# Must Lifetime Network movies suck quite so hard? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 5, 2005, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670 "2005-08-05T03:14:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Jurhael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@Jurhael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jurhael)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2005, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/101 "2005-08-07T21:21:17Z")
Has anyone ever seen “Identity Theft”? I thought that one was one of the few decent Lifetime movies out there. At least I actually liked it. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2005, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/102 "2005-08-07T22:19:24Z")
> [@Dr. Rieux](#): > > I got **The Lesion that Love Made: The Story of Mona**. Mine was: **Not Without My Pregnant Son** ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2005, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/103 "2005-08-07T22:31:51Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > [Deadly Relations](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106687/combined) with Urich as the truly oddly named Leonard J Fagot. Yeah, that’s the one. Oh, I forgot Fishstick was in that movie. > [@Beware of Doug](#): > > How uncommon is this, I wonder, having the male lead as the poor beset victim? I assume that, at the very least, it bars Lifetime ever picking the pic up. Sadly, no. Witness [Men Don’t Tell](http://imdb.com/title/tt0107553/) where Peter Strauss is the battered husband of Judith Light (with a truly bad brunette dye-job). ---
**Author:** ![Netbrian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71e660/32.png) [@Netbrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Netbrian)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2005, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/104 "2005-08-07T22:55:32Z")
> [@Dr. Rieux](#): > > I got **The Lesion that Love Made: The Story of Mona**. I liked it better when I first read it, as “The Lesbian that Love Made”. That just sounds boring. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2005, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/105 "2005-08-07T23:08:34Z")
> [@Campion](#): > > [Seduced by Madness: The Diane Borchardt Story](http://www.lifetimetv.com/movies/info/move0473.html/), a purportedly true tale of a Wisconsin teacher (Ann-Margaret) who hired students to kill her husband (Peter Coyote) when he fell in love with someone else. It doesn’t quite fit with your description (Peter Coyote’s character is murdered), but there’s likely to be a trial. It showed on Lifetime, by the way. Just goes to show how un-memorable it was. All I remember is the badness. And!: **"Mother, May I Binge and Purge?" “Betrayer’s Betrayal” "Fire My Agent: The Jaclyn Smith Story"** ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/106 "2005-08-08T02:13:48Z")
I got **Overcoming my Pregnancy: A Promise to My Husband** ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/107 "2005-08-08T02:22:15Z")
I wrote an essay about missing Lifetime Channel movies: that is, real events that by all accounts SHOULD have inspired Lifetime Channel movies, but for some reason never did. [Here’s a link to the essay.](http://www.bondagerotica.com/articlesnopix/missingmovies.html) ---
**Author:** ![Agrippina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8797f3/32.png) [@Agrippina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agrippina)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/108 "2005-08-08T17:38:49Z")
**What My Sore Taught Me: The Life of Britney Smith** **Britney: Love Me, Love My Lesion** **Overcoming My Scurvy: A Promise to My Sister** ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/109 "2005-08-08T18:00:53Z")
> [@Bambi Hassenpfeffer](#): > > WIFE, MOTHER, MURDERER: THE MARIE HILLEY STORY, starring Judith Light, with _enormous_ hair. :eek: That movie just totally creeps me out. I hate Lifetime yet, if I know that movie is showing I must watch it. It’s just so creepy I have to see it. > [@Sampiro](#): > > ‘Sister Mary’s Palmistry, Waffle and Chicken Hut’. Any chance Sister Mary is into franchising? Cause I really want me a chicken waffle. MMMMMMM… chicken waffle! ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/110 "2005-08-08T18:15:14Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > Any chance Sister Mary is into franchising? Cause I really want me a chicken waffle. MMMMMMM… chicken waffle! Did I ever mention the time when I first moved to Lancaster to be with **supervenusfreak** and got a craving one night for chicken waffles? We went to a local Waffle House and it was like a Monty Python sketch. “I’ll have chicken waffles.” “We have chicken waffles without so much chicken on 'em.” What they ended up being was the tail end of the pot, basically slightly greasy chicken broth over waffles. 😛 We haven’t been to that Waffle House since…been 2 years. Now, when I want chicken waffles, **supervenusfreak** makes 'em for me… 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/111 "2005-08-08T18:24:21Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > Cause I really want me a chicken waffle. MMMMMMM… chicken waffle! [You’re on the wrong coast](http://travel.yahoo.com/p-travelguide-2811196-roscoe_s_house_of_chicken_and_waffles_los_angeles-i). ---
**Author:** ![Metacom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecae2f/32.png) [@Metacom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Metacom)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/112 "2005-08-08T18:33:52Z")
[It’s time for some collaborative fiction.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=6452129) ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/113 "2005-08-08T18:58:25Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > Did I ever mention the time when I first moved to Lancaster to be with **supervenusfreak** and got a craving one night for chicken waffles? We went to a local Waffle House and it was like a Monty Python sketch. “I’ll have chicken waffles.” “We have chicken waffles without so much chicken on 'em.” What they ended up being was the tail end of the pot, basically slightly greasy chicken broth over waffles. 😛 We haven’t been to that Waffle House since…been 2 years. > > Now, when I want chicken waffles, **supervenusfreak** makes 'em for me… 🆒 I was just joking when I said I wanted a chicken waffle earlier. Now, I mean it. I’ve never had one and feel like I’ve been deprived! _SOB_ Tonight on Lifetime, **Not Without My Chicken Waffle: The swampbear Story**. "A middle aged fat white guy overcomes unbelievable obstacles to obtain his lifetime (HAH!) goal of tasting his first chicken waffle. While dining at Sister Mary’s Palmistry, Waffle and Chicken Hut he is gunned down by a deranged serial killer teacher who has just discovered her husband is having an affair with Florine the waitress. Staring Some Middle Aged White Hack Actor and Judith Light. ---
**Author:** ![TheBoneyKingofNowhere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@TheBoneyKingofNowhere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheBoneyKingofNowhere)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/114 "2005-08-08T19:02:14Z")
My ex-gf used to watch the Lifetime channel. She also used to make me feel guilty when I obsessively spoke about how HORRIBLE it was. I vowed never to watch another minute of ANYTHING on that channel (unless it is for a laugh) after I was unfortunately horrified by the viewing of a “movie” titled: WIFE, MOTHER, MURDERER. ---
**Author:** ![Hyperelastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Hyperelastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hyperelastic)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/115 "2005-08-08T19:18:49Z")
I would rather drink from the bladder of a baboon than watch Lifetime. **Danielle Steel’s Savage Disappearance** We can only hope… ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/116 "2005-08-08T19:51:05Z")
I got: **The Tumor That Love Made: Theresa’s Battle** also: \*\*The Theresa Malion Story: Leave My Ashamed Husband Alone \*\* wow. That is so me. ---
**Author:** ![Nonsuch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonsuch/32/2922_2.png) [@Nonsuch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nonsuch)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/117 "2005-08-08T19:55:07Z")
I always thought a good slogan for Lifetime would be “He Never Listens to You.” Every time I’ve parked on Lifetime, whether during a movie or a series or a sitcom, some woman is always trying to speak up—usually dishing out an unpleasant truth—and some man is always ignoring, refuting or belittling her. It’s like some weird, alternate-universe version of “Cathy.” ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2005, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/118 "2005-08-08T20:34:28Z")
My mother-in-law watches that channel without ironic intent. It makes sense if you know her. I figure there are lots more out there - you know all those people sending you chain e-mail glurge, and ‘send it back to me if you are my friend’ with animated hugging bunnies? Those are the ones watching Lifetime. She also continually tries to get me to watch Two and a Half Men. “Have you ever seen this show? It is sooo good! It is hilarious!” Oxygen is marketed as a channel for women also, and it does have some good shows. My Lifetime movie is called E-Mail to my Deflowerer. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2005, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/119 "2005-08-10T01:51:21Z")
> [@Netbrian](#): > > I liked it better when I first read it, as “The Lesbian that Love Made”. > > That just sounds boring. I picked “Scurvy” for the crisis. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2005, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670/120 "2005-08-10T18:25:41Z")
The interesting thing about LIfetime and women’s television programming in general is that they’re about the best source out there for damsel in distress scenes, especially nowadays with all the reality shows and the police procedural replacing the action adventure series. Just a week or two ago, I had to decide between setting my VCR to tape a double cheerleader bound and gagged scene from a daytime soap opera being rebroadcast on Soapnet, and a rare ballgag scene from a Lifetime movie in the same time slot. This does not happen with other media … [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/must-lifetime-network-movies-suck-quite-so-hard/315670.md?page=7)