# Must Lifetime Network movies suck quite so hard? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 5, 2005, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670 "2005-08-05T03:14:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/21 "2005-08-05T12:31:01Z")
As a female, I agree that LifeTime sucks the big one. I don’t see it as empowered women getting out of a bad relationship, I usually find it ‘The Disease of the Week’ by some pathetic person. Isn’t LifeTime the one that runs women in labor? or is that another channel? Every now and then I watch the Birth Stories and am amazed on how all these women have their labors and babies in 30 minutes or less! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Emony\_Dax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Emony\_Dax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emony_Dax)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/22 "2005-08-05T12:31:56Z")
I got **Delta Rue: My Baby Won’t Stop Kidnapping Me**. Har! Lifetime movies remind me of those Mary Higgins Clark novels my mom reads. Same plot, same characters, over and over and over and over again… ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/23 "2005-08-05T12:50:13Z")
> [@](#): > > I’m not convinced the SciFi channel is all that good, for example OIf course SciFi stinks. But everyone knows it stinks and accepts that when they play their original movie _Sabertooth 5: Smelly Cat Chronicles_\*, it sucks tremendously. I know of no self-respecting person o’er the age of 13 who admits to liking those wholesale. But usually you get to see something fun, like women’s breasts or stupid people being eaten by the monster. \*Oddly, they are always quick to remind you how this is an original movie by them. If I were them, I wouldn’t advertise this. ---
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/24 "2005-08-05T13:02:38Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > We call it Lifetime: The Victims’ Channel. If you want to see B-list actresses from the 80’s\* in peril, tune in. > > I’m also a bit peeved that Lifetime has the audacity to call themselves “The channel for women.” Puh-leeze. That’s akin to have a 24/7 WWF station and calling it “The channel for athletes.” > > \*Pam Dawber, Donna Mills, Melissa Gilbert, Jacqueline Smith, Judith Light, Meredith Baxter, the list goes on and on… And Tori Spelling. ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/25 "2005-08-05T13:08:57Z")
> [@Honey](#): > > And Tori Spelling. Yes, star of the classic, “Mother, May I Sleep with Danger?” Yeah, actual title, not from the title generator. Yes, I’ve seen it, but I was hung over and there’s nothing on TV during the day on Sundays. Truly, the sole reason to watch lifetime movies is to mock them. They’re so bad you get sucked in. ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/26 "2005-08-05T13:09:56Z")
In the Grizz household, we refer to it as the **Men Are Pigs Newtork** ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/27 "2005-08-05T13:11:45Z")
> [@Honey](#): > > And Tori Spelling. And Valerie Bertinelli (who I am convinced would have no present career if not for Lifetime). ---
**Author:** ![Crab\_Rangoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Crab\_Rangoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crab_Rangoon)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/28 "2005-08-05T13:15:11Z")
OK I Got **Amelia Slovinsky: I Loved My Lesion Too Much**. Ah, a soon-to-be classic for all children. I think Lifetime is a lot like a car wreck for me. I know it’s horrible, but sometimes I…can’t…turn…away. I’m just thankful we got rid of cable (Now I can’t be forced to watch bad sci-fi by my SO - And I LIKE sci-fi in general). ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/29 "2005-08-05T13:22:42Z")
> [@Emony Dax](#): > > I got **Delta Rue: My Baby Won’t Stop Kidnapping Me**. Har! IJ got **Stalked By My Son: The True Story of Rosemary**. What say we work together on plot development and sell it as a doubleheader package. I think these two movies must be shown back to back. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/30 "2005-08-05T13:23:27Z")
Ok, I’ll admit to watching Lifetime. But I don’t force my husband to come sit with me and cuddle! I _know_ he hates it! Why do I watch it? I don’t know, exactly. I know it’s bad, but some of them make me cry, so it’s an emotional outlet of sorts. I watched one yesterday when a woman found out her daughter had been molested by the baseball coach. And it showed how the good-ole-boy network of the South works to protect the molester… You know the drill. It’s like a trainwreck I guess, I can’t not watch how it will turn out! (The mother shot and killed him, when he was going to go free.) It’s just cheap B-grade entertainment. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/45deac/32.png) [@Evil\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_One)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/31 "2005-08-05T13:31:23Z")
I entered my wifes information and got **My Deflowerer I Thee Wed**. The funny thing is…it’s true! Am I evil? (Checking for testicles.) Yes. Apparently I am. Bwa ha ha! ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/32 "2005-08-05T13:33:59Z")
> [@smiling bandit](#): > > Not to imply that your wife is dumb, but this channel really puts out crap. I mean, it’s _bad_. Lifetime is the greatest proof that women must be wired differently than men up there. Better not complain too loudly. _SpikeTV_ is the equivalent men’s network. I lose brain cells just passing by the channel when surfing. ---
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/33 "2005-08-05T13:49:05Z")
I love this one… **Baby Monitor: Sound of Fear**. That’s a real title. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/34 "2005-08-05T14:02:28Z")
Lordy. I put it some random info (daughter, eating disorder) and got **The Purging That Love Made: Victoria’s Nightmare**. My wife watches these movies all the time. Actually, she rarely just sits down and watches, because that’s not her style, but she leaves Lifetime on while she does other things. It puzzles me how a woman can enjoy stories about other women getting repeatedly kicked in the metaphorical crotch by life, but so it is. **PunditLisa** , you left Nancy McKeon off your list. She pops up quite a bit. “Tonight on Lifetime, Meredith Baxter is beaten with a rod, in… **ROD**.” ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/35 "2005-08-05T14:06:01Z")
> [@D\_Odds](#): > > Better not complain too loudly. _SpikeTV_ is the equivalent men’s network. I lose brain cells just passing by the channel when surfing. Star Trek:TNG, CSI, and the UFC. What’s not to love? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/36 "2005-08-05T14:07:36Z")
**Loopydude** , you obviously aren’t sensitive to women’s plights. That movie was brilliant. If you don’t get it, it says more about you than it does about the movie. You apparently have some morality issues. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/37 "2005-08-05T14:09:15Z")
Now bear in mind that there is Lifetime, and there is Lifetime Movie Network. So there are _two_ outlets for this particular stream of garbage. At least Lifetime breaks up the stream with the occasional _Designing Women_ repeat, and while I don’t watch it regularly, that _Strong Medicine_ show doesn’t bore me to tears if I happen to land on it while channel surfing. LMN, though, is a waste of a perfectly good channel slot. And to address a couple of other points in this thread: SpikeTV shows DS9 repeats and ultimate fighting and is therefore indispensable; and Tori Spelling is a fine actress who shouldn’t be tarred forever with the “Mother May I Sleep With Danger?” brush. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/38 "2005-08-05T14:10:37Z")
> [@Ellis Dee](#): > > Star Trek:TNG, CSI, and the UFC. What’s not to love? :::high fives::: ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/39 "2005-08-05T14:45:57Z")
I thought that I had heard of/seen some pretty shitty movies in my time, but then one day the Lifetime TV was airing the gem that is _[Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life](http://imdb.com/title/tt0457270/)_ in which the teenage lead and his brother are caught on the Internet looking at porn that is no more suggestive or revealing than the swimsuit issue of _Sports Illustrated_. Of course, our strong heroine is outraged by this misogynistic and dangerously addictive behavior as it is undertaken by her two young sons on the older boy’s computer. And, as Lifetime (TV for Victims) would have it, our two villians are stupid enough to browse their extremely-soft-core with the door open and to write ‘Virgin Vaginas’ on a CD-ROM of some of their favorite selections. Realistically, the budding young abusers of women surf for porno fully clothed and never actually masturbate to any of it, but it destroys their lives and the life of their poor, harried, marginalized mother regardless. The older boy’s relationship with family, friends and girlfriend completely falls apart due to this non-naked smut, and he spirals out of control before finally uttering the famous words to his empowered, take-no-shit, anti-porn mother, “I was looking at pornography? Is that what you want to hear?” The former All-State swimmer begins losing races immediately after viewing a particularly lurid image of a woman in a bra. His entire future hangs in the balance. Will he become an evil, misogynist male? A rapist? Or will he change his ways and return to church with his moral, upstanding, virginal girlfriend and revitalize his future as a competition swimmer? Supermom must stage an intervention, causing her out-of-control son to face the facts of this horrible state that he is in. She neatly sidesteps Dad and puts him hin his place by reminding him that there is no explanation that will satisfy her. “You’re addicted, Justin. You can’t stop.” she tells her demonic spawn and forces him to re-exert control over the evil garbage that she does not want in her house. Due to her incredible strength, she turns her son away from his gender-damaging ways and straight into a church, where he will be safe from pornography and cleansed of the evil of its influence. It was, in many ways, like a plane crash that CNN keeps showing footage of for hours on end. Terrible and unpleasant, yet I could not look away. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/40 "2005-08-05T14:48:28Z")
> [@Ellis Dee](#): > > Star Trek:TNG, CSI, and the UFC. What’s not to love? I’m just saying that Spike is the anti-LMN network and vice versa. Me, I’ll cop to being a WWE fan, and for another month, they’re on Spike. I’ll doubt I’ll be back when they leave, as I’d rather watch _Dog, the Bounty Hunter_ on A&E. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670.md?page=3)