# Music bad enough to be considered criminal **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 8, 2006, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954 "2006-01-08T00:59:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2006, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/81 "2006-12-17T16:03:48Z")
For what it’s worth, Black Box Recorder covered “Seasons in the Sun” and made it sound not only kinda cool, but even _sexy_. Then again, Sarah Nixey’s cold British accent could make anything sound sexy. If I ever find out I have a terminal disease, I want her to tell me, preferably in song. ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2006, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/82 "2006-12-17T16:17:50Z")
Pfft. You ain’t heard nothing yet. I give you Sir Cliff Richard singing the Lords Prayer to the tune of [Auld Lang Syne](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1cG-4YSyhQ) . Warning: may cause convulsions/death ---
**Author:** ![scotandrsn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a4c791/32.png) [@scotandrsn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scotandrsn)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2006, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/83 "2006-12-17T16:30:47Z")
Back when there were records, a store I used to frequent would give you ten records hidden in a brown paper wrapper for a buck. One album I ended up with was one by a funk outfit called **Rasputin’s Stash**. Now, there were many eight-or-nine-man funk units back in the day, but you could could usually count on at least one or two of the members actually having a sense of rhythm. Not so here, and there oughta be a law. The lead singer did, however, have two afros. Can’t describe it, hadda see it. Oh wait, [you can](http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f14/zizoi77/rspu.jpg)! Thanks, Google Images! ---
**Author:** ![F.U.Shakespeare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@F.U.Shakespeare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.U.Shakespeare)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2006, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/84 "2006-12-17T19:04:02Z")
All the music cited in this thread has been by professionals, but no thread of this title is complete without some mention of Sam Sachs. Sam was a 50-ish elevator operator ca. the late 1950s. He apparently fancied himself a singer, and would often sing for people on his elevator. Sam had the most annoying voice you have ever heard in your life. Imagine early Jerry Lewis on crack, for starters. Add in absolutely no sense of pitch or rhythmn, and no idea how bad he sounded, and you get the worst singer of all time. As a gag, a group of people gave him a present of a recording session and a pressing of LPs. The result is absolutely priceless: the poor musicians are hanging on for dear life keeping up with Sam’s tendency to add or subtract beats at random. As was the practice back then, Sam meticulously announces each number at the beginning: “‘Secret Love’, Sam Sachs”, before he mangles it. (This was his big break, remember?) At one point, Sam asks the control booth, “How do you think that was? Should I do it again?” The poor engineer replies, “I think that was fine”, his tone sounding like he was praying for the nightmare to end. I first head the music of Sam Sachs on bootleg tapes around 1990, but was overjoyed a few years ago when my brother gave me a copy of the actual album that he’d found in a used record store. The liner notes (I presume written by the people who paid for the session) are hilariously serious and non-commital. They say things like, “Sam is an artist of a truly unique style. It can safely be said that no one ever forgets hearing him sing”, which I hope to God didn’t sucker anybody into buying the record thinking they’d like it. The only hint that it’s a joke is in the fine-print technical advice on how to maximize playback quality. It says something like, “This recording should be played on a system with a roll-off function based on a 36-24-36 Monroe curve”. My version of the story of Sam Sach’s immortal recording was all ferreted out via rumor, so anyone who can correct or add to the story of Sam Sachs, be my guest. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2006, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/85 "2006-12-17T19:06:12Z")
What about [Mrs. Miller](http://www.mrsmillersworld.com/whois_bin/WhoIs.html) from the 60s? Robin ---
**Author:** ![F.U.Shakespeare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@F.U.Shakespeare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.U.Shakespeare)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2006, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/86 "2006-12-17T19:22:28Z")
I’d never heard of her – her story sounds a lot like Sam’s, except she really did hit the big time. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2006, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/87 "2006-12-17T19:33:46Z")
She sort of did. IIRC, she had some guest appearances on the Johnny Carson show, and a few albums. In fact, I had one of her albums and it was hilarious. I feel kind of bad for her though, because much of her “career” was a joke at her expense. Robin ---
**Author:** ![RunSilent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e0b2c6/32.png) [@RunSilent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RunSilent)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2006, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/88 "2006-12-17T20:08:07Z")
All rap music. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2006, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/89 "2006-12-17T20:22:01Z")
Whatever that damn arrangement (it sure as hell wasn’t a song) was by Creed that was ubiquitous for awhile. ---
**Author:** ![Boulter\_s\_Canary](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Boulter\_s\_Canary](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boulter_s_Canary)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2006, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/90 "2006-12-17T21:47:14Z")
[QUOTE=Zeldar] Although Minnie Ripperton was touted as having one of the greatest vocal ranges, or perhaps it was the highest pitch, of any singer, at least for that time, that thing she did called _Loving You Is Easy 'Cause It’s Wonderful_ (or whatever the real title was – and I really don’t want to know) where she ends with that dog-summoning wail was enough to make me leave the house when it came on. Unfortunately my wife liked it so it always stayed on even after I screamed in agony. [/QUOTE] Dog summoning? I’ve seen bats drop out of the sky stone dead! Criminal records? how about some blue-eyed reggae - D’yer Maker by Led Zepplin and Jamaica Jerk-Off by Elton John. Oh, and a dishonourable mention for All Around My Hat by Steeleye Span - an object lesson in how _not_ to do folk-rock ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2007, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/91 "2007-01-07T00:24:03Z")
[QUOTE=Revtim] There was a band in the 80’s my sister used to listen to called “Haysie Fantasie” or something like that. I’ve never heard anything worse, to this day. [/QUOTE] [Shiny Shiny!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rg1LABzdwbE) ---
**Author:** ![The\_The](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/96bed5/32.png) [@The\_The](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_The)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2007, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/92 "2007-01-07T08:51:52Z")
“Break My Stride” - Matthew Wilder [![]( " - YouTube") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m11S_cQRMZA) I win the thread. G’night, and DON’T CLICK ON THE LINK, FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR SANITY !!!11! ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2007, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/93 "2007-01-07T09:24:13Z")
Anyone here every heard The Shaggs? [QUOTE=elmwood] [Shiny Shiny!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rg1LABzdwbE) [/QUOTE] I love that song. ---
**Author:** ![The\_The](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/96bed5/32.png) [@The\_The](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_The)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2007, 9:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/94 "2007-01-07T09:34:12Z")
[QUOTE=elmwood] [Shiny Shiny!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rg1LABzdwbE) [/QUOTE] Whoah, sorry RevTim and Elmwood. . . I conceed. However, I will lay claim to the winning song that was actually, insanely, DISTURBINGLY popular. (Google-fu employed, info to follow) /Butthead Hehehe, his real name was Matthew Weiner /Butthead "Break my Stride hit #5 on the bilboard chart in 1983. A sample of what it took to hit #5 on the charts in 1983: “Last night I had the strangest dream I sailed away to China, in a little rowboat to find ya And you said you had to get your laundry clean” “Laundry clean?” WTF!?!?! ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2007, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/95 "2007-01-07T09:55:06Z")
[QUOTE=Equipoise] Anyone here every heard The Shaggs? I love that song. [/QUOTE] I should clarify, I don’t like the video, I just like the song. When I clicked on the link I brought up another page to cover the video and just listened to the song. It’s just a fun song, and there are all kinds of interesting musical things going on in the background. ---
**Author:** ![flodnak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/838e76/32.png) [@flodnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flodnak)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2007, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/96 "2007-01-07T10:07:07Z")
In my opinion, no list of Criminally Bad Musical Acts could possibly be complete without the Bay City Rollers and Rick Springfield. Partly on general principles, but mostly because _my sister used to listen to them interminably and we shared a room and she was bigger than me and stronger than me and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!_ I’ve made a full recovery now, really. My doctor says the twitching is harmless. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2007, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/97 "2007-01-07T10:15:52Z")
Blue Swede doing B.J. Thomas’s “Hooked on a Feeling”. **ooga-chocka, ooga-ooga, ooga-chocka, ooga-ooga, ooga-chocka, ooga-ooga, ooga-chocka, ooga-ooga, ooga-chocka, ooga-ooga, ooga-chocka, ooga-ooga, ooga-chocka, ooga-ooga, ooga-chocka, ooga-ooga, ooga-chocka, ooga-ooga, ooga-chocka, ooga-ooga, ooga-chocka, ooga-ooga…** (I looked at the Bobby Goldsboro link from the OP. I like [his paintings](http://www.bobbygoldsboro.com/art_home.html). Primitive but powerful. Warm colors. I especially like “Saltwater Cowboys”.) ---
**Author:** ![The\_The](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/96bed5/32.png) [@The\_The](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_The)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2007, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/98 "2007-01-07T10:21:45Z")
[QUOTE=flodnak] In my opinion, no list of Criminally Bad Musical Acts could possibly be complete without the Bay City Rollers and Rick Springfield. Partly on general principles, but mostly because _my sister used to listen to them interminably and we shared a room and she was bigger than me and stronger than me and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!_ I’ve made a full recovery now, really. My doctor says the twitching is harmless. [/QUOTE] I actually like Springfield’s “I’ve Done Everything For You (you’ve done nothing for me).” Catchy, upbeat pop tune with such bitter lyrics, interesting combination. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2007, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/99 "2007-01-07T12:13:28Z")
Man, lotsa hatin’ on the pop music in this thread. Hell, most of this stuff is on my iPod right now. I was a boy in the 70s listening to KHJ in Los Angeles with this stuff. I still enjoy it. Show the love, people! ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2007, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954/100 "2007-01-07T17:08:23Z")
**Sugar Sugar** by the Archies (and everything else they did) Anything by Dino, Dezi and Billy **This Diamond Ring** by Gary Lewis and The Playboys **Down In The Boondocks** by Billy Joe Royal **Top Of The World** by The Carpenters **Hair** by The Cowsills **Town Without Pity** by Gene Pitney Got enough bad music in your heads now? Happy? I’m over 55 and I don’t listen to any of that crap in the OP. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/music-bad-enough-to-be-considered-criminal/338954.md?page=6)