# Musings on my lack of appeal **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 18, 2008, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musings-on-my-lack-of-appeal/473318 "2008-11-18T18:13:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Neidhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Neidhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neidhart)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musings-on-my-lack-of-appeal/473318/1 "2008-11-18T18:13:26Z")
Warning, shameless self-pity ahead! I was just reading a thread on a LJ community by a woman who was, justifiably, pissed off because on two separate occasions, waitresses blatantly flirted with her husband in front of her. Now I’ve been eating out regularly for more than twenty years and _not once_ has any waitress ever flirted with me or even given me a second glance. Nor has anyone else, in any setting: bookstore, supermarket, what have you. I wonder if this proves that I’m, objectively, ugly. Or is it, as I suspect, that I’m always by myself and no woman is ever going to approach a lone man unless he’s George Clooney-level handsome. Just depresses me sometimes. Everyone would like to be able to at least pretend that someone on this planet finds them attractive. Eh, I’m used to it. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musings-on-my-lack-of-appeal/473318/2 "2008-11-18T18:16:48Z")
Maybe that LJ woman is a loon. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musings-on-my-lack-of-appeal/473318/3 "2008-11-18T18:31:47Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > Maybe that LJ woman is a loon. My thought as well. ---
**Author:** ![Lo-Slung\_Denim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f6c823/32.png) [@Lo-Slung\_Denim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lo-Slung_Denim)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musings-on-my-lack-of-appeal/473318/4 "2008-11-18T18:34:50Z")
Maybe the husband is ostentatiously wealthy, and they wanted tips. Do you dress like a bum when you dine out? ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musings-on-my-lack-of-appeal/473318/5 "2008-11-18T18:37:21Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > Maybe that LJ woman is a loon. Yep. She is either being paranoid OR those waitresses were just trying to get a better tip. No matter how homely you are, it’s nothing that money can’t cure. Donald Trump does all right with the ladies, and he’s not exactly a looker. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musings-on-my-lack-of-appeal/473318/6 "2008-11-18T18:41:17Z")
Dude, the key to flirting is to fire the first shot. If you wait for the wimmin to flirt with you, you’ll wait your entire life. ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musings-on-my-lack-of-appeal/473318/7 "2008-11-18T18:43:08Z")
Maybe that woman just got two extremely rude waitresses and you dine in restaurants that make better hiring decisions. ---
**Author:** ![Gus\_Gusterson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85f322/32.png) [@Gus\_Gusterson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gus_Gusterson)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musings-on-my-lack-of-appeal/473318/8 "2008-11-18T19:04:36Z")
If you’ve been in your fair share of restaurants and a waitress has never flirted with you, you probably don’t recognize flirting when you see it. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musings-on-my-lack-of-appeal/473318/9 "2008-11-18T19:08:03Z")
I would guess you just can’t tell when women are flirting with you. I bet there are dozens of women out there right now who are all sad that they tried to pick you up but you were oblivious to their advances. ---
**Author:** ![Neidhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Neidhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neidhart)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musings-on-my-lack-of-appeal/473318/10 "2008-11-18T23:27:12Z")
> [@Lo-Slung\_Denim](#): > > Maybe the husband is ostentatiously wealthy, and they wanted tips. Do you dress like a bum when you dine out? I wear slacks and a button-down shirt in winter, shorts and T-shirt in summer. And use deodorant every day. 😃 > [@Gus\_Gusterson](#): > > If you’ve been in your fair share of restaurants and a waitress has never flirted with you, you probably don’t recognize flirting when you see it. Not unless just asking politely what I’ll be having, with the standard plastic customer-service smile, counts as flirting. > [@pbbth](#): > > I would guess you just can’t tell when women are flirting with you. I bet there are dozens of women out there right now who are all sad that they tried to pick you up but you were oblivious to their advances. Hmm, well, I can’t think of the last time someone put her hand on my arm, twirled her hair while talking to me or used any other form of [flirtatious body language.](http://love.ivillage.com/snd/snddodonts/0,,8dvf7f1s-2,00.html) > [@VunderBob](#): > > Dude, the key to flirting is to fire the first shot. If you wait for the wimmin to flirt with you, you’ll wait your entire life. Yeah, sometimes I really don’t like being a guy. (Mind you, I’d probably hate being an attractive woman and having to deal with jerks hitting on me when I want to be alone. 😃 ) ---
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musings-on-my-lack-of-appeal/473318/11 "2008-11-18T23:38:10Z")
**Neidhart** , I suggest you try a one-week experiment. We have a long history of experiments in the name of science here on the Dope, and you can join that legacy. For the next week, eat out regularly, run a lot of errands, etc. Put yourself in the situations where this flirtation could logically happen. Then, make a conscious effort to make eye contact and smile at people, women included. IME this turns flirting on and off like a switch. Report back. ---
**Author:** ![Rascal\_s\_Mom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a698b9/32.png) [@Rascal\_s\_Mom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rascal_s_Mom)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/musings-on-my-lack-of-appeal/473318/12 "2008-11-18T23:59:39Z")
Eye contact and a genuine smile go a looong way. Though I qualify as a non-clue-picker-upper myself.