# Movies that should have been over in the first 5 minutes **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 17, 2008, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179 "2008-06-17T02:25:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilvert_s_Pagan)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2008, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/61 "2008-06-19T00:07:26Z")
[QUOTE=Freudian Slit] Bambi vs. Godzilla. Oh…wait. [/QUOTE] Aw shit - beat me by two days! :rolleyes: OTOH, I actually have a copy of BvG, in case any of you were wondering if I’m raising my children right… ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2008, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/62 "2008-06-19T13:57:01Z")
Scarlett: Ashley, I love you. Ashley: Scarlett, I love Melanie. I’m going to marry her and stay married to her for the rest of my life. She is the only dream I have that lives and breaths and will not die in the face of reality. Scarlett:To hell with you, Ashley Wilkes. Rhett, rising from behind couch: Marry me, Miss O’Hara. Scarlett: What the hell, why not? I don’t give a damn. ---
**Author:** ![Jolly\_Roger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/91b2a8/32.png) [@Jolly\_Roger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jolly_Roger)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2008, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/63 "2008-06-19T14:15:22Z")
**Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan** if the almighty, super tech federation had anything resembling our current day astronomy techniques. How did they not notice that Ceti Alpha whatever-the-heck had exploded? …and even then, if anyone on the bridge of the Reliant had just counted _“…1…2…3…Captain, theres a planet missing in the ceti Alpha System!..and a lot of debris floating around out there…”_ **Alien** if anyone had suggested that John hurt get an x-ray after the facehugger fell off. I sure as hell would have. **Superman Returns** if Superman had, you know, locked the door to his fortress or secured the place somehow. I don’t leave my freaking car unlocked and I don’t have powerful alien technology in it. ---
**Author:** ![Jolly\_Roger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/91b2a8/32.png) [@Jolly\_Roger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jolly_Roger)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2008, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/64 "2008-06-19T14:22:27Z")
[QUOTE=Cluricaun] Sames goes for the suspense/horror genre where the killer(s) aren’t even supernatural but just crazy people. All of these people live where nobody has a gun, ever. Like maybe Canada. _Evil Bad Guys_: “Hey, let’s go to Cluricaun’s house and kill him and his family with this chainsaw” _Cluricaun_: Blam blam blam blam blam blam. The End. [/QUOTE] Better yet…when the killer isn’t supernatural but the idiots he’s after split up. **Stupid Guy:** Man, that freak killed jimmy! Game over man, Game over! we’re doomed! \*\*Stupid Guy #2: \*\* Calm down, man. Look, lets split up. I’ll go try to police…you guys try to get to the main road! **Scared but hot chick:** OMG!OMG!OMG! **Jolly Roger:** Howabout we just jump him. He’s one guy with a fuckin’ knife. I say we break off some of these table legs and beat the shit outta him. **An hour later the Cops:** Jeezuz! Who beat this guy’s ass? **Crazy Axe murderer:** Please, officer, get me away from those kids! they broke both of my legs, all of my fingers and shoved my knife up my ass sideways. ---
**Author:** ![Jolly\_Roger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/91b2a8/32.png) [@Jolly\_Roger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jolly_Roger)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2008, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/65 "2008-06-19T14:30:18Z")
[QUOTE=Chimera] Or maybe they should call the Police. I know it’s cliche that the cops don’t respond, but get creative. “The house next door is on fire”. “There’s some guy masturbating in the street and there are children present”. Heck, even in a rural area, that last one would draw every cop for 100 miles. There’s the stupid horror movie commercials that have the people in masks attacking the couple in the house. Stupidly, they show the guy with the gun going outside. Apparently, somewhere along the line, he loses the gun and gets taken, because they show him tied to a chair with the nutcases gloating about it. Nope. I stay in the house with my gun. You come in the door or window and I blow you the fuck away. Because _everyone_ knows that you need to let the bad guy come into the house in order to plead ‘self defense’. “I walked out in the yard and shot the fucker” gets you a murder charge. Then there’s the dangerous Thing that kills people like they’re ants, but some Moron In Authority orders everyone to take it alive. Fuck That Shit. It killed a bunch of my buddies like nothing, I’m not taking any further risks. Nuke it from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure. “Captain **Chimera** , you disobeyed the orders of Dr. Shitbrains to capture the beast alive. What do you have to say for yourself?” “I had 50 men. The beast killed 37 of them without breaking a sweat. At that point, Dr. Shitbrains ordered us to capture it alive. I therefore determined that Dr. Shitbrains orders were not only impossible to carry out, but incredibly suicidal. It was therefore my command decision to retreat from the scene and hit the beast with a 10 megaton warhead, in order to ensure that there was no further danger.” [/QUOTE] Damn you…that made me chuckle out loud at work and now people are staring at me. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2008, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/66 "2008-06-19T14:56:03Z")
_Lifeforce._ “Whoa! Naked space vampires!” “Did you say naked?” “Yeah. I also said vampires.” “Who cares! They’re _hot!_” _– everybody begins to party, and Earth is caught with its pants down in the first two minutes of the naked space vampires’ arrival –_ ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2008, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/67 "2008-06-19T15:08:42Z")
> [@](#): > > Alien if anyone had suggested that John hurt get an x-ray after the facehugger fell off. I sure as hell would have. They did, but Ash covered up the evidence and lied. ---
**Author:** ![UncaStuart](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uncastuart/32/404_2.png) [@UncaStuart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncaStuart)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2008, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/68 "2008-06-19T15:12:12Z")
[QUOTE=pravnik] _Dances with Wolves._ U.S. Army officer in full regalia bearing a flag rides alone to a Sioux encampment to return one of their women? He’s dead. [/QUOTE] Or even sooner: U.S. Army officer with combat fatigue rides with arms spread wide in front of a line of Confederate troops at a farm fence. Fifty-three musket balls pluck him off his horse. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2008, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/69 "2008-06-19T17:25:34Z")
This one came to me last night as I was re-watching one of my favorite films ever, _Silver Streak_: > [@](#): > > **George** (to Ralston) > What’s this partition? (accidentally opens door to adjoining room) > > **Mexican Mama-San** \* > Ahhhhh! Rapist! Santa Maria! Madre de Dios! \*That’s how she’s credited. Take it up with [Colin Higgins](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0075223/). ---
**Author:** ![AtomicDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ac91a4/32.png) [@AtomicDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AtomicDog)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2008, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/70 "2008-06-19T18:09:59Z")
[QUOTE=CalMeacham] How about **Alien Vs. ET**? [/QUOTE] I’d buy _that_ for a dollar! ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2008, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/71 "2008-06-19T19:00:40Z")
**Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country** As the opening credits finish rolling, there’s a huge planet-shattering kaboom. The crew of the Excelsior is curious, and as they’re scanning the area, they receive a message: “This is Brigadier Kerla speaking for the High Command. There has been an incident on Praxis. However, everything is under control, we have no need for assistance. Obey treaty stipulations and remain outside the Neutral Zone. This transmission ends now.” Captain Sulu says “OK, you heard the man. Resume course for home!” ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2008, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179/72 "2008-06-19T19:31:45Z")
[QUOTE=gotpasswords] Captain Sulu says “OK, you heard the man. Resume course for home!” [/QUOTE] Captain Muntz points at the viewscreen and says “Ha HA!”. Ensign: Sir, shouldn’t we do something? Captain Muntz: I said “Ha HA”… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-that-should-have-been-over-in-the-first-5-minutes/453179.md?page=3)