# Movies You Didn't Expect to Suck So Bad **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 10, 2011, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-didnt-expect-to-suck-so-bad/574196 "2011-03-10T17:27:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2011, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-didnt-expect-to-suck-so-bad/574196/181 "2011-03-17T01:31:37Z")
> [@Koxinga](#): > > Could you give some examples of the films you do find entertaining, and that are not manipulative and formulaic? I can’t think of a single movie in the history of cinema that wasn’t both on some level. And also, y’know, so we can return the favor of spitting on something you enjoy (even as lighthearted fare) and implying you’re stupid. There are degrees of manipulative and formulaic. A Hallmark card is not a Shakespeare sonnet. The Pixar/Disney movies fall on the Hallmark end of the scale to me. Films I like? Sure. _Miller’s Crossing, Revanche, Mystery Train, Schizopolis, Ghost World, Ikiru, The Big Lebowski, Brazil, Chungking Express, Airplane!_…Spit away. Strangers’ opinions on my taste don’t mean jack shit to me. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2011, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-didnt-expect-to-suck-so-bad/574196/182 "2011-03-17T01:36:54Z")
> [@Superhal](#): > > Yeah it was the pod race for me too. I was watching my watch and when I looked down, I realized over half the movie was over and essentially nothing interesting happened, at all. Then, the creeping horror of bad dialogue, bad acting, bad cgi, and a race with absolutely no drama at all started to engulf the entire theater. Gene Siskel used to say that a bad movie is one where you check your watch, and a REALLY bad movie is one where you check your watch to see if it’s stopped. Halfway through “The Phantom Menace,” I was starting to believe that the passage of time in our universe had come to a halt. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2011, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-didnt-expect-to-suck-so-bad/574196/183 "2011-03-17T01:39:23Z")
> [@Student\_Driver](#): > > Cook/Simpson. Never heard of the latter one… is it any better? Actually, the Dillon/Applegate one came out two years earlier than the Cook/Simpson one. (And apparently there was also a porno movie titled _Employee of the Month_ back in 1994.) Personally, I haven’t seen any of them so I can’t offer an opinion. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2011, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-didnt-expect-to-suck-so-bad/574196/184 "2011-03-17T04:45:16Z")
> [@Doctor](#): > > I saw Twilight with some friends without knowing much about it at the time – thank Og on home video – and being told how “awesome” Twilight was. I gave up on it after an hour. The acting was _so bad_ I could not stand it. I mean, I have a pretty high threshold for crap movies (for example, I loved the GI Joe movie - I knew exactly what I was going to get and it did not disappoint, but it was a bad movie, really), but I wanted drive a stake through “Bella” and her creepy vampire friend by the time that first hour had finished. Ugh. I love it. It may have something to do with the fact that **Rifftrax** was on during it, so I was mostly laughing at the commentary and at (not with) the film. Do they make a version that only has the dialog, no commentary? Edit: Scooped by **Sakuma Drops** ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2011, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-didnt-expect-to-suck-so-bad/574196/185 "2011-03-17T05:51:49Z")
> [@Doctor](#): > > I gave up on it after an hour. The acting was _so bad_ I could not stand it. I mean, I have a pretty high threshold for crap movies (for example, I loved the GI Joe movie - I knew exactly what I was going to get and it did not disappoint, but it was a bad movie, really), but I wanted drive a stake through “Bella” and her creepy vampire friend by the time that first hour had finished. Ugh. Amazingly, it was better than the book. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2011, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-didnt-expect-to-suck-so-bad/574196/186 "2011-03-17T07:44:15Z")
> [@Agent\_Foxtrot](#): > > I thought _Inglourious Basterds_ would be a lot better. I don’t know if I thought it would be a lot better, but I certainly expected it to be a lot different. One assassination attempt centered around a movie theater? Really? I certainly didn’t get the impression from the trailers that it’d be about _that_. > [@Chopper9760](#): > > It makes me feel like a curmudgeonly asshole but I don’t like any of the computer animated kids’ movies. > > Toy Story, Shrek, UP, WALL-E, and the like. > > Someone recently started a thread about the CGI being soulless and maybe there’s something to that theory. I really don’t believe it’s the medium though, I’m just not impressed by the stories. I’m with you. I don’t think it’s the medium exactly. It’s more the attitude that being pretty should make up for lack of originality. Avatar shows that attitude in spades too, and it’s not even a kids’ movie. I did come to a realization, recently, though. I’ve never been a big fan of animated movies. You know how little kids watch their favorite movies over and over? I never liked a single cartoon enough to watch more than half a dozen times my entire childhood. So I guess it stands to reason I like 2-3 animated movies a decade these days. Anyway, I didn’t expect **ink** to suck nearly as much as it did. It’s the same “look how surreal and weird this is…what do you mean plot? you’re supposed to be distracted by this shiny over here, not thinking about how pointless this all is!” crap as **MirrorMask**. How do movies that don’t have even minimal plot cohesiveness get produced? ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2011, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-didnt-expect-to-suck-so-bad/574196/187 "2011-03-17T11:58:58Z")
> [@Superhal](#): > > Did you see it in the theaters? We were trying to figure out how much worse it would have been in 3D. No I got it from Netflix. My disappointment would have been outright anger had I paid $10+ to see it. ---
**Author:** ![Sakuma\_Drops](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sakuma\_Drops](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sakuma_Drops)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2011, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-didnt-expect-to-suck-so-bad/574196/188 "2011-03-17T12:15:53Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > I’m with you. I don’t think it’s the medium exactly. It’s more the attitude that being pretty should make up for lack of originality. Avatar shows that attitude in spades too, and it’s not even a kids’ movie. Huh. While I agree that _Avatar’s_ plot has been done and re-done before (_Dances With Wolves_ being only one of its “inspirations”), I’ve always though of most of Pixar’s movies being quite original, at least when compared with the usual slate of popular movies which is rife with sequels, prequels, remakes, and remakes of remakes. A rat who loves to cook? Monsters who collect kids’ screams for energy? And old man who ties some balloons to his house so he can go to South America? I mean, whether or not you dislike the animated aspect of those movies, can you at least agree that originality WRT story elements is not one of Pixar’s problems? ---
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2011, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-didnt-expect-to-suck-so-bad/574196/189 "2011-04-29T17:24:19Z")
> [@Nobody](#): > > [The Forgotten](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0356618/). Watching it I thought it was OK, but driving home with my wife all of the plot-holes and “Hey, wait a minute.” moments flooded my head and I realized it was a lousy movie that made no sense. OMFG how I hate this movie. I have never had such a visceral reaction to anything before or since this thing, and I hope I never do. ---
**Author:** ![campp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@campp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/campp)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2011, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-didnt-expect-to-suck-so-bad/574196/190 "2011-04-29T18:10:51Z")
Yeah, second on **Tripplets of Belleville.** A friend bought me a copy because he thought it was the greatest thing ever. WTF? ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2011, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-didnt-expect-to-suck-so-bad/574196/191 "2011-04-29T19:20:38Z")
I’m going to add Tim Burton’s _Alice in Wonderland_. I kind of had an idea what I was in for, which would be, Tim Burton (love him or hate him and I like him) visuals plastered all over Alice in Wonderland. Now, if you’re not into that, of course you’d want to stay away, but I’m into it. But for crying out loud. You really need to shoehorn in a shopworn “Chosen One” and “Coming of Age” plot onto Alice in Wonderland? Seriously? I’ve got a fucking idea for you Tim. You pull out your fucking copy of _Alice in Wonderland_, and you fucking turn that book into a fucking movie, and you put your patented fucking twee emo goth visuals on it. Is that so fucking hard? The plot of Alice in Wonderland does not need to be improved. You know what the plot of Alice in Wonderland is? Alice wanders around Wonderland meeting crazy fucked up characters, the end. And guess what, Tim? That’s you all over. This is WHAT YOU FUCKING DO. This is the Tim Burton feeling you provide with your movies by Tim Burton. You know it. I know it. The American people know it. I don’t go into Tokyo Sushi House and bitch and whine about how they can’t make a decent hambuger. I’m perfectly happy when I get a plate full of California rolls and edamame when I go to Tokyo House. I know better than the walk into a Tim Burton movie and complain because I don’t like twee emo goth shit, or Johnny Depp in 500 layers of makeup. That ain’t the problem here, Tim. I don’t need you to make me a hamburger. I need you to get out there and do your fucking job. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2011, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-didnt-expect-to-suck-so-bad/574196/192 "2011-04-29T20:01:23Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > I’m going to add Tim Burton’s _Alice in Wonderland_. I kind of had an idea what I was in for, which would be, Tim Burton (love him or hate him and I like him) visuals plastered all over Alice in Wonderland. Now, if you’re not into that, of course you’d want to stay away, but I’m into it. > > But for crying out loud. You really need to shoehorn in a shopworn “Chosen One” and “Coming of Age” plot onto Alice in Wonderland? Seriously? > > I’ve got a fucking idea for you Tim. You pull out your fucking copy of _Alice in Wonderland_, and you fucking turn that book into a fucking movie, and you put your patented fucking twee emo goth visuals on it. Is that so fucking hard? > > The plot of Alice in Wonderland does not need to be improved. You know what the plot of Alice in Wonderland is? Alice wanders around Wonderland meeting crazy fucked up characters, the end. And guess what, Tim? That’s you all over. This is WHAT YOU FUCKING DO. This is the Tim Burton feeling you provide with your movies by Tim Burton. You know it. I know it. The American people know it. > > I don’t go into Tokyo Sushi House and bitch and whine about how they can’t make a decent hambuger. I’m perfectly happy when I get a plate full of California rolls and edamame when I go to Tokyo House. I know better than the walk into a Tim Burton movie and complain because I don’t like twee emo goth shit, or Johnny Depp in 500 layers of makeup. That ain’t the problem here, Tim. I don’t need you to make me a hamburger. I need you to get out there and do your fucking job. Haha. Very good post. I laughed a lot during this. I’m not going to be original and post _Lost in Translation_ this was the first movie I can remember that actually bored me to praying it was over. What did he say to her at the end? Who gives a rat’s… I’m also gonna do a bit of a off topic on this and say that anything with Johnny Depp or Ben Stiller I refuse to watch now because of how horrendously bad their movies are. I never thought that every movie with these two I see would be so bad. Edit: Scratch that kinda sorta…I love the Pirates movies…so I will watch them. Anything else? Screw it ---
**Author:** ![Wakinyan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wakinyan/32/352_2.png) [@Wakinyan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wakinyan)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2011, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-didnt-expect-to-suck-so-bad/574196/193 "2011-04-29T21:21:09Z")
Of movies I’ve seen recently (last couple of years), that I really expected being good based on reviews and recommendations, **Inglorious Basterds** (great first minutes, great evil guy, otherwise boring and slightly dumb) and **The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford** (boring, also I don’t believe in the characters), win this contest in my book. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2011, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-didnt-expect-to-suck-so-bad/574196/194 "2011-04-30T00:51:34Z")
“The Departed.” Oscar for Best Picture? Really? Cause to me it was, well, kinda … boring. And uninspired. A routine cop melodrama. Law & Order turns out better episodes routinely. I only watched it because of “No Country For Old Men.” It had won Best Picture and I thought it sounded dull and stupid (serial killer themes generally are stupid and boring, IMHO) so I didn’t watch it, but then it was on cable one day and I thought I’d sample it, and damn, that opening scene where the hunter finds the aftermath of the drug trade shootout … damn … so bleak and barren and yet somehow beautiful … turned out to be a great movie, apart from the invulnerable psycho killer (yawn). So I tried out “The Departed” since it was another Best Picture winner that sounded kinda dull. And it was! It was like 'You’re not really a cop!" “I am so a cop!” You’ll be a secret cop and we’ll disavow everything we know just on general principles!" “Hey the bad scary bad guy is insane! He might kill me!” “Suck it up, kid!” and I’m all … ‘Bwuh … wha? did something happen? guess not. Back to sleep.’ ---
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2011, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-didnt-expect-to-suck-so-bad/574196/195 "2011-04-30T01:17:33Z")
Have you all forgotten about **Star Trek: The Motion Picture**? Kirk, Spock and the bald-headed chick in a 3 hour movie with a 15 minute recycled plot. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Knig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@Typo\_Knig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Knig)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2011, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-didnt-expect-to-suck-so-bad/574196/196 "2011-04-30T02:09:53Z")
Woody Allen’s Hannah and Her Sisters. I like his movies, and not just the early funny ones. But this was boring beyond belief, and had no characters that were likeable or interesting. Mama Zappa and I walked out of it. My only regret is that everyone else we knew at the time LUURRRRVED the movie 😕 We felt like we were surrounded by pod people (to reference a flick with better acting … ). ---
**Author:** ![campp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@campp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/campp)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2011, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-didnt-expect-to-suck-so-bad/574196/197 "2011-04-30T23:18:34Z")
> [@zamboniracer](#): > > Have you all forgotten about **Star Trek: The Motion Picture**? Kirk, Spock and the bald-headed chick in a 3 hour movie with a 15 minute recycled plot. I actually fell fully asleep during that, and I was so excited going in! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2011, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-didnt-expect-to-suck-so-bad/574196/198 "2011-04-30T23:25:22Z")
Any original SyFy TV movie. I go into them _expecting_ them to suck, and every time they surpass my expectations. The black hole of suck that was “John Carter of Mars” was beyond my worst nightmares. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2011, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-didnt-expect-to-suck-so-bad/574196/199 "2011-05-01T00:46:59Z")
I so wanted to like **Where The Wild Things Are** (being a rather big Spike Jonze fan) But as someone above mentioned, when you take a book that has maybe 10 lines in it, meant for kindergartners, and try to stretch it into a feature film… well, it just fell incredibly flat for me. Boooooring. I thought the trailer for it was brilliant, and I think that’s all that was really needed to be seen to that extent. Even that was longer than it takes to read the book. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2011, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-didnt-expect-to-suck-so-bad/574196/200 "2011-05-01T01:58:50Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Any original SyFy TV movie. I go into them _expecting_ them to suck, and every time they surpass my expectations. The black hole of suck that was “John Carter of Mars” was beyond my worst nightmares. So they actually made the one with Tracy Lords? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-didnt-expect-to-suck-so-bad/574196.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/movies-you-didnt-expect-to-suck-so-bad/574196.md?page=11)