# Mundane and Pointless: Instant Messenger Away Messages **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 21, 2003, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-and-pointless-instant-messenger-away-messages/150015 "2003-01-21T18:16:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![TJdude825](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@TJdude825](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJdude825)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2003, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-and-pointless-instant-messenger-away-messages/150015/21 "2003-01-22T06:44:51Z")
Whoever sends me the most IMs before I get back gets a free coke. Ready, go. I’ve never used this myself. ---
**Author:** ![BraheSilver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@BraheSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BraheSilver)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2003, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-and-pointless-instant-messenger-away-messages/150015/22 "2003-01-22T06:50:59Z")
My usual: Hey %n, I’m not in, but feel free to talk to this message if it makes you feel any better. Playing Progress Quest. Can’t be bothered. Either that, or I’m not here. My favorite: %n, thank you for IM’ing me. Your IM is very important. Please stay on the line as the system traces your credit card number. This IM will cost US$2.99 per minute, rounded up to the nearest minute, minimum 5 minutes. Please hold. ---
**Author:** ![Edwardina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Edwardina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edwardina)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2003, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-and-pointless-instant-messenger-away-messages/150015/23 "2003-01-22T08:29:46Z")
I’m gargling with Lavoris. This could take hours. Please standby. If I’m not back in 15 minutes, send a search party of scantily clad male models. I’m currently being strange somewhere AWAY from my computer. Unexpected, but true. ---
**Author:** ![Tree\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9dc877/32.png) [@Tree\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tree_Boy)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2003, 9:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-and-pointless-instant-messenger-away-messages/150015/24 "2003-01-22T09:22:45Z")
I prefer the “bumper sticker” versions: Athiesm is a non-prophet organization Save the Whales; collect the whole set Change is inevitable; except from a vending machine. or, these play on words: Intaxication: Euphoria over getting a refund, only to have it short lived when you realize it was your money to start with. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an ass hole. Sarchasm: The gap between those who get the joke, and those who don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2003, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-and-pointless-instant-messenger-away-messages/150015/25 "2003-01-22T14:36:19Z")
My funny ones used to be “Wurble wurble wurble” For when I was revising “Not here. Gone to the Pub. Getting drunk. If I can type and/or read when I get back, you may just get a response” Self explanatory really. “If you wish really really hard and clap your hands because you believe in me, I might just reappear” “I’m looking at pretty pictures right now. If my marbles are still intact when I get back, you might get a coherent conversation, else, I’ll just sit and mutter quietly to myself.” This is for when I have a long day in the office. ---
**Author:** ![GrandfatherTrout](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f17d59/32.png) [@GrandfatherTrout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandfatherTrout)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2003, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-and-pointless-instant-messenger-away-messages/150015/26 "2003-01-22T14:47:29Z")
“Ooooh! Changing Rooms is on!” ---
**Author:** ![Wicked\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/2acd7d/32.png) [@Wicked\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wicked_Blue)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2003, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-and-pointless-instant-messenger-away-messages/150015/27 "2003-01-22T17:08:58Z")
I use Jack Handy quotes as mine 🙂 “If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I’d say Flippy, wouldn’t you? You’d be wrong, though. It’s Hambone.” “When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it’s not, mmmmmmm, boy.” “Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It’s a shark riding on an elephant’s back, just trampling and eating everything they see.” ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2003, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-and-pointless-instant-messenger-away-messages/150015/28 "2003-01-22T17:16:37Z")
Quite regularly, I will tack a disparaging remark about **Hamadryad** on the end of my away messages. Such as: I’m not here. And Hama is a skank-ass I’m out shopping. For Hama repellent. I’m sleeping, because it makes Hama think I’m a fiend. You know, I like to mention my friends as much as I can. ---
**Author:** ![Kricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f14d63/32.png) [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2003, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-and-pointless-instant-messenger-away-messages/150015/29 "2003-01-22T18:07:00Z")
“Dropping off/ picking up heathens from the conformist factory” Depending on time of the day. ---
**Author:** ![Tuco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tuco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuco)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2003, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-and-pointless-instant-messenger-away-messages/150015/30 "2003-01-22T18:23:01Z")
I used to use ‘I am God if the sea people!’ but people got confused so I stopped using it. ---
**Author:** ![Already\_in\_Use](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Already\_in\_Use](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Already_in_Use)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2003, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-and-pointless-instant-messenger-away-messages/150015/31 "2003-01-22T20:27:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ronincyberpunk \* > \*\*Some from my personal archive: > [snipperoo] > Latin: Obesa cantavit > English: The fat lady has sung > \*\* Interestingly enough, obesacantavit is my AIM screenname. My favorite away message is “I’m not Haydn, I’m just in the Debussy. I’ll be Bach.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-and-pointless-instant-messenger-away-messages/150015.md?page=1)