# Mulch mania - get a grip!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 4, 2012, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mulch-mania-get-a-grip/617818 "2012-04-04T14:53:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mulch-mania-get-a-grip/617818/21 "2012-04-05T16:38:53Z")
Ha! Mr. Shoe used to work landscaping during summers, and he still remembers one client who ordered … 30 cubic yards. For a little backyard. Having no idea just how BIG a pile that would be. It showed up one morning, and Mr. Shoe loves recounting the look on his face when he saw how much he’d ordered. Side note: that much mulch (sat _that_ three times fast!) piled up in a heap generates so much heat in the center that even in the middle of a Texas summer, Mr. Shoe says you could still see _steam_ coming off of it. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mulch-mania-get-a-grip/617818/22 "2012-04-05T17:08:19Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > The absolute King of Mulches around here, coveted by fetishists above all others is [Absolute Black](http://www.amazon.com/Ohio-Mulch-1952-60-Absolute-Black/dp/B001EKHNDW) Mulch (I believe the price quoted in the link is for 300 pounds of the stuff, not a single bag). > > Black mulch - fabulous! - unless you spread it up against the house in full sun, in which case it’ll absorb so much heat you might have to crank up the air conditioner a couple of notches. Meh - I’m not a fan of black mulch. If I want a black bed, I’ll just leave my topsoil exposed. Well, it’ll be black until it’s covered with chickweed. Wouldn’t it makes the plants hotter, too? > [@troubledwater](#): > > So what is the red dye in that red-dyed mulch? There is some in the front of the house I just bought and I am not real keen on it. Can I compost it? My mulches always fade in the sun after one season - I haven’t used the red mulch, but I’m guessing it will fade, too. And as **Munch** said, you can always pile other mulch on top. Heh - 30 yards of mulch in a small back yard. That’s a whole lotta mulch! ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mulch-mania-get-a-grip/617818/23 "2012-04-05T17:39:48Z")
> [@Mollie\_Magill](#): > > I had 36 yards of single grind mulch delivered two weeks ago. I have an unmowable hill in the back that I’ve been slowly pulling the woods on to. > > Let me tell you: That is a shitload of mulch to move by hand. > [@Enright3](#): > > Ain’t that the truth. I had 20 yards delivered just today. It looks like about 1/2 a dump truck load. > My Good Friday is going to be anything but Good. I took the week off to move it. It took me four days @ nine hours a day to move it. I would get up, get the boys to school, fill up a pitcher with ice water, put it in the garage fridge, put my lunch in the garage fridge, put on a hat and sunscreen, get the tools, and start hauling. On the bright side, I didn’t have to think about work. The other nice thing is that I won’t have to do it again for another 4 years, and by then, my oldest will be 12, and can assist me. ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mulch-mania-get-a-grip/617818/24 "2012-04-05T20:43:37Z")
Give me mulch over Little White Rocks[sup]TM[/sup] any day. At least the mulch will eventually rot away, if it gets out into the yard. I’ve spent the last 4 years removing stray rocks from the yard. I’m ready to ship them all to the past owner of this house. ---
**Author:** ![Faruiza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Faruiza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Faruiza)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2012, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mulch-mania-get-a-grip/617818/25 "2012-04-06T03:38:11Z")
I cut grass for a living right now, and all those rock jackholes can suck it. SUUUUCK IT. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2012, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mulch-mania-get-a-grip/617818/26 "2012-04-06T05:06:02Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > (it smells like… rotting corpses) Death metal is your friend here. Play it louder than hell to get the full effect of sounds and smells of death. > [@](#): > > A colleague of mine (who lives in a ritzier neighborhood than I do) tells me that neighbors have approached him to try to get him to agree to buy the same style and color of mulch as they do, to achieve front yard uniformity. All you need to do here (if you want them to never bother you again) is shout ‘RAH-HAHAHA! MORE CORPSES FOR MY ARMY OF THE DEAD!’ Bonus point if GWAR is playing while you shout it. ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2012, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mulch-mania-get-a-grip/617818/27 "2012-04-06T21:02:52Z")
Whatever the youngest branch of the Cub Scouts is (Tiger Scouts?) used to go door to door in our neighborhood, selling mulch. You’d open the door and see these tiny, uniformed boys asking, “Ya wanna buy some mulch?” Extremely cute, but we never needed any. ---
**Author:** ![Pops1963](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9de053/32.png) [@Pops1963](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pops1963)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2012, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mulch-mania-get-a-grip/617818/28 "2012-04-09T01:12:58Z")
Slight hijack The grocery store where I was employed as a lad carried mulch,fertilizer and such during the spring. We always had big fluorescent green signs advertising the price. My boss was quite proud of his calligraphic abilities and would hand draw all the signs. One day he proudly showed me his latest creation. Instead of “manure fertilizer” he had written “cow shit” in really nice calligraphy. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2012, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mulch-mania-get-a-grip/617818/29 "2012-04-09T01:25:16Z")
> [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](#): > > ‘RAH-HAHAHA! MORE CORPSES FOR MY ARMY OF THE DEAD!’ Sir, you forgot to let go of the button. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2012, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mulch-mania-get-a-grip/617818/30 "2012-04-09T04:05:07Z")
at the garden center always ask for the head mulchanista and you will get the right mix for your needs. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2012, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mulch-mania-get-a-grip/617818/31 "2012-04-09T12:28:06Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > [Quote=Regallag\_The\_Axe] > ‘RAH-HAHAHA! MORE CORPSES FOR MY ARMY OF THE DEAD!’ Sir, you forgot to let go of the button. [/QUOTE] Once again, he’s said the quiet part loud, and the loud part quiet ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2012, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mulch-mania-get-a-grip/617818/32 "2012-04-09T13:00:34Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > My mulches always fade in the sun after one season - I haven’t used the red mulch, but I’m guessing it will fade, too. Your advantage though (one shared by anyone living in a northern/temperate climate) is that the mulch should at least _last_ for one season, often more. Whereas when I lived in SE Texas the stuff decomposed with incredibly rapidity (something about the prolonged intense humid heat and monster rains). Those people just don’t get as excited about mulch since it’s around for so short a time. Another weird mulch anecdote from Kentucky - one time Mrs. J. pulled into a gas station in a vehicle that still had several bags of mulch piled in the back that I hadn’t had a chance to unload yet. A guy approached her at the pumps eager to know where that terrific-looking mulch had come from (she had to explain that her husband bought it, at what store she didn’t know). After giving the mulch another wistful look, he said “Ah sure would have liked to know where he got that mulch.” At this time there were approximately 3,243 places in central Kentucky where one could obtain mulch. But mine was _special_. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2012, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mulch-mania-get-a-grip/617818/33 "2012-04-09T18:54:33Z")
Ah sure would like to know what was so special about your mulch. 🙂 Yeah, the mulch I use (usually small bark chips) lasts for years here - I like to freshen it each season, but the old stuff is still there. ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2012, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mulch-mania-get-a-grip/617818/34 "2012-04-09T20:45:38Z")
> [@Mollie\_Magill](#): > > I took the week off to move it. It took me four days @ nine hours a day to move it. I would get up, get the boys to school, fill up a pitcher with ice water, put it in the garage fridge, put my lunch in the garage fridge, put on a hat and sunscreen, get the tools, and start hauling. On the bright side, I didn’t have to think about work. > > The other nice thing is that I won’t have to do it again for another 4 years, and by then, my oldest will be 12, and can assist me. That sounds about right. I hired 3 day laborers to help in the process. My wife and I, plus the 3 laborers worked for 7 hours straight last Friday; so about 35 hours worth of work. ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2012, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mulch-mania-get-a-grip/617818/35 "2012-04-09T20:47:34Z")
> [@Dendarii\_Dame](#): > > Whatever the youngest branch of the Cub Scouts is (Tiger Scouts?) used to go door to door in our neighborhood, selling mulch. You’d open the door and see these tiny, uniformed boys asking, “Ya wanna buy some mulch?” Extremely cute, but we never needed any. Our church boyscout troop does this; they’ll even spread it for an additional $$. I was going to use them; until I realized that it was just too expensive. I realize they’re trying to raise money; but for my house I would have gone broke paying their prices. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mulch-mania-get-a-grip/617818.md?page=1)