# Moving in together and finances **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 3, 2021, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moving-in-together-and-finances/943543 "2021-06-03T14:48:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2021, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moving-in-together-and-finances/943543/41 "2021-06-03T22:13:41Z")
> [@Tired\_and\_Cranky](#): > > Actually, all the rent he paid to her before they were married would be premarital assets, not joint property. IANAL. This may be true from a strictly legal standpoint. I was speaking more philosophically, in that if they get married, what’s “yours” and “mine” is now “ours.” But everyone works that out differently. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2021, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moving-in-together-and-finances/943543/42 "2021-06-03T22:15:15Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > Speaking of what happens to BF when the OP dies, couldn’t she put in her will that her boyfriend can stay in the house until probate is finalized? Or for that matter any length of time after her death? Then if he has a copy of her will … well there you go. I expect that’s a question you really should ask a lawyer in the jurisdiction where the house is. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2021, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moving-in-together-and-finances/943543/43 "2021-06-03T22:30:28Z")
> [@Mama\_Zappa](#): > > Doing any kind of quitclaim, when you have a mortgage, might trigger your mortgage’s due-on-sale clause - another reason to not add him to the deed. This probably varies by jurisdiction. My wife quit claimed me onto the title of our house during the closing. I’d never heard of it before but apparently its standard in Colorado where I believe @Saint_Cad lives as well. ---
**Author:** ![Tired\_and\_Cranky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@Tired\_and\_Cranky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tired_and_Cranky)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2021, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moving-in-together-and-finances/943543/44 "2021-06-03T23:09:55Z")
Quit claiming to a spouse or child is treated differently than quit claiming to a boyfriend. > **[Due-On-Sale Clause Exceptions: Everything You Need to Know](https://www.upcounsel.com/due-on-sale-clause-exceptions)** > > Due-on-sale clause exceptions may not pertain to you, but important to understand what they are, mortgage must be paid in full upon the sale of the property. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2021, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moving-in-together-and-finances/943543/45 "2021-06-04T16:44:31Z")
Quick and dirty advice on the fly: - Don’t add BF to the deed. Wait until you are ready to entangle yourself with this person for a long time. - Look at what your avg. annual interest cost on the mortgage is, and split that with him, along with sharing the utilities (power, water, cable, streaming, etc.) and other household expenses. - If this relationship continues down the road where you either get married or want or more long term relationship with kids, etc., then you can cross that bridge when you get there. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2021, 10:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moving-in-together-and-finances/943543/46 "2021-06-05T10:08:28Z")
I assume you are paying the mortgage on your house. In that case, continue to keep it as your house and your mortgage responsibility, while he carries the burden of the routine monthly billls. Know the community property laws in your stste, you can become informed with a friendly call to your mortgage lender’ ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2021, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moving-in-together-and-finances/943543/47 "2021-06-07T20:12:50Z")
Yep - it’s called a [life estate](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life_estate). One example in real estate columns is where an older couple marries, and wants to preserve their assets for their own offspring. The one who owned the house wants the value of it to go to his/her kids, but wants the other spouse to have a place to live. When we revisit our wills, I need to make sure we have that set up for the in-laws’ condo in Florida - which we own, and in theory could be sold as an asset of the estate. Whether that WOULD happen, I don’t know - the siblings who are named as executors are well aware of the reason we own the place, but they would also have to weigh that against their fiduciary duty to the actual heirs (our kids). ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2021, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moving-in-together-and-finances/943543/48 "2021-06-07T20:18:29Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > You don’t own a part of the house and you don’t have a rental agreement? Then how do you prove you live there? Not helpful in the rather nightmarish scenarios described - and it requires a bit of forethought - but some work I’m doing right now occasionally requires that someone prove their physical address. When I had a caller who a) had just moved, b) was not on the lease, and c) had no bills or other accounts in her name at that address, the answer was to have the person who WAS on the lease fill out a form stating that xxx lived at that address with him, and have that form notarized. That, of course, requires: 1. someone to think of the potential need 2. a lessee (lessor?) to be willing to draw up and sign such a document 3. The inclination, means, and time to find a notary to make it all tight and legalish. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2021, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moving-in-together-and-finances/943543/49 "2021-06-07T21:31:41Z")
One issue with renting is that in some states tenants have specific rights, so in the worst case she might have a hard time getting him to leave in the event of a split-up. I don’t know if him paying her in the absence of a lease would consist of a landlord tenant relationship also. When we bought a house in NJ the owners couldn’t move out yet, and they paid us while they stayed. Our lawyer set up a very complicated agreement to prevent this from being a landlord tenant relationship. This might be worth checking on with a lawyer. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2021, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moving-in-together-and-finances/943543/50 "2021-06-07T21:41:11Z")
When my husband moved in with me before we were married - back in the previous century - he paid me for utilities, etc. I took care of the mortgage - it was my house and I’d been through a breakup, I really didn’t want to risk my house. His household contribution was the heat and electric bill, the phone bill, and the majority of the groceries. I paid the mortgage and homeowners insurance and taxes. As he made more money (when we started dating I outearned him by a lot) and as our commitment deepened, we created a joint account - each of us got an “allowance” but everything else went into the joint account. Once we had children, the allowance thing slipped away - we also started making enough money that I wouldn’t begrudge his spending $200 at the gaming store. We did need to put a limit in place - $XXX involves a phone call home so I can say if we have the cash on hand (that amount has changed over the years depending on circumstances). ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2021, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moving-in-together-and-finances/943543/51 "2021-06-08T04:28:50Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > You don’t own a part of the house and you don’t have a rental agreement? Then how do you prove you live there? Have one of the utilities in your name. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Mouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mighty_mouse/32/7776_2.png) [@Mighty\_Mouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Mouse)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2021, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moving-in-together-and-finances/943543/52 "2021-06-08T10:53:03Z")
Every time I have moved the utilities have required some evidence that I was going to be authorized to live there. Either a copy of the lease or a purchase agreement. Can anyone just call up the electric company and get service set up in their name? At least in the last two houses we have owned the water & sewer service is billed to the owner, regardless of who is living there. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2021, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moving-in-together-and-finances/943543/53 "2021-06-08T13:30:19Z")
They don’t care who pays the bills. (Cell phone bills arriving to the address is best. As an election judge in a liberal state who takes a “utility bill” to prove that you live there, we will accept your cell phone bill.) ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2021, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moving-in-together-and-finances/943543/54 "2021-06-08T14:38:29Z")
I’ve never needed any evidence to set up utilities - the gas company , phone company, electric company, cable company have never asked to see a lease or purchase agreement, In fact, I didn’t even have a lease when I rented an apartment before I bought my house. Here’s [my electric company’s](https://www.coned.com/en/services-and-outages/service-management-page) page about starting, ending or transferring service. No lease or or purchase agreement needed to start service or change the account holder Shutting them off without transferring the service to another address or someone taking over the billing at that address may be another story - my brother-in-law was quite annoyed that to shut off the utilities to my MIL’s apartment after she passed away was going to require a death certificate but I’d bet that was only because the service was being completely turned off _and_ the account was being closed , rather than the more typical situation of 'I’m moving out on June 1 and want my service transferred to my new place on June 2 and/or the new occupants are transferring their existing service transferred her on June 2" ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2021, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moving-in-together-and-finances/943543/55 "2021-06-08T15:43:36Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > my brother-in-law was quite annoyed that to shut off the utilities to my MIL’s apartment after she passed away was going to require a death certificate Probably because the utility company would be very hesitant to allow someone to shut off another person’s utility. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2021, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moving-in-together-and-finances/943543/56 "2021-06-08T15:56:09Z")
Yes, but my point was it probably was only a requirement because the service was actually being shut off rather than transferred to someone else’s name _and_ the account was being closed rather than transferred to another address. Transferring service from one address to another , or changing the account from one person’s name to another doesn’t require a a lease or purchase documents. Con Ed wouldn’t have had any trouble setting up electric service at my son’s apartment in his girlfriend’s name even though she’s not on the lease because she doesn’t live there. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Mouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mighty_mouse/32/7776_2.png) [@Mighty\_Mouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Mouse)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2021, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moving-in-together-and-finances/943543/57 "2021-06-08T16:47:35Z")
My apologies for triggering this hijack with misinformation. ---
**Author:** ![dummygladhands71](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c0e974/32.png) [@dummygladhands71](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dummygladhands71)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2021, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moving-in-together-and-finances/943543/58 "2021-06-16T04:03:51Z")
When I moved in with my guy, I was loathe to contribute to his home equity. So the arrangement was I buy all the groceries and pay for vacations. Now, 16 years later, I do invest in the home by paying for upgrades I want, some repairs and landscaping. The house will cede to me, per our trusts, in the event of his death. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moving-in-together-and-finances/943543.md?page=2)