# Musicals that should have never been made **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 17, 2005, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musicals-that-should-have-never-been-made/290494 "2005-02-17T06:31:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2005, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musicals-that-should-have-never-been-made/290494/41 "2005-02-17T20:02:51Z")
I have to concur with those Dopers who have defended **1776**. I’m not so fond of the play, or the view of some of the personages in the play - but I love the score. Not simply “Sit Down, John,” but I think that “Look Sharply, Ma” is one of the most poignant songs about battle I’ve ever heard. I love the music of **Man of La Mancha** , but the movie left me bleh. I want to see **Nixon in China** , and the idea of a singing Kissenger is only part of it. Really. I’d also love to see a little off b-way play I’ve heard about called, **Hello, Hamlet**. Yes, it’s supposed to be the tragedy of Hamlet told with adaptations of popular b-way songs. It’s just so warped I **want** to see it. I **need** to see it. And **A Shoggoth on the Roof** would appeal to me too much to be able to avoid seeing it. I guess I just have bad taste. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2005, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musicals-that-should-have-never-been-made/290494/42 "2005-02-17T20:59:46Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > And don’t get me started on the movie version of **Camelot** … Aw, c’mon – that’s the first thing I thought of when I saw the OP! My theory: it was the time (late '60s) when movie musicals were dying. To put the musical out of its misery, the Powers That Be decided to make musicals and cast them with people who couldn’t sing. Like Richard Harris and Vanessa Redgrave. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2005, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musicals-that-should-have-never-been-made/290494/43 "2005-02-17T21:35:55Z")
> [@jsc1953](#): > > To put the musical out of its misery, the Powers That Be decided to make musicals and cast them with people who couldn’t sing. There had been non-singers in musicals before: Rex Harrison in “My Fair Lady” (1964) Jean Simmons and Marlon Brando in “Guys and Dolls” (1955) Lerner and Loewe musicals, as a whole, seemed to have non-singers in prominent roles. Hmm. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2005, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musicals-that-should-have-never-been-made/290494/44 "2005-02-17T22:17:35Z")
I only have sketchy knowledge of this one, but…Vh1 did one of their “100 most…blah blah” specials on the most atrocious moments in rock & roll history. One of the moments on their list involved an opera / musical “conceived, written, scored & performed (on bad 1970s synthesizers)” by one of the members of Emerson, Lake & Palmer. It was a musical adaptation of the Camelot legends…performed _on ice!_ Yes, an ice-capades opera by a member of one of the most pretentious bands of all time. That certainly must have been a show to see. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2005, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musicals-that-should-have-never-been-made/290494/45 "2005-02-18T00:15:28Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > There had been non-singers in musicals before: > > Rex Harrison in “My Fair Lady” (1964) And Audrey Hepburn, if you count the movie, which it would appear you do given your next example. > [@jsgoddess](#): > > Jean Simmons and Marlon Brando in “Guys and Dolls” (1955) > > Lerner and Loewe musicals, as a whole, seemed to have non-singers in prominent roles. Hmm. JFTR, _G & D_ was by Frank Loesser. ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2005, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musicals-that-should-have-never-been-made/290494/46 "2005-02-18T00:15:47Z")
> [@Art Vandelay](#): > > I only have sketchy knowledge of this one, but…Vh1 did one of their “100 most…blah blah” specials on the most atrocious moments in rock & roll history. One of the moments on their list involved an opera / musical “conceived, written, scored & performed (on bad 1970s synthesizers)” by one of the members of Emerson, Lake & Palmer. It was a musical adaptation of the Camelot legends…performed _on ice!_ Yes, an ice-capades opera by a member of one of the most pretentious bands of all time. That certainly must have been a show to see. Trying…to…purge…memory…of…having…read…this…from…my…brain. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2005, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musicals-that-should-have-never-been-made/290494/47 "2005-02-18T00:18:16Z")
> [@Kizarvexius](#): > > Trying…to…purge…memory…of…having…read…this…from…my…brain. Don’t fight it. You can’t. You love Emerson, Lake & Palmer. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2005, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musicals-that-should-have-never-been-made/290494/48 "2005-02-18T00:41:02Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > JFTR, _G & D_ was by Frank Loesser. Yeah, I know. But the person I was replying to had “Camelot.” Earlier someone mentioned “Paint Your Wagon.” And then I thought of “Gigi” and it all went from there! ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2005, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musicals-that-should-have-never-been-made/290494/49 "2005-02-18T00:48:50Z")
Few people have ever heard of “110 in the Shade,” a musical version of the classic “The Rainmaker.” IMHO, those who have never heard of it are the lucky ones. The original play was excellent. The movie (starring Katharine Hepburn as Lizzie and Burt Lancaster as Starbuck) was superb. When will people learn? If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2005, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musicals-that-should-have-never-been-made/290494/50 "2005-02-18T00:59:28Z")
> [@pinkfreud](#): > > When will people learn? If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. What? And deprive the world of _The Last Starfighter: The Musical_? ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2005, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musicals-that-should-have-never-been-made/290494/51 "2005-02-18T01:01:34Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > What? And deprive the world of _The Last Starfighter: The Musical_? Please tell me you’re joking. Even if it’s a **lie** , tell me you’re joking and there’s no such musical… My sanity depends on it. (Okay, the sanity of my fuzzy slippers, my sanity is looong gone. ;)) ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2005, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musicals-that-should-have-never-been-made/290494/52 "2005-02-18T01:06:27Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > What? And deprive the world of _The Last Starfighter: The Musical_? For the love Og! Please, please, please say this is true!? And I can see it somewhere? Please! ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2005, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musicals-that-should-have-never-been-made/290494/53 "2005-02-18T01:10:26Z")
> [@OtakuLoki](#): > > Please tell me you’re joking. Even if it’s a **lie** , tell me you’re joking and there’s no such musical… My sanity depends on it. (Okay, the sanity of my fuzzy slippers, my sanity is looong gone. ;)) [Ah, if only 'twere so.](http://www.playbill.com/news/article/88513.html) Good news to **DiosaBellissima** , though. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2005, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musicals-that-should-have-never-been-made/290494/54 "2005-02-18T02:52:00Z")
It’s not a real musical, but in light of **The Last Starfighter** I have to bring up my **Dune … the Musical** : [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=167075&highlight=Dune+Musical](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=167075&highlight=Dune+Musical) (Please don’t resurrect) ---
**Author:** ![RobuSensei](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/919ad9/32.png) [@RobuSensei](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobuSensei)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2005, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musicals-that-should-have-never-been-made/290494/55 "2005-02-18T03:18:08Z")
Well, if we’re going in this direction, I might as well post the link to [SILENCE! Silence of the Lambs: The Musical](http://www.silencethemusical.com). And, casting a non-singer in a singing role isn’t always bad. There are rare occasions… For example, James Cagney as George M. Cohen in “Yankee Doodle Dandy.” ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2005, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musicals-that-should-have-never-been-made/290494/56 "2005-02-18T03:27:50Z")
> [@](#): > > Musicals that should have never been made Erm, all of them? Except for those with a bit of intellectual meat (such as JC Superstar and Caberet) the world would be better off without musicals entirely. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2005, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musicals-that-should-have-never-been-made/290494/57 "2005-02-18T03:30:38Z")
You can have my _Mikado_ when you pry the score, libretto, CD’s and DVD’s out of my cold, dead fingers. It may be silly. It is more of a skewering of English society than Japanese society. It is still grand fun. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2005, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musicals-that-should-have-never-been-made/290494/58 "2005-02-18T03:49:00Z")
> [@RobuSensei](#): > > For example, James Cagney as George M. Cohen… Funny, he didn’t _look_ Jewish… 😃 Coh **a** n is Irish. Coh **e** n is Jewish (or Barbarian, per Pratchett). ---
**Author:** ![Mehitabel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Mehitabel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mehitabel)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2005, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musicals-that-should-have-never-been-made/290494/59 "2005-02-18T04:10:26Z")
[Titanic](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000003GA5/qid=1108698675/sr=2-3/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_3/104-8365291-5125517) was lovely! I saw the musical several times and the last performance was extremely moving, with curtain speeches, lots of tears, and flowers tossed at the cast (some by me!) It was a respectful, operatic-style re-telling, with songs about the society that the ship represented, people disbelieving the disaster, people saying goodbye to each other, and the aftermath. The first song was a love song–to the ship and human ingenuity, sung by Michael Cerveris. It had top Broadway actors and the ‘heroes’, as much as it had them, were actual people…stoker Fred Barrett (whose RL story was admittedly changed) and Thomas Andrews (whose wasn’t at all, sadly); the Strauses, J. Bruce Ismay, Captain Smith, all written with their real stories in mind. There were a couple of romances but they weren’t the center of the show. And yes, I saw DANCE OF THE VAMPIRES. 🆒 By then it was closing in three days and the entire cast was camping it the hell up. There were some cool flying FX but that was it. The sets were nice but the characterizations were completely OTT; the heroine was a blithering idiot and her love interest was the Ted McGinley of Broadway, handsome and sincere and totally shallow; the one guy who was even trying anymore was the skeptical investigator played by Rene Auberjoinois, an old pro who was the only remotely believable character. Here’s some of the song titles: God Has Left the Building Don’t Leave Daddy A Good Nightmare Comes so Rarely Death is Such an Odd Thing Braver Than We Are When Love is Inside You …and of course, the immortal Garlic song, sung by the peasantry in a country tavern. Its clever title is actually “Garlic”. As for Michael Crawford–well–he was having a hell of a time up there. The show had flopped, and a bunch of people were about to lose their jobs. A lot of the blame accrued rightfully to him. But he stood there, in his platform shoes and **a mullet** and Elvis-style collars and Michael-Jackson epaulets, and just mugged his way through the whole thing, and he was paradoxically a lot of fun. His voice was OK, far from his glory days but certainly still leading-man good, and I met some members of his fan club, who to their credit mostly hated the show too but realized that it was the sort of thing lovers of MC OR bad theater HAD to see. And they were absolutely right. Hint: Musicals that should never have been made will have three or more songs ending with the protagonist(s) standing center stage, arms raising slowly until the last note, which is held for ten measures at a volume that would drown out car alarms. DOTV had them. BROOKLYN has them (spared myself from seeing this one). TITANIC didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Sparky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Saint\_Sparky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Sparky)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2005, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musicals-that-should-have-never-been-made/290494/60 "2005-02-18T08:20:47Z")
_“Debbie Does Dallas: The Musical”_ has recently opened for a run in my town. I actually have a morbid curiosity to see it to see if it falls into the ‘so bad its good’ catetory or this ‘why God why?’ category. > [@Draelin](#): > > I never understood who wanted to see or make a musical _Titanic_. And if I remember correctly, it wasn’t based on the movie, because it came out prior to the movie’s release. I actually enjoyed it. I thought it had one of the best opening numbers around. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musicals-that-should-have-never-been-made/290494.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musicals-that-should-have-never-been-made/290494.md?page=4)