# Movies that should have been over in the first 5 minutes **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 17, 2008, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179 "2008-06-17T02:25:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2008, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/41 "2008-06-17T22:55:55Z")
[QUOTE=Cluricaun] Sames goes for the suspense/horror genre where the killer(s) aren’t even supernatural but just crazy people. All of these people live where nobody has a gun, ever. Like maybe Canada. _Evil Bad Guys_: “Hey, let’s go to Cluricaun’s house and kill him and his family with this chainsaw” _Cluricaun_: Blam blam blam blam blam blam. The End. [/QUOTE] Or maybe they should call the Police. I know it’s cliche that the cops don’t respond, but get creative. “The house next door is on fire”. “There’s some guy masturbating in the street and there are children present”. Heck, even in a rural area, that last one would draw every cop for 100 miles. There’s the stupid horror movie commercials that have the people in masks attacking the couple in the house. Stupidly, they show the guy with the gun going outside. Apparently, somewhere along the line, he loses the gun and gets taken, because they show him tied to a chair with the nutcases gloating about it. Nope. I stay in the house with my gun. You come in the door or window and I blow you the fuck away. Because _everyone_ knows that you need to let the bad guy come into the house in order to plead ‘self defense’. “I walked out in the yard and shot the fucker” gets you a murder charge. Then there’s the dangerous Thing that kills people like they’re ants, but some Moron In Authority orders everyone to take it alive. Fuck That Shit. It killed a bunch of my buddies like nothing, I’m not taking any further risks. Nuke it from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure. “Captain **Chimera** , you disobeyed the orders of Dr. Shitbrains to capture the beast alive. What do you have to say for yourself?” “I had 50 men. The beast killed 37 of them without breaking a sweat. At that point, Dr. Shitbrains ordered us to capture it alive. I therefore determined that Dr. Shitbrains orders were not only impossible to carry out, but incredibly suicidal. It was therefore my command decision to retreat from the scene and hit the beast with a 10 megaton warhead, in order to ensure that there was no further danger.” ---
**Author:** ![LiveOnAPlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3d9bf3/32.png) [@LiveOnAPlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveOnAPlane)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2008, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/42 "2008-06-17T23:19:54Z")
[QUOTE=Chimera] …and hit the beast with a 10 megaton warhead, in order to ensure that there was no further danger." [/QUOTE] Slight nitpick: “…with a 10 megaton warhead **from orbit** …” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![LiveOnAPlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3d9bf3/32.png) [@LiveOnAPlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveOnAPlane)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2008, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/43 "2008-06-17T23:46:17Z")
For my contribution, I’ll pick **You Only Live Twice**. The movie, not the Ian Fleming novel. IIRC, it opens with a monster spaceship swallowing some USSR and USA spacecraft. And I am supposed to believe that it is somehow even remotely possible that Blofeld, in the 1960s, could have developed a space vehicle beyond the technology of major world powers like that, and furthermore do it without a shitload of testing, tons of engineering talent, and billions of dollars in funds (not to mention probable/inevitable failed space shots resulting in blowups and crashes) _without being detected_??? Hey, I was only 17 when it came out, and only the fact that I was at the drive inn in my own car with a cooler full of beer kept me from walking out on that one. Which would have been too bad, because the movie did turn out to be pretty entertaining once I got over reality. ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2008, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/44 "2008-06-18T00:29:08Z")
[QUOTE=Priceguy] Ash had a secret directive to bring xenomorphs home. All other priorities rescinded. [/QUOTE] Not to mention that, per the ending of **Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem** Weyland-Yutani has know about the xenomorphs since the early 21st century. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2008, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/45 "2008-06-18T06:44:06Z")
[QUOTE=alphaboi867] Not to mention that, per the ending of **Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem** Weyland-Yutani has know about the xenomorphs since the early 21st century. [/QUOTE] The more I hear about _Alien vs Predator_, the less I feel like watching one. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2008, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/46 "2008-06-18T11:46:57Z")
> [@](#): > > The more I hear about Alien vs Predator, the less I feel like watching one. How about **Alien Vs. ET**? ---
**Author:** ![Icerigger](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icerigger/32/432_2.png) [@Icerigger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icerigger)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2008, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/47 "2008-06-18T13:00:15Z")
> [@](#): > > And I am supposed to believe that it is somehow even remotely possible that Blofeld, in the 1960s, could have developed a space vehicle beyond the technology of major world powers like that, and furthermore do it without a shitload of testing, tons of engineering talent, and billions of dollars in funds (not to mention probable/inevitable failed space shots resulting in blowups and crashes) without being detected??? Nit-pick. Blofeld’s ship and equipment came from China, they hired Blofeld to start a war for them. Remember the scene in his “living room” where he thanks the Chinese agents for their superb equipment. He also asks them for a little money in advance, contrary to the original agreement stating “extortion is my business”. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2008, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/48 "2008-06-18T13:28:37Z")
[QUOTE=TJVM] That would be true, except that There’s a transmitter hidden in the money, and in a small town, it wouldn’t have taken long for the bad guys to find it. In fact, going back to the scene of the crime, getting caught, and then escaping, might actually have (temporarily) saved Llewellyn, because then he knew he had to run. I think the most likely alternative is that he’s sitting at home the next day making plans for the money, and some bad guys with machine guns come crashing through the door. Or worse yet, Chigurgh (sp?). [/QUOTE] See, I thought of that, but here’s my take: All the “bad guys” know upon arriving at the scene is that the money’s missing. Since it went missing in the middle of nowhere, they have no way of knowing who took it or which way he went. As I recall, Llewelyn arrived at the site at midday, but didn’t get home until after dark, which implies that he had driven quite a long way. There are probably several nearby towns within that range that are possibilities, and they’d have to check 'em _all_ out. With that much extra time, the odds are good that Llewelyn would have gone through the money, even if just to count it, and discovered the tracking device. Instead, since he had to go on the run right away, he never had the chance. ---
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2008, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/49 "2008-06-18T14:13:21Z")
Star Trek III: The Search for Spock… Scene; Interior Spacedock, lounge. Sulu: The word Admiral? Kirk: The word gentlemen is no. Therefore I am going to the bar to get plastered. Chekov: Wodkas all awound! ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2008, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/50 "2008-06-18T14:30:30Z")
"Hi, I’m Carter J Burke and_BLAM_BLAMBLAMBLAM\* ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2008, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/51 "2008-06-18T14:34:00Z")
[QUOTE=Icerigger] Nit-pick. Blofeld’s ship and equipment came from China, they hired Blofeld to start a war for them. Remember the scene in his “living room” where he thanks the Chinese agents for their superb equipment. He also asks them for a little money in advance, contrary to the original agreement stating “extortion is my business”. [/QUOTE] Yeah, because the Chinese were capable of building such a vehicle during the height of the Cultural Revolution. :rolleyes: 😛 The film is (of course) absurd, but one could say that about practically any Bond film. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![TJVM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b38774/32.png) [@TJVM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJVM)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2008, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/52 "2008-06-18T15:02:03Z")
[QUOTE=Max Torque] See, I thought of that, but here’s my take: All the “bad guys” know upon arriving at the scene is that the money’s missing. Since it went missing in the middle of nowhere, they have no way of knowing who took it or which way he went. As I recall, Llewelyn arrived at the site at midday, but didn’t get home until after dark, which implies that he had driven quite a long way. There are probably several nearby towns within that range that are possibilities, and they’d have to check 'em _all_ out. With that much extra time, the odds are good that Llewelyn would have gone through the money, even if just to count it, and discovered the tracking device. Instead, since he had to go on the run right away, he never had the chance. [/QUOTE] My response: [spoiler]I don’t think it could have been all that far. The sheriff (Tommy Lee Jones’ character) apparently lives in the same town as Llewellyn, since he knows him. And since that sheriff is the one who investigates the shoot-out, it appears that the shoot-out happened in the same county where Llewellyn lives. Of course, it’s possible that the bad guys wouldn’t have found him – he might have found the transmitter in time, for instance. I just figure, in a place where the sheriff can look at a truck and say, “I know that truck, it belongs to Llewellyn Moss,” it’s not too hard to find a guy. And, I think it’s an interesting notion that the decision that seems to have doomed him – going back to the shootout scene – might actually have (temporarily) saved him.[/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![Plynck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Plynck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plynck)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2008, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/53 "2008-06-18T17:56:14Z")
Memento. Oh wait. :smack: It _was_ over in the first five minutes. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2008, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/54 "2008-06-18T18:14:45Z")
[QUOTE=Pushkin] Chekov: Wodkas all awound! [/QUOTE] Is he Russian or Fuddian? ---
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2008, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/55 "2008-06-18T18:26:13Z")
[QUOTE=KneadToKnow] Is he Russian or Fuddian? [/QUOTE] Until I found wikipedia I seriously doubted he had any Russian heritage 😛 But the script could probably have dropped that second “w” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2008, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/56 "2008-06-18T18:37:06Z")
From several of Universal’s horror movies: High Priest: You shall smuggle the mummy of Kharis into the United States. You shall locate the infidels who desecrated Ananka’s tomb. You shall brew the sacred elixer of the sacred Tana leaves to revive the mummy. The mummy shall destroy the infidels. Junior Priest: Wouldn’t it be easier to get a gun and shoot them? Hunchbacked Assistant: Master, while digging in the basement, we found the body of Frankenstein’s monster. In the attic, we found Dr. Frankenstein’s notebook. Scientist: Leave the monster’s body alone. The last three guys who tried to revive it, all died violently. As for Dr. F’s notes, let’s try it on something like a hamster or a shetland pony, that won’t be able to do much damage if it escapes. ---
**Author:** ![JoseB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/joseb/32/1530_2.png) [@JoseB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoseB)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2008, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/57 "2008-06-18T18:54:41Z")
[QUOTE=Stranger On A Train] Yeah, because the Chinese were capable of building such a vehicle during the height of the Cultural Revolution. :rolleyes: 😛 The film is (of course) absurd, but one could say that about practically any Bond film. Stranger [/QUOTE] Well, I think that “Casino Royale” (2006) was quite restrained when it came to absurdity (forgetting for a moment the sight of a supposedly trained agent running amok in a third-world country embassy…) And, going with the OT… Jack and Fabrizio get out of their poker game 1 minute too late, and don’t make it to the “Titanic” in time. Disappointed, Jack goes back to his bohemian life of street artist, Fabrizio goes back to trying to find some job, and later they thank their lucky lucky lucky stars. The End. Just my 2 eurocent! ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2008, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/58 "2008-06-18T18:56:49Z")
[QUOTE=mbh] . . . Scientist: Leave the monster’s body alone. The last three guys who tried to revive it, all died violently. As for Dr. F’s notes, let’s try it on something like a hamster or a shetland pony, that won’t be able to do much damage if it escapes. [/QUOTE] _snerk_ Frankenpony. Love it. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2008, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/59 "2008-06-18T23:21:49Z")
[QUOTE=Yllaria] _snerk_ Frankenpony. Love it. [/QUOTE] [Frankenweenie Lives!](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frankenweenie) ---
**Author:** ![JSexton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/96bed5/32.png) [@JSexton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JSexton)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2008, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/60 "2008-06-19T00:06:44Z")
[QUOTE=John DiFool] [Frankenweenie Lives!](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frankenweenie) [/QUOTE] Which would then go on to inspire the classic crossover cult hit _Frankenweenie vs Bunnicula._ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179.md?page=4)