# My 14 year old son asked me about masturbation - I'm so proud! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 6, 2012, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-14-year-old-son-asked-me-about-masturbation-im-so-proud/614929 "2012-03-06T14:19:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2012, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-14-year-old-son-asked-me-about-masturbation-im-so-proud/614929/21 "2012-03-06T23:00:41Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > By the way, one of the best and cheapest sources of lube is available at Home Depot in the electrical department. Klein Tools sells a water based lube that is, basically, KY Jelly. But unlike KY, [this stuff is $6.96 a quart.](http://www.homedepot.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?storeId=10051&langId=-1&catalogId=10053&productId=100660159&R=100660159) From the description: _Clear, slow-drying, non-staining thick gel lubricant is harmless to humans and safe for the environment_. > > A quart should last the average 14 year old a few weeks, at least. Don’t forget Abolene, which is a make up remover. It’s the masturbation connoisseur’s choice. ---
**Author:** ![BigDadWolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@BigDadWolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigDadWolf)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2012, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-14-year-old-son-asked-me-about-masturbation-im-so-proud/614929/22 "2012-03-06T23:11:04Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > Hell, when I was 14, I was masturbating so much I wore a sore just under the head. It had to heal and scabbed over. Not only did it hurt like a sumbitch, I _couldn’t jerk off_. > > So, in short, yes. That is a self-correcting mechanism to keep us from doing it too much when we are young I suppose. Funnily enough, my son has not admitted to masturbating, he said he just wanted to know in _theory_. I just smiled and said don’t worry about and when you do start be sure to use keep it off the pillowcase. Thanks for all the replies. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2012, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-14-year-old-son-asked-me-about-masturbation-im-so-proud/614929/23 "2012-03-06T23:39:09Z")
> [@may\_be\_ignorant](#): > > “Son, I bought you an economy sized tub of lube. It isn’t KY, but it’ll wet your whistle. Or something.” Hey, I’m a cheap bastard. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2012, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-14-year-old-son-asked-me-about-masturbation-im-so-proud/614929/24 "2012-03-06T23:47:12Z")
> [@BigBadWolf](#): > > That is a self-correcting mechanism to keep us from doing it too much when we are young I suppose. Funnily enough, my son has not admitted to masturbating, he said he just wanted to know in _theory_. I just smiled and said don’t worry about and when you do start be sure to use keep it off the pillowcase. > > Thanks for all the replies. Please remind him that semen doesn’t go down the drain in the shower unless you coax it. Don’t leave that shit for your mom to clean, please. Love, Mom (Not of your son, but of \*\*\*a \*\*\*son.) ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-14-year-old-son-asked-me-about-masturbation-im-so-proud/614929/25 "2012-03-07T00:00:09Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Please remind him that semen doesn’t go down the drain in the shower unless you coax it. I’d be afraid of half-human, half-alligator mutants who look like me turning up in the city sewers. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-14-year-old-son-asked-me-about-masturbation-im-so-proud/614929/26 "2012-03-07T00:10:38Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > By the way, one of the best and cheapest sources of lube is available at Home Depot in the electrical department. Klein Tools sells a water based lube that is, basically, KY Jelly. But unlike KY, [this stuff is $6.96 a quart.](http://www.homedepot.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?storeId=10051&langId=-1&catalogId=10053&productId=100660159&R=100660159) From the description: _Clear, slow-drying, non-staining thick gel lubricant is harmless to humans and safe for the environment_. Looks safe enough: [MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET - Premium Synthetic Clear Wire and Cable Pulling Lubricant](http://www.kleintools.com/sites/kleintools/files/msds-information/Klein-Clear-MSDS.pdf) (PDF) ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-14-year-old-son-asked-me-about-masturbation-im-so-proud/614929/27 "2012-03-07T00:35:20Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > Looks safe enough: > > [MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET - Premium Synthetic Clear Wire and Cable Pulling Lubricant](http://www.kleintools.com/sites/kleintools/files/msds-information/Klein-Clear-MSDS.pdf) (PDF) Cool, thanks for that. As I said, as far as I can tell, it’s KY Jelly, except eight times less expensive. ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-14-year-old-son-asked-me-about-masturbation-im-so-proud/614929/28 "2012-03-07T00:49:32Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > Looks safe enough: > > [MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET - Premium Synthetic Clear Wire and Cable Pulling Lubricant](http://www.kleintools.com/sites/kleintools/files/msds-information/Klein-Clear-MSDS.pdf) (PDF) Cable pulling lubricant. Awesome. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-14-year-old-son-asked-me-about-masturbation-im-so-proud/614929/29 "2012-03-07T01:08:46Z")
You didn’t say. “Beat it, kid”? StG ---
**Author:** ![Marconi\_N.Cheese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Marconi\_N.Cheese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marconi_N.Cheese)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-14-year-old-son-asked-me-about-masturbation-im-so-proud/614929/30 "2012-03-07T01:44:37Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Please remind him that semen doesn’t go down the drain in the shower unless you coax it. \ Great, _now_ you tell me. When I was around 14 or so, my Dad said “Don’t thump your pud in the shower”. I guess he got tired of finding it. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-14-year-old-son-asked-me-about-masturbation-im-so-proud/614929/31 "2012-03-07T02:01:10Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > No kids here, but I do love the very useful info from Dan Savage (who is also dad to a probably-teenage-now boy) to teen boys, which includes the useful “vary your masturbatory routine” advice. Spoiler-boxing the link for NSFW language, just in case you haven’t already tripped your workplace’s filters: [The Stranger: Seattle's Only Newspaper](http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=4642012) I love that column. It’s great advice for teenage boys (and not just the bit about masturbation). ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-14-year-old-son-asked-me-about-masturbation-im-so-proud/614929/32 "2012-03-07T04:12:14Z")
Tell him to stop when he needs glasses. ---
**Author:** ![Escantell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8dc957/32.png) [@Escantell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Escantell)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-14-year-old-son-asked-me-about-masturbation-im-so-proud/614929/33 "2012-03-07T04:22:39Z")
what’s really awkward is when your mom catches you jerking off… ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-14-year-old-son-asked-me-about-masturbation-im-so-proud/614929/34 "2012-03-07T04:55:26Z")
You done good, **BigBadWolf.** I love this thread and all the responses (although now I have visions of my husband wanting to coyly scoop up a handful of lubricant out of an industrial sized tub set next to the bed.) When our younger son lost his virginity he told us about it a couple days later. (He was 15 or 16.) Said they “did it and everything but it just wasn’t _good._ Not what he’d expected.” After we talked about condoms _again_ we told him that a lot of times the first time was rushed, with a lot of fumbling around and worrying about how you were doing. It also gave us a chance to talk to him about the difference between having sex and making love. That just having sex with somebody can sometimes be mere mutual masturbation, whereas love can add a depth of layers that take a lifetime to unfold. With the economic downturn both sons are currently living with us. Recently I needed to carry something into our older son’s room but his door was closed. I knocked and said, “Are you masturbating or can I come in?” I went in laughing as he shook his head and rolled his eyes, but they know how I am and sometimes they egg it on. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-14-year-old-son-asked-me-about-masturbation-im-so-proud/614929/35 "2012-03-07T05:45:47Z")
> [@Becky2844](#): > > I love this thread and all the responses (although now I have visions of my husband wanting to coyly scoop up a handful of lubricant out of an industrial sized tub set next to the bed.) Personally, I refill the expensive little bottles from the huge quart bottle. ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-14-year-old-son-asked-me-about-masturbation-im-so-proud/614929/36 "2012-03-07T06:58:16Z")
I started talking to my 12 y.o nephew the other day about sex and contraceptives - condom use and stuff. Told him with questions can come and ask… I guess when I next get a chance should mention to him about porn and masturbation, and also see if I have a private chance to pass him a condom… ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-14-year-old-son-asked-me-about-masturbation-im-so-proud/614929/37 "2012-03-07T07:47:51Z")
Dad, is it possible to masturbate too much? Not at all, son! Just keep it in moderation so you don’t damage your penis skin. Oh…, I wasn’t talking about masturbating myself, I meant masturbating Mr. Williams, the gym coach. … ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-14-year-old-son-asked-me-about-masturbation-im-so-proud/614929/38 "2012-03-07T12:42:25Z")
Just tell him not to do it in the Watertown MA public library, in view of the fire station: [http://www.wickedlocal.com/watertown/news/x1644232334/Watertown-police-Firefighter-catches-man-masturbating-in-library#axzz1oQzGgKBV](http://www.wickedlocal.com/watertown/news/x1644232334/Watertown-police-Firefighter-catches-man-masturbating-in-library#axzz1oQzGgKBV) This was all over the Boston news last night, and this morning. I think they like that now they can say “masturbating” on the air. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-14-year-old-son-asked-me-about-masturbation-im-so-proud/614929/39 "2012-03-07T12:45:38Z")
> [@Becky2844](#): > > I love this thread and all the responses (although now I have visions of my husband wanting to coyly scoop up a handful of lubricant out of an industrial sized tub set next to the bed.) Would [55 gallons](http://nbergus.com/2012/02/how-i-became-amazons-pitchman-for-a-55-gallon-drum-of-personal-lubricant-on-facebook/) do you? Just dont re-post it on facebook, or you may find yourself infamous! ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-14-year-old-son-asked-me-about-masturbation-im-so-proud/614929/40 "2012-03-07T14:17:39Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Just tell him not to do it in the Watertown MA public library, in view of the fire station: > > [http://www.wickedlocal.com/watertown/news/x1644232334/Watertown-police-Firefighter-catches-man-masturbating-in-library#axzz1oQzGgKBV](http://www.wickedlocal.com/watertown/news/x1644232334/Watertown-police-Firefighter-catches-man-masturbating-in-library#axzz1oQzGgKBV) > This was all over the Boston news last night, and this morning. I think they like that now they can say “masturbating” on the air. When I was in college (large downtown university), it seemed like hardly a week went by without some street person wandering into one of the libraries and being caught masturbating—sometimes successfully _ejaculating_—in the presence of an ambushed female student, before fleeing (and usually getting away). Disgusting, yes, but I admit that takes some skillful timing to ah, pull off. And this was before there was web porn to get you riled up… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-14-year-old-son-asked-me-about-masturbation-im-so-proud/614929.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-14-year-old-son-asked-me-about-masturbation-im-so-proud/614929.md?page=3)