# Murphy's Laws for the SDMB **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 5, 2002, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murphys-laws-for-the-sdmb/135380 "2002-11-05T15:40:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2002, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murphys-laws-for-the-sdmb/135380/21 "2002-11-06T21:33:36Z")
**The boards will run smoothly and quickly all day until such a time as your supervisor leaves for the day and you can surf the boards openly. This sends a telepathic signal to the hamsters that it’s time for a long winter’s nap.** ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2002, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murphys-laws-for-the-sdmb/135380/22 "2002-11-06T22:20:25Z")
**A Smith & Wesson beats four recalcitrant hamsters.** ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2002, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murphys-laws-for-the-sdmb/135380/23 "2002-11-06T23:26:16Z")
**The key search term is always three letters long or less** ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2002, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murphys-laws-for-the-sdmb/135380/24 "2002-11-07T00:54:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elmwood \* > **Your response to a new post will always be beaten by a few seconds.** While it takes you ten minutes to compose a reply to a new post, it takes the other Doper eight minutes to compose a message saying the exact same thing. Their message, appearing just above yours, gets the kudos. Your post gets ignored. … And the previous post will contain twice the eloquence at a quarter of the length of yours. In keeping with “psychic hamsters” – If you try to defend against server timeouts by copying your post to Notepad, there will be no problem. When you don’t copy, your post gets eaten. If you click Submit and then remember you should copy it, the dreaded Server Not Found screen will appear approximately four nanoseconds before you are able to hit Control-C. I am copying this post before clicking Submit. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2002, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murphys-laws-for-the-sdmb/135380/25 "2002-11-07T01:25:24Z")
Well **Nerri** … wwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooossssssssssssshhhhhhhhhh ---
**Author:** ![Speaker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Speaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speaker)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2002, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murphys-laws-for-the-sdmb/135380/26 "2002-11-07T03:37:09Z")
Zebra said Well Nerri… wwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooossssssssssssshhhhhhhhhh Attempts at subtlety will merit no response, forcing gentle writer to apply a heavier hand. ---
**Author:** ![starfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@starfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/starfish)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2002, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murphys-laws-for-the-sdmb/135380/27 "2002-11-07T04:08:02Z")
society’s ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2002, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murphys-laws-for-the-sdmb/135380/28 "2002-11-07T05:39:47Z")
**If you post a correction to a misspelling you didn’t catch in time, you look like an obsessive idiot. If you don’t post a correction, someone else will point out your error.** ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2002, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murphys-laws-for-the-sdmb/135380/29 "2002-11-07T11:08:18Z")
\*\*If you omit a note like [sarcasm] or a smiley or a footnote to indicate your comment is not intended to be taken literally, someone will take it literally and point it out. The reason you will have omitted the footnote is because you don’t feel like extending an already long point by pointing out the obvious. \*\* This also applies to generalizations as in if you refer to “lousy Xs”, someone point out that “not all Xs are lousy.” Also: **Never post in GD until you are fully awake.** CJ ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2002, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murphys-laws-for-the-sdmb/135380/30 "2002-11-07T16:32:00Z")
If you have a gender-neutral username, you will be assumed to be male. ---
**Author:** ![Nefarious\_Chipmunk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nefarious_chipmunk/32/1045_2.png) [@Nefarious\_Chipmunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nefarious_Chipmunk)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2002, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murphys-laws-for-the-sdmb/135380/31 "2002-11-07T17:18:05Z")
\*\* If you are the first to post the great answer to the great question, and someone follow’s after you with the same exact answer, they will get all the credit for the answer, and your post will be ignored. This effect is inversely proportional to the amount of effort you put into writting the answer \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2002, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murphys-laws-for-the-sdmb/135380/32 "2002-11-07T19:16:50Z")
\*\* If you start a thread that could conceivably go in more than one forum, and you finally pick a forum, it will inevitable be moved to the other. \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Homer\_J](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c37758/32.png) [@Homer\_J](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homer_J)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2002, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murphys-laws-for-the-sdmb/135380/33 "2002-11-07T22:14:54Z")
1. If you write an incredibly clever thread for which there is indefinate discussion to be had some moron will be the first to reply with an incredibly stupid/sarcastic or just plain annoying comment. 2. The worlds greatest questions and/or replies will always come to you when you are as far away from a computer as possible, yet when u are in front of the computer your threads invariably begin with, ‘in The Simpons…’ ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2002, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murphys-laws-for-the-sdmb/135380/34 "2002-11-07T22:20:22Z")
If you are single and vaguely hoping to meet The One on the SDMB, and you notice a post from someone saying that they are single and of the appropriate gender and orientation for you, how interesting they seem will be inversely proportional to their geographical distance from you. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2002, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murphys-laws-for-the-sdmb/135380/35 "2002-11-07T22:27:46Z")
Corrollary: If they aren’t, they’ll post that they’re about to move or that they’ve just fallen in love. So, where’re you from again, **Max**? CJ ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2002, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murphys-laws-for-the-sdmb/135380/36 "2002-11-08T12:07:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by cjhoworth \* > \*\*So, where’re you from again, **Max**? > > CJ \*\* Palo Alto, CA. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2002, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murphys-laws-for-the-sdmb/135380/37 "2002-11-08T12:48:32Z")
\*\*The more time you spend trying to think up a witty thread title a/o subject matter, the quicker the entire thing will sink to the rock bottom of the screen before fading off to the cold cruel world of obscurity. \*\* \*\*The less time you spend on a title/subject matter, due to time constraints or a WTF-I’ll-just-throw-this-one-out-there-before-I-forget-about-it - the more popular it is. \*\* Moral Lesson: Brain Farts are more popular than well thought out personal manifesto’s. \*\*When you at last have an axe to grind and something to start a Pit Thread \* it will never be as eloquent \* and firey as some of the Masters of Rant. coming off as whiney, incoherent and pathetic. \*\* Subsequently, \*\* When reading the replied to your Rant, other posters will only tell you you are wrong, wrong, wrong and condemn you to the pits of heck or (much worse) your thread just sinks to a dismal land of obscurity. \*\* ---
**Author:** ![TwungTister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbce88/32.png) [@TwungTister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwungTister)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2002, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murphys-laws-for-the-sdmb/135380/38 "2002-11-08T22:36:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\*\*\*If you post a correction to a misspelling you didn’t catch in time, you look like an obsessive idiot. \*\* \*\* No you won’t, lainaf. I like it when people do that. I know they noticed. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2002, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murphys-laws-for-the-sdmb/135380/39 "2002-11-08T23:10:30Z")
**Any mentions of doubleposts in your post will doublepost your post** Say that 3 times fast! ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2002, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murphys-laws-for-the-sdmb/135380/40 "2002-11-08T23:13:49Z")
Any mentions of doubleposts in your post will doublepost your post Say that 3 times fast! [sub]Second post is intentional, lest my “law” is untrue[/sub] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murphys-laws-for-the-sdmb/135380.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/murphys-laws-for-the-sdmb/135380.md?page=3)