# Music bad enough to be considered criminal **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 8, 2006, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954 "2006-01-08T00:59:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/c4cdca/32.png) [@Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quiddity_Glomfuster)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2006, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/61 "2006-12-16T07:24:58Z")
> [@](#): > > than those four. Because ‘ah’ just can’t be counted as an actual word, after all. 😃 :o ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2006, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/62 "2006-12-16T07:50:52Z")
At my last job, my boss insisted all modern music was vapid crap, and put on a station playing music from the 30s 40s and 50s. There were some good songs on that station. Some good old swing, the odd bit of jazz or show tune. A couple solid 50s pop tunes. They were few and far between, though. A selection of the wonderfully deep and intellectual songs the station played: RAGGMOPP. Some pile of dreck based around puns on the names of all the states. (A quick Google search suggests it’s Delaware, by Perry Como.) The tortured pronunciations of several of the states and absurd names characters to make the puns are what really kills me, although the music and delivery are awful, too. Johnny Get Angry (“Oh, Johnny get angry, Johnny get mad/Give me the biggest lecture I ever had/I want a brave man, I want a cave man/Johnny, show me that you care, really care for me”) Not only should all of these piles of crap (and most of the other ‘music’ played on that station) be considered criminal, inflicting them on people should be justification for homicide. ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2006, 9:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/63 "2006-12-16T09:27:04Z")
[QUOTE=Tengu] Johnny Get Angry (“Oh, Johnny get angry, Johnny get mad/Give me the biggest lecture I ever had/I want a brave man, I want a cave man/Johnny, show me that you care, really care for me”) [/QUOTE] KD Lang sang that on SNL. I guess it had the virtue of we all knew she was kidding (She was inexplicably dressed as the Joker; purple tails and an orange shirt). ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2006, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/64 "2006-12-16T10:14:30Z")
[QUOTE=Revtim] There was a band in the 80’s my sister used to listen to called “Haysie Fantasie” or something like that. I’ve never heard anything worse, to this day. [/QUOTE] :eek: I remember them. In fact I…er…um..sort of bought their album. I didn’t think they were that bad…well pretty cheesy, but catchy for a few tunes. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2006, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/65 "2006-12-16T12:33:05Z")
[QUOTE=koeeoaddi] I was just going to add the odious Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond duet _You Don’t Bring Me Flowers_, but I’m thinking to myself, when was I last heard it? Maybe 25 years ago? In fact, how often do any of us have to put up with _Watching Scotty Grow_? How often have we been forced to listen repeatedly to _Yummy Yummy Yummy_? Even the wretched _Having My Baby_ can be deftly avoided, probably for an entire lifetime, with very little effort. I’m fully aware that I am koeeoaddi, HolidayMusicKvetchingCrank™, but, for me, it’s the only music that approaches true criminality. That can’t-turn-it-off, corporately enforced, repetitious, seasonal dreck.\* All of it. Forever and ever. Amen. Throw the motherf\*cking book at it. \*Yeah, yeah, okay, I won’t bring it up again…until next November.😛 [/QUOTE] I’ll see the corporate holiday dreck, and I’m going to raise you _Christmas_ albums recorded by _Jewish_ singers. Hearing Barbra Streisand singing “Christmas Memories” or “Silent Night” or, best of all, “The Lord’s Prayer” makes her seem like a money-grubber. That she isn’t the only one who’s done it (Manilow and Diamond are guilty of this offense, too) makes me weep. Robin ---
**Author:** ![YWalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/6f9a4e/32.png) [@YWalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YWalker)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2006, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/66 "2006-12-16T15:36:47Z")
Seasons in the Sun was the #1 song for the year it was released. ---
**Author:** ![Butterscotch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dc4da7/32.png) [@Butterscotch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Butterscotch)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2006, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/67 "2006-12-16T15:52:46Z")
“I’ve Never Been To Me”, by Charlene. Especially the spoken bit in the middle. Can’t believe it hasn’t been mentioned yet… ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2006, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/68 "2006-12-16T16:06:09Z")
[QUOTE=YWalker] Seasons in the Sun was the #1 song for the year it was released. [/QUOTE] And “My Ding-a-Ling” was Chuck Berry’s only #1 hit (now _that’s_ criminal), but they both suck. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2006, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/69 "2006-12-16T16:13:09Z")
[QUOTE=Butterscotch] “I’ve Never Been To Me”, by Charlene. Especially the spoken bit in the middle. Can’t believe it hasn’t been mentioned yet… [/QUOTE] Hee. I was just thinking about that one. Very evil. And I have no desire tro be to her. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2006, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/70 "2006-12-16T16:37:15Z")
Many of these songs are terrible, but Sheryl Crow’s “Strong Enough” or some such title actually _offends_ me. So it has to win any contest for true horror for me. For just random horribleness, Starship’s “We Built This City.” Ack. ---
**Author:** ![Sweetums](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Sweetums](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweetums)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2006, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/71 "2006-12-16T18:13:04Z")
[QUOTE=danceswithcats] Gah! I didn’t realize that Bobby Goldsboro was wallowing in the loss of his wife via song-I’d always thought he was just someone with a penchant for writing weepy, syrupy shit. [/QUOTE] Is he? I mean, did Goldboro’s wife actually die? This would make songs like “Honey” at least understandable. Otherwise it is just an excercise in adding anoying, molodramatic sap to the world. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2006, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/72 "2006-12-16T18:23:26Z")
[QUOTE=Sweetums] Is he? I mean, did Goldboro’s wife actually die? This would make songs like “Honey” at least understandable. Otherwise it is just an excercise in adding anoying, molodramatic sap to the world. [/QUOTE] I don’t think so. He didn’t write it; Bobby Russell did. Russell is also responsible for such musical crimes as “The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia” and “Little Green Apples”. Russell died in 1992, so we’re not going to be forced to listen to any more of his songs, thank God. Robin ---
**Author:** ![Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/c4cdca/32.png) [@Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quiddity_Glomfuster)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2006, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/73 "2006-12-16T18:26:24Z")
[QUOTE=MsRobyn] I’ll see the corporate holiday dreck, and I’m going to raise you _Christmas_ albums recorded by _Jewish_ singers. Hearing Barbra Streisand singing “Christmas Memories” or “Silent Night” or, best of all, “The Lord’s Prayer” makes her seem like a money-grubber. That she isn’t the only one who’s done it (Manilow and Diamond are guilty of this offense, too) makes me weep. Robin [/QUOTE] Huh? So Jews aren’t allowed to sing about Christmas memories? 😕 Last I heard, they pray to the same God. The authorship of the Lord’s Prayer may be attributed to Jesus, but it’s a prayer to the same guy that everybody calls God. Do you extend the same scorn to atheists who sing Christmas songs? What about Scientologists? Ought there be a Christian Seal of Approval stamp on every Christmas product asserting that it’s been made exclusively by believers? I’m guessing you don’t buy Christmas ornaments that aren’t manufactured in the Bible Belt, right? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![F.U.Shakespeare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@F.U.Shakespeare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.U.Shakespeare)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2006, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/74 "2006-12-16T19:18:45Z")
[QUOTE=mamboman] yeah but “Summer the first time” was kinda cool. As for criminal music - Ornette Coleman. The only greater criminals are those 60’s hipster critics, who, obviously confused and paralyetic when confronted with the worst music ever made, decided to actually encourage the man to make more. And he did. And it still sucked! mm [/QUOTE] I agree that “Summer the First Time” was a powerful, surprisingly hip song for 1973 top-40, and it still holds up. Re: Coleman’s stuff: I would slash my wrists if I had to listen to it for any length of time. But a lot of musicians I know and respect claim there’s something there. I tell them that I simply don’t “get” it, and we agree not to discuss the matter further. [QUOTE=jsgoddess] Many of these songs are terrible, but Sheryl Crow’s “Strong Enough” or some such title actually _offends_ me. So it has to win any contest for true horror for me. For just random horribleness, Starship’s “We Built This City.” Ack. [/QUOTE] “Strong Enough” seems to be one of those songs that people either love or hate. A woman I was dating when it came out liked it and played it for me, and I agreed that it has a startling honesty and vulnerability. But a woman I dated a few years later wanted to throw the radio out the window when it came on. I think it comes down to accepting the song as a statement of Crow’s personal feelings, and not a claim that all women feel this way. I couldn’t agree more about “We Built This City”, just for the sound of it. I’ve never been too clear on what the lyrics are saying. Is it about San Francisco? ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2006, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/75 "2006-12-16T19:31:39Z")
[QUOTE=Quiddity Glomfuster] Huh? So Jews aren’t allowed to sing about Christmas memories? 😕 Last I heard, they pray to the same God. The authorship of the Lord’s Prayer may be attributed to Jesus, but it’s a prayer to the same guy that everybody calls God. Do you extend the same scorn to atheists who sing Christmas songs? What about Scientologists? Ought there be a Christian Seal of Approval stamp on every Christmas product asserting that it’s been made exclusively by believers? I’m guessing you don’t buy Christmas ornaments that aren’t manufactured in the Bible Belt, right? 😕 [/QUOTE] First of all, I’m Jewish, so I’m not in the market for any kind of Christmas paraphernalia. Second, I’m not going to re-hash my feelings about Christmas music, but my point was that singers who have self-identified as Jews (as the three I used as examples are) come across as cynical and somewhat exploitative when they release Christmas (and especially specifically Christian) songs. I know they are very popular and sell a lot of albums, and it’s certainly their right to do whatever they choose, but to me, it’s more about money than it is about music or the holiday and that’s not a good thing. Please don’t read more into that than what I said. I’d feel the same way if a Christian singer released an album of Jewish liturgical music. Robin ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2006, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/76 "2006-12-16T23:42:36Z")
Mike Douglas, who performed (mostly talked) [The Men in My Little Girl’s Life](http://ntl.matrix.com.br/pfilho/html/lyrics/m/men_in_my_little_girls_life.txt). _\_ ---
**Author:** ![BMax](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bmax/32/4267_2.png) [@BMax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMax)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2006, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/77 "2006-12-17T01:04:07Z")
[QUOTE=FairyChatMom] Mike Douglas, who performed (mostly talked) [The Men in My Little Girl’s Life](http://ntl.matrix.com.br/pfilho/html/lyrics/m/men_in_my_little_girls_life.txt). I clicked on the link. _\_ [/QUOTE] > [@](#): > > Daddy, there’s a boy ouside, his name is Rod. > He wants to play in our backyard > Can he daddy? Can he daddy? Oh please daddy For some reason I read that as “Rod says he wants to play in _my_ backyard” and I thought “oh, hell no.” ---
**Author:** ![Archergal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c89c15/32.png) [@Archergal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Archergal)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2006, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/78 "2006-12-17T03:06:49Z")
[QUOTE=Qadgop the Mercotan] Anybody else remember **Seasons in the sun** by Terry Jacks? [http://users.cis.net/sammy/seasons.htm](http://users.cis.net/sammy/seasons.htm) Unfortunately, I remember it all too well. [/QUOTE] OMG, that song is VERY high on my list of “makes me run screaming out of the room” songs. And thanks NOT AT ALL for the earworm now, QtM, dammit. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2006, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/79 "2006-12-17T14:20:04Z")
[QUOTE=zagloba] “I’ve got a brand new pair of roller skates And you’ve got a brand new key” [/QUOTE] DAMN YOU! I WANTED TO BE THE FIRST!!! OK then, “They took Paradise… and put up a parking lot!” Ah, the theme song of the Anti-Industrial Revolution! ---
**Author:** ![Archergal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c89c15/32.png) [@Archergal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Archergal)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2006, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/80 "2006-12-17T15:42:43Z")
[QUOTE=FriarTed] OK then, “They took Paradise… and put up a parking lot!” [/QUOTE] Actually, it’s “They paved Paradise…” but your point still stands. 🆒 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954.md?page=5)