as if there could be no finer special effects, that everything could now technically be represented on film. The guy who invented go-motion (forgot his name) had a name for that: he called it _artefacts_. An artefact is a visual cue that you’re watching a special effects and not a real take. What matters in order to hide the artefacts is not the precision of the special effects, but rather, the ignorance of the public. Making SFX is a little like prestidigitation. Everyone knows that they’re seeing a trick, but there has to be no way to _know_ how the trick works. If that happens, you suspend disbelief even though _logic_ tells you otherwise. Same goes with films: as our understanding of SFX improves, the artefacts begin to emerge. Right now, we believe that SFX can represent everything because we have Computer-Generated Imagery. But as the public’s mind begins to grasp the exact working of CGI, the artefacts will begin to emerge again. This has already begun: the public is more aware of image retouching techniques now, and they’re keenly aware of implausible perfection in SFX. New SFX specialists have to purposefully “dirty” their image in order to make it appear real. This was not the case five years ago. _Star Wars: The Phantom Menace_ will be unbearable to watch fifty years from now, as we will see directly through the veil of SFX, and perceive the artefacts underneath. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 1999, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-only-a-moron-would-want-to-see/1224/38 "1999-05-15T01:16:00Z")
I figure “The Phantom Menace” will be unbearable to watch _tonight_, let alone 50 years from now. The other Star Wars movies already show their age. But Star Wars is more about selling happy meals than anything else. It has become a giant toy industry. The movies are reduced to commericals for products. Taken just as movies, the Star Wars series is like watching WWI dogfight scenes patched together with the weakest possible reading of the legends of King Arthur one could hope to find. While they can offer some amusement, they’re not very good and they most certainly aren’t science fiction. Fantasy yes, but not sci fi. As for _DUNE_…it did have the line “Send in the flying fat man!” which has to count for something. I read _Starship Troopers_ ugh, 24 years ago, and decided to skip the movie. Only Stephen King is improved by film; all others suffer. Ugh!! I just remembered I sat through _The Naked Lunch_…gawd. What a nasty piece of crap that was! The book is actually a lot of fun. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 1999, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-only-a-moron-would-want-to-see/1224/39 "1999-05-17T13:08:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Only Stephen King is improved by film; all others suffer. That’s because you can’t worsen King by putting him on film. See what happens when he writes the screenplay directly: you’re stuck with an horror (in the bad sense) called _Sleepwalkers_. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 1999, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-only-a-moron-would-want-to-see/1224/40 "1999-05-18T05:28:00Z")
[[ {{In my opinion, Jason Alexander should steer clear of animation.}} Daniel GASP!!! What about Duckman???]] Eris Ah, Discordian Goddess, you shall forever occupy a favored place in my heart for this most outstanding indignation. And, hey! What the hell are YOU staring at?!? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-only-a-moron-would-want-to-see/1224.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-only-a-moron-would-want-to-see/1224.md?page=3)