# Murderous monkeys maim Mayor of Mumbai **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 22, 2007, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murderous-monkeys-maim-mayor-of-mumbai/423524 "2007-10-22T01:31:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![TheOnlySaneOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@TheOnlySaneOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheOnlySaneOne)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murderous-monkeys-maim-mayor-of-mumbai/423524/1 "2007-10-22T01:31:39Z")
Not really but close. Imagine how good the headlines would be though. In actuality, [Monkeys kill Delhi deputy mayor](http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7055625.stm). I, for one welcome our new yadda yadda you know the rest. Seriously though, I love how their brilliant plan is to train LARGER, FIERCER MONKEYS to go attack the ones currently plaguing the city. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murderous-monkeys-maim-mayor-of-mumbai/423524/2 "2007-10-22T11:15:44Z")
Good Og. How does something like this happen in this day and age with forewarning systems? ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murderous-monkeys-maim-mayor-of-mumbai/423524/3 "2007-10-22T13:17:53Z")
This is another direct result of wacko religion taking precedence over human safety, dignity and common sense. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murderous-monkeys-maim-mayor-of-mumbai/423524/4 "2007-10-22T13:24:26Z")
Hey, I’m Indian, and I agree. I hate monkeys. They steal your food and then sit within your sight and eat it, so you can watch them eating your food. ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murderous-monkeys-maim-mayor-of-mumbai/423524/5 "2007-10-22T13:37:51Z")
They’re sending bigger monkeys to kill the smaller monkeys? What do they call that, the Auxiliary Primate Emergency System? This definitely won’t end well. The monkeys will just come back and throw their Primatial Organic Ordnance at them, and then all hell will break loose. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murderous-monkeys-maim-mayor-of-mumbai/423524/6 "2007-10-22T13:39:59Z")
That’s MAD (Monkey Assured Destruction). Eventually they’ll both have one big King Kong each. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murderous-monkeys-maim-mayor-of-mumbai/423524/7 "2007-10-22T13:42:46Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] Hey, I’m Indian, and I agree. I hate monkeys. They steal your food and then sit within your sight and eat it, so you can watch them eating your food. [/QUOTE] You’re not _still_ sore about that ice-cream, are you? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murderous-monkeys-maim-mayor-of-mumbai/423524/8 "2007-10-22T13:44:03Z")
[QUOTE=Malacandra] You’re not _still_ sore about that ice-cream, are you? 😛 [/QUOTE] Yeah, so? _pouts_ ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murderous-monkeys-maim-mayor-of-mumbai/423524/9 "2007-10-22T14:15:12Z")
Catapults. That’ll fix em. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murderous-monkeys-maim-mayor-of-mumbai/423524/10 "2007-10-22T14:46:57Z")
[QUOTE=TheOnlySaneOne] I, for one welcome our new yadda yadda you know the rest. Seriously though, I love how their brilliant plan is to train LARGER, FIERCER MONKEYS to go attack the ones currently plaguing the city. :smack: [/QUOTE] That’s okay, the monkeys will freeze to death in the frigid…Indian…DOH! ---
**Author:** ![Ximenean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/aca169/32.png) [@Ximenean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ximenean)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murderous-monkeys-maim-mayor-of-mumbai/423524/11 "2007-10-22T14:50:42Z")
Deputy mayor’s last words: “Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!” ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murderous-monkeys-maim-mayor-of-mumbai/423524/12 "2007-10-22T15:02:30Z")
[QUOTE=Usram] Deputy mayor’s last words: “Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!” [/QUOTE] right after he said: “It’s a madhouse! A MADHOUSE!!!” ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murderous-monkeys-maim-mayor-of-mumbai/423524/13 "2007-10-22T16:12:15Z")
A man died and as I’m reading the news story linked, this is what’s going through my head… “Well, I’m the king of the swingers, Boy, The Jungle V. I. P.! I’ve reached the top but I’ve had to stop And that’s what’s-a botherin’ me…” In my defense, at work, they’re playing the remastered DVD of Disney’s THE JUNGLE BOOK, but still… ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murderous-monkeys-maim-mayor-of-mumbai/423524/14 "2007-10-22T16:17:54Z")
[QUOTE=Mindfield] They’re sending bigger monkeys to kill the smaller monkeys? What do they call that, the Auxiliary Primate Emergency System? This definitely won’t end well. [/QUOTE] I’d ask the Old Lady her opinion, but she seems to be choking on something. ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murderous-monkeys-maim-mayor-of-mumbai/423524/15 "2007-10-22T16:27:33Z")
Delhi monkeys…sheesh. What’s next, paw prints in my Rueben? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murderous-monkeys-maim-mayor-of-mumbai/423524/16 "2007-10-22T16:31:32Z")
[QUOTE=TheOnlySaneOne] I, for one welcome our new yadda yadda you know the rest. Seriously though, I love how their brilliant plan is to train LARGER, FIERCER MONKEYS to go attack the ones currently plaguing the city. :smack: [/QUOTE] If only Ronald Reagan was still alive. He knew how to deal with apes. Maybe we can recruit [this guy](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Professor_Bobo) instead? ---
**Author:** ![Borborygmi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/borborygmi/32/217_2.png) [@Borborygmi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Borborygmi)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murderous-monkeys-maim-mayor-of-mumbai/423524/17 "2007-10-22T16:45:19Z")
There are several folks from India where I work; one has a few monkey stories. He grew up in a town where the monkeys were aggressive enough to be a public nuisance and there was a bounty on them. At one time, there was one monkey in particular that stood out as being particularly huge and ornery. He says that as a child he watched as one of his neighbors crept up on this monkey from behind and lopped its head off with a machete. The headless monkey then proceeded to run to the nearest tree and climb about 10 feet up before falling to the ground. He didn’t sleep for 10 days, he says. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murderous-monkeys-maim-mayor-of-mumbai/423524/18 "2007-10-22T17:29:10Z")
[QUOTE=Borborygmi] …He says that as a child he watched as one of his neighbors crept up on this monkey from behind and lopped its head off with a machete. The headless monkey then proceeded to run to the nearest tree and climb about 10 feet up before falling to the ground… [/QUOTE] To hell with zombie movies. Bollywood, heed the clarion call and give the world what it desperately needs: zombie-monkey movies! (Or should it be, “monkey-zombie movies”?) [movie ad voiceover] “Yesterday, the babboons of Bengal were satisfied with bananas and the odd bag of chips… but now, they hunger for… _human brains_.” It’s funnier if you imagine that being read with an “Apu from _The Simpsons_” accent. ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murderous-monkeys-maim-mayor-of-mumbai/423524/19 "2007-10-22T17:35:39Z")
[QUOTE=The Scrivener] To hell with zombie movies. Bollywood, heed the clarion call and give the world what it desperately needs: zombie-monkey movies! (Or should it be, “monkey-zombie movies”?) [movie ad voiceover] “Yesterday, the babboons of Bengal were satisfied with bananas and the odd bag of chips… but now, they hunger for… _human brains_.” It’s funnier if you imagine that being read with an “Apu from _The Simpsons_” accent. [/QUOTE] This needs to be done. And you need to get the guy who did [this video](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbvP7dT3Dx0) to direct. ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2007, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murderous-monkeys-maim-mayor-of-mumbai/423524/20 "2007-10-22T18:45:06Z")
[QUOTE=FriarTed] A man died and as I’m reading the news story linked, this is what’s going through my head… “Well, I’m the king of the swingers, Boy, The Jungle V. I. P.! I’ve reached the top but I’ve had to stop And that’s what’s-a botherin’ me…” In my defense, at work, they’re playing the remastered DVD of Disney’s THE JUNGLE BOOK, but still… [/QUOTE] Here’s the verse that jumped into my head after reading this: Here we go in a flung festoon, Half-way up to the jealous moon! Don’t you envy our pranceful bands? Don’t you wish you had extra hands? Wouldn’t you like if your tails were–so– Curved in the shape of a Cupid’s bow? Now you’re angry, but–never mind, Brother, thy tail hangs down behind! Except these lines would be in reference to those damned grey langurs, which I’ve read are also aggressive and obnoxious. Apparently they were so back in Rudyard Kipling’s day, too. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murderous-monkeys-maim-mayor-of-mumbai/423524.md?page=2)