# Much Ado About Bisexuality **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 28, 2010, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/much-ado-about-bisexuality/548370 "2010-07-28T21:37:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/much-ado-about-bisexuality/548370/21 "2010-08-03T08:09:04Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > Back on topic, the OP says that only someone with 50/50 taste is actually bisexual. What does someone who’s about 85% one way count as? In my case, my fantasies always involve women, but on occasion I’ve got with blokes. If pushed to self identify, I’ll usually say “fairly straight” or something like that, but I’ve never really liked that. I’m pretty sure the OP says the opposite. It’s on the list of things the OP is not asserting is true. And, while 50/50 is too big, I don’t usually think of a Kinsey 1 or 5 as being bisexual. I guess they can be, if they self-identify as such, but it isn’t what I assume by the default. I do know my psychiatrist flat out told me once that fleeting feelings of attraction for the sex you are not normally attracted to does not mean that you are not het (or gay). That’s one of the cognitive distortions people with HOCD (OCD about sexual preference) tend to have. My first friend who happened to be a lesbian actually considered herself bisexual for a long time before she discovered she was a lesbian. ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/much-ado-about-bisexuality/548370/22 "2010-08-03T17:04:44Z")
> [@evilbeth](#): > > > [@redtail23](#): > > > > One thing that I think may be confusing you is that IME, levels of attraction can change. I’ve had time periods when I was primarily attracted to women, and other times when I was primarily attracted to men. I’ve had time periods in which I wasn’t really interested in one or the other. AFAICT, I’m still bisexual even if I’m currently not actively pursuing relationships with a particular gender. > > This. > > I cannot tell you how many times I have had to explain to someone how I can be bisexual (for reals) and be married to a man. Most people still don’t actually understand after I explain. I am in this boat. I am bisexual, and love both men and women. But I am married to a man. Some people think that I am not bi because I married a man. By marrying a man, I’m forsaking 100% of women, yes, but I’m also forsaking 99.9999999999999999999% of all men, too. Furthermore, when I was on an online dating service, I only contacted men because I wanted to have a family. I wanted to get married and have kids. While it is possible in some states for two women to get married, I’m not in one of those states. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has had this mindset when doing online dating, so that explains some of the data. 1. Yes, there are probably some people who are in this boat. But I wouldn’t say “most.” 2. I have seen this. Mostly on sites like MySpace and Facebook. A lot of teen girls who want to seem hot or sexy or whatever say that they’re bi. But they’ve never dated a girl, never had sex with a girl. Maybe they kissed a girl once on a dare and didn’t hate it. But I don’t blame them entirely. I was very confused about my sexuality at that age, and with the pressure to be sexy, adventurous, etc. they feel justified in that tag. 3. I say as long as you’re attracted to both genders, you’re bi. Yes, you may have a preferred gender, but if you’re still willing to have sex with both genders, then you’re bi. Yeah, some girls will say, “Angelina Jolie is hot.” but that doesn’t mean that they’d be willing to have sex with her. If you’re to bury your face in her gorgeous muff, then yeah, you’re bi. But if you just think she’s pretty, no, you’re not. 4. I think that sexual attraction is part of being bi, but not the only part. A woman who likes to talk to women isn’t bi, she’s a girl. But you can love someone for many reasons. Attraction is fluid. But ultimately, if you’re not willing to have sex with one gender, then you’re not bisexual. The word “sexual” is right in it. Being intellectually drawn to someone isn’t the same as wanting to have sex with them. But if you want to have sex with someone because you’re intellectually drawn to them, then that’s a slight difference. As others have said, it’s a grey area. There’s a lot area encompassed between straight and gay and a lot of different places people can be in that grey area. If 50-50 was perfectly bisexual (liking both genders equally), I’d say I’m probably 58-42, slightly preferring men. But I’ve dated both men and women, loved and lost both men and women. ---
**Author:** ![ThirdCultureKid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbce88/32.png) [@ThirdCultureKid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThirdCultureKid)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2010, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/much-ado-about-bisexuality/548370/23 "2010-08-05T13:29:19Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > There must also be bisexuals of both sexes on OkCupid who […] figure it’s easy enough to meet straight opposite-sex people IRL and only bother with online dating when they want to meet gay/bi same-sex people. . This. As a very femme-y bi woman (I actually prefer the term queer) I am never approached by other women, and have a very hard time even making women realise I am attempting to hit on them. Consequently, despite generally being slightly more attracted to men than women, I use OkCupid only to find same-sex partners. I imagine I am not the only one to focus their use of OkCupid for this or related reasons. ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/much-ado-about-bisexuality/548370/24 "2010-08-06T12:50:35Z")
I’m not bisexual, I’m just EOE compliant. Just kidding. Mostly. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/much-ado-about-bisexuality/548370.md?page=1)