# Mr. Manner's Guide to Posts that Should Not Be Made **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 19, 2002, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mr-manners-guide-to-posts-that-should-not-be-made/109774 "2002-05-19T02:08:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mr-manners-guide-to-posts-that-should-not-be-made/109774/1 "2002-05-19T02:08:30Z")
Fenris was cleaning his basement when what should he discover but one of dear Judith Martin’s tomes on manners. Fenris was charmed by Miss Manner’s prose style, and struck by inspiration decided to use it to post a guide (loosely appropriated from one of Miss Manner’s columns) to posts that should never be made on the SDMB. Thus, Mr. Manners was born. * * * While writing posts for the SDMB is an excellent way to improve one’s writing and debate skills, as well as a way to make new friends, some posts should never be written, or, if written, discarded before posting. Any post that begins with “Never in my life have I been subjected to such terrible treatment as I was in this thread…” should be reconsidered as it’s a sign that one is not to be taken seriously. If an insult on a message board (even one as esteemed as the SDMB) is truly the worst treatment one has ever experienced, one can count one’s self as fortunate. Any post that explains God’s feelings on a matter and how those feelings happen to coincide with the poster’s should be looked at a second time and reconsidered. If, after reconsideration one decides that the post _is_ well-reasoned, one must look for the presence of the phrase “and so, all of you who disagree with me are going to Hell…” Should one find it, the post should be discarded as hopeless. Should one wish to criticize a Moderator or an Admin as a result of a decision in they made in the line of duty, it would behoove one to do so in e-mail, with someone of a higher rank (an Admin for a Mod’s perceived misbehavior, for example). If one can’t bear to take it to e-mail, or the misbehavior was so egregious that one demands public justice, _be polite_. Mr. Manners cannot stress this enough. Even if one was called “a mindless flecher of yaks who’s posting left such a trail of stench that it could be smelled two forums over” by a Mod in their line of duty, it behooves one to politely ask (in the Pit, please) "Could you please explain why my sainted grandmother’s recipe for quince jam prompted such a comment as this? [sub](here one _must_ put a link to the offending comment, lest one be considered frivolous.)[/sub] “I felt it inappropriate but would like your perspective on this so as to clear up any misunderstandings.” By way of contrast, consider this example “You suk! All mods are Nazis and your the worst! I’ve never been so humiliated in my entire life!!!” Punctuation and spelling are important but not crucial as long as one is able to make one’s self understood. However, the grammar flame post is one to consider in the most exacting detail, keeping in mind three things:[ul] [li]First: Is the target of my post _so_ incoherent as to bring discussion in any given thread to a complete halt? Or are they just spelling “receive” as “recieve” which bugs me lots?[/li][li]Second: Remember the adage “Judge not, lest ye be judged by the same measure”? Unless one’s spelling/grammar has traditionally been above reproach, reconsider, lest someone respond with “Pot, Kettle? Black! :rolleyes:” whereupon the entire thread will collapse.[/li][li]Third: Gaudere’s law will affect you: are you prepared to take barbs about your own spelling and grammar with good humor and grace?[/li][/ul] Before one posts about an incident/person in one’s real life, one should consider what one will say if that person discovers the post. No one is truly anonymous. Group insults alienate large chunks of one’s audience. Which is more likely to garner sympathy and approbation? “All Metalheads are stupid fuckhats and cocknostrils!” or “I hate this aspect of Metal culture!” Remember that groups are made up of people, and the point of a rant or a debate is to win people to one’s side. Any post that begins with “All (group) suck” or variations thereof, must be reconsidered. (Notable exceptions to this are hate-groups: Nazis, Klansmen and the like. Anyone trying to associate mainstream groups like Republicans, Democrats, Mac Users, PC Users, Gay or Straight people, Americans, Canadians or Metalheads (to list only several) with this sort of hate-group has already lost the argument, though they may not know it yet.) Threats are never tolerated, and even threats in jest between friends may be looked at askance. The “Flame Me, I Suk” post, unless accompanied by a true tale of one’s misdoings that one sincerely regrets is simply looked upon as a sad plea for attention. Desperation is never pretty. If one is going to burst into flames about a comment someone you like made, on behalf of the respect you held for the poster, reconsider and wait ten minutes minimum before responding. Perhaps the good one-liner you thought of will be used by someone (probably **SPOOFE** ), but at least your friendship won’t be gone as a result of a misunderstanding. (Mr. Manners has had personal experience with this mistake, to his regret.) Finally, in response to a post such as this where suggestions are being offered for one’s consideration, responses such as “You’re not the boss of me” or “I can post whatever I want! Your not a mod!” are always considered as humor. Regardless of whether they’re intended as such. Sincerely, Mr. Manners ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mr-manners-guide-to-posts-that-should-not-be-made/109774/2 "2002-05-19T02:18:51Z")
Heh… beautiful, **Fenris** , absolutely killer. We should keep these guidelines in mind, yet somehow they slip our minds. Maybe this will serve as a reminder to us all. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mr-manners-guide-to-posts-that-should-not-be-made/109774/3 "2002-05-19T02:24:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fenris \* > **Fenris was cleaning his basement when what should he discover but one of dear Judith Martin’s tomes on manners. Fenris was charmed by Miss Manner’s prose style, and struck by inspiration decided to use it to post a guide (loosely appropriated from one of Miss Manner’s columns) to posts that should never be made on the SDMB. Thus, Mr. Manners was born.** Worst Origin EVER! > [@](#): > > \*\* > Any post that explains God’s feelings on a matter and how those feelings happen to coincide with the poster’s should be looked at a second time and reconsidered. If, after reconsideration one decides that the post _is_ well-reasoned, one must look for the presence of the phrase “and so, all of you who disagree with me are going to Hell…” Should one find it, the post should be discarded as hopeless. \*\* ``` The God of Abraham appeared to me in a matzoh ball. He told me to go forth and tell the world that He doesn't really care what your sexual orientation is. I accepted his command and ate the matzoh ball. ``` > [@](#): > > \*\* > Punctuation and spelling are important but not crucial as long as one is able to make one’s self understood. \*\* I like to be incoherent _with_ proper grammar and spelling. ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mr-manners-guide-to-posts-that-should-not-be-made/109774/4 "2002-05-19T02:47:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DocCathode \* > \*\*Worst Origin EVER! \*\* Very well. I hope this one is more to your liking. Fenris was in his basement, gooshing spiders with a paper-wrapped copy of “Miss Manner’s Guide to Excrutiatingly Correct Behavior”. At the very moment that Fenris was about to goosh a particularly nasty specimen of Kryptonis Arachnis (which had been rocketed to Fenris’s basement from a dying spider-web), a lightning bolt struck the detergents and cleaning supplies that Fenris kept on the shelf above the dryer (the lighting came in through the basement window, of course). These irradiated chemicals spilled on the spider AND the book. As Fenris gooshed the chemical-coated and electrified spider, it fanged him with it’s last bit of non-gooshed energy! In a daze, Fenris wandered out and ended up in Washington (since he started in Colorado, you can imagine how surprised he was!) A French ambassador visiting the Swiss Consulate rushed out of the Swiss embassy and accosted Fenris “It’s a diplomatic emergency! I don’t know where to put my used oyster-fork. I only have a second! I am pretending to wash my hands!” Fenris was surprised to find out that somehow he now knew all things mannerly! He knew that the used oyster fork was simply placed on the plate or bowl with the disgarded oyster shells. But, as the ambassador was one of the hated French, Fenris simply said “I c’n tell you _exactly_ where you can put that oyster fork.” Head hung low, the French ambassador slunk back into the Embassy. Moments later he heard the sound of a Swiss accented voice shouting “You swine! Put your oyster fork in the finger-bowl, will you? This means war!” Moments later the Swiss let loose their arsenal of nukes… Other countries responded in kind and now the world is a radioactive wasteland. From this, Fenris learned that “With Great Manners Comes Great Responsiblity!” > [@](#): > > \*\* > I like to be incoherent _with_ proper grammar and spelling. \*\* Mr. Manners would say that you have succeeded admirably. 😉 😃 :: D&R :: ---
**Author:** ![LindyHopper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@LindyHopper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LindyHopper)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mr-manners-guide-to-posts-that-should-not-be-made/109774/5 "2002-05-19T04:52:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fenris \ ***But, as the ambassador was one of the hated French** [Yellowbeard]Our enemies…the foul, and most…_foreign_…French![/Yellowbeard] ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mr-manners-guide-to-posts-that-should-not-be-made/109774/6 "2002-05-19T05:20:27Z")
Try to be consistant when insulting Moderators. If you call us “Heartless Nazis” in one post, please do not refer to us “Godless Commies” in another. ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mr-manners-guide-to-posts-that-should-not-be-made/109774/7 "2002-05-19T05:27:31Z")
> [@](#): > > This means war!" > > Moments later the Swiss let loose their arsenal of nukes… I dont get this part. Once the Swiss Ambassador had spoken, wouldn’t the French have surrendered immediately? ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mr-manners-guide-to-posts-that-should-not-be-made/109774/8 "2002-05-19T05:47:00Z")
> [@](#): > > The God of Abraham appeared to me in a matzoh ball. He told me to go forth and tell the world that He doesn’t really care what your sexual orientation is. I accepted his command and ate the matzoh ball. Did you at least take your shoes off first? ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mr-manners-guide-to-posts-that-should-not-be-made/109774/9 "2002-05-19T06:58:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Czarcasm \* > \*\*Try to be consistant when insulting Moderators. If you call us “Heartless Nazis” in one post, please do not refer to us “Godless Commies” in another. \*\* Why? I thought youse guys were _VERSATILITY PERSONIFIED!!_ ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mr-manners-guide-to-posts-that-should-not-be-made/109774/10 "2002-05-19T07:43:04Z")
Mr. Manners should know it’s not polite to name names. Unless the name isn’t mine, of course. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mr-manners-guide-to-posts-that-should-not-be-made/109774/11 "2002-05-19T07:46:44Z")
> [@](#): > > Threats are never tolerated, and even threats in jest between friends may be looked at askance. All readers should also remember that threats, while fun in and of themselves, may cost the poster the element of surprise in any subsequent actual attacks and may be entered as evidence in future legal proceedings as proof of premeditated intent. ---
**Author:** ![Doc\_Nickel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5fc32e/32.png) [@Doc\_Nickel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doc_Nickel)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mr-manners-guide-to-posts-that-should-not-be-made/109774/12 "2002-05-19T10:07:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > “… mindless flecher of yaks…”\*\* _“Fletcher”_ or _“fletching”_ is spelled with a central T. Though why one would want to apply feathers to ones Yaks in an attempt to make them fly straighter is still somewhat beyond me. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mr-manners-guide-to-posts-that-should-not-be-made/109774/13 "2002-05-19T11:46:42Z")
> [@](#): > > Though why one would want to apply feathers to ones Yaks in an attempt to make them fly straighter is still somewhat beyond me. Simple Doc. Have you ever been the victim of a flying yak that was aimed at someone else? Oh, the humanity! :eek: Fortunately I was wearing my yak jacket at the time! :d&r: CJ ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mr-manners-guide-to-posts-that-should-not-be-made/109774/14 "2002-05-19T17:06:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE \* > \*\*Mr. Manners should know it’s not polite to name names. Unless the name isn’t mine, of course. > > 😃 \*\* Mr. Manners disagrees. One doesn’t name names unless the named one is doing something shameful or unless one isn’t willing to be held to the same standard. Are you ashamed of your attention-whoring? Neither is Mr. Manners. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mr-manners-guide-to-posts-that-should-not-be-made/109774/15 "2002-05-19T17:08:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tomndebb \* > \*\* I dont get this part. Once the Swiss Ambassador had spoken, wouldn’t the French have surrendered immediately? \*\* :: breaks down, sobbing :: You’re right! It was ALL a pack of lies! You found the one single logical inconsistancy in the entire story! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?! ARE YOU? Ahem. Pardon my outburst. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mr-manners-guide-to-posts-that-should-not-be-made/109774/16 "2002-05-19T17:17:39Z")
You do realize, Mr. Manner’s, that your OP suffers from Gaudere’s Law, do you not? Anyway, Cecil, if he ever finishes “the next book,” damn well ought to have a award in there called “The Fenris.” Of course, Fenris will be the first recipient. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mr-manners-guide-to-posts-that-should-not-be-made/109774/17 "2002-05-19T17:19:08Z")
BTW, “a award” in the posting above was on purpose. Yeah, right! ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mr-manners-guide-to-posts-that-should-not-be-made/109774/18 "2002-05-19T17:20:56Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by tomndebb_ > I dont get this part. Once the Swiss Ambassador had spoken, wouldn’t the French have surrendered immediately? Please remember not to confuse cause with coincidence. The French would’ve surrendered. End of story. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Protesilaus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Protesilaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Protesilaus)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mr-manners-guide-to-posts-that-should-not-be-made/109774/19 "2002-05-19T18:37:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fenris \* > **Any post that begins with “All (group) suck” or variations thereof, must be reconsidered.** All fellatrixes suck. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mr-manners-guide-to-posts-that-should-not-be-made/109774/20 "2002-05-19T19:42:24Z")
> [@](#): > > All fellatrixes suck. He who insults fellatrices will never get ahead. ::: d & r ::: [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mr-manners-guide-to-posts-that-should-not-be-made/109774.md?page=2)