# Movies you absolutely DESPISE **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 19, 2005, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-absolutely-despise/290886 "2005-02-19T14:16:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-absolutely-despise/290886/241 "2005-07-30T15:49:05Z")
If I were captured by terrorists who wanted to make me reveal state secrets, all they would have to do is threaten to make me sit through **The Color Purple** – the movie that just will not end. I couldn’t leave the theater because I was sitting in the middle of a full row; I honestly was starting to think that I’d died and gone to hell. Every time I thought the pain would finally be over ,yet one more tragedy befell the women, and yet one more black man did something shitty. Thanks, **jsgoddess** , for reminding me of **Bulworth**. For the lucky ones who haven’t seen it, at the end of the movie Halle Berry says to Warren Beatty, “You’re my nigger.” If only I could destroy the brain cells that insist on remembering this. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-absolutely-despise/290886/242 "2005-07-30T19:25:27Z")
> [@laina\_f](#): > > Thanks, **jsgoddess** , for reminding me of **Bulworth**. For the lucky ones who haven’t seen it, at the end of the movie Halle Berry says to Warren Beatty, “You’re my nigger.” If only I could destroy the brain cells that insist on remembering this. **jsgoddess** , spreading misery since 1971. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-absolutely-despise/290886/243 "2005-07-30T20:19:17Z")
**Alien 3** is it. I know I’m seconding or thirding the statements of others, but the opening was so sad and disappointing. Look, I know life isn’t fair, and people, even kids die, but the movie isn’t life, it’s Hollywood, and I expected something better. The director must have taken arrogant pills or something. What I would have done is have them all survive the crash, and then, if someone had to die, make it Ripley and that corporal, dying to save Newt. As an epilogue you could have Newt cuddling the cat when she went back to Earth, a hard look in her eyes. ---
**Author:** ![Ashes\_Ashes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-absolutely-despise/290886/244 "2005-07-30T21:20:17Z")
I really, _really_ hate these movies, so if you happen to like any of them, please know that they’ve struck a nerve with me that I know is completely irrational in it’s intensity. But good fun for me, in a clean sweep of the spleen sort of way. Down with Love. I even kinda like Doris Day type movies, but this was not a Doris Day movie, it was not an hommage, it was not a satire of them, it was just CRAP in fugly ham-handedly pseudo-period clothes. I hate that chipmunk played the female lead, Runny Zipperhead I think she’s called, and it was a complete waste of Ewan McGregor. And nobody will ever replace the wonder that was Tony Randall as the neurotic sidekick (yes, I know he wasn’t brilliant, that was part of the charm, shuddup-- I do not either luv him). Not even Niles Crane (‘From Frasier!’ the neon sign over his head reads every time he’s on screen) could do anything except point out how they should have dispensed with the role instead of denigrating it with a shabby substitute. Then again, the whole movie was a travesty and an insult on an infinite number of levels in it’s entirety. Jerry Maguire. I didn’t even see this movie before I hated it so much, based on the ads alone, that I needed medication to handle the stress. Then I spent months being bombarded by movie talk and that goddam ‘show me the money’ every _stronzo_ with two sickly brain cells to rub together would vomit at me every five seconds. Then I watched a part of it, maybe the whole thing, I can’t be sure between passing out from the horror and what I’ve managed to block in an attempt to preserve the remainder of my Maguire-savaged mind. A million years later and there’s _still_ a jackass at work with a ‘money’ license plate holder and I want to put the car in a crusher every time I see it. I also want to take that little swollen-headed kid and pinch his head into a gory ball of bone shards and pulp before feeding him to rabid wolves with dull teeth. Yes, dull teeth because even though he’d be dead, I want his parents to know the disposal of his remains was as awful as possible because they unleashed that freakish hydrocephally imposter on the movie-going public. You don’t even want to know what I’d do to Tom Cruise, because you wouldn’t like to be institutionalised because I told you. Rest assured, I will see he pays for every single one of the abortions in his filmography. And that goes double for _Magnolia_, you erection under tighty whities, misogynist portraying, Scientologist (sorry for using the $-word folks, but I felt he deserved the worst insult I could come up with). Cuba Gooding Jr is redeemed only slightly because of _As Good as it Gets_ which inexplicably I like, probably because of the dog. It sure as hell wasn’t that Helen ‘I’m amazingly over-rated’ Hunt. So I’m waiting to see if I’ll need to design something for Cuba that’ll curdle the soul. You might want to pack an emergency get away bag, Mr Gooding-- lately you reek. Yep, I really don’t like that movie. Every one of the Godfather movies. They’re boring movies about nasty people, doing yucky things, to whom I cannot relate in the slightest. I worry about people who identify a little too much and glorify the cancer on this world that is the Mafia. Shane. “Come back Shane!” No, he can’t come back you little asshole, he’s dead and I killed him just to make your life suck. Now go get run over by a speeding wagon and make my day complete. Rebel without a Cause. I think James Dean was an unattractive, emotionally stunted, self-centered freak. Which would make him perfect for this movie, because crap should always be festooned with it’s own special little maggot trimming. ‘Poor meeee! Noooobody understands meeeeee! Life is just so haaaaaard!’ Suck it up dillweed. You think everybody else has it easier somehow? No-- they got their heads out of their asses and dealt with what they were handed any way they could. Go wash out about a pound of that Brylcream in your hair, too, you greasy-headed schmuck. And the red jacket is _stupid_. Ahhhh, much better now. My spleen is clean as a whistle. ---
**Author:** ![Ruckinge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/977dab/32.png) [@Ruckinge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruckinge)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-absolutely-despise/290886/245 "2005-07-30T21:21:53Z")
**The Forgotten** **Problem Child** sucked too. I watched it on _TV_ and still was pissed. ---
**Author:** ![Wolfian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ea924/32.png) [@Wolfian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfian)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2005, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-absolutely-despise/290886/246 "2005-07-31T00:46:43Z")
**Ghost World**. The main character turns everyone’s life to crap then runs away at the end. I loathe her and loathe the fact that if she were real I’d probably date her knowing everything I know now. ---
**Author:** ![Ruckinge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/977dab/32.png) [@Ruckinge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruckinge)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2005, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-absolutely-despise/290886/247 "2005-07-31T05:14:34Z")
I got the same thing out of it **Wolfian** , but I didn’t hate it. I think that was mostly because I was surprised to find a teen movie that was different, and a little more realistic, than the rest out there. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2005, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-absolutely-despise/290886/248 "2005-07-31T08:51:12Z")
Last Year In Marienbad. ---
**Author:** ![viva\_la\_bruce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a5b964/32.png) [@viva\_la\_bruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/viva_la_bruce)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2005, 9:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-absolutely-despise/290886/249 "2005-07-31T09:02:21Z")
> [@StGermain](#): > > I hated **Adaptation**. And **Ghost World**. Those aren’t movies I’d normally go to see, but they had a lot of good press, so I took the plunge. Wring. I should trust my instincts. > > StG YES YES YES!!! Ghost World made me want to stick pencils up my nose and bang my head against something until they pierced my brain. EEEEERRRRRRRGGGGGG!!! The only satifying ending would have been watching those two spoiled, self centered pieces of shit tortured to death. ---
**Author:** ![parthenokinesis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/cc9497/32.png) [@parthenokinesis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/parthenokinesis)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2005, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-absolutely-despise/290886/250 "2005-07-31T12:24:15Z")
> [@Big Bad Voodoo Lou](#): > > One of the worst movies of recent years, for sure. Dreamcatcher played out like a bad episode of South Park: an alien that looks like a giant piece of crap with teeth and crawls in and out of people’s asses, a guy who is killed by said alien while on the toilet, a deranged military man who shoots his own troops in anger, four idiot friends who discover this ultimate evil while on a camping trip, and a retarded kid who turns out to be the alien savior. [Hijack]Umm Dude, that actually sounds like a pretty good SP episode.[/Hijack] I save much of my movie hate for **Steel Magnolias**. I was glad when Julia Roberts died, I think she should do that in every movie, and she should have taken Sally Field and Darryll Hannah with her. Whew! That feels better. Oh, and I am the guy who liked **Very Bad Things** , but I like my comedy dark. And for those of you who hated **Troy** , I found the death of Achilles so funny that it redeemed the rest of the movie. Probably not what the filmmakers were going for, but worth watching. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2005, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-absolutely-despise/290886/251 "2005-07-31T14:22:33Z")
> [@shy guy](#): > > **Patch Fucking Adams**. I can’t even begin to put into words how much I utterly despise this movie and everyone involved in its making. A-Fucking-Men. I’ve seen WORSE movies than Patch Adams, but I’ve never seen a more infuriating movie. ---
**Author:** ![kindaclever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@kindaclever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kindaclever)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2005, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-absolutely-despise/290886/252 "2005-07-31T14:51:28Z")
my most loathed movie ever was _When a Man Loves a Woman_ – of course most Meg Ryan associated films are crap but my god this one is wretched. All I kept thinking through that entire melodrama was “I need a drink!” There are lots of films mentioned that I didn’t particularly enjoy but few that make me angry just thinking about them like the aforementioned. ---
**Author:** ![AndrewL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@AndrewL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AndrewL)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2005, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-absolutely-despise/290886/253 "2005-07-31T15:06:50Z")
**Suicide Kings** I left the theater wanting to track down the writers and producer and bludgeon them with a heavy object. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2005, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-absolutely-despise/290886/254 "2005-07-31T16:31:07Z")
I saw **Ishtar** when it first came out in the theaters, but I remember nothing about it. The whole movie is condensed in my memory to “Two clueless jerks wander north Africa”. About **Forrest Gump** : I don’t think it’s a bad movie so much as a very well done presentation of a premise that many people find appalling; sort of like _Birth of a Nation_. **Forrest Gump** is a modern retelling of an old folktale archtype- that of the Wise Simpleton, whose guileless decency serves him better than all his fellows’ cleverness. **Forrest Gump** is a near-perfect summation of the anti-intellectual stance that maintains that it is better to be good than smart. ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-absolutely-despise/290886/255 "2005-08-01T01:27:50Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > I know a lot of people will disagree with me but I hated **The Game**. Well no one else seems to have stepped up to the plate, so I’ll gladly jump in and agree with this pick. I agree with a lot of the others here, too ( **Dances with Wolves** – Costner fucking sucks, **Moulin Rouge** , **Lost in Translation** , **War of the Roses** among them. And **Gosford Park** sucked shriveled donkey balls. But nothing brings on the HATE more than another John Travolta piece of crap called **White Man’s Burden**. Utter racist garbage. When we walked out and asked the manager for our money back, he told us he had more walk-outs with requests for refunds on that movie than any other movie they’d ever shown. ---
**Author:** ![lhovis73](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecd19e/32.png) [@lhovis73](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lhovis73)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-absolutely-despise/290886/256 "2005-08-01T01:46:05Z")
Dogville made me pray for death. It was particularly hard to take because (a) my movie-going companions thought it was totally brilliant, (b) I didn’t know beforehand that it was three hours long, and © I wanted to see Spider-man II that night, but the vote didn’t go my way. ---
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-absolutely-despise/290886/257 "2005-08-01T01:58:15Z")
**Driving Ms. Daisy** was stupid, stilted and boring. I still can’t believe it won any Academy awards, let alone best picture. ---
**Author:** ![NicePete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ee7513/32.png) [@NicePete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NicePete)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-absolutely-despise/290886/258 "2005-08-01T02:42:50Z")
**E.T.** Saccharine, predictable and blatantly manipulative. I have trouble understanding why some folks don’t like movies because all the characters are evil or none of them are likeable. So? If the characters are developed in a realistic way and they do interesting things, then I’m likely to enjoy the movie, whether or not the characters are candidates for sainthood. Suggesting that you don’t like films like **The Godfather** or **Goodfellas** because they’re about bad people doing bad things makes me think you’re missing the point of storytelling and wonder what the hell kind of bland movie you do like. ---
**Author:** ![mambocrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc348/32.png) [@mambocrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mambocrow)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-absolutely-despise/290886/259 "2005-08-01T03:03:59Z")
**Out of Africa** - 1985, Director - Sydney Pollack Good cinematography, but an extremely boring movie. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-absolutely-despise/290886/260 "2005-08-01T05:01:23Z")
> [@Shayna](#): > > Well no one else seems to have stepped up to the plate, so I’ll gladly jump in and agree with this pick. I agree with a lot of the others here, too ( **Dances with Wolves** – Costner fucking sucks, **Moulin Rouge** , **Lost in Translation** , **War of the Roses** among them. And **Gosford Park** sucked shriveled donkey balls. > > But nothing brings on the HATE more than another John Travolta piece of crap called **White Man’s Burden**. Utter racist garbage. When we walked out and asked the manager for our money back, he told us he had more walk-outs with requests for refunds on that movie than any other movie they’d ever shown. I’ll jump in and hate **The Game** along with you. Absolutely unbelievable plot. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-absolutely-despise/290886.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-absolutely-despise/290886.md?page=14)