# Movies so stupid that they literally drain off IQ points as you watch **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 25, 2008, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-so-stupid-that-they-literally-drain-off-iq-points-as-you-watch/465142 "2008-09-25T12:37:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2008, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-so-stupid-that-they-literally-drain-off-iq-points-as-you-watch/465142/121 "2008-09-28T17:47:09Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > Seriously, have none of you people seen \*[Highlander II: The Quickening\*](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102034/)? What kind of a question is that? Of course no one has seen it. There is no such film. ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2008, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-so-stupid-that-they-literally-drain-off-iq-points-as-you-watch/465142/122 "2008-09-28T17:50:04Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > Seriously, have none of you people seen \*[Highlander II: The Quickening\*](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102034/)? This even beats _The Core_ ([Intuitor.com](http://Intuitor.com)’s #1 Insultingly Stupid Movie Physics Classic) for the most incoherent, incomprehensibly, outrageously bad film. Even the removal of the Zeist alien stuff didn’t elevate this movie to the status of tolerable, and the original cinematic cut is utter and complete shiite. Sean Connery still cries like a little girl any time someone mentions it in his presence. I heard that movie doesn’t really exist. You must have had a fever dream or something, because no one ever made a sequel to Highlander. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2008, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-so-stupid-that-they-literally-drain-off-iq-points-as-you-watch/465142/123 "2008-09-28T18:13:48Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > [_Die Another Day_](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0246460/) is not only easily the worst film in the Bond series, it was one of the worst films to see major cinematic release in 2002. The Bond franchise has been uneven over the years, but this vastly exceeded the depravity of _Diamonds Are Forever_, _The Man With The Golden Gun_, and _The World Is Not Enough_. It would have been better suited to a comedy film starting Seann William Scott and Ashton Kutcher rather than a Bond film. I respectfully disagree. DAD had a number of good things going for it: the skydiving/surfing NK infiltration sequence; Bond fencing with Toby Stephens; Halle Berry fighting Rosamund Pike (although the jet airliner’s destruction around them was a bit over-the-top); and the whole how-many-tributes-to-the-series-can-we-sneak-into-this-anniversary-movie? aspect. I also on principle like Cleese as the new Q, although DAD could’ve done that bit better. I understand that for many of you guys, the bikini’d Halle Berry alone would rescue this movie from Worst Bond status. IMHO, the only category in which DAD earns the “Worst Ever” title is for its theme song and maybe the score, as well. Madonna is more believable as a fencing instructor than as a Bond theme song chanteuse. Besides, you left out the second-worst Bond movie of all time – **Moonraker**. ---
**Author:** ![Valerieblaise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@Valerieblaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valerieblaise)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2008, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-so-stupid-that-they-literally-drain-off-iq-points-as-you-watch/465142/124 "2008-09-28T18:17:18Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > Have any of you endured the supersonic dumb that is COCKTAIL? I have a story! My old roommate (to whom I no longer speak, for entirely different reasons) did this to me, and while I should be ashamed, I have to admit it’s really goddamn funny, if you’re not me. We’re both at home one afternoon, scrolling through the cable guide to see if there’s anything worth watching on TV. “Cocktail” is about to start on HBO, and I mention it’s one of the '80s movies I’ve never seen because my parents wouldn’t let me when I was a kid, and I never bothered watching it as an adult. Roomie is SHOCKED that I haven’t seen it. I say that I don’t really care, as Tom Cruise bugs the hell out of me. He won’t let it drop. “Really? You’ve NEVER seen it? I know you don’t like Tom Cruise, but his performance in this is AMAZING. You forget it’s Tom Cruise. Plus, this movie is one of those things that EVERYONE our age has in common. It’s life-changing.” I look at him suspiciously. “Really? I thought it was a movie where he was a bartender. It’s called ‘Cocktail.’ How interesting could it be?” Roomie insists that’s just the SETTING, that the movie is about so much more. It’s IMPERATIVE that I watch this, or I’ll be completely ignorant about a facet of pop culture that everyone else knows and loves. I think he even says it’s like not having seen “Star Wars.” I figure I might as well watch it, since it’s on. He says he’s SO excited. “God, I haven’t seen this is so long, this is great!” Movie’s on for about 5 minutes when he remembers he has to go call his girlfriend. He does it in the other room so that he won’t distract me from the movie. He even tells me to REALLY pay attention, there’s all sorts of subtext and details that are going to be important later. So I try. And this movie is just DRAGGING on and on, I’m bored out of my mind, but waiting for it to get interesting. After about a half-hour, I walk into the other room and tell him the movie sucks. He’s still on the phone, but he tells me it’s just a REALLY slow start and to keep watching. He says he’ll be out in a few minutes, before the good stuff starts. He adds that the ending is FANTASTIC, and he wouldn’t want to miss that. I go back into the living room and watch some more. Now, this movie is 18 or 19 hours long, IIRC, so I’m just bored to TEARS. At some point I walk back to the roomie’s room & ask “Did you mean this movie was good to make fun of? Is that it? Because I can’t do that alone.” He insists that’s not what he meant, and he’s going to be done in a minute. He’d NEVER miss the end. I suffer through the rest of it, and when there’s 5 or 10 minutes left, he comes back out to the living room and flops on the couch. I’d pretty much lost my will to live at this point, and I tell him the movie HAS to be over soon and nothing good happened, and I was hoping that every single character died painfully. And that they took the writer & director with them. He shushes me, says it’ll all make sense in a minute. The movie ends. I tell him it’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen, that anyone responsible for making it will be punished in the afterlife, and by the way, I think I hate Tom Cruise even more than I did before. He starts laughing. “I can’t believe you watched the entire movie! It’s a piece of shit, it’s so long and boring - I can’t think of a worse movie! I kept waiting for you to change the channel, or throw a brick through the TV!” Me: Why would you do that? That’s just CRUEL! Him: I just wanted to see how long you’d stick with it. You didn’t think it was weird that I ‘love’ this movie and spent the whole time in my room? Me: Of course I did, but to be honest after about 10 minutes my brain started to atrophy! And I remembered that it was a hit movie, so lots of people saw it and liked it. Him: Lots of people are stupid. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha (the laughing went on and on) Me: That’s… you… Goddammit. Him: I can’t believe you watched that entire movie! IT’S. SO. BAD! Bwah ha ha ha. Of course, he made fun of me for that for the longest time. Just thinking about it makes me wish we still spoke, so I could get revenge. Anyway, yeah - “Cocktail” isn’t a good movie. ---
**Author:** ![Sr\_Siete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6de8d8/32.png) [@Sr\_Siete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sr_Siete)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2008, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-so-stupid-that-they-literally-drain-off-iq-points-as-you-watch/465142/125 "2008-09-28T18:21:03Z")
> [@SpazCat](#): > > I heard that movie doesn’t really exist. You must have had a fever dream or something, because no one ever made a sequel to Highlander. To be fair to **Stranger** , he’s far from the first one to fall for this urban legend. I’ve been reading on the internet for years people who claim to have seen such movie, each one spinning a weirder version (at one point some guy made up a plot about Chris Lambert solving the problem of the ozone layer and other versions says that the Immortals were actually aliens or some nonsense like that) I even read a guy that took the joke far enough to claim that there’s a THIRD highlander movie. Crazy people. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2008, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-so-stupid-that-they-literally-drain-off-iq-points-as-you-watch/465142/126 "2008-09-28T18:41:21Z")
> [@Terrifel](#): > > What kind of a question is that? > > Of course no one has seen it. There is no such film. Oh, yes, there is. I know, the joke is to pretend it never happened. It DID happen, and I still want my money back. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2008, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-so-stupid-that-they-literally-drain-off-iq-points-as-you-watch/465142/127 "2008-09-28T18:48:22Z")
It’s not as if the first Highlander movie was that good to begin with. I mean, Christopher Lambert as a Scotsman? Christopher Lambert as _anything_? That cross-eyed Frenchman makes Keanu Reeves look like Sir John Gielgud. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2008, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-so-stupid-that-they-literally-drain-off-iq-points-as-you-watch/465142/128 "2008-09-28T19:03:23Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > [Enchanted.](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0461770/) > > Oh, it looked cute and wry in the movie theaters, so I tried to watch it when it came on cable. But when the heroine managed to get all the creatures of the forest (and the drain) to clean the apartment in the real Manhattan I gagged. It would have been a lot funnier if she’d done her little tra-la-la trill and nothing happened. Oh I disagree. I thought it was hilareous when instead of the chipmunks and bluebirds she was used to calling, swarms of various rats, mice, pidgeons and other urban vermin showed up. The Happening was pretty dumb (but fucking creepy). I wouldn’t be too hard on the characters at the end. They were hiding in a couple of old cellars, not some biohazard rated sealed bunkers. I don’t think it would have mattered where they were. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2008, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-so-stupid-that-they-literally-drain-off-iq-points-as-you-watch/465142/129 "2008-09-28T19:56:10Z")
> [@The\_Scrivener](#): > > I respectfully disagree. DAD had a number of good things going for it: the skydiving/surfing NK infiltration sequence; Bond fencing with Toby Stephens; Halle Berry fighting Rosamund Pike (although the jet airliner’s destruction around them was a bit over-the-top); and the whole how-many-tributes-to-the-series-can-we-sneak-into-this-anniversary-movie? aspect. I also on principle like Cleese as the new Q, although DAD could’ve done that bit better. I understand that for many of you guys, the bikini’d Halle Berry alone would rescue this movie from Worst Bond status. IMHO, the only category in which DAD earns the “Worst Ever” title is for its theme song and maybe the score, as well. Madonna is more believable as a fencing instructor than as a Bond theme song chanteuse. So, what you are saying here is that _Die Another Day_ is a good movie because a) it’s basically a recreated clip show of previous movies, b) Madonna doesn’t have a starring role and therefore only kills the movie for the ninety seconds in which she appears in it, and c) Halle Berry in a bikini. That’s your argument? Sure, the teaser segment is energetic, but also absurdly silly, and much better done in films like _Goldfinger_, _The Living Daylights_, and even _Tomorrow Never Dies_ (about the best part of that movie). The best pre-reboot teaser is still _From Russia With Love_, and the teaser sequence in _Casino Royale_ was essentially a message that the filmmakers do actually understand the conventions and genres of classic cinema and promise that the next two hours will serve as an extended apology and make-up for the abomination of the Brosnan films. _Die Another Day_ also has some of the shittiest production design and effects work in the entire series. I think they subcontracted the waveriding sequence to some thirteen year old with an old pirate version of Adobe Flash. And, of course, the plot of the movie made no sense whatsoever, and not even in the entertaining way in which _Goldfinger_ is absurd; it was just stupid gibberish randomly compiled by gibbons on acid, as far as I can tell. > [@Alessan](#): > > It’s not as if the first Highlander movie was that good to begin with. I mean, Christopher Lambert as a Scotsman? Christopher Lambert as _anything_? That cross-eyed Frenchman makes Keanu Reeves look like Sir John Gielgud. It certainly wasn’t a great top shelf film, but it was a very, very good B film with an intelligent, self-consistent script and a fine return-to-form performance by Sean Connery plus an iconic scenery chewing job by Clancy Brown as the Kurgen. Lambert is no Olivier to be sure–heck, he’s not even a Vin Diesel–but in this role of a brooding mush-mouthed Scottish Immortal he’s passable; we’re not expected to believe, for instance, that he is a nuclear physicist or a professor of literature. The film is an enduring, neo-nori-esque combination of fantasy, action, and drama with a memorable soundtrack by Queen and a catchphrase that has become a cultural touchstone. In comparison to the second film, _The Highlander_ is a veritable De Mille classic. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2008, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-so-stupid-that-they-literally-drain-off-iq-points-as-you-watch/465142/130 "2008-09-28T20:29:24Z")
[I Know Who Killed Me](http://jabootu.net/?p=1428). The link covers it in gruesome detail. ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2008, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-so-stupid-that-they-literally-drain-off-iq-points-as-you-watch/465142/131 "2008-09-28T20:50:38Z")
> [@Yumblie](#): > > I didn’t actually watch this movie, but just reading the synopsis of [Disaster Movie](http://contest.disastermovie.org/?page_id=182) was like a punch in the brain. How can we justify living in a world where people who wrote this movie make money? Even I hated **Diaster Movie** and I usually like parady films. It was pure crap. Matt Lanter could’ve spent the entire film naked and it still would’ve been pure crap. ---
**Author:** ![Aithele](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Aithele](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aithele)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2008, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-so-stupid-that-they-literally-drain-off-iq-points-as-you-watch/465142/132 "2008-09-28T20:56:20Z")
> [@smiling\_bandit](#): > > [I Know Who Killed Me](http://jabootu.net/?p=1428). The link covers it in gruesome detail. I came in here to mention that movie. Awful, awful, awful. Easily the worst movie I’ve ever seen. I like bad movies. I can entertain myself by making fun of them. But this one.. there are no words to truly describe how horrible it is. I wouldn’t make my worst enemy watch this movie. No one should be subjected to that. ---
**Author:** ![A\_qui\_profite\_le\_crime](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@A\_qui\_profite\_le\_crime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A_qui_profite_le_crime)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2008, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-so-stupid-that-they-literally-drain-off-iq-points-as-you-watch/465142/133 "2008-09-28T21:00:30Z")
> [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](#): > > I submit to you, [Shark Attack 3: Megalodon](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7OsBEwsu-E) > > (Youtube link) This movie may be stupid, but it has the absolute most brilliant dialog ever put to screen: Heroine: I’m exhausted Hero: Yeah, me too. But I’m really wired. What do you say I take you home and eat your pussy? Heroine smiles. Love scene ensues. (on the 1 hour and 6 minute mark for those brave enough to rent this) ---
**Author:** ![laughingboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@laughingboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/laughingboy)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2008, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-so-stupid-that-they-literally-drain-off-iq-points-as-you-watch/465142/134 "2008-09-28T21:29:52Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > [Megaforce](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0084316/), hands down. Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding! Those mentioning Con Air, Independence Day, and Buckaroo Banzai need to watch this and recalibrate their stupidometers. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-so-stupid-that-they-literally-drain-off-iq-points-as-you-watch/465142/135 "2008-09-29T12:48:01Z")
> [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](#): > > I submit to you, [Shark Attack 3: Megalodon](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7OsBEwsu-E) > > (Youtube link) That looks HILARIOUS! And that one guy from Doctor Who can’t die, so you know he’ll beat the shark in the end. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2008, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-so-stupid-that-they-literally-drain-off-iq-points-as-you-watch/465142/136 "2008-09-29T16:11:07Z")
You know how sometimes you wake up from a dream you’re having in the middle of the night and you are convinced you have just solved the meaning of the universe so you jot down some notes on a notepad. Then the next morning you try to decipher what you wrote and it just gives you a massive migraine trying to make sense of it because in reality it DOESN"T MAKE ANY SENSE and is just a bunch of jibberish. Well that’s how I feel everytime I try to watch any of the **Marix** films. I’ve tried to watch them several times just to enjoy the F/X and other eye candy but as soon as someone starts talking to explain something… my… brain… starts… getting… dumber. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2008, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-so-stupid-that-they-literally-drain-off-iq-points-as-you-watch/465142/137 "2008-09-30T01:04:10Z")
> [@Valerieblaise](#): > > I have a story! My old roommate (to whom I no longer speak, for entirely different reasons) … So … why did you need another reason to no longer speak to him? ---
**Author:** ![Seven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2008, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-so-stupid-that-they-literally-drain-off-iq-points-as-you-watch/465142/138 "2008-09-30T08:28:18Z")
**Showgirls** is so bad I won’t even watch it with the sound off for the boobies. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2008, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-so-stupid-that-they-literally-drain-off-iq-points-as-you-watch/465142/139 "2008-09-30T13:26:34Z")
> [@SpazCat](#): > > [The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai across the 8th Dimension](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086856/) hurt me in ways I didn’t know I could still be hurt. And I love stupid bad sci-fi movies! You are dead to me. Laugh while you can, monkey boy! ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2008, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-so-stupid-that-they-literally-drain-off-iq-points-as-you-watch/465142/140 "2008-09-30T13:50:43Z")
I have to agree that **Buckaroo Banzai** is just retarded. The movie works so hard at being quirky that it forgets to be entertaining. Edited to add: I’ve seen it multiple times. I “get” it. I still think it is retarded. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-so-stupid-that-they-literally-drain-off-iq-points-as-you-watch/465142.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-so-stupid-that-they-literally-drain-off-iq-points-as-you-watch/465142.md?page=8)