# Movies that can't possibly be real
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-cant-possibly-be-real/929289
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Tags:** movies
**Created:** [December 30, 2020, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-cant-possibly-be-real/929289 "2020-12-30T19:22:10Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2020, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-cant-possibly-be-real/929289/1 "2020-12-30T19:22:10Z")
I’m watching _Frankie & Alice,_ whose plot description sounds like an SNL sketch: Halle Berry as a stripper, Frankie, with dissociative personalities. One of them is just Halle Berry speaking baby talk, lisp and all, and another who’s a caricature of a racist white woman, Alice. With a bad Southern accent. Set in the 1970s.What could the elevator pitch for this possibly have been?
Or _Tiptoes,_ in which Matthew Mcconaughey and Gary Oldman play twin brothers, with Oldman as a dwarf. Performing the part on his knees. Even though Peter Dinklage was right there on the same set, as a leather jacketed biker with a bad French accent. Whose girlfriend is Patricia Arquette.
Any other titles qualify for this list?
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### Author:  [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2020, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-cant-possibly-be-real/929289/2 "2020-12-30T19:50:24Z")
Still watching _Frankie & Alice_ and I can confirm it also includes masses of raggedy plot holes, bad hairpieces, worse dialogue, and Stellan Skarsgard as tonally perpendicular comic relief.
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### Author:  [@F.U.Shakespeare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.U.Shakespeare)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2020, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-cant-possibly-be-real/929289/3 "2020-12-30T19:53:44Z")
How about “The Sting II”:
“OK, the Paul Newman role will be played by Jackie Gleason…”
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### Author:  [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2020, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-cant-possibly-be-real/929289/4 "2020-12-30T20:03:00Z")
From the podcast “How Did This Get Made?”, two of the silliest movies they mentioned were “Old Dogs” (a comedy featuring John Travolta, Robin Williams, motion control puppet suits, gorilla rape and a jet pack) and “I Know Who Killed Me” (with Lindsay Lohan as a one-legged, one-handed stripper with amnesia who might be identical twins).
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### Author:  [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2020, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-cant-possibly-be-real/929289/5 "2020-12-30T21:24:39Z")
“. . . and “I Know Who Killed Me” (with Lindsay Lohan as . . .”
–and whose director thinks of it as an homage to _The Double Life of Veronique_
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### Author:  [@Alpha\_Twit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alpha_Twit)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2020, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-cant-possibly-be-real/929289/6 "2020-12-30T21:34:37Z")
_Space Truckers_ - Dennis Hopper as an interplanetary truck driver hauling a stolen load of bio/cyber killing machines. Charles Dance as a cybernetic pirate with a pull start penis. Debi Mazar and Stephan Dorff for…reasons?!
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### Author:  [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2020, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-cant-possibly-be-real/929289/7 "2020-12-30T21:58:51Z")
I swear I am not trying to threadshit, but is there _any_ movie that could be real?
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### Author:  [@Briny\_Deep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briny_Deep)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2020, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-cant-possibly-be-real/929289/8 "2020-12-30T22:13:33Z")
Totally, right?
C’mon – you’re telling me a little girl got swept up in a _tornado_ and ended up with her whole _house_ setting down in some “Land of Oz,” with _munchkins_, and a Good Witch and several Bad Witches and lord knows what else? Can’t have happened. Not buying it. 😀
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### Author:  [@glowacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glowacks)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2020, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-cant-possibly-be-real/929289/9 "2020-12-30T22:17:35Z")
> [@CookingWithGas](#):
>
> is there _any_ movie that could be real?
My first thought is Kramer vs. Kramer.
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### Author:  [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2020, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-cant-possibly-be-real/929289/10 "2020-12-30T22:47:44Z")
> [@glowacks](#):
>
> My first thought is Kramer vs. Kramer.
Well, the premise is certainly realistic, but it’s been so long since I’ve seen it (when it was first-run) that I can’t remember it will enough to offer a critique.
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### Author:  [@Dropo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dropo)
#### Post date: [December 30, 2020, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-cant-possibly-be-real/929289/11 "2020-12-30T23:00:01Z")
_Seeds of Evil_ (1974) – Everyone talks about the gardener (Joe Dallesandro) as if there was nothing of equal importance in their lives. And then…the gardener goes for a nude swim before turning into a tree. The end.
_Zardoz_ (1974) – A giant head comes down from the sky and declares the gun is good and the penis is evil while a bunch of half-naked savages look on dumbly. Savage Sean Connery hitches a ride in the head, clips its wheelman and ends up in an advanced society where more weird shit happens.
_Max My Love_ (1986) – Charlotte Rampling is married and has a lover who is a chimpanzee (suit actress). Her husband accepts the situation, at least initially, and the chimp moves in with them. I was not able to watch long enough to see how it turned out.
_Born of Fire_ (1987) - Flutist Peter Firth treks to Turkey to learn what happened to his father. He finds he has a deformed half-brother (“The Silent One”) he never knew about. Firth’s big-eyed astronomer girlfriend also shows up to check out a volcano (stock footage). She rapes Pete, gives birth to an insect and dies. Later, Firth and the Master Musician (who shoots fire and has a skull for a hand) have a flute-duel while the Silent One soul-fits. Not a dream, I swear.
_El Intoxico_ (2001) - Amateurish yet strangely compelling; the short clip details the origin of the title character:
[![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/VOASsYW05sc/hqdefault.jpg ""El Cerebro De Hitler" - Origin of El Intoxico 2001 excerpt") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOASsYW05sc)
_Monkeybone_ (2001) - Unimaginably awful:
[ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8WDX7p9FoE)
_The Fountain_ (2006) – Tortuous pseudo-profound drivel; hard to believe this was produced and released.
_The Spirit_ (2008) – Frank Miller debases Will Eisner’s creation. Sadly, all too real…
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### Author:  [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2020, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-cant-possibly-be-real/929289/12 "2020-12-31T00:11:17Z")
Thing is, you can also do this sort of elevator-pitch précis with movies with ridiculous premises, that are actually good:
“Let’s make a movie about two idiot stoners find a time-machine phone booth, travel into the past, and kidnap Beethoven and Napoleon Bonaparte to pass a history exam.” - _Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure_.
“How about a live-action version of a comic, about a dorky Canadian guy, who falls in love with the girl who uses his head as a subspace highway to deliver packages for Amazon, and has to battle to the death each of her previous seven exes. Who explode into showers of coins when they die. Oh, and we’ll have video game elements, like extra lives and eight-bit swords, for the characters to interact with - the hero will defeat the Big Bad with a sword he pulls out of his own chest.” - _Scott Pilgrim versus the World_.
A ludicrous premise does not automatically mean a bad movie.
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### Author:  [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2020, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-cant-possibly-be-real/929289/13 "2020-12-31T00:20:32Z")
Loqueesha takes the cake. How this flick got greenlit is beyond me. It has to be seen to be believed.
> **[Loqueesha](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loqueesha)**
>
> Pages for logged out editors learn more
>
>
> Loqueesha is a 2019 independent American comedy film written, produced, directed by, and starring indie comedian Jeremy Saville. The film tells the story of Joe, a middle-aged, divorced, white bartender who becomes a nationally syndicated radio host by impersonating a black woman.
> The film attempted to cover many topics including racism, unemployment, income inequality, suicide, and African American tropes. The film's trailer was released on Yo...
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### Author:  [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2020, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-cant-possibly-be-real/929289/14 "2020-12-31T02:47:56Z")
Yeah the cast lists in my original examples were a big part of what made them so unlikely. God knows there are thousands of great movies with scenarios that are ludicrous as synopses.
The fact of Gary Old man playing a dwarf on his knees while Peter Dinklage was standing right fucking there
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### Author:  [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2020, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-cant-possibly-be-real/929289/15 "2020-12-31T03:13:40Z")
The resolution of _Kramer vs. Kramer_, which I will not spoil, is a bit Deus ex machina.
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### Author:  [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2020, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-cant-possibly-be-real/929289/16 "2020-12-31T03:17:25Z")
> [@CookingWithGas](#):
>
> I swear I am not trying to threadshit, but is there _any_ movie that could be real?
I think you’re missing the premise of the thread: it’s not “Could this movie come true?” it’s “How did this movie get made?” In other words, how is this a _real movie_?
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### Author:  [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2020, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-cant-possibly-be-real/929289/17 "2020-12-31T06:00:13Z")
> [@lissener](#):
>
> I’m watching _Frankie & Alice,_ whose plot description sounds like an SNL sketch: Halle Berry as a stripper, Frankie, with dissociative personalities. One of them is just Halle Berry speaking baby talk, lisp and all, and another who’s a caricature of a racist white woman, Alice. With a bad Southern accent. Set in the 1970s.What could the elevator pitch for this possibly have been?
What’s there to understand? Halle Berry wanted another Oscar, so she made a movie that’s (a) a true story (b) about a beautiful woman with mental problems. There’s your elevator pitch right there.
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### Author:  [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2020, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-cant-possibly-be-real/929289/18 "2020-12-31T12:25:20Z")
> [@RivkahChaya](#):
>
> I think you’re missing the premise of the thread: it’s not “Could this movie come true?” it’s “How did this movie get made?” In other words, how is this a _real movie_ ?
Thanks, that is not how I read it. I guess it’s more like: “Here’s the script for a new movie we want to produce.” “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
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### Author:  [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2020, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-cant-possibly-be-real/929289/19 "2020-12-31T12:47:45Z")
> [@CookingWithGas](#):
>
> “Here’s the script for a new movie we want to produce.” “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Pretty much how I took it.
There’re actually a lot of things that happen in real life that would make terrible movies.
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### Author:  [@DPRK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPRK)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2020, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-cant-possibly-be-real/929289/20 "2020-12-31T13:23:44Z")
I thought of that film (_Incubus_) which cast William Shatner as an Esperanto-speaking soldier who falls in love with a succubus and is forced to battle demons, but personally I would be running to produce it.
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