# Mundane changes to the punchlines of old jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 25, 2012, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-changes-to-the-punchlines-of-old-jokes/623066 "2012-05-25T14:19:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![ecoaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/85e7bf/32.png) [@ecoaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ecoaster)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-changes-to-the-punchlines-of-old-jokes/623066/141 "2012-06-04T17:23:28Z")
A dyslexic guy went out to get a drink at the local watering hole, got confused on his way there, excitedly walked into a department store and then tripped and stumbled into a rack of supportive undergarments for breasts … I’m not sure what he did after this. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-changes-to-the-punchlines-of-old-jokes/623066/142 "2012-06-04T17:32:52Z")
Q: What’s black and brown and looks good on a nigger? A: I’m going to be _really_ charitable here and assume you didn’t mean the word “nigger” to be as loaded as it generally is in any Anglophone country. :dubious: On that basis: A smart suit and shoes would work well for many; others, it has to be said, are strikingly handsome with no more adornment than their own hair and skin (which would answer your terms admirably); while still others, if you weigh worth by appearance, are probably not going to look all that good no matter what you dress them in. So there isn’t one simple answer, really. ---
**Author:** ![ecoaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/85e7bf/32.png) [@ecoaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ecoaster)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-changes-to-the-punchlines-of-old-jokes/623066/143 "2012-06-04T17:41:27Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > “Waiter, do you serve crabs here?” > > “Of course, sir. This is a seafood restaurant.” related: My dieting dyslexic friend whilst seated at this seafood restaurant told the waiter, “waiter, I’m counting crabs, can you tell me how many crabs are in this this dish?” The waiter replied, “Three.” My dieting dyslexic friend was satisfied with this answer and ordered the fish. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-changes-to-the-punchlines-of-old-jokes/623066/144 "2012-06-04T18:38:03Z")
Did you hear about the walrus who went to a Tupperware party? He was looking for a storage solution for those long winter months. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2012, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-changes-to-the-punchlines-of-old-jokes/623066/145 "2012-06-04T18:46:22Z")
A penguin was in a car that stopped working. He got out of it and went into a nearby ice cream place, and all of the employees scattered away thinking that it was rabid, and called animal control. The penguin ate some ice cream and then wandered out and into a nearby auto repair shop. The owner also ran away because the animal control people were late. They were all busy at the zoo, trying to control an enraged pinniped when someone had tried to sneak into its enclosure and engage in fellatio with it. ---
**Author:** ![Torgo\_s\_Pizza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d26b3c/32.png) [@Torgo\_s\_Pizza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Torgo_s_Pizza)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2012, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-changes-to-the-punchlines-of-old-jokes/623066/146 "2012-06-05T08:07:57Z")
Q: When is a door not a door? A: When it’s been destroyed and unusable. For instance, if it’s been burned up in a fire or broken up into unrecognizable pieces in a tornado. Q: How do you keep a rhino from charging? A: You steal his identity. Q: Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard? A: My grandfather. The poor man has dementia and my family doesn’t let him use a razor with a blade in it for fear that he might hurt himself or others. Q: What’s big and purple and lives in the ocean? A: An American rock group from the 1960s that collectively merged elements of folk music, blues, country, and jazz together with rock and psychedelic music. A man walks into a doctor’s office and says, “Hey doc! My arm really hurts when I do this.” The doctor says, “The pain could be caused by any number of ailments including bursitis or even arthritis. Nevertheless, I feel unqualified to make such a diagnosis, since I am a doctor of psychiatry.” ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2012, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-changes-to-the-punchlines-of-old-jokes/623066/147 "2012-06-05T08:56:52Z")
“My dog has no nose.” “How does he smell?” “Well, he doesn’t really, but he knows where his food bowl is; and he knows me, and he also knows that I often have treats for him, so he’s never hungry.” * * * “I met a man with a wooden leg named Smith.” “And what was the name of his other leg?” “Sorry, I wasn’t clear. The man’s name was Smith; I have no idea if he names his legs or not.” ---
**Author:** ![Keeve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f07891/32.png) [@Keeve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keeve)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2012, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-changes-to-the-punchlines-of-old-jokes/623066/148 "2012-06-06T14:51:33Z")
Two elephants were sitting in a bathtub. One says to the other, “Please pass the soap.” The other responds, “Sure! Here it is!” and passes it over. ---
**Author:** ![pwgary](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c4cdca/32.png) [@pwgary](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pwgary)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2012, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-changes-to-the-punchlines-of-old-jokes/623066/149 "2012-06-07T17:19:52Z")
Q: Why doesn’t a woman need a wristwatch? A: Because they’re becoming obsolete with the advent of the cellphone. ---
**Author:** ![flying\_fox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/dc4da7/32.png) [@flying\_fox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flying_fox)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2012, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-changes-to-the-punchlines-of-old-jokes/623066/150 "2012-06-07T20:55:13Z")
Q: Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? A: Because she forgot her glasses and was trying to make out the serving size. Q. How do you sink a Polish submarine? A: A direct torpedo hit would likely do the trick. I once met a man from Nantucket. He was lovely and we enjoyed a nice dinner together. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2012, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-changes-to-the-punchlines-of-old-jokes/623066/151 "2012-06-07T21:20:02Z")
A travelling salesman was obliged to beg for shelter in a monastery, where the kindly abbot invited him to look around and see anything he liked, except that he was not to go through the green door. He asked why not, only for the abbot to respond “I’m sorry, I can’t tell you; you’re not a monk.” “Fair enough, I had no business asking really,” said the salesman, and after a quiet night’s sleep and a frugal but nutritious breakfast the salesman left without giving the green door another thought. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2012, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-changes-to-the-punchlines-of-old-jokes/623066/152 "2012-06-07T21:31:10Z")
“I’m pretty sure that was manslaughter, Mr. Kent. I’m calling the police!” ---
**Author:** ![Roadfood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9fc348/32.png) [@Roadfood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roadfood)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2012, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-changes-to-the-punchlines-of-old-jokes/623066/153 "2012-06-07T22:10:31Z")
I could tell you my deja vu joke, but I actually don’t know any jokes pertaining to deja vu. ---
**Author:** ![david\_42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cc9497/32.png) [@david\_42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/david_42)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-changes-to-the-punchlines-of-old-jokes/623066/154 "2012-06-08T00:04:32Z")
Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage? To the local recycling center. ---
**Author:** ![Dave\_Hartwick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7feea3/32.png) [@Dave\_Hartwick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dave_Hartwick)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-changes-to-the-punchlines-of-old-jokes/623066/155 "2012-06-08T10:29:43Z")
I read something similar to one of these jokes on Facebook, and it turns out that it’s a thing already. [Anti-Joke Chicken memes | quickmeme](http://www.quickmeme.com/Anti-Joke-Chicken/) ---
**Author:** ![Stanislaus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stanislaus/32/3391_2.png) [@Stanislaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stanislaus)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-changes-to-the-punchlines-of-old-jokes/623066/156 "2012-06-08T11:44:40Z")
A horse walked into a barn. ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-changes-to-the-punchlines-of-old-jokes/623066/157 "2012-06-08T12:36:42Z")
A penguin noticed his car was not operating at peak performance so he took it to an auto repair shop for repair. While the mechanic looked the car over, the penguin went next door to the ice cream shop and ordered a vanilla cone, as was his preference. Shortly the penguin returned and asked the mechanic for his diagnosis. The mechanic replied, “There is a half circle design in the oil pan to match the same design at the bottom of the block. In order to keep your oil in the system, there is a gasket that is either heavy cork or rubber that conforms to the shapes of the pan and block. It is this seal that has failed and has worn too thin to prevent the oil from leaking out”. And as a courtesy, the mechanic pointed out that the penguin had ice cream at the corners of his mouth. “You should clean that off”, said the mechanic, " you wouldn’t want people thinking you had semen on your face, ha ha". They both had a good laugh. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-changes-to-the-punchlines-of-old-jokes/623066/158 "2012-06-08T12:56:36Z")
This beer is like making love in a canoe. Yup, it reminds me of that summer when we went canoeing on the lake, and we’d have sex, and drink beer. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2012, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-changes-to-the-punchlines-of-old-jokes/623066/159 "2012-06-08T15:36:52Z")
A new convict was placed in prison, and an older prisoner offered to show him around. As they walked past the cellblock someone shouted out “112”, then all the prisoners laughed. The newcomer asked the old guy why they were laughing. He explained that they had all heard the same jokes so many times that they just referred to them by number to save time. Then he suggested the newcomer try it. So he shouted “262”, but no one laughed. The old timer explained that they only had assigned numbers to 150 jokes so far. ---
**Author:** ![Baal\_Houtham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baal_houtham/32/13604_2.png) [@Baal\_Houtham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baal_Houtham)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2012, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-changes-to-the-punchlines-of-old-jokes/623066/160 "2012-06-15T12:45:21Z")
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “Holmes, did you fold up our tent?” Holmes said, “Our tent has been stolen by a disgraced Legionnaire accompanied by two Austrian children. They used chloroform to incapacitate us. I continue to ponder how they did so without waking us and, of course, the issue of _why_.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-changes-to-the-punchlines-of-old-jokes/623066.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mundane-changes-to-the-punchlines-of-old-jokes/623066.md?page=9)