# MST3K quote! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 5, 2003, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mst3k-quote/146715 "2003-01-05T03:32:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2003, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mst3k-quote/146715/101 "2003-01-09T03:37:48Z")
I can’t remember the title of this one, but it had two lines that killed me. The story was that a monster (played by a group of kids holding a carpet over their heads) had arrived from outer space and was randomly eating people who were too slow to run from it. I remember reading that the sound had been added later because the director had accidentally destroyed the original sound tapes. Anyway, the lines: A rather egg-shaped man is fishing by a river. Crow: “He’s a matryoshka doll! There’s three more of 'em inside!” The monster is trying to attack a car, but is just rocking back and forth against the trunk. Crow: “Uh, Mike?” Mike: “Well, you see, when a car and a monster love each other very much, they…” ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2003, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mst3k-quote/146715/102 "2003-01-09T03:49:12Z")
Don’t remember where this one’s from: \ Where the hell am I? \ You’re right the hell here! ---
**Author:** ![Vanyel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@Vanyel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vanyel)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2003, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mst3k-quote/146715/103 "2003-01-09T03:57:49Z")
Hmm, was that in _Riding with Death_? I’m not sure… ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2003, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mst3k-quote/146715/104 "2003-01-09T04:01:15Z")
There’s one short film that just kills me. It’s from the late 1950’s/60’s and it’s entitled something like _Home Economics_, which means that it’s basically a film telling high school girls they should go to college to meet some man they can marry who’ll take care of them. Anyway, there’s a scene with all the “girls” sitting around in a dorm room talking. Narrator: The girls are talking about their plans after they graduate from college. Crow (high pitched female voice): I’m gonna take Bob for all he’s worth! ---
**Author:** ![Vanyel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@Vanyel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vanyel)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2003, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mst3k-quote/146715/105 "2003-01-09T04:03:12Z")
**Tuckerfan** , it’s from episode 317, _Viking Women and the Sea Serpent_, and the short is called _The Home Economics Story_ ---
**Author:** ![Zap\_Rowsdower](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3da27b/32.png) [@Zap\_Rowsdower](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zap_Rowsdower)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2003, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mst3k-quote/146715/106 "2003-01-09T04:05:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sublight \* > \*\*I can’t remember the title of this one, but it had two lines that killed me. The story was that a monster (played by a group of kids holding a carpet over their heads) had arrived from outer space and was randomly eating people who were too slow to run from it. I remember reading that the sound had been added later because the director had accidentally destroyed the original sound tapes. > > Anyway, the lines: > > A rather egg-shaped man is fishing by a river. > Crow: “He’s a matryoshka doll! There’s three more of 'em inside!” > > The monster is trying to attack a car, but is just rocking back and forth against the trunk. > Crow: “Uh, Mike?” > Mike: “Well, you see, when a car and a monster love each other very much, they…” \*\* **Creeping Terror** Another thing I like about that one. When the monster is attacking people at “makeout point” a guy drives by then sits and watches for several minutes! Then suddenly says “God” and then puts the car in gear. Crow:“thats the last straw for that guy” Hard to describe but very funny to see. ---
**Author:** ![Vanyel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@Vanyel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vanyel)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2003, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mst3k-quote/146715/107 "2003-01-09T04:15:31Z")
Can’t say I’ve ever actually seen _The Creeping Terror_, but here’s the only other quote I found from it, and it sure sounds funny! \ The first director to realize the dramatic potential of a rectal thermometer. ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2003, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mst3k-quote/146715/108 "2003-01-09T04:35:28Z")
Oh, the Home Economics Story, that one has one of my fave lines. Joel: “A five pound potty? Why she had a big breakfast!” ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2003, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mst3k-quote/146715/109 "2003-01-09T06:47:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by stpauler \* > \*\*Oh, the Home Economics Story, that one has one of my fave lines. > > Joel: “A five pound potty? Why she had a big breakfast!” \*\* See also: “They ask the important questions…” “How do pop tarts work?” ---
**Author:** ![Harry\_Lime](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/82dd89/32.png) [@Harry\_Lime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harry_Lime)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2003, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mst3k-quote/146715/110 "2003-01-09T11:24:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Vanyel \* > **Tuckerfan** , it’s from episode 317, _Viking Women and the Sea Serpent_, and the short is called _The Home Economics Story_ The longest “short” I can remember on the show. It lasted @ half an hour. There’s a really great moment in it. One of the girl’s little brothers is a chunky kid w/ a strangely flamboyant (for the 50’s) purple shirt. Servo says “Hey! It’s Prince! His Royal Badness, when he was a pudgy little white kid.” Joel turns, looks at him, pauses a long second, and says “That was a reach…” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2003, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mst3k-quote/146715/111 "2003-01-09T12:47:46Z")
**Werewolf** had some great lines: Yuri the Jerk dresses up as a doctor so he could pretend to draw blood from an Indian turning into a werewolf. He looks at the camera. TOM: Audience, what’s _your_ diagnosis? Later, we see a full moon from the window of the hospital room. TOM: Oh I ate too much. I am a _full moon_! MIKE: I am gonna hit you so hard… ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2003, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mst3k-quote/146715/112 "2003-01-09T13:40:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Smeghead \* > \*\*See also: > > “They ask the important questions…” > > “How do pop tarts work?” \*\* Also from **Home Economics** - Narrator: “Kay’s home would be like this…” Crow (I think): “A dungeon!” And since you all reminded me of **The Creeping Terror** : When the lone guy drives up to Lover’s Lane- “This guy always comes to Lover’s Lane alone!” ---
**Author:** ![Lucki\_Chaarms](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lucki\_Chaarms](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucki_Chaarms)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2003, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mst3k-quote/146715/113 "2003-01-09T15:39:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by racinchikki \* > \*\*_Little_ potatos! > > … Little _wingèd_ potatos! \*\* YES!!! Best. Episode. Ever. Every scene is painfully funny. GOD I love that. Even the usually inane sketches in between the movie sections are hilarious. To this day, whenever anyone calls out more than one name, certain friends and I add “Chief?” “McCloud?”. Also: “Huzzah!” “Meanwhile, it yet ANOTHER movie…” “Trumpy… I brought you a cup of Treacle…” “Like hell! More food!” “Ohhh… he’s stealing all the Nerf Toast!” Guy: “It’s that damned animal!” Woman:“What animal?” Crow: '“The damned one!” LC ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2003, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mst3k-quote/146715/114 "2003-01-09T16:35:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Harry Lime \* > **It lasted @ half an hour.** It lasted “at” half an hour? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![emarkp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3be4f8/32.png) [@emarkp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emarkp)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2003, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mst3k-quote/146715/115 "2003-01-09T23:51:18Z")
Don’t remember the movie, but two yuks are making wise cracks during a rainstorm. The camera cuts to the sky, and you see a flash of lightning. One of the bots booms out in a deep voice: “I’m **so** sorry I made those two.” Wow–I’m almost laughing just thinking of it. ---
**Author:** ![Vanyel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@Vanyel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vanyel)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2003, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mst3k-quote/146715/116 "2003-01-10T07:53:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tracer \* > \*\*It lasted “at” half an hour? 😕 \*\* Possibly supposed to be “It lasted ~ half an hour”, as in approximately half an hour. But my very favorite short, out of all the ones that they ever did, is also the last one they aver did: _A Case of Spring Fever_. Some of the great lines: Coily, the Spring Sprite: NOOOOOO SPRINGS!!! “I’ll show Coily! I’m gonna digitize everything!” “Look, it’s Coily’s Army of Darkness!” “Can’t decide between short sleeves and long? Split the difference!” ---
**Author:** ![Vanyel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@Vanyel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vanyel)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2003, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mst3k-quote/146715/117 "2003-01-10T07:55:25Z")
You know, now that I think about it, I think I’ll watch _A Case of Spring Fever_ (which, I forgot to mention, was in the second-to-last episode, 1012 - Squirm) right now! ::_Vanyel gets all shivery with anticipation_:: ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2003, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mst3k-quote/146715/118 "2003-01-10T08:09:05Z")
_The Home Economics Story_ is my favorite of all the shorts, even more than _Mr. B. Natural_. NARRATOR: This [assembly] was for the girls only… CROW, TOM, and JOEL: Ooooohhhhhh… (male teacher stands at podium) JOEL: “Your Period and Mine: A Lecture” FEMALE TEACHER: Today I’d like to tell you about several girls I know _very_ well… CROW: …and why I’m being fired. As Kay’s mom helps her hang ugly draperies in the dorm room… JOEL: I’ve got a feeling _mom_ majored in home economics at Iowa State. NARRATOR: Early October, headed for an 8 o’clock class in Home Economics Hall… JOEL: Tragedy struck! A lone gunman… Probably my favorite quote ever from the show is only funny in context, and with Joel doing the accent, but here goes: In “Master Ninja II,” when Crystal Bernard comes home to find her house has been vandalized by the bad guys, the scene is lit badly and her front door looks inexplicably shiny. JOEL: They var-nished mah house! ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2003, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mst3k-quote/146715/119 "2003-01-10T08:11:14Z")
And how can I forget: As teacher displays two vials to the class TOM: This is phlegm… and this is mucus… And the pep rally: “Look! Look! Look at my crotch! Looooooooook at my crotch! Yay!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Vanyel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@Vanyel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vanyel)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2003, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mst3k-quote/146715/120 "2003-01-10T08:14:07Z")
Master Ninja Theme Song!! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mst3k-quote/146715.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mst3k-quote/146715.md?page=7)