# Movies that praise "settling" and "knowing your place" **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 18, 2013, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-praise-settling-and-knowing-your-place/666544 "2013-08-18T06:11:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-praise-settling-and-knowing-your-place/666544/21 "2013-08-18T17:40:19Z")
No, I think you’ve got the plot wrong. The “working-guy reporter” (played by Jimmy Stewart) is willing to marry the “socialite” (Kathryn Hepburn) when she calls off her marriage to George (John Howard). She thanks him for his gallantry, but she decides instead to re-marry her ex-husband (Cary Grant): > **[The Philadelphia Story (film)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Philadelphia_Story_(film))** > > The Philadelphia Story is a 1940 American romantic comedy film directed by George Cukor, starring Cary Grant, Katharine Hepburn, James Stewart, and Ruth Hussey. Based on the 1939 Broadway play of the same name by Philip Barry, the film is about a socialite whose wedding plans are complicated by the simultaneous arrival of her ex-husband and a tabloid magazine journalist. The socialite character of the play—performed by Hepburn in the film—was inspired by Helen Hope Montgomery Scott (1904 Writte... ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-praise-settling-and-knowing-your-place/666544/22 "2013-08-18T18:04:48Z")
_Clerks II_: Dante had been trying to get out of New Jersey but at the end of the movie he had decided to stay and spend the rest of his life working in the Quick Stop. ---
**Author:** ![Sherrerd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sherrerd/32/8_2.png) [@Sherrerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sherrerd)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-praise-settling-and-knowing-your-place/666544/23 "2013-08-18T19:52:55Z")
1967’s The Graduate is interestingly ambiguous on this. Benjamin is certainly dissatisfied with his life; in the course of the movie he decides he wants to upset the social order by disrupting the wedding of the woman he’d decided he loves. He does so successfully. But the last shot of the movie leads some viewers to believe that Benjamin regrets having done this, and that he might well wish he’d “settled” for a more conventional course. This isn’t exactly what the OP meant, probably, but it’s (at least) related. ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-praise-settling-and-knowing-your-place/666544/24 "2013-08-18T20:11:37Z")
I have to confess, I really like it when a story goes in this direction. My therapist once suggested I watch _Rudy_, as an inspiration for dedication and belief in one’s self. I just couldn’t get past the question, “What would he have done if he didn’t get into Notre Dame?” The two reasonable answers seem to me to be “Kill himself” or “Live in disillusioned misery for the rest of his life,” not “Bounce back and enjoy his life as it is.” The whole, “You can be anything if you only try hard enough and believe!” schtick is pretty misleading, IMHO. Anyway, in _Enchanted April_, the two main characters want to get away from their dreary lives in London, where their husbands are very ill-suited to each of them and their lives are kind of miserable. They jaunt off to a gorgeous Italian villa, where they both wind up discovering that they really love their mates after all. In _Sense and Sensibility_, the dramatic, passionate Marianne gets to live out the plot of a tragic romantic novel, falling in desperate love with a dashing young man, then losing him and pining for him to the point of near-death. Then she gets better and settles down with the boring old guy she rejected earlier in the story and is perfectly happy. ---
**Author:** ![Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/face_intentionally_left_blank/32/288_2.png) [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Face_Intentionally_Left_Blank)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-praise-settling-and-knowing-your-place/666544/25 "2013-08-18T20:21:05Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > _Clerks II_: Dante had been trying to get out of New Jersey but at the end of the movie he had decided to stay and spend the rest of his life working in the Quick Stop. Yeah, poor guy had to settle for Rosario Dawson. Also, wasn’t he a partner of sorts in the Quick Stop business? ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-praise-settling-and-knowing-your-place/666544/26 "2013-08-18T20:53:16Z")
> [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](#): > > In _Sense and Sensibility_, the dramatic, passionate Marianne gets to live out the plot of a tragic romantic novel, falling in desperate love with a dashing young man, then losing him and pining for him to the point of near-death. Then she gets better and settles down with the boring old guy she rejected earlier in the story and is perfectly happy. I don’t think we’re meant to see Marianne as settling, but rather that she came to recognize that she’d misjudged Col. Brandon and had been infatuated with a creep. Col. Brandon is both a better person and frankly a lot wealthier than Willoughby. In the book at least Col. Brandon is also only 35 (Alan Rickman was closer to 50 when he appeared in the movie), which is much older than Marianne but not quite ready for the tomb. ---
**Author:** ![PastTense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pasttense/32/14550_2.png) [@PastTense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastTense)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-praise-settling-and-knowing-your-place/666544/27 "2013-08-18T21:07:44Z")
While I can’t think of a title there seemed to be a number of movies from the 1950s or so where the female lead is an enterprising businessperson or otherwise go-getter who meets a man, marries, gives all this up and settles for being a housewife and raising kids. Anyone remember any of these? ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-praise-settling-and-knowing-your-place/666544/28 "2013-08-18T21:44:24Z")
This thread, BTW, was inspired by [this recent column in The Atlantic](http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2013/08/you-can-do-em-anything-em-must-every-kids-movie-reinforce-the-cult-of-self-esteem/278596/). As for **Pretty in Pink** , she got Blaine–she was never gonna wind up with Ducky, no matter what the prior draft of the script said–but she didn’t get the social mobility she thought would come with him. She was going to be “Blaine’s poor loser girlfriend from the wrong part of town,” she just wouldn’t have to deal with the fallout of that until after the credits rolled. ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-praise-settling-and-knowing-your-place/666544/29 "2013-08-18T21:49:45Z")
> [@PastTense](#): > > While I can’t think of a title there seemed to be a number of movies from the 1950s or so where the female lead is an enterprising businessperson or otherwise go-getter who meets a man, marries, gives all this up and settles for being a housewife and raising kids. Anyone remember any of these? [Kisses For My President](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0058266/?ref_=sr_1), about the first female president (Polly Bergen) and her husband, Fred MacMurray. She has to leave office when she gets pregnant: “It took fifty million women to get her into office, and one man to get her out.” ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-praise-settling-and-knowing-your-place/666544/30 "2013-08-18T21:50:19Z")
> [@PastTense](#): > > While I can’t think of a title there seemed to be a number of movies from the 1950s or so where the female lead is an enterprising businessperson or otherwise go-getter who meets a man, marries, gives all this up and settles for being a housewife and raising kids. Anyone remember any of these? Pygmalion, or My Fair Lady The Incredibles (not from the 50’s, but fits the profile) Star Trek: First Contact, Data settles for being an android, even though the Borg offer him a humanesque body. ---
**Author:** ![Push\_You\_Down](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/push_you_down/32/9095_2.png) [@Push\_You\_Down](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Push_You_Down)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-praise-settling-and-knowing-your-place/666544/31 "2013-08-18T22:01:32Z")
Shrek–if you are ugly only another ugly person will love. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-praise-settling-and-knowing-your-place/666544/32 "2013-08-18T22:05:09Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > _Clerks II_: Dante had been trying to get out of New Jersey but at the end of the movie he had decided to stay and spend the rest of his life working in the Quick Stop. He and Randall _buy_ the Quick Stop at the end. With a loan from Jay and Silent Bob. ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-praise-settling-and-knowing-your-place/666544/33 "2013-08-18T22:51:16Z")
Little Women (Yes, I know Amy wound up with Laurie, but she wanted to be an artist.) The Blue Bird. ---
**Author:** ![Sherrerd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sherrerd/32/8_2.png) [@Sherrerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sherrerd)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-praise-settling-and-knowing-your-place/666544/34 "2013-08-18T22:57:33Z")
> [@PastTense](#): > > While I can’t think of a title there seemed to be a number of movies from the 1950s or so where the female lead is an enterprising businessperson or otherwise go-getter who meets a man, marries, gives all this up and settles for being a housewife and raising kids. Anyone remember any of these? Of course there’s the uber-example of the message ‘women can NOT have it all,’ “The Red Shoes.” By all accounts the heroine has a brilliant dance career ahead, but falls in love. And of course she CAN’T be a proper wife if she has a career of her own… The only _possible_ solution: “death by locomotive.” :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-praise-settling-and-knowing-your-place/666544/35 "2013-08-19T00:10:56Z")
> [@Krokodil](#): > > This thread, BTW, was inspired by [this recent column in The Atlantic](http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2013/08/you-can-do-em-anything-em-must-every-kids-movie-reinforce-the-cult-of-self-esteem/278596/). Interesting article. Reading about Charlie Brown’s spelling bee experiences reminded me of _Glee_’s choir competitions. (Not a movie, I know.) In its better episodes/seasons the show has dealt with the fact that following your dreams, trying hard, etc., is no guarantee that you’ll actually succeed. The first two seasons ended with the choir losing major competitions. There was also kind of a weird season two subplot about how their teacher turned down an opportunity to perform on Broadway because he didn’t want to abandon his students and the show would probably flop anyway. It’s mentioned in passing at the beginning of season three that the show was a hit and the actor chosen to replace him won a Tony. In the third and especially the fourth seasons the show became more reluctant to let the characters really fail at anything, although high school quarterback Finn’s post-graduation Plan A (football scholarship), Plan B (acting school), and Plan C (the military) _all_ failed to work out. In season four he eventually settled on going to school locally and maybe becoming a teacher, although the death of actor Cory Monteith means that storyline has come to an end. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-praise-settling-and-knowing-your-place/666544/36 "2013-08-19T01:03:10Z")
> [@Wendell\_Wagner](#): > > No, I think you’ve got the plot wrong. The “working-guy reporter” (played by Jimmy Stewart) is willing to marry the “socialite” (Kathryn Hepburn) when she calls off her marriage to George (John Howard). She thanks him for his gallantry, but she decides instead to re-marry her ex-husband (Cary Grant): > > [The Philadelphia Story (film) - Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Philadelphia_Story_(film)) Besides, the reporter already had a girlfriend–the photographer who accompanied him. (She had a stricken look on her face when he proposed to Tracy Lord.) He was infatuated with Tracy & gallantly offered to help her out–but she had grown enough to realize that C K Dexter Haven was the man for her. _Casablanca_ was mentioned earlier. Rick did not “settle.” He lost the woman he’d loved but also left behind his nightclub & his “neutrality.” Then went off to join the war effort with Captain Reynaud… ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-praise-settling-and-knowing-your-place/666544/37 "2013-08-19T01:40:55Z")
> [@friedo](#): > > He and Randall _buy_ the Quick Stop at the end. With a loan from Jay and Silent Bob. But Dante had been trying his entire adult life to stop being a clerk. But it kept dragging him back. He finally gave up and just submitted. He bought the Quick Stop and now he’ll never leave it. Why should this be seen as a victory? Dante was always miserable being a clerk. Why would anyone expect him to suddenly be happy about spending the rest of his life working behind a counter? All Dante did was give up and accept his fate. This is like saying _1984_ had a happy ending because Winston Smith no longer questioned Big Brother. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-praise-settling-and-knowing-your-place/666544/38 "2013-08-19T01:48:44Z")
> [@Krokodil](#): > > This thread, BTW, was inspired by [this recent column in The Atlantic](http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2013/08/you-can-do-em-anything-em-must-every-kids-movie-reinforce-the-cult-of-self-esteem/278596/). Overall, I can see Epplin’s point. But was wrong to include _Wreck-It Ralph_ as an example. Yes, Ralph wanted to be a hero. But the plot of the movie wasn’t about him transforming himself from a bad guy into a hero. It was about him accepting himself as a bad guy. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-praise-settling-and-knowing-your-place/666544/39 "2013-08-19T02:36:15Z")
I think the term “settle” is so vague that it’s impossible to decide whether a movie really fits into this category or not. Most movies end with the hero getting something and not getting something else. Movies in which the hero gets everything tend to be a little boring. Movies in which the hero gets nothing are so depressing that nobody wants to watch them, so they just don’t get made. The closest to getting nothing that I know of is the movie _The Last American Virgin_, which I’ve mentioned already. I don’t know how the ending could have been more depressing, except maybe if it had ended with someone picking up a gun and blowing away the hero. Actually, that would have been _less_ depressing. As it, the hero has to live the rest of his life knowing that his being a nice guy counts for nothing whatsoever. The pretty girl will always reject him in favor of a handsome jerk. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-praise-settling-and-knowing-your-place/666544/40 "2013-08-19T02:47:24Z")
. _Doc Hollywood_, I think [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-praise-settling-and-knowing-your-place/666544.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-praise-settling-and-knowing-your-place/666544.md?page=3)